• Member Since 7th May, 2015
  • offline last seen Oct 13th, 2015

OC Slamjam


Official Account for Running the OC Slamjam!

Sequels1

  • TOC SlamJam - Round Two
    A compilation of all entries received from Round Two of the OC Slamjam, where authors invented OCs and were paired up into brackets to write a story about their opponent's OC and their own!
    OC Slamjam · 76k words  ·  45  1 · 1.1k views
T
Source

The Official Compilation of all entries from Round One of the OC Slamjam run by Obselescence, where authors invented OCs and were paired up into brackets to write a story about their opponent's OC and their own!

THE OFFICIAL CONTEST COMPENDIUM - Use this to find the relevant entries on everyone's OC. Control+F helps a lot in quickly finding names.

You have until 11:59 PM CST on Monday, June 1 to cast votes on your favorite entry from each bracket. Each chapter contains both competitors' entries, each attributed to the author who created that OC. Cast your vote in a comment on the relevant chapter by writing "[OC Name]'s Author" in bold at the top of your comment. You may cast one vote per OC pairing. Votes should ideally be cast based on characterization, overall writing quality, and how well the author utilized the character sheets contained in the official contest compendium.

To retain anonymity, authors are allowed to cast votes on their own entries. You don't need to vote on entries marked as won by default. To spread the votes around, please try not to start from the beginning.

Chapters (31)
Comments ( 715 )

HEATHER ROSE AUTHOR VOTE

I'm going to give this one to Heather Rose.

While I prefer the character of Proper Prim in both these entries, the Rose entry took it's time to really build up a sense of atmosphere. I liked Prim's interaction with the stagehands and the slow formed warming of relationship between Prim and Rose.

OBS STOP CRYING

LUSTER LOCK AUTHOR VOTE

This one is tough. I like both these stories. In the end, I went with the one that had better characterization so far as I was concerned.

OBS HAS A HEART OF CUSTARD

Loosestrife's author
Hm... difficult. Story-wise, I liked Caps Lock's one better, but as for working with the characters, I think that Loosestrife's one did a better job of that.

So, Loosestrife's author has my vote.

Heather Rose's Author

Interesting. I far preferred the character of Proper Prim as described in the compendium—there seemed to be more to work with there, and it would've been more accessible to other character in the contest.

Yet here we are in the actual entries, and Heather Rose's author's take is definitely superior, to me. The Proper Prim entry just seems to slap the characters together and force them to interact, while the Heather Rose entry takes a far more natural route. Moreover, the characters themselves feel more relatable/bearable/evocative of what's on their sheets in the Heather Rose entry. And it's edited more thoroughly, to boot.

Neither was perfect or without some measure of contrivance, but I've got to hand it to Heather Rose's author, as much as that disappoints me purely in terms of the flexibility of the character.

Heather Rose's Author vote

Both were very good, and it was hard to choose, honestly, but what decided it for me was, at the end of "A Proper Heath," this line:

The show that night was a huge success—she'd even heard weeping during Hinny's heartfelt solo. It would have been just the perfect end to the perfect day . . . except the stagehooves set the fence backwards again.

Why? Well, I like it when authors end their stories with a bit of a sigh. You could see Prim facehoofing at the backwards fence, even when the story ends on a high note.
Sorry if that isn't all that explanatory, I just like endings like that.

MIZUKO AUTHOR VOTE

Full disclosure: I didn't much like Mizuko's entry. Still, it was by and far better than Oddluck's. I recommend to the author of the latter to expand on their work. As it was, there were some pretty hefty grammar errors and strange writing lines in it.

OBS WHY DID YOU STOP LOVING ME

Word of advice for this author:

Your pacing is too fast. With so short a word count, you aren't doing enough to establish these characters and make them memorable. From a quick skim reading, all I was able to pick up was that Love Runner seems to have some talent relating to love, that multiple parcels were delivered, and I think a relationship or maybe two ended in the course of it. I need more than names and a basic statement of facts about them. Have actual conversations with dialogue, describe characters in narration, and don't be so eager to rush through to the next scene. Your grammar could also use some work, but I have neither the time nor inclination to go into specifics, so I'd recommend asking for help from an editor for next round.

You've advanced by default here, but honestly speaking, I don't think you would've fared well had you had an actual opponent. Take the time between now and the next round to read the other entries and learn what you're doing wrong so that you'll be able to put up a better show next round. You won't get far in the contest if you don't improve here.

Best of luck, and I hope my advice helps you.

WISPY WILLOW AUTHOR VOTE

Straightjacket's entry felt just. Bad. I did not enjoy it. Wispy had a longer entry with more time dedicated to getting the characters rolling and interesting. Mere madness with SAW-like pretensions isn't my bag.

OBS YOU LOOK AT ME WHEN WE TALK TO EACH OTHER

Heather Rose's Author
Oh man, this is going to take forever. I only have until Friday before I leave my internet behind.

Luster Lock's Author Vote

Tough choice, but the way Luster Lock interacted with Bristle and Swatch was adorable, and I liked the idea of a Love Lock. Amusing, and worth developing.

I do recommend to people that they shouldn't try to start from the beginning when casting votes, if only so as to make sure that as many entries get votes on them as possible.

6017353

If I don't go through them in order, that'd almost be like admitting that I'm not going to read them all. I have procrastinated enough, Obs! I am going to power through all of these, and my self-delusion and overconfidence is going to help me to do it!

Foxglove's Author

Hard choice, but I have to choose this one, because of the interactions. I could definitely see this as something that would play out in real life, and the scenario was well done with how Foxglove's name is never mentioned until the end. It just refers to him as "stallion" or some such. And that appealed to me. We know his name already, but Lucky doesn't, and the way the conversation flowed around that was a nice touch.

Bristle's Author
Like they said, this was close. But not so close I seriously considered both after reading them. I loved Luster in her own story, but the part of Bristle could've been played by anyone. There wasn't really any characterization for him. Plus I love the idea of Luster as a cat burglar with a thing for locks just as much as I loved her flirting.

“Hello,” she purred, leaning on the doorframe.

Props for that, Luster's author. You made an awesome character. Wish I could say I really wanted to you make it to the next round, but Bristle was a rough first opponent.

LILLIGOLD AUTHOR VOTE

Far more work put into expressing both characters. Whitewash's story was about Whitewash. Lilligold was just a foible.

OBS-SENPAI PLEASE NOTICE ME B-BAKA

Luster Lock's Author

Christ. Bristle's author's entry has such excellent atmosphere and characterization, at least to start, and before I got much further into it I thought I might have to give it my vote. As it went on, though, I found the prose to be markedly confusing in parts, so much so that I was stuck on the same few paragraphs for a good five or ten minutes. And when Bristle shows up, it's like the story changes fundamentally—the atmosphere disappears for the most part, the motivations and energy from the first half seem to evaporate. Strangely, it also felt to me like Bristle's author's Bristle wasn't getting across what was in the compendium apart from his appearance and profession. Or maybe just the impression of the character that the compendium had given me? I'm not entirely sure, since there are a lot of blank spots in it.

Luster Lock's author's entry was more consistent (and more thoroughly edited), and even though the scenario it presents isn't as inherently interesting to me, I felt like it was a smoother and more enjoyable read.

Haystack's Author

This was a tough one. On the one hand, Haystack's Author definitely wins from a technical standpoint; his writing his smoother, more evocative, more engaging, and has less grammatical errors. I understand that the nature of this contest prevents thorough proofreading, but Silver Lining's Author's grammatical errors can sometimes mess up the flow of the story.

On the other hand, Haystack's Author's use of a third party as a narrator takes away somewhat from the two OCs, making a story more about Haystack and the Narrator with Silver Lining as a plot device. Silver Lining's Author avoids that by writing a more traditional narrative that allows the two characters to interact more significantly and provide better exploration of their personalities. However, the whole divorce thing did seem a little heavy-handed for two strangers to be talking about out of the blue, and there was a bit too much emphasis on dialogue over action (Show, Don't Tell sort of applies here in that actions can illuminate a lot more about characters than dialogue).

At the end of the day, Haystsack's Author's exploration of the characters is IMO sufficient enough that the additional writing quality was able to put him over the edge, and his use of actions in addition to the dialogue and having a more dynamic scene than simply two people sitting around talking won the day for me.

All in all, a good showing from both sides.

Heather Rose's author

As others have said, this story had more build-up to it, felt more natural, and established more of an atmosphere. It's a clear choice to me, going just by the stories themselves. I'm not actually reading the character sheets alongside these, so I'm leaving it purely up to the stories to tell me who these characters are, and going by that, I think Heather's entry provided me with a much better introduction to both.

Pretty much nothing happens here except Love Runner doing her thing. Your structure of humorous repetition would work if you took your time and carried it with stronger prose, but instead this is the all too typical kind of thing that drives ahead with no subtlety at a less than stellar reading level. Kind of a pity because these were two pretty okay characters. Good luck with the next round.

PRICE BACK AUTHOR VOTE

A very interesting read. Quite enjoyed it. Coin's was quite a bit slower. Think the Derpy cameo was largely unnecessary.

OBS YOU'RE THE MOD FOR ME
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE, I'LL EVER EAT

Quick Study's Author

In both cases, both author ended up focusing too much on their own OC to the detriment of the other. It felt like the story of one character with the other used as a sounding board/reader surrogate. In Quick Study's Author's story,Minx could be replaced with any generic bartender and the scene would play out the same, and in Minx's Author's story, Quick Study could be any 'normal pony' bystander.

What wins this for Quick Study's Author is smoother writing and better grammar. But whoever wins, my advice would be to try harder to integrate the other OC into your story.

Mizuko's Author
I like Oddluck's character better than Mizuko's, but Mizuko's author did a better job with Oddluck than her own author did. I love the Daring Do-ish take on her, et j'adore her whole attitude toward things happening in her favor, as shown in Mizuko's author's story. I'm sorry I have to vote for author and not the character, I want to see more of Oddluck!

Also, is it just me, or did Mizuko's author make a little jab at Oddluck's character design?

Her cutie mark was of a four leaf clover, but colored pitch black instead of green, likely so it would easily contrast against her green coat.

i.giphy.com/cF7QqO5DYdft6.gif

Wispy Willow's Author
Wow. That second one was fantastic. Did anyone else read the two bios, look back and forth between them, and go, "Holy crap, I can't wait to read the stories about these two"? I did. I was already imagining it. The first one, Straitjacket's, was not quite what I had in mind. The second one turned out to be almost exactly what I had in mind, but even better because it showed off Straitjacket's magic ability and personality. Five stars to you, anonymous author responsible for Wispy Willow. Though I have to admit I would rather see Straitjacket's character go on to more stories, they would be more interesting.

Hap

Tidy Till's author

Also,

and knew when he got off.

Wow, lady, you take stalking to a completely new level.

MINIE BALL AUTHOR VOTE

I enjoyed the Disney parallel quite a lot, but I was swayed by the more solid characters in the second piece.

OBS, TO MEND AND DEFEND

Luster Lock's author

I have to give it to Luster here for an approach I just think works more. The cat burglar thing is more dramatic, perhaps, and I like the ambition of it, but I had a harder time picturing the setting and scenery with the prose here than I did in the shop, and the shop setting allowed the author there to make use of Luster's talent and introduce an interesting concept in the form of the love locks. Plus, it was just kind of sweet how they interacted there.

Bristle seemed kind of a basic character in both entries, but I still think there was more to him in Luster's entry, what with his kid and allusions to a recent separation. Not sure what was in his profile that got him interpretted in one story as a sweeper and the other as an artist, but hey, whatever.

Good effort on both sides, but I think there's a clear winner here.

Wispy Willow's Author

Straitjacket's Author's entry read like a generic horror fic, with both characters not explored well. Wispy Willow's Author actually manages to explore both characters' personalities better, keeps Straitjacket more in character than his own author, and pulls off the cat-and-mouse dynamic better. No contest here.

HAYSTACKS AUTHOR VOTE

A much better written piece. They both follow the same emotional route, and I wish there was more of Silver Lining. Even in Silver's story Haystacks was more the focal point.

DO OBS DREAM OF ELECTRIC SHEEP?

Mizuko's Author

As 6017324 put it, this is mostly an assessment of relative quality. The Oddluck entry had almost nothing to it, and begins/ends/exposits/describes things so abruptly that I'm left completely unsatisfied. The Mizuko entry, while not incredible, was much more solid.

Side note:

She then opened up her saddlebag and fished out both a bottle of water and a map of Manehattan. Laying the map in front of her, out of the passing commuters' way, she began pouring over it while taking a large swig from her bottle.

That is the most hilarious pouring/poring misuse I think I've ever seen.

Wanderer D
Moderator

LUSTER LOCK AUTHOR

I'll be honest, I loved that simple scene where they both chat while the kid's around and she keeps hitting on Bristle... hard. Like, yeah, she wants him. Not to put down the other entry, of course. There is some appeal to the thief thing, definitely, but I feel it told me less of both characters, and checking Bristol's character sheet, I think the kid's important to at least have around for a better characterization.

Luster Lock's Author

This was hard. In my opinion, Bristle's author's entry was written better, and it had great atmosphere. Certainly had a better concept. But the first entry just had better characterization all around, and that's really what this contest is about. Great job to both authors, because this was a very difficult decision.

Lilligold's Author
I'll be honest, after I read the first story, I was really thinking the second one had to be better. Lilligold's author showed off both characters nicely, but the plot was kind of flaccid. These two characters really didn't have much potential together from the start, but I think more could be done. The second story, though fun enough, was just kind of a dip into Whitewash's character and nothing else.
And dang it, I want more stories about Whitewash! Is this going to be a regular thing? The better characters have the worse stories?

MANGO LEAF AUTHOR VOTE

I really like how there's a previous history built up here. They really played off well against each other. Candy Cane's wasn't bad at all, but I enjoy how young Candy felt in Mango's story vice Candy's.

OBS MADE AN HONEST WOMAN OUT OF ME

Wanderer D
Moderator

Wispy Willow's Author

6017538 I'll agree with you on the first one not being what I imagined... 100%, although to be fair the way the character was written I was somewhat expecting something a bit OP. But, the thing that made my decision was the fact that Willow's role in that story was pretty generic.

However, WIllow's author approach felt much more natural, playing the strengths of his character while still maintaining the clear dominance that Straightjacket had power-wise. It was a fun read, and definitely worth a vote.

Iron Curtain's Author

This was a tough choice. Static Shower's author had overall better writing quality. However, I had to go with Iron curtain's author, seeing as he utilized the characters in what I thought was a better and more eventful way.

Heather Rose's Author

Adding to what others have said, the first does a much better job introducing the characters, getting them to interact, and building up their relationship. The second story is decent and probably better than most of the other stories around here, but it had the bad luck of going up against one of the best stories I've seen so far.

Wanderer D
Moderator

Alright, so this didn't need a vote, but I was curious about how Booster would be portrayed by the author. Mist Whisp was a tough OC to play with if not handled carefully, given her xenophobia and her focus on getting home, but it was an entertaining story to read. Too bad we didn't see the other side of the coin on this one!

RACHIS BARBULE AUTHOR VOTE

I quite enjoyed the characterization of Obvious Questions in this piece. The on in Obvious' fic just seemed like stallion. Not really very interesting.

Also the word glomp was used.

There is no greater shame.

OBS GO UP TO THE COUNTER AND GET ME A CHICKEN SANDWICH AND SOME WAFFLE FRIES

Mizuko's Author

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Oddluck's author either isn't a native speaker or hasn't written a whole lot. I like Oddluck more than Mizuko, but Mizuko's author simply had an entry that was more substantial and had better character interaction.

Mizuko's author

Nyehhhhhhhh...

Ehhhhh...

I really do not like the Mizuko character... and I think the story was also kind of weak, as well as having a tendency towards very dry prose that didn't do a good job with descriptions... but Oddluck's story was... well... Mizuko's author put in more effort, let's just say.

Advice for Mizuko's author:

Since it's too late to advise you on designing better characters, instead focus on how you handle details. As a reader, I don't care about exactly how a given character looks unless it's important, and in a contest like this, where most stories will probably only have two characters just talking with each other, you don't need to emphasise physical details that much, because we don't have too many characters that need differentiating like we would in a story with a larger cast.

Mizuko already has a mite too many Sue qualities, being by far one of the most stand-out and attention-grabbing characters from the selection here, and not in a good way, so anything you can do to downplay what a super special unique snowflake she is would benefit your narrative. It's nice to have your characters being unique in some respects, as that is, after all, a major theme in FiM, but remember to also show some restraint from time to time.

Minié Ball's Author

The second story was better composed, both from a pacing and grammatical standpoint,

Wispy Willow's Author

It wasn't the strongest entry, but at least it was an actual story with actual characters.

IRON CURTAIN AUTHOR VOTE

A much more expressive story. The characters are spot on and I much like them actually bonding.

OBS: APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD

Login or register to comment