• Published 24th May 2015
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My Little Pony Bizarre Adventures - Part 1: Ponyville Central - LateBronyWriter

One Thousand years ago, the saints Celestia and Luna drew upon the power of the Red Stone of Aja to defeat the demon Discord. Now one thousand years later the Stone is destroyed, beginning the tale of six ponies and their quest to redeem the world.

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Chapter 37-Hollyhoof Undead- Take 4

“NO youze shut up!”

“No YOU shut up!”

“NO youze shut up!”

“NO you shut up!”

“NO youze shut up!”

Applejack rolls her eyes and once again wishes, to the point of selling her own soul, that she could move her hooves, if only to cover her now-bleeding ears. When Noteworthy had threatened to kill her if she didn’t come along (and her deciding to follow the two enemies to see what they were up to), the two ponies had alternated between revelling the destruction of her town with their psychic powers and arguing with each other. And, if that wasn’t enough, the pointless bickering would follow the same predictable pattern.

Caramel would insult Noteworthy’s ‘hobbies’ involving his Stand power and his ‘necrophilia’. Then Noteworthy would make a thinly-veiled insult that would take Caramel a few seconds to understand. Finally Caramel would retaliate with a very loud proclamation of his own superiority, and they would argue until something else distracted them or they ran out of breath.

Frankly, if Applejack had to choose between watching the destruction and waves of plagues and undead unfolding before her, and listening to the two bickering, she would probably have chosen to feed herself to the zombies ages ago. Yet thanks to Caramel’s power she was barely able to move an inch of her own accord, and thus was unable to do anything aside from listen to the two argue at the top of their respective lungs.

“NO you shut up!”

“NO youze shut up!”

“NO you shut up!”

“NO youze shut up!”

“NO you shut up!”

“NO youze shut up!”

“How about both of yawl SHUT UP!” Applejack screams, causing both stallions to cease their bickering for a moment. “Ah’m getting real sick of yer bickering! If yer gonna force me ta watch the destruction of mah town the least ya can do is keep me from hearin yer pointless arguing!”

Applejack’s own forehoof picks itself off the ground, delivering a curt and powerful slap to the mare’s face. “Don’t you tell our boss to shut up!” the maw on Applejack’s arm shouts, “How about you shut up for a change, you’re throwing off the boss’ impressive flow, you dig?”

“Yeah, don’t insult me!” Caramel turns to the mare. “Ize know that this necrophiliac’s voice is annoying as heck but that’s no reason for youzes insult!”

“Caramel my dear, even if I took the time to straighten out the grammatical mess you call your conversation skills, you would no doubt still be unable to pass as a garbage pony.”

Pushing his face right up to the blue unicorn Caramel snorts like an enraged bull. “Ize has no idea of what youze just said but from the smug tone of yer voice it sounds like youze are trying to insult me!”

Mustering up every sarcastic bone in his body the stallion rolls his eyes with enough force to pop a blood vessel. “And the high school dropout says the most insightful thing he has said all night! What brilliant powers of deduction!”

“Well, why don’t Ah take mah hoof and shove it up youze…..”

“IN THE NAME OF CELESTIA! SHUT UP!!” Applejack yells at the top of her lungs. “Yawl are makin me sick, an not just cause yer tryin ta kill everypony ah care about!!”

The mare’s loud shout seems to have broken the two out of their argument, and they cease their infighting to glare at each other resentfully. Deciding that any second that they’re not talking is a good second, Applejack attempts to take the ball and run with it, guiding the conversation away from something that two can argue about.

“What’s yer deal, anyways?” Applejack asks while channeling a great deal of her exasperation. “Ah mean, do ya really feel good about razin an entire town? Think about it! That’s hundreds of ponies that yawl are making suffer!” Applejack gestures over to the town with a nod of her head, putting her all into one last appeal to appeal to the moralities of two mobsters in a last ditch effort to save her town. “Is this what you really want to do with yer lives? Kill ponies and bring sufferin? Is this really what yer life’s about? Is this somethin that yawl can be proud of?”

Both mobsters look at each other and then at the town before them; from their view on the top hill they can see it all. Their handiwork is visible to all the world in its twisted monstrosity. As they gaze upon the wreckage of the town, for the briefest of moments Applejack believes that she has finally made an impact on the stallions; that her words have actually managed to pierce through their icy hearts. With a swift turn of their heads both Noteworthy and Carmel turn back to the mare, clear their throats, and say…..

“Yeah, I think this IS what I want to do with my life!” Caramel states happily.

“And finally, something we can agree on.” Noteworthy smiles to himself

“What?!” Applejack gasps as she steps back in horror. “Why…. How… What…. Are you two insane?! Yer talkin about razin a town, mah town, an killin fer the heck of it! How could ya possible want ta do somethin like that?! Just how sick are ya that this….” Applejack gestures to the burning buildings down the hill. “….. is somethin anypony would want?”

Both stallion cease their chuckling at the orange mare’s naive nature and Caramel clears his throat, approaching the mare. “Look, kiddo. Weze knows that youze gotts problems with killin an that’s fine and all fer a minx like youze. But if yoze have heard of the phrase ‘ya can’t make an omelet without crackin a few eggs’ then yoze will know what ize mean.”

Gesturing out towards the overrun town the corrupt stallion straightens his dirty suit, smiling in pride. “The fact of the matter is, Ize got an impressive job here tonight ta ‘take care’ of any problems tha boss has. So what if a few ponies get whacked, it’s all part of the job!”

“And for once I agree, despite my partner’s butchered accent.” Caramel shoots a sharp glare at the blue unicorn in response to his pointed words. “To bring lasting peace to ponykind is the goal of any self-respecting pony. And nothing is more peaceful than a body at rest. Therefore, bringing death is tantamount to bringing salvation!”

The zealous priest extends his hooves to the moon above as his fanaticism reaches its crescendo. “Ponies may fear death, but when it is embraced and accepted then purification from the filth of the world can be achieved.”

“Now do youze see, minx?” the stallion smiles as his putrid alcoholic breath fills the mare’s nostrils. “Killin aint personal, it’s just a job! An youze can’t be mad at two ponies fer doin their jobs, right?”

Applejack sighs at her own situation, wondering what evils she must have performed in a past life to deserve to be tied at the hip with two of the most horrible ponies in existence. “Can somepony just put me out of mah misery already?”

“I agree with the mare.” Noteworthy looks over to her as he readies his skeleton of a Stand to strike at Applejack’s heart. “She is one of the targets and she is fated to die. Let me bring the peace of death to her.”

“An Ize said no!” The stallion swats away the hoof of the blue unicorn “Youze keep yer hooves off her! Ize say when we knock her off an not before. She’s bait fer the others, for the other minxes. They’ll come back fer a rescue an then….” The stallion rubs his hooves as he contemplates thoughts of revenge. “….And then…. I’ll add her and her friends to my harem.”

“YOUR WHAT!?!” Applejack shouts out, her disbelief and disgust rising with every word spewing forth from the gangster’s vile tongue.

“Youze heard me, minx! See, I’ve got me a whole bunch of pretty mares like youze.” The stallion grins as he strokes the mare’s pelt and the mouths sticking out of her skin. “All under mize command. Doin whatever Ah want them ta do. An let me tell youze, if yer friends are half as pretty as youze Ah think that we’ll be getting along pretty well.”

Applejack shudders, and this time it is Noteworthy that swipes the stallion’s hoof away. “Caramel, that is highly inappropriate!”

“Thank Celestia,” the mare sighs in relief.

“The boss gave us orders to kill all the Stand users in Ponyville, and that was a direct order,” Noteworthy states harshly. “Not in a harem, not under our control. Dead, as in a peaceful death, not your abomination of life.”

“What?” The stallion looks over to the mare with lustful eyes. “Surely you want to live, don’t you minx? Just say the word an you can be number fourteen of my special little club. Come on! Youze will get anything youze want and serve a hot stallion like me fer tha rest of yer days!” The stallion grabs her cheeks with his hooves as he looks deep into her eyes. “So what do youze say?”

Applejack looks into the eyes of the wicked stallion before her, the very act of him touching her skin filling her with a level of revulsion that she didn’t think was possible. Suddenly, in response to Carmel’s question, the mare opens her own mouth as she mulls over her options. “What do ize say?” Applejack asks as curiosity courses over Carmel’s dull face. Reaching deep down inside her, deeper than any pony thought possible the mare clears her throat and spits the mother of all lougies directly in the stallion’s face. As the spittle drips down the his face the mare grins cockily. “That’s mah answer. Is that clear enough fer you?”

“…..Can I kill her now?”

Caramel slaps the blue unicorn upside the head “Shut up, youze necrophiliac!” Reaching into his suit pocket the stallion pulls out a small handkerchief to wipe the spit out of his face. “So youze think that youze are too good fer ol Caramel here? That youze are too good fer me!? Well Ize know exactly how to break stubborn mares like youze!”

The stallion grins evilly as he slowly approaches the paralyzed mare, her hooves unresponsive to her desire to flee as the stallion’s muzzle comes to within inches of her face. As the mare struggles to move she watches in fear as Caramel extends his hoof towards her face, picturing all the horrible things that this stallion can do to her. Yet, defying the mare’s expectation, she feels neither pain or discomfort as the stallion extends his hoof to the orange farmer’s golden locks, his very touch sending cold shivers through her spine.

With almost tender lightness the stallion brushes the mare’s mane with practiced precision, creating a soothing feeling despite her attempts to pry herself from his grasp. Yet the evil glint in Carmel’s eyes tells her beyond a shadow of a doubt that his intentions are the furthest thing from a compassionate act. “Tell me, Minx,” Caramel asks softly.

“Tell me…….” the stallion continues, “have youze had your first kiss yet?”

Applejack’s eyes widen in terror, color drains from her face as she realizes where the stallion’s inquiries are heading. With desperate fury the mare flails about in an attempt to move away from the loathsome stallion before her, only to find her hooves planted in the ground by his equally loathsome power.

Smiling at the mare’s struggles the stallion moves his muzzle closer. “No?! So youze haven’t kissed yer special somepony yet? Probably not. Well then remember this, ya minx, yer first wasn’t somepony ya liked! It was me, Caramel Cider, who took youzes first kiss!”

Applejack struggles, she flails about with all her strength; however the discolored sores across her body move her face closer towards the stallion. Caramel grins in a twisted sense of pride as the mare forces herself towards him, her lips ripe for the conquest, the wicked stallion closing his eyes and moving in for the kill. Puckering his lips comically the stallion inches closer to the mare, all his thoughts focused on the spoils he is about to reap.

‘Now give me some sugar, ya minx!’

Suddenly two pairs of lips meet and the stallion dives in, exploring every crevice of the pony’s mouth with his rough, liquor-flavored tongue. ‘HA it’s over!’ the stallion thinks to himself as he continues to take advantage of the open orifice, his eyes clenched in deep pleasure. ‘Now that ize has stripped away this stubborn mare’s pride she belongs solely to me! To turn her into a mindless fool, I won’t let her have any other friends or lovers, only me, Caramel Cider! Soon she’ll turn inta a fool with nothin ta live for, an then she’ll be all mine!”


The stallion clenches his eyes even tighter at the offending sound. ‘Humph, sounds like some pony lost their lunch. It seems like that necrophiliac Noteworthy couldn’t handle the sight of a real stallion conquering a mare! Ize knew that he was a freak.’

“Urrp. That is…. The most disgusting thing…..that Ah have ever seen Urp…..”

‘Humph, talk all youze want Noteworthy, but yer not……’ The stallion’s mind suddenly snaps to attention. ‘Wait a second!? That voice, that didn’t sound like that necrophiliac, it sounded like…… Applejack? But that doesn't make sense, that minx is right….”

The stallion opens his eyes to see the figure before him, and his heart stops completely. Instead of the beautiful orange-coated southern belle he thought he was making out with, he finds a ragged, decrepit corpse. The yellow-coated pegasus stallion zombie in front of him moans out a deep-throated, raspy cry as blobs of slobber dribble down its chin like rain. It's black, sunken eyes give the faintest spark of light as the zombie moans enthusiastically before continuing on its way. Caramel, however stands rooted to the ground, unable to think, unable to move, his heart barely beating as his mind tries to avoid acknowledging the dirty dead he just performed. Craning his neck slowly behind him he finds the orange mare wiping the remains of her dinner off of her chin, and one gidy blue unicorn.

“Amazing what a little undead control can do, isn’t it Caramel? Close your eyes for a second and they appear to pop out of the ground exactly where you least expect them to. Now then…..”

The blue unicorn chuckles at the aghast face of his cohort, taking his own twisted sense of satisfaction at the sudden terror and wordlessness that has overtaken the normally rambunctious stallion. “…Correct me if I’m wrong, Caramel, but I seem to have forgotten which one of us is the necrophiliac. Could you kindly inform me who it was that made out with a corpse?”



With a loud thump five mares pop out from between space in a tumble, their bodies lying in a jumbled dogpile on the floor. Disoriented, four of them - Trixie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy - writhe about in discomfort as they try to adjust to not only the jumbled position of their bodies but also their jumbled senses. All while Twilight lies comfortably on the top of the pile made by her friends, groaning like a gryphon with a Saturday night hangover, rubbing her fizzling horn.

“Oooowwwwwwwwww…..” The librarian rubs her forehead tenderly. “Ugh…. Sorry guys, that wasn’t such a clean jump after all….. I guess I should have spent more time picturing Pinkie’s place before I tried to bring four other ponies along with me.”

For the most part Twilight’s friends seem fine, despite their unorthodox method of travel, as they slowly and steadily pry themselves from the leaning pile of ponies.

“Ugh…. Twilight darling, could you be a dear and cut back on the turbulence the next time we go teleporting around? It’s messing up my mane!” Rarity complains as she readjusts her hair with her Stand’s power. “I mean, I know that Applejack is in trouble, but is that really any excuse for arriving a mess? I think not!”

“Well….. Um….” Fluttershy fumbles and falls cutely to her hooves as she manages to pull herself from the pile. “If it bothers you so much Rarity, you could just think of it as being fashionably late.”

“Late or early, the Great and Powerful Trixie needs no preparation,” the showmare booms. “For the Great and Powerful Trixie always arrives fantastically!”

“Will you give it a rest already,” Rainbow Dash groans as she flutters over to a nearby chair, rubbing her aching head. “Geez, I feel like I lost a cider-drinking contest with Applejack…. Not cool at all.”

Pulling herself off the top of the pile, Twilight brushes off her coat as she takes stock of her surroundings. When she tried to teleport from Carousel Boutique she had imagined arriving in Pinkie’s room, however a last minute change of thought had landed them in the main eatery of the pastry shop and sent them spiraling through space as well. Straining her eyes against the dark Twilight tries to create a light spell only for her horn to fizzle like a wet firecracker.

“Great, my magic’s burnt out; it’ll take minutes for my mana to recover like this.” The mare sighs as she is forced to be content with the darkness around her. “I knew that five extra ponies was really pushing it. Teleportation is a specialty of mine but that was way too much extra baggage.”

Trixie, grinning that she can one-up her rival, ignites her horn creating a gentle pink glow that fills the room. Twilight turns to the mare behind her to offer her thanks only to come face-to-face with the cocky showmare. “Well, Twilight? Care to offer the greatest unicorn in all Equestria praise? Well I don’t blame you, it takes a skilled and clever unicorn to create a light spell as powerful as…..”

“Yeah that’s great Trixie,” Twilight cuts her off. “Now just keep that glow steady. Remember, we need to find…..”

The sounds of clattering steel and ominous hoofsteps echo through the abandoned shop, causing the hairs on every mare’s coat to stand on end. Trixie’s eyes grow noticeably wider as her sudden fear of having her brains eaten cause her to lose control of the spell, sending the entire room spiraling into darkness. “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” the showmare screams out in the dark. “It’s the zombies! The z-z-zombies are coming to eat Tr-r-rixie’s fabulous brains! Get them away get them away! GET THEM AWAY!!”

The light comes back on thanks to Rarity’s quick use of her horn, the light pink of Trixie’s spell replaced by the pale blue of the fashionista’s magic. With the light on all eyes focus on the cowering showmare, and it becomes readily apparent to her just how embarrassing she must look curled into a fetal position on the floor. “Ummmmmmmm,” Trixie blushes under the focused stares of the other four mares. “Dojyan?”

“Wowie!” All five mares jump at the sound of a sudden but very familiar voice. “That was some trick, Trixie! You had even me thinking that you were scared! But I guess that’s why you’re a showmare, after all!”

The librarian’s head swivels around trying to locate the sound of the very familiar voice, her eyes and ears straining against the consuming darkness. “Pinkie, is that you?” Twilight asks uncertainly as she tries to peer through the shadows. “Pinkie, where are you?”

“Yeppers, Twily! I’m right here!” Suddenly, the reason that Twilight couldn’t notice Pinkie becomes apparent as a mare decked out in a skin-tight black spy outfit and night vision goggles emerges from the darkness. “Hey ya, Twilight! Glad that you could make it! Do you like what I’ve done with the place?” Pinkie gestures to the room around her with her open hoof.

To the group’s surprise they find the normally hospitable and open windows or Sugarcube Corner reinforced with plywood and steel bars. The entire room looks like it could hold off a siege and the massive amount of supplies sitting in the middle of the floor attest to the fact that any long-term attack would be doomed to fail. “See, I was going for this ‘Zombie Apocalypse’ look! You know, with boarded up windows and barricaded doors! And I’m not half the designer that Rarity here is but I think I pulled it off pretty well! Now if only I had more flickering lightbulbs and squeaky door hinges..….”

“Pinkie! This is no time to be making a haunted house, we….” Twilight quickly stops herself, remembering once again that Logic and Pinkie Pie do not mix. “Never mind. Are you okay, Pinkie? The infected ponies didn’t get to you did they? Where are Mr. and Mrs. Cake? Are they alright?”

Ripping the black skin-tight outfit off of her body the mare grins with such force that it could hurt a pony’s eyes trying to look at it. “Oh, Mr. and Mrs. cake are fine! They’ve been out of town for a week! See, there was this bossy and kinda cool pegasus and she was all like ‘you have to evacuate!’, and I’m like ‘no I don’t cause this is a free country’, and she was like ‘it’s for your own safety you dope!’, and I was like ‘I know but I can’t leave cause Mr. and Mrs. Cake are out of town on their second honeymoon so I have to keep the store safe!’, and then I told her all about why me and the Cakes are like family and they love me and how I met them and she was all like ‘fine be that way!’, and she just flew off really fast!” Pinkie blinks repeatedly as she realizes a rainbow mare is in present company. “But she wasn’t as fast as Dashie of course! And she wasn’t half as cool….. or as cute, and she didn’t have a ticklish spot….”

“OKAY, Pinkie!” the Dash shouts at the top of her lungs. “We get it. You’re the only one here and we’re really glad you’re safe.” Rainbow Dash suddenly looks out the boarded up windows with an expression of deep concern on her muzzle. “It’s getting hectic out there, Pinks; one minute I was sleeping, and the next... zombie ponies everywhere! It’s a good thing that I remembered Fluttershy had a panic room, otherwise those corpses and infected ponies would have taken a bite out of me!”

“Fluttershy has a panic room?” Twilight asks skeptically as she turns to the light yellow pegasus. “But we found you sitting in the middle of your home defending yourself from dead housepets! If you had a panic room, why didn’t you just hide there?”

The yellow mare blushes profusely. “Well….. um that’s because…. well, I just decided I had to fight off my fears for once. You know? I said to myself, ‘Fluttershy, you go out there and you face down those zombies!’ so… um…… that’s what I did.”

All five mares look at the yellow pegasus with surprise. “Fluttershy darling?” Rarity asks. “Are you saying that you WANTED to fight an endless horde of the undead, just to prove yourself?”

The yellow pegasus looks at her ivory friend as she shuffles her hooves. “Well, yes! I mean, I can’t be a coward forever right? Besides, fighting zombies sounds kind of….. cool?”

The entire group is consumed by a prevalent silence as everypony glares sternly at the yellow mare, emulating her Stare with brutal effectiveness. Fluttershy, unused to being on the other end of such powerful intimidation, can only glance around as their piercing gazes cut the mare to the quick.

The yellow mare sags her head down in defeat. “…….I lost the key to the panic room and couldn’t open the door to get in.”

“Now that sounds more like the Fluttershy we know and love.” Twilight nods affirmatively as the entire group basks in the satisfaction of learning the truth. “Well, it was probably for the best; if you hid yourself away we would have never found you in time, and believe me, we need all the help that we can get!”

Looking around, Twilight takes stock of her friends, their postures and demeanors telling her far more than words ever could. Ever since she had met them she had learned enough about them to write a book on each of them, and in some ways she knew them better than she knew most forms of magic. And the looks on her friend’s faces show her no trace of doubt or fear, confirming that Twilight made the right choice in relying on them in her time of need. A single stamp of her hoof turns all their eyes towards the purple mare and they all instinctively circle up, knowing that now is the time to put Twilight’s plan into action. Nodding, Twilight thanks whatever god exists in this world that she has such capable and reliable friends by her side in moments like these.

“Alright!” Twilight shouts getting the undivided attention of every pony in the room. “Now that the gang's all here we are finally ready for the counter attack. However, the next step is the most difficult: we need to find where Horseshoes and Noteworthy are hiding here in town so we can defeat them and end this Stand effect. Pinkie, I need you to use your Pinkie Eyes/Pinkie Sense/whatever power to search the entire town for any po…”


The piercing scream reverberates through their very bones, echoing over the din of the one thousand infected zombies and the screams of the dying. After a few seconds of dumbfounded surprise Fluttershy finally manages to raise her voice. “Um… what was….”


The second shot hits the building like thunder, cowing the six mares into submission with sheer volume. “Wha….” Twilight gasps, “What was that?! That was the second-loudest shout I’ve ever heard.”

“Oh, that.” Pinkie waves her hoof dismissively as she continues to grin. “That was just Applejack’s make-out session going horribly wrong.”

“WHAT!” Rarity shouts, her face flustering in disbelief and outrage. “A-Applejack was m-m-m-a-a-a-aking out?!”

“Oh no no no! Don’t worry, Rares, Applejackie’s not that kind of mare!” Pinkie pats the unicorn reassuringly on the back as she continues. “It’s just that nasty Horseshoes guy had some trouble!”


“Horseshoes guy?!” Twilight’s ears perk up at the sudden mention of the very pony she is looking for. “You know where those two Stand users are?”

“Yeppers!” Pinkie salutes sharply like a soldier reporting in from the front. “I placed my Pinkie Eyes all over town, remember? See, I saw this big wave of zombies going ‘rargh!’, and I was like ‘OH NO!’ so I sounded the alarm and got as many ponies to get the heck out of Dodge as I could! Even though this isn’t Dodge Junction or any kind of Dodge! This is Ponyville! Anyways, I told them to get away and used my Pinkie Eyes to try and find the sign of trouble and I found out they were on Cemetery Hill overlooking the town and I was like going to go all Rambo on them but but when I saw that you were picking up our friends to take them down together I raced over here to protect the store cause I promised the Cakes that I would and put on my special mission outfit while I waited for you to come pick me up.”

The purple unicorn snorts out in frustration as she approaches within head-butting distance of the pink mare. “So let me get this straight, Pinkie. You knew not only that there was a storm of zombies coming towards the town, AND that we were teleporting all over the town to look for you, AND the location of the two ponies that we were looking for that are destroying the town,” The purple mare takes in a deep breath. “AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME!?!”

Pinkie shrugs. “You didn’t ask.”


Forgetting her intense anger for the moment Twilight turns her head in the direction of the voice, peering through the cracks in the boarded up windows towards Cemetery Hill. “Alright then, that’s enough waiting around; if we know where they are I can teleport over to them as soon as…… wait.” Twilight pauses as her mind begins to process all of Pinkie’s information “You said they were on the old Cemetery Hill on the outskirts of town, but that’s two miles away! That’s impossible!”

“Yeppers!” Pinkie nods her head in confirmation. “I mean nopers! I mean I think the fact that we can hear it proves that it’s impossible! Wait, what’s impossible and what’s possible again? I’m so confused!” the pink mare cries out as she falls to her rump.

“What is the matter, Twibright?” Trixie scoffs, “is a scant two miles to much of a teleport for the pathetic Twilight Sparkle?”

“No, Trixie, because unlike you teleporting two miles is easy for a mare of my calibur.” Twilight’s cutting remark quickly brings Trixie down a peg. “I’m just surprised that that anypony’s voice can reach that far; he almost puts Celestia’s Royal Canterlot Voice to shame.”


Rarity blinks repeatedly. “Royal Canterlot Voice? What In Equestria is the Royal Canterlot Voice?”

Twilight freezes, her muscles locking in place as a long-repressed memory of her teacher bubbles steadily to the surface, unbidden by the unicorn. With years of mental discipline the mare tries to push it back down, reminding herself this is not the time to be reminiscing; however, she quickly finds herself unable to suppress the swelling of memories as they flood into the forefront of her mind. Unable to keep down the flood of memories any longer, the mare recounts with a mixture of both nostalgia and regret the first time that she heard the Royal Canterlot Voice and subsequently lost her hearing for three days.


“…….. and that’s why extra dimensional magic is so difficult, Twilight! I hope that answered your question.”

Twilight’s eyes widen as she does the one thing that she loves more than any other: absorbing knowledge and learning new things. The fact that it came from her absolute favorite pony in the world only made it better. “Wow, Princess, you know so much!”

The alabaster goddess chuckles at the antics of a young Twilight Sparkle. “Well, my faithful student, I have had a lot of time to learn.”

Twilight gazes down at her own hooves, her expression a mixture of humility and admiration. “But you know so much…… I’ll probably never even know a quarter of what you know…..”

Celestia smiles as she raises her student’s vision to her own. “That does not mean that anything you, or anypony, learns or does is any less valuable. It’s not important so much what you know, but how you use it that counts.” Both smile at each other as Celestia turns her gaze, igniting her horn in a short blaze of light. An instant later a small but elegant chocolate layered cake appears on Celestia’s desk. “But enough of lessons today, who wants cake?”

Twilight licks her lips as she gazes at the perfect cake, a single slice missing allowing her to gaze upon the interior of the pastry and all its glory. It was no secret to anypony in Equestria that the Princess harbored a strong and powerful lust for pastries and sweets of all kinds, but cake was by far her favorite. Being the private student of Princess Celestia, Twilight had sampled the best of the best of all kinds of cakes and, like her mentor, had a very good eye for them. And Twilight could tell from a single glance that the cake before her would be a cake she would never forget.

Celestia and Twilight salivate a little in anticipation of the feast they are about to enjoy as Celestia raises the knife to cut an even slice. However, before the knife could even touch the cake, the door behind the Goddess slams inward revealing a very sweaty and tired Shining Armor. “Twilight!”

Celestia, surprised by the sudden interruption, slams the knife into the table cleaving it neatly in two. The resounding crash of the desk sends all the various piles of paperwork, paperweights and yes, the cake itself, sailing through the air on its first maiden voyage. Celestia can only watch in stunned silence as her precious cake was sent sailing through the air, her eyes memorizing every flip as it crashes into the ground with a messy splat.

Right at the hooves of a certain Guard Captain who, completely oblivious to anypony except himself, tramples the pastry underhoof as he walks over to the purple filly. “Twilight, you thought that it was so funny to fill my armor with itching powder, didn’t you!? Well wait till the Princess hears about………Why are my hooves covered in icing?”

Shocked by the sudden appearance of cake, Shining looks from his hooves to see the grim face of his boss and leader. “Princess Celestia!” Shining salutes sharply. “Forgive me, I didn’t know that you were in here! Your schedule said you would be entertaining dignitaries from Saddle Arabia.”

Princess Celestia Invictus quakes in anger as she looks down upon the face of her up-and-coming Guard Captain. Despite his age he was a capable Stand and magic user who is unmatched in his creation of barriers; yet it is days like today that make her regret ever considering giving him the position. True, National Pride needed to retire, but how could any Guard Captain stand there like an ignorant barbarian, saluting while his hooves lay in the middle of a priceless treasure. A treasure that he had destroyed so callously. “Princess Celestia, are you okay? You look a little…… red. Should I summon the royal doctor?” And the fact that Shining Armor has as much social sense as a turtle probably hadn’t helped matters much.

Finally the goddess can handle it no more, her mane ignites into roaring fire, her eyes burning bright as the sun as the Princess invokes the Royal Canterlot Voice for its intended and divinely-created purpose. Indeed, such a divine and almighty power was not created for commanding legions of flowers, nor for speaking at long distances, but for shouting curses so loud and vulgar that they would be an affront to the heavens themselves.

It is said that that day all the windows in Canterlot castle not protected by level three wards shattered into dust in her divine fury. It is also said that the Guard Captain Shining Armor is also permanently deaf in one ear to this very day.

However Twilight Sparkle, an innocent filly caught in the middle of this crime against cakes didn’t know any of this. She didn’t know anything about the Royal Canterlot Voice aside from the fact it was very, very loud. All that Twilight knew for certain was that by the end of the day she had acquired several impressive and verbose new curse words.


“……Twilight?” Rarity asks with a small hint of worry, snapping the lavender unicorn from her reprieve. “Are you alright, darling? You didn’t respond to anything we said for a whole minute! You just kept muttering….. things.… under your breath. Are you sure you’re alright?”

Twilight is about to give the mare a long-winded lecture on the importance of taking one’s time when she is cut off by the sound of her horn sparkling with magical charge. With a grin the mare hoof-pumps the air as she turns back to her friends. “Alright! Sorry for the long wait, everypony; I’ve built up just enough charge for another jump, now we can follow the sound of that voice to wherever those two ponies are!”

Extending her two hooves in a wide arc the mare quickly encompasses her five friends as she makes the calculations for her longest jump yet, the one that will bring them into battle with the ones that are trying to destroy their town. The ponies huddle closer around Twilight as the mare’s face scrunches in intense concentration, her horn buzzing with life and power as an aura encompasses them. “Everypony hold on, this one could get a little dicey!” With a quick burst of magical energy the purple mare and all her friends disappear in a flash of light, leaving the inside of the bakery completely vacant.


Author's Note:

To Be Continued→

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