• Published 24th May 2015
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My Little Pony Bizarre Adventures - Part 1: Ponyville Central - LateBronyWriter



One Thousand years ago, the saints Celestia and Luna drew upon the power of the Red Stone of Aja to defeat the demon Discord. Now one thousand years later the Stone is destroyed, beginning the tale of six ponies and their quest to redeem the world.

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Chapter 19-Danger Zone-Take 1

Danger Zone-Take 1:


It begins on a day like any other day. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, not a cloud in the sky….

KABOOM!!

…..and an explosion detonates at the Golden Oaks Library. Truly this is an ordinary day in Ponyville.

Twilight pulls herself out from behind a heavily reinforced table in the basement of her library, coughing up smoke. “Well that confirms Hypothesis number fourteen: thermal energy creates no visible effect on the Strange Stones. You okay back there, Trixie?! You owe me five bits.”

The showmare pulls herself out from behind the table on the opposite side of the badly singed Strange Stone, her entire body covered in soot and dust from the resulting explosion. Even her trademark hat and cape are stained black. The mare coughs up a small cloud of black soot as she walks towards Twilight, hoofing her the bits. “Despite your wordy and long winded explanations, Trixie still fails to grasp the importance of launching fireballs at magical artifacts. If one were to ask the Great and Powerful Trixie, she would say that our time would better be spent looking for more of the Red Stones, or better yet ponies who have abused the Red Stones to their own ends,” The showmare gestures to the countless scribbles of scientific observations lining the walls. “Not…. this.”

“Trixie, I had to give the others a day off; they threatened to strike if their demands weren’t met!”

Trixie scoffs. “Some friends they are, forcing their leader to surrender like a frightened foal.” Dusting off her coat Trixie Strikes a confident pose. “Now if the Great and Powerful Trixie were in charge then she would throw any pony who would disobey her like that into the royal dungeon!”

“Trixie! That’s horrible!” Twilight gasps, “Even though their healthcare demands were pretty biased, those are our friends that you are talking about!”

“Humph, perhaps your friends, but the Great and Powerful Trixie possesses no friends!”

Picking up a roll of newspaper Twilight promptly bops the showmare on the nose. “Oh stop, you. You know as well as I do it is that it would be completely unreasonable to expect our friends to work all the time. They have their own lives and jobs that need their attention.” The librarian comments as she recalls her friends’ occupations. “Rarity has that new fashion line that she’s sending over to the Princess, Applejack has to take time off for the zap apple harvest and spending some ‘quality time’ with her sister…”

………………

“Applejack? Are ya sure that this is the best way ta harvest zap apples?”

“Positive, Bloom. Ah’ve harvested more zap apples this way than any other! It’s practically a family tradition.”

“But Applejack…. Not to dismiss a family tradition an all... And I know that zap apples have funny magic an all, but this seems a little……”

“……Applebloom, quit yer whining and get in the trebuchet!”

……………..

“…….and Fluttershy had to cram for her final so she can become a full-fledged veterinarian.” Twilight remembers with a smile “It’s a good thing that I was able to give her another chance at that, it’s amazing what a little word from the Princess Rep can do! Besides, giving them all time off to tend to their jobs and relax will make them better able to handle the stresses of their jobs when they all get back to work.” Twilight levitates a clipboard into the chest of the blue mare as she turns back to the Strange Stone on the pedestal. “Alright, Trixie, prepare to record the results of experiment number fifteen, exposure to extreme cold.”

Trixie looks at the lavender mare and scoffs, looking at the clipboard in her hooves with destain. “The Great and Powerful Trixie does not need petty breaks, as searching for Stand abuses is her job! Besides, how is almost being blown to smithereens by your crazy experiments a relaxing break? Why does Trixie have to help you?”

Twilight sighs as she continues to jot down more notes. “I don’t have an assistant and I’m giving you free room and board so the least you could do is help me.”

Trixie narrows her eyes at the librarian. “You destroyed my home.”

“And I’m providing you room, but if you want to keep being fed you have to start pulling your weight around here.” Twilight pulls herself away from the Strange Stone’s pedestal looking directly at Trixie. “That means you, the Great and Powerful Trixie, helping manage the library, clean dishes and help me with my experiments.”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie is beyond such menial labor!” Trixie barks as she throws the clipboard to the ground in frustration. “Find some other banal servant to perform such meaningless tasks.”

“Help or I’m cutting cheese and crackers from the shopping list.”

Trixie hesitates for a second, her mind balancing and comparing the pros and cons of helping Twilight Sparkle with her life-threatening experiments and cheesy crackers. “…..pass the notepad, Sparkle.”

…………………..

“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That was hilarious! Did you see Rarity’s face when she sniffed those flowers?! It’s like her body couldn’t decide whether or not to yell at us or collapse in a fit! That was priceless!” Dash continues to roll on the ground (out of earshot from a certain ivory unicorn) laughing her face off along with her good friend Pinkie.

“He He he! Yeah, Dashie! The great thing about a prank is that it makes lots of ponies happy, especially the ponies who pull it off, and everypony appreciates it……. Eventually.” Pinkie looks out from behind the building at Carousel Boutique. “At least, I’m pretty sure that Rarity was kidding when she said that she would skin us alive if we got in the way of her completing her order…… “

“Of course she was kidding, Pinkie!” Dash wraps her arm around the pink mare causing her worry to melt away. “You know Rarity. Always a drama queen. So, Pinkie, what’s our status?”

With plenty of dramatic flair the party pony pulls a long list out from behind her back, making a quick mark before continuing. “Wwwweeeeeeellllllllllll……… we’ve already gotten all of our friends! Rarity just now with a sneezing bouquet, Applejack with dying her apples, Twilight with invisible ink, Trixie with that banana cream pie, and Fluttershy….. Well, Fluttershy is way too sensitive for pranks and she said that she would do some pretty nasty things to us if we got in the way of studying for her test, so she’s off limits…… But we’ve gotten everypony else!” Pinkie nods affirmatively as she mentally checks the final ponies off the list. “ Yes sir-e, Dashie, I’d say that we’ve done a great job so far!” The party pony says as she throws the list behind her, creating a potent explosion.

Dash cracks her hooves as she hovers in the air on her back nonchalantly. “Yep there’s no doubt about it. My pranking skills are truly the best in Ponyville. A whole league above the rest. If only all the ponies in Ponyville could finally realize how awesome my pranks really are they’d have to make a holiday after me, Rainbow Dash, and give me the respect that I deserve.”

Pinkie giggles. “Well I don’t know about best, Dashie, I think I know one pony who could give you a run for her money….”

“What?! No way!” Dash dismisses Pinkie’s words with unbridled confidence. “A better pranker than me? And I don’t know about them?! Who could possibly be a better pranker than me!?”

“Oh I don’t know, Dashie…..” Pinkie pulls a small string chord to her left causing a multitude of flashing signs to appear all around her, every one of the neon arrows converging on Pinkie’s exact location. “I think that you know hr pretty well. Hey! I know, how about we play a guessing game? You guess who this mysterious pony could be and I’ll tell you if you’re right! All right! Ready…. GO!”

“….. Is it you, Pinkie?”

The party mare throws a storm of confetti in the air. “Hooray! You got it, Dashie! And in one try! I knew that you would get it eventually!”

“……. Well of course you’re a great pranker, Pinkie! Just not the best.” Dash puffs out her chest in pride. “Your pranks lack style…. moves…… and awesomeness. They just don’t have the impact that pranks made by yours truly have.”

“He He yeah, your pranks always seem to make a splash, and I’m not just saying that because you like to use clouds and weather in your pranks cause that would be really predictable, just like all your pranks.” Pinkie giggles as she flaunts her own self-image as a master prankster. “I, on the other hoof, am the most crazy unpredictable and overall most surprising party pony in Ponyville! I mean, even Fluttershy could see your pranks coming a mile away and I’m not just saying that because her Stand’s name is kind of Thousand Yard Stare cause despite that name she doesn’t have that good of eyesight. I mean she’s not like eagle eyes but she’s not bad either. The point is that your pranks are way too easy to see through, that’s why I’m the best pranker. Sorry, Dashie, but you might as well throw in the towel and admit it.”

Both mares laugh good naturedly at the other’s comments for a few seconds, each one enjoying the mirth of the moment. Yet in the space of a single second both mares stare each other down, muzzle to muzzle, with the most intense and serious gaze each one can muster. They simply stand, neither one making a move, waiting for the first one to make the mistake of claiming to be a better prankster.

“So, Pinkie…… it has come to this, has it? After all these years you finally think that you can out-prank the Dash, do you?”

“Yeppers, Dashie, it’s nothing personal, it’s just a mare’s gotta do what a mare’s gotta do……”

“And you know that there is only one way to really settle this, don’t you?”

“Yep, there is only one true way to settle a rivalry as epic as this……” From behind her back the pink party mare pulls out a large caliber revolver, smiling crazily. With a single deft movement the mare flicks out three of the six bullets and spins the chamber, before pressing the cold steel barrel to her temple. “RUSSIAN ROULETTE TO THE DEATH, ME FIRST!”

“Yeah… an epic prank……. WAIT PINKIE NO!!!”

However Dash is far too slow. Pinkie smiles grandly and pulls the trigger, the echoing explosion of the gun resonating against the buildings with the sound of rolling thunder as the mare recoils from the force of the round. The pink mare falls to the ground, the gun clattering emptily against the sidewalk as the rainbow mare stares aghast at the scene she has just witnessed.

“Pinkie……..” Dash stands teary-eyed at the prone body of the mare before her. “Why do you have a revolver that shoots confetti?”

Pinkie leaps up off the ground, dusting the gobs of confetti off her face. “Oh you mean my Party Popper Two Thousand and One? Well I keep that as a spare for parties that are less than a shindig and slightly more than a quiet evening with friends. See, I used to use my party cannon for all parties but then I learned from Rarity how to be a little more….” Pinkie pulls the rainbow mare in close, whispering in her ear “….discrete.”

The pink mare stashes the revolver away. “See, that’s why I’m going to win that amazing prank contest that you were planning on having, cause I’m discreet and super-unpredictable! Because nopony can see me coming!”

“Um yeah, fine.” Dash looks at her pink friend with a mixture of admiration for such an unpredictable prank and fear that she might go overboard. “Just promise not to do that again, it might give some ponies the wrong idea or something. You know like you’re offing yourself or something……”

“Silly Dashie, that would be way too dark for this fan fic, at least until chapter nineteen!”

“Um……. Yeah, just no more Russian Roulette. That’s not my idea of a contest.”

“No kidding! Besides I’m no good at Russian Roulette. For some reason I always lose.”

“What I was thinking…..” Dash hovers in the air with the rising tension. “Is a town-wide pranking contest to see who’s the best prankster in Ponyville!”Dash suggests with a level of flair that only a professional stent mare could muster. “Whoever plays the biggest and most awesome prank on the other by the day’s end is dubbed the Master Pranker of All Ponyville, no take-backs.”

“Yeah! I like that idea!” Pinkie claps her hooves. “And the loser has to throw a party for the winner! That’ll be really awesome!”

Dash facehooves. “Um, Pinkie. The objective of a punishment is to make a pony not want to lose.”

Pinkie tilts her head. “I don’t get it.”

“…….If the loser has to throw a party, and you lose…… then you would have to throw me a party…..”

“……….. I still don’t get it.”

“Pinkie, you love throwing parties………”

“Oh………… should I throw two parties?”

Dash facehooves again. “Alright how about this! Whoever loses has to be the winner’s slave for three whole days! Does that sound like a good bet to you?”

Pinkie taps her chin for a few seconds, humming to herself. “Hhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuummmmmmhhhhhhh. Well when you put it that way, that sounds like a great idea!”

“Alight then, it's agreed!” Rainbow spits a large loogie on her hoof, extending it to Pinkie. Pinkie responds in kind as the two mares double spit shake on their new arrangement.

“Perfect! Then it’s a best friends bet! And when I win…..” Pinkie’s mane slightly deflates, taking on a more wavy and flowing appearance rather than its normal bouncy tone. “…. You and I are going to spend a little more….. intimate time together…… and play some really fun games,” the pink mare says in her most sultry voice.

“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu……… Pinkie what are you…….” The blue mare tries to back away from her crazy friend as her face turns a dark crimson.

“Don’t worry, Dashie. I promise that I’ll be gentle…….. and merciful……..” The pink mare’s mane suddenly springs to its original bounciness again. “When I beat you in Tic Tac Toe twenty to zero! HA! Now if you excuse me I’ll have to get planning my prank to make you my slave! See you later!” The rainbow mare can only stand looking in stunned horror as the pink mare bounces off, singing a song about the joys of jellybeans.

After a few minutes Dash breathes out a sigh of relief, satisfied that Pinkie is finally out of earshot. “Whew that Pinkie Pie….. alright, time to get planning my own prank!” The rainbow mare prepares to take off into the wild blue yonder only to take one longing glance at the direction that Pinkie took off in. “Then again….. If I let Pinkie win……”

The blue mare shakes her head. “Snap out of it, Dash! This is about your pride as a pranker! Not Pinkie’s… weirdness.” The blue mare takes off into the sky, thinking up the perfect prank to get Pinkie with. “Besides, if I win then Pinkie has to do what I say; no way I can pass that up!”

…………………….

“Now THIS is the absolute best prank of all time!” The rainbow mare lifts the last of her contraption onto the roof of Sugarcube Corner, the residence of one pink party pony. Dash snickers to herself as she raises a large empty dumpster to the roof of the gingerbread building, placing it gently over the rear door. Satisfied with her placement of the large container, she quickly swoops around the vicinity with her lightning fast speed, grabbing several clouds and condensing them into a large dark storm cumulonimbus. Placing the cloud over the open portion of the dumpster Rainbow Dash gives the cloud a solid buck, filling the empty dumpster with gallons upon gallons of fresh rain-water. Propping the dumpster at a slight angle on the roof using a sturdy pole, the mare ties a long string to it and files down to the door with the other end. One quick half-knot later the other end of the string is tied tightly to the door handle. Rainbow Dash snickers as she plucks the string, sending a pleasing vibration through the air.

Rainbow Dash smiles gladly at her expert prank. “Heh! This is sure to ‘wash away’ the competition! Pinkie thinks water is a boring idea for a prank Hunh? Well this is sure to blow her out of the water!” Rainbow Dash looks at the door, visualizing the prank in action. “I’ll tell her I have a surprise waiting for her out front, and since this she is ‘the unpredictable Pinkie Pie’ she’s sure to do the unpredictable thing and rush out the back door! And when she does…….”

“Hi Dash!”

“GWAH!” Dash leaps into the air in fright before quickly turning around to face the source of the voice. “Pinkie, how did you….”

Dash is cut off as she sees that it is not Pinkie that has surprised her from behind but the town mailmare, Derpy Hooves. The grey pegasus mare with her flowing blond mane possessed a unique cutie mark of an assortment of bubbles that represents her free spirit and inner grace. Derpy was the town’s mailmare and delivery mare for three years running despite conditions that would normally get her fired in a larger city. The wall-eyed pegasus was known for several things around Ponyville: her cross-eyed ‘condition’ that no pony in town would dare discuss in polite company, her ill-timed clumsiness, and her legendary love of muffins. However despite all her eccentricities the pegasus’ adorable nature and kind hearted attitude, as well as her sincere love for her daughter Dinky, quickly endeared her to the vast majority of Ponyville.

Few ponies could stay angry with her for long, not even Dash. However the fact that she had almost made her pull her trap early certainly didn’t put the speedster in a good mood. “Geez, Derpy! You nearly gave me a heart attack!”

The pegasus looks at Dash apologetically. “Sorry Dash. I just wanted to know what the weather would be like today!” The pegasus walks over to the string attached to the door, plucking it musically. “Ooooo! Dash, are you turning the Cake’s building into a musical instrument?”

The rainbow mare quickly swats the grey pegasus’s hoof away. “Be careful with that, Derpy!” The quick swat earns Dash another reward for jerky behavior as Derpy begins to tear up a little. “Oh gosh. Look, Derpy, I’m sorry I snapped at you and all, it’s just me and Pinkie are in the middle of a prank war and…..”

“A prank war?!” Derpy’s sorrows are immediately forgotten. “that sounds great! Well as long as it’s safe……” The pegasus ears swivel downwards. “No pony’s going to be hurt, right?”

Dash’s eyes roll. “No, Derpy, nopony is going to get hurt, just look.” Dash points up at the dumpster and the grey pegasus follows her gaze. “See, when Pinkie opens the door it’ll pull the string and she’ll get all wet. It’s all in good fun.” Dash suddenly brightens as she thinks up a clever idea. “In fact, how would you like to help me out here?”

Derpy shuffles with uncertainty in her hooves. “Oh I don’t know, Dash, I only came down to ask about the weather, and grab a quick bite. I really should get back to my route.”

“I’ll owe you two muffins of your choice. Think of it as an apology for my outburst earlier.” Dash wraps her hoof around the grey mare. “So what do you say, Derpy?”

“Well….” The grey mare thinks it over. “When you put it that way….. and since it’s all in good fun then why not!”

“Great! I knew I could count on you!” Dash smiles as she point to the contraption on the roof elaborating on her genius plan. “Alright, now since the trap is set all you have to do is tell Pinkie that I’m waiting for her outside from the front door. Pinkie will suspect a trap and come through the back door, and when she gets all wet I’ll be able to jump out and surprise her!”

Derpy blinks. “That’s all?”

Dash nods. “That’s all, and in return I’ll get you two muffins of your choice. In the meantime I’ll be hiding behind that bush to jump out and surprise her.” With an acrobatic leap the rainbow mare jumps behind Derpy, hiding in a bush of dense foliage right next to the door.

Derpy looks back at the rainbow mare, who obscures herself in the bush once more, before trotting around the side of the building to the front door. As the mailmare walks out of sight, Dash snickers in joyful anticipation of her prank succeeding. The mare watches through the back window and waits as hears a sound similar to a herd of buffalo stampeding down the stairs. ‘Heh, the unpredictable Pinkie,’ Dash thinks to herself, ‘Won’t Pinkie be surprised when she finds out that I anticipated her so easily…. Then she’ll have to admit that I’m the best...’

Yet in the excitement of the moment something truly unpredictable does happen. Unfortunately for Dash, the roof she placed the dumpster on was uneven and as if by divine intention or simple bad luck the jostling of Pinkie running down the stairs was enough to dislodge the dumpster proper, causing it to skid down the side of the roof. And this in turn caused the entire crate of water to fall off the roof directly over a certain group of bushes where a very certain pegasus was hiding. Seeing the string snap right before her eyes, Dash barely has time to look up as she sees the entire crate of water falling right on top of her. Her eyes grow wide, and the last thought that courses through her stunned brain as the basin filled with gallons and gallons of water fours down on her head is that it would be really funny if she pulled out a small umbrella right now.

With a crash loud enough to wake the dead, the entire dumpster full of water falls on top of the blue mare, top down, drowning the speedster in a torrent of her own water-based trap. Half-thankful that the dumpster itself didn’t land on her and crush her flat, the mare flails her arms about in the darkness, trapped like a bug under a cup. She sputters and coughs erratically as the water soaks every inch of her body, an entire rainstorm released in the space of a single second. As the water settles the waterlogged rainbow mare lifts the dumpster off her body, wet, soggy, and defeated by her own trap. Dash spurts out a jet of water from between her teeth as she pulls the dumpster off of her head. “Ugh, washed out by my own prank. Could this get any worse…..”

As if sensing the dramatic irony, the back door flies open revealing a grinning Pinkie Pie. “….. And since she’s probably waiting for me at the front door….. Oh hi, Dashie! Fancy meeting you here!” Pinkie greets her foe amiably. “Why are you so wet? Did you decide to take another cold shower, and in the middle of Ponyville?”

“NO! I mean…. Ummmmm. Yes, I was….. taking a shower…….” the rainbow mare lies, red-faced.

At this Pinkie rolls on the ground laughing. “Silly Dashie! You can’t fool me! I saw you planning that old super large water bucket over the door a mile away thanks to my good old Pinkie Sense! I knew you were trying to prank me the moment I came down the stairs!”

Pulling out a bath cap and a scrub brush from behind her back, Pinkie equips the rainbow mare. “But I got to admit, I totally did not see that coming! I mean pranking yourself is super priceless and original! If you were planning to prank yourself you would have totally won! But now I’ve got to run and plan my prank for my special little target, namely you! So if you want to beat me you’ve got to be more unpredictable than that!” Leaving Dash to stew in her own utter embarrassment and shame the pink mare bounces off into the distance, humming the same cheerful song that she always does.

………………….

“HuuuumHummmhMummh! HuuuumHummmhMummh! HuuuumHummmhMummh! LALA-LALA-LA!!!”

“Now then, Pinkie, you old party pony!” the pink party mare says to herself as she walks around Ponyville proper, taking in the sounds and sight of happy ponies around her. “What would be the best prank to get my good friend Dashie with? It was sure a surprise that her own prank backfired on her but Dashie won’t let that keep her down! After all, a prank war of THIS magnitude calls for extreme measures: PINKIE PIE STYLE!” Sitting on her rump she applies all her Pinkie Brain as she muses to herself on the best possible prank that she can pull to win her the title of Best Pony Prankster or something like that, as well as the right to have Dashie do whatever she desires.

Unable to suppress her imagination, Pinkie drools as she thinks of all the possible things that she can have Dash do for her, like make her a cake, or have her take her shift at the cake’s bakery or something with chocolate icing.

“Now let’s see here, little brain, what can I do with…..” The mare pulls her patented party cannon out from behind her back. “…A party cannon…” she pulls out each item in turn, “a snorkel and fins, three rubber chickens, four cans of brightly colored paints, a bowling ball and a bottle of instant fresh water. Humhhhhhhhhhh……..” Pinki thinks to herself when suddenly her stand Suprise! pops out behind her holding a lit lightbulb over her head. “AH HA! I know what to do!”

Picking up the bottle of instant fresh water Pinkie carefully places it on a nearby unoccupied park table, writing a quick barely-legible tag to place on it. The tag, which reads ‘Drink me Dashie,’ causes the mare to snicker to herself, sure that Dash won’t be able to resist such a complimentary drink. Then, judging the trajectory with both her hooves pointed outwards, Pinkie works out the perfect angle for a shot: a nearby alley that is conveniently hidden from view. Pinkie laughs as she zips over to the alley and pulls out her party cannon, positioning it so that it is perfectly aimed at where the bottle of water is. Pulling out several cans of paint, Pinkie pours the semi-viscous liquid down the barrel, laughing all the while. “HE He he! What a great idea, Pinkie……… He he!”

“What’s a great Idea, Pinkie?”

Pinkie pulls her head up to see a familiar mailmare standing on the tip of her cannon. “OH! Hey, Derpy! What’s happening? What’s up? Well other than you of course, pegasi are always up! Well except when they land on the ground, but then they can always go up!”

Derpy nods at the sage advice. “That is so true, Pinkie! But I was really wondering what is up with you? Why are you pouring paint into a cannon?”

“Well that’s a funny story, Derpy! Have you heard about me and Dash’s prank war?”

The mailmare tries to hide her surprise. “Um…. Well I might have heard of it….”

“Great!” Pinkie throws the empty can of paint to the side. “That saves me a long explanation! And I hate long explanations! You see, this is my little prank for Dashie. When she stops to sample the water on that table there,” Pinkie points to the table off in the distance as she walks around the cannon to the back, “then I’ll pull the trigger here and launch a storm of polka-dotted paint right at her! You see, it’s really funny because she just took a shower and got wet, so after this prank she’ll have to take ANOTHER shower!”

“Wowie that sounds a lot better than Dash’s prank!” the grey mailmare remarks as she turns around on the barrel of the cannon to face Pinkie. “But um, I’m confused, how do you get paint to make polka dots?”

“That’s easy, you just buy polka-dotted paint!”

A look of sudden realization crosses Derpy’s muzzle. “Oh! I should have known. You know how to get everything, Pinkie!”

“Yeah I’ll say, Derpy! Um can I ask you something, Derpy, old pal?”

The mailmare blinks. “Yes, Pinkie, what is it?”

“Um well how to put this. You’re sort of standing on my party cannon and I’m trying to aim it, so……”

“Oh OH! I’m sorry, Pinkie I didn’t want to get in your way or anything!” The mailmare takes to the air, allowing Pinkie to once again focus on the aiming module.

“He He! That’s okay, Derpy, I know you didn’t mean it!” Pinkie is about to finish her preparations when she pulls a magnificent double take. “Say, want to stay and watch? It’s going to be really good!”

Derpy’s normal cheerful attitude dissipates instantly into an aura of fear and uncertainty. “Um…. Well, I’m not sure, Pinkie… I mean, I know this prank is going to be really cool and all. But I think I’ve had enough of pranks for a while….”

Noticing the immediate change in Derpy’s behavior, Pinkie beams even more to cheer her up. “Hey that’s okay! I wouldn’t want you to stay if it made you unhappy! You go on and have a fun time delivering mail!”

Derpy smiles and turns to fly away. “Thanks, Pinkie! You always know what to say to make me feel better! Oh by the way!” The grey mailmare reaches into her sack, pulling out a brown wrapped package. “This is for you! I was going to drop it off at your room in Sugarcube Corner…. But I forgot.”

With absolutely zero grace and no concern for the condition of the package the mare rips the parcel to shreds, revealing a large orange book. Pinkie gasps dramatically. “The 22nd edition of 1001 puns! Thanks, Derpy I’ve been waiting on this for four weeks!”

Pinkie stuffs the book in her mane before turning back to the mailmare. “Thanks for delivering it in pony, Derpy! You’re always so considerate!”

Derpy, surprised to be complimented for forgetting a delivery, rubs the back of her neck. “He he! Yeah, just doing my job! He he.” Suddenly the grey mare gets very serious. “Say, Pinkie…….”

“Yes, Derpy?” Pinkie asks, as if completely oblivious to Derpy’s sudden change of mood.

“If there were something really bothering me……” The grey mailmare taps her hooves together shyly.

“Humh?” Pinkie yells over the loud clanking of her cannon as she adjusts the accuracy and aiming. “You’ll have to speak up there, Derpy, I can’t hear you!”

Derpy looks at Pinkie deeply as if she has a load on her chest that she has to get off, a weight that is crushing her body and soul. Finally after what seems like minutes the grey mailmare shakes her head dismissively. “Never mind, it’s not anything that you can help me with anyways! Have a nice day.” And with that the grey mailmare flies off, leaving the Pinkie to focus again on her prank.

“Boy, that Derpy…..” Pinkie remarks, “always so mysterious and… Hunh?” Pinkie stops her preparations of her cannon, instantly looking down the barrel. “That’s strange, it looked like something landed on the barrel….. Maybe it was one of Derpy’s feathers?” The pink mare turns back to the sky. “HEY, DERPY! YOU DROPPED SOMETHING!”

Seeing as how the grey mare is gone and out of earshot, Pinkie shrugs and walks around the barrel of the cannon, pulling it down to her eye level as she inspects it for any damage or sign of the mysterious object. “Good….. now let’s see what the little problem i…” The party mare looks down the barrel just in time to see it erupt in her face, the explosively-propelled paint sending her tumbling hooves-over-head out of the alley and into a cheap park table. Her head spinning and her body covered in thick creamy polka-dot paint, the not-pink party mare picks herself up on shaky hooves, managing to stand just as a familiar pony lands besides her.

“Hey, Pinkie! Look!” Dash shouts, holding up a bottle of water in Pinkie’s muzzle. “Somepony’s handing out free bottles of my favorite water! And it even has my name on it! Sweet!” The mare guzzles the entire bottle down in a second, throwing the bottle into a nearby recycling bin. “Ugh, Pinkie, what happened to you? Is that your new fashion statement? I may not be Rarity but I can easily tell you that polka dots ain’t your color, Pinkie.”

“Well, I wasn’t trying to give myself polka dots!” Pinkie crosses her arms grumpily. “And I didn’t mean to prank myself! My prank just happened to backfire on me!” Pinkie suddenly jumps to her hooves, staring Dash down “…As if somepony was trying to sabotage me! Somepony like you!”

“What? ME?!” Dash points her hooves to her chest.

“Yes you! I bet it was all part of your big plan! You knew that you couldn’t beat my surprising pranks so you rigged my cannon to blow up in my face early and cover me in polka dots! Now look me!” Pinkie tries to brush off the globs of paint congealing on her coat. “I’m all sticky and wet now! I’m so embarrassed…….”

“UUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH………..” Rainbow’s brain stalls as she tries vainly to keep from thinking certain thoughts, trying at the same time to suppress a monstrous blush consuming most of her face.

“And it's all your fault, Dashie!” Pinkie pouts again, her arms crossing sloppily as the flecks of the paint splash on Dash’s coat. “You think I’m fooled? Well I’m not! That wasn’t a very good prank anyways, it was just mean!”

Dash sighs as she tries to clear the blush from her face. “Alright, first, I never touched your cannon! And second, you are the one who sabotaged me! You just knew that your running down the stairs would cause my trap backfire, admit it!”

“Shows what you know.” Pinkie Pie sticks her tongue out at the rainbow mare, wincing as she gets a dollop of paint on her tongue. “I blame your shoddy construction. It’s not my fault that your own trap fell apart on you!”

“What! Alright, this has gone on long enough, Pinkie.” Dash paws her hoof on the ground. “Just admit that you’re the one who sabotaged my prank and we can get on with this contest!”

“Nut-uh!” Pinkie presses back against Dash, muzzle to muzzle. “You apologize for sabotaging my prank! Cause I know for a fact that I didn’t sabotage yours!”

“Oh really? Is that a fact!?” Dash asks as sarcastically as possible.

“Yes, Dash, it’s a fact!”

“Well I know that I didn’t prank you! So who was it?”

“Oh, have both of you been pranked by the master pranker of Ponyville too?” Both mares turn suddenly to see a brown-colored earth stallion with a brown ponytail mane and cutie mark of a cup of water. The stallion, a random background pony known as Swift Service, gulps nervously in the face of the two mare’s intense gazes. “That is…. If you were pranked by the master pranker, you wouldn’t be the only one. He’s gotten almost every pony in Ponyville. He got me twice since last week…. Um, am I saying too much?”

Both mares blink at each other simultaneously before turning towards the stallion again. “Whoa, whoa. Back up there…..” Dash says, “what are you talking about, ‘the master pranker of Ponyville’? Cause the only master pranker in Ponyville is yours truly!”

“Oh, well, since you were arguing like that I thought you already knew….” Swift Service clears his throat and signals the two mares to sit down. Once the two mares are seated, Swift Service resumes his tale with the same level-headedness that he began with; that is to say, not a lot. “Okay, basically ever since about two or maybe three weeks ago, I can’t really remember when exactly….. anyways ever since about two and a half weeks ago a mysterious pranker has been pranking ponies indiscriminately all around Ponyville. That means the pranker pranks any pony that he can and he never leaves a calling card or a hoof print or anything that could give us a clue of who he is! True, nopony’s been hurt by his pranks, but the pranks always strike at the most inconvenient times and nopony has no clue who is doing it, so it’s really frustrating!”

The now-polka-dotted mare pulls out a detective hat and a bubble pipe, blowing bubbles in deep thought as she listens to the stallion’s tale of woe. “Of course!” Pinkie pounds her hooves together in a downward motion. “We must have been counter-pranked by the legendary pranker! He’s heard about our completion and wants us to know that there is no better pranker in Ponyville than him! It’s the perfect crime……”

Dash blinks in surprise that, for once, Pinkie is the one making sense of the situation. “Yeah….. Yeah! That makes total sense! He must be intimidated by my superior skills so he’s trying to get the drop on us!” THe speedster rises confidently into the air. “Well he had better think again if he thinks that he can make a fool of the two of us and get away with it!”

The rainbow mare turns heroically to the stallion. “Don’t worry, Swift Service, I personally promise as the most awesome pony in Ponyville to find the master pranker and prank them back hard!”

“And I second that emotion!” The party mare responds “We’ve got to work together to find this mare, stallion, or whatever it is! I love a good prank as much as the next pony but is sounds like this prankster is going too far! I mean, polka dots!?” Pinkie gestures to her paint covered coat. “What kind of pony uses polka dots?!”

Swift Service breathes an immense sigh of relief as Dash and Pinkie shake hooves, each one agreeing to put aside their differences for a common cause. “Then it’s settled! Truce until we catch this master pranker!” Dash exclaims as she lets go of Pinkie’s hoof. “But just how does a pony go about catching a mysterious super pranker?”

“Well….” Pinkie remembers, “My great uncle Trout Line taught me that if you want to catch the right prey than there is only one thing that you really need!”

Dash raises an eyebrow. “And that is?”

“Easy!” Pinkie points towards Swift Service. “The right bait…….”

………………………….

Thus it came to pass that Swift Service the pony became living bait for the mysterious prankster, shuffling nervously outside his own house with a large kick me sign on his back and wearing a pair of united shoes. Truly there could not be a better example of a sitting duck than Swift Service. So it was to the great surprise of both Pinkie and Rainbow Dash that it was taking so long for the mysterious prankster to find the live target that they had so carefully set up as the perfect pranking target. In the depths of their super-secret mobile fortress that looked conveniently like a bush the two mares watched their bait, waiting for their chance to strike back at their nemesis.

“URGH!”

“Dash, be quiet! We need to be quiet if we want this to be a surprise!” Pinkie whispers harshly.

“But Piiiiiinnnnnkkkkkkkiiiiiieeeeeee!” Dash moans, “it’s sooooooooooo boring!”

“Well, just think of funny thoughts!” Pinkie continues to stare at Swift Service through her pair of binoculars. “Like kumquats and cheri-changas! Or kumquat flavored Chimi-Cheri-Changas! That always helps me pass the time!” Dash groans once again as Pinkie watches the increasingly more terrified stallion standing outside his house waiting for disaster. “Wow, is Swift Service brave or what? I wonder why he agreed to play pretend and be our bait so easily?”

“Oh that,” Dash snaps a stray stick in her hooves. “Yeah, I just had to promise him a saucy picture of Applejack, and he agreed to do it easy. I mean, I would have promised him two but he agreed in less than ten seconds…….”

Dash lifts her gaze to see Pinkie Pie looking back at her with judgmental eyes. “It’s not like I was going to actually give him one!” Dash responds with a blush. “I mean, it’s not like I have one!”

Pinkie bops Dash on the head. “Normally I would be more sad at the fact that you decided to lie to Swift Service. However, I’ll make it up to him later. His birthday is in a week after all and I have a great present for him! A five-layered fudge cake!”

“Whatever, as long as he’s off my back.” Dash peers out of the bush, looking at Swift Service. “Are you sure that this is tempting enough? Do you think we should have made him more of a target, or do you think that would have been too suspicious?”

“Relax, Dashie!” Pinkie pats Dash on the head, much to the blue mare’s discomfort. “No real prankster could possibly pass up a good ‘kick me’ sign! All we have to do is watch and wait so that we can take this mysterious prankster by…..”

“SURPRISE!”

Both mares flail backwards as a familiar grey mailmare sticks her neck into the bush. “Hi ya, guys? Are you still pranking each other?”

Pinkie blinks at the mailmare. “Wow, Derpy, are you related to my aunt Surprise? Cause you’re really surprising!”

“No, sorry, Pinkie, I don’t know your aunt Surprise, she sounds really nice though.” Derpy hovers in the air as she gestures over towards Swift Service. “I’m just here to deliver Swift Service’s mail and I saw you two hiding in a bush so I thought that I would tell you both hi!”

The mailmare stops in mid-sentence as she sees Swift Service shuffling his hooves nervously. “Ummmmmmm why is Swift Service dancing like that? And why is he wearing shoes? Nopony wears shoes, like ever. Nopony even needs shoes! I mean i guess that if you hurt your hoof…..”

“Derpy….” Dash growls at the Grey mailmare.

“OH! Right! I almost forgot!” The grey mailmare reaches into her saddlebags and pulls out a medium-sized box that radiates heat, the mare smiling as though she is holding a chest of gold as she flips open the lid of the box. “You both looked so down ‘cause your pranks backfired on you guys, so I got you a pick-me-up!”

Pinkie grins as she quickly picks up a muffin and puts the entire pastry in her mouth in one bite. “Trhaks Berpy! Yer murfins afre the befts!” the mare says while spewing crumbs all over the ground.

Dash is more hesitant, looking over the muffins for a few moments before finally grabbing one and taking a cautious bite of it. Dash’s eyes light up immediately and she quickly finishes the rest of the muffin. “Yeah, thanks, Derpy. It’s good that something is finally going our way today. But if you don’t mind, we are doing something really important that requires our full attention so if you could help us stay on the down low…..”

Derpy snaps into a quick salute. “You don’t need to say another word! I’ll get back to my job! By the way…..“ Derpy looks at various items lying in the bush. ”…..what are you doing?”

Pinkie grins as she holds up a pair of binoculars. “That’s easy! We’re setting a trap to catch the mysterious prankster that’s playing all these mean pranks on Ponyville! Want to help?”

“Pinkie!” Dash clops her hoof over the party pony’s mouth. “Never mind that, Derpy. You have a job to do right? So just leave this to us! We’ll catch this master prankster and bring them to justice in ten seconds flat!”

Derpy looks at the two ponies with a strange look in her eyes, one might say it were a mixture of sorrow, fear and shame. “O-Okay. I’ll just….. deliver Swift Service’s mail now. Bye, you guys.” The grey mare turns tail and flies off towards the house in the distance.

Satisfied that the mailmare is out of earshot the rainbow mare removes her hoof from Pinkie’s mouth. “Pinkie? What were you thinking?”

“Hunh?” Pinkie cocks her head. “Well, I thought that I was thinking of clouds that rain sprinkles? It least I think that I thought that thought. What did you think I was thinking? Did you thought you know what i thunk?”

Dash groans as the mailmare greets Swift Service off in the distance. “I mean about asking Derpy to join our secret mission! She’s nice and all, but she can be a bit… Well, I just think that she would get in the way of our chance to nab the legendary prankster.”

Pinkie taps her chin as she considers Dash’s point. “Well, she did think that muffins were a kind of cupcake when she first came to Ponyville.”

Dash nods as Derpy puts Swift Service’s mail in his mailbox and waves politely to the stallion, flying off into the distance. “That’s exactly it. She’s nice and all but she always gets in everypony’s way. If you ask me I think that she’s a few muffins sort of a bushel.”

Pinkie gasps heavily and punches Rainbow in the shoulder, hard. “Dashie! How dare you! You can’t just say mean things like that behind a pony’s back! And especially about Derpy!”

Pinkie crosses her hooves and pouts. “She’s a really kind mare with a wonderful daughter! Why, she even went out of her way to give me a book that I had been waiting months on while I was in the middle of my prank.”

“Woah woah, Pinkie!” Dash waves her hooves cautionary. “I wasn’t saying she’s not smart or something, it’s just that she has a bit of trouble when it comes to common sense, and trust me Pinkie, we all struggle with that. I mean, when I was in the middle of my prank she almost triggered my trap early. Seriously, what kind of pony does that?”

Off in the distance, Swift Service reaches into the mailbox to retrieve his mail only to find his hoof stuck in the confines of the box, quite possibly due to the large shoes he is wearing. Pinkie looks at the ground as she considerers Dash’s point. “Well, she may be a bit... Derpy. But she’s a wonderful mare who’s always there when you need her and you shouldn’t……” Suddenly, Pinkie’s mane partially deflates as a horrible thought comes to mind. “Um, Dashie?”

“I know I know, Pinkie, she’s a good pony and all but that doesn’t excuse her, MUuummmph!” Dash is stopped in mid rant by Pinkie’s hoof.

“Dash,” Pinkie gulps as the stallion in the background pulls more on the box to try and free his hoof. “When did you say Derpy appeared?”

Pinkie removes her hoof, allowing Dash to speak. The rainbow mare coughs. “Like, she appeared just before my prank went south and it backfired on me, why?”

Pinkie looks into Dash’s eyes, her normal puffy mane beginning to return along with a burning realization. “Because the same thing happened to me, Dashie! Think about it,” Pinkie says in her most serious voice. “We’re looking for a pony that has been as the scene of our pranks and could prank all of Ponyville. And Derpy is a mailmare, she goes everywhere in Ponyville!”

Swift Service continues pull on the mailbox in attempt to free his hoof, bending the pole like a bow, and building up all the potential energy of a catapult. “What?” Dash looks at her friend, surprised. “Well, it is suspicious that she was at the scene of our pranks, but Pinkie, this is Derpy we’re talking about! There’s no way…..”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

Both mares look just in time as Swift Service is sent flying off into the distance from the released force of his mailbox. They both gape at the trajectory of the stallion as he crashes into a nearby hay roof, smashing through it with a loud thump. Both mares stare mouths-open as both their minds reach the same concussion at the same time.

“Derpy’s the master pranker,” Dash says dramatically.

“M-humh,” Pinkie agrees.

With all the speed that their four hooves can muster, the two ponies leap out of the bush hot on the train of the wall-eyed mailmare.

Author's Note:

To Be Continued →

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