• Member Since 5th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 11th, 2016

Ori Whitedeer


You may also know me by my handle "Matsuban" I am a traditional artist and hobby writer. I know everypony hates green-maned OC's but we can still be friends, right? ;)

E

When the Cutie Map sends Twilight, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash on a new adventure to the far away kingdom of Trottingham, they quickly learn trouble is lurking behind friendly faces. Can the trio stop a terrible plot to harm the denizens of the small village of Wensleydale and convince a powerful ally to come out of the shadows and help save not only the town, but all of Equestria?

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 11 )

Outside of a few spots where you used caps instead of italics, this looks really good! I like how you have one half of the conflict introduced in this chapter with some very believable motivations. I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

Yes yes yes yes yes. Wonderful.

I can't remember if this was a problem in the first chapter, but you should indent your paragraphs. I'll try to have some more interesting feedback when I finish the chapter.

Is this officially on hold now? :(

6076914 no actually I'm nearly done with the next chapter it's just taking a little longer than I thought it would. :)

6078057 Ori, I understand. Life and such can be more important than just churning out chapter after chapter. I was just worried since there was no update on where you were in regards to this wonderful story. :) Sorry for seeming impatient.

And things get interesting.

:raritycry: Oh no, poor Rarity! At loeast Torcas has the antidote on hand... Although I thought from the description in chapter 1 that Princess Snare was deadlier... Must've been an older book.

Really good method of doing an exposition dump, working it into a conversation like that. Keeps things like that from being too tedious.
Keep up the good work! :raritywink:

6389945 To your point it was 5 ponies, one of which being an alicorn, vs one bulb. I think if Rarity were on her own, she would have been one tasty marshmallow. Also Monkshood, as a changeling, is an expert on these plants :) he'd know how to take care of a wound like that whereas the ponies who wrote that field guide, eons ago, wouldn't have that information.

Oh no, oh sweet Celestia no. THE FLARE

Wow, this started a year ago.... hell....

Login or register to comment