They witnessed my memories of when I found my family dead. They were presented in perfect clarity compared to most of my other memories. Probably because I could remember that day like it happened only moments ago. I was relieved to find that my judges actually had the courtesy to take in the images respectfully. Silently, if somewhat shocked.
The images behind me showed the same blond young man from before crying, looking madly through the still smoldering remains of a burnt-down house.
No one. Not the parents, not the older brother, not the younger siblings. Not even the youngest was spared.
They might’ve noticed my staring. My searching their faces for anything dislikeable. I was pleasantly, if perhaps dryly, surprised.
The larger one looked as if she wanted to retch. If these were any other circumstances, I would’ve taken joy in her disturbance. That her choice to study me like a lab rat made her feel less than ideal. This particular setting, however, gave me pause.
They had the audacity to dissect me like this, and yet it was them who couldn’t handle the information they asked for. I would’ve given them a close-up of the disturbing images. Yelled in outrage, telling them how they had no right to invade my soul like this. But that would’ve been folly.
They had every right to interrogate me, every authority to make certain this alien wouldn’t cause trouble in their lands. After all, I was invading. I was the one disturbing their peace. They were merely reacting to the appearance of a creature much stronger than the average citizen. Of course they felt threatened.
Still, none of that changed the fact that at the rate they were going, it wouldn’t be long at all before I finally snapped. Which was most likely what they were waiting for. Push me until I offer them what they want. If not the excuse to destroy me, then the desperate outburst commonly expected during the average interrogation procedure.
Something I learned from several of such experiences, from both ends of the hot iron. The best way to shatter someone’s resolve is to force them into lashing out, then crushing even the last ounce of fighting strength.
The two damned creatures in front of me were clearly pushing me on purpose. Humiliating me until I lashed out, offered them something to use against me. I wasn’t about letting that happen. Rather, I would regain control of this encounter.
”Is this exposure to your liking? Am I bare enough for you, or should I start offering even more perverted favors to appease my would-be executioners?”
The smaller of the two seemed horrified at the implication, stopping the images behind me immediately. The other one, however, seemed immersed in her own woes. I didn’t have to wait long for her to start talking.
”Was your world truly this cruel?”
”Is yours not?” I asked in return.
What she did next confused me. She retaliated with neither hostility, nor spite, nor plotting. It was just... sadness. Unaggressive. Unforseen. Unnerving.
What was she playing at? She already had me in the palm of her... hoof. Certainly she didn’t think I’d trust her to be able to sympathize. Why would she want to lull me into a sense of security?
I was going to call her out on her bluff when she continued, ”This isn’t the world you came from. The cruelest of our people only ever enforced slavery, but otherwise he kept his subjects marginally healthy. Naming magic is only used once a few hundred years, and never for the sole purpose of hurting another, much less killing. No pony has ever taken another’s life for thousands of years.”
”...What are you on about?” I asked, still not being able to comprehend what she was saying. Her words were flowing seamlessly, but I just couldn’t accept their meaning. She was spouting nonsense. ”If what you say is true, then what about what your friend said mere moments before both of you invaded me here?”
”My sister can sometimes get carried away when she’s upset,” she retorted patiently, offering her smaller counterpart a wry look.
”...That so?” I questioned, tone laced with disbelief. ”So you’re saying your... sister, didn’t mean what she said?”
The sibling in question seemed to react accordingly to my negative attitude, ”You’re an alien possessing evil powers, capable of killing and torturing with nary a second thought. Pardon me if I feel threatened by your presence in our peaceful world.”
”That didn’t answer my question,” I insisted, much to the younger equine creature’s discomfort. ”You’ve said your world is peaceful, but if it were true that I’d be an active threat to it, would you kill me to protect it?”
”That’s never an option. There’s always an alternative...”
”But what if there was no alternative? What if you’d be put in a situation in which you’d have to choose? Surely you’d pick your charge over a homicidal stranger.”
'This is it. Come on already! Admit it! You’re not as peaceful as you’d like to tell yourself.'
Neither sister could answer me. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to. I could see it, they simply couldn’t work the courage to decide upon an answer.
”You refuse to admit it? Fine, let me say it in your stead. It’s a simple answer. Even if it weren’t a thousand of your people. Even if it were just one. Even if it were an army of me. If you have to, you kill the guilty to save the innocents.”
”But doing that only makes you just as bad as the ones you’re forsaking!”
They really aren’t going to admit it, are they?
”What if you were upset?” I asked. She seemed confused at first. I smiled. ”Like your sister so graciously admitted for you. What if you became upset, and got carried away?”
”Is that why you would do it?” the older sibling asked me as soon as I finished. They both looked at me expectantly as I took my time to answer.
”The first time I killed someone was in self defense, though I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t acting on grief and anger as well. They were the ones who killed my family, after all. Ever since, however, it became a lot easier to take a life. So I suppose you’re right to believe that punishing villains turns you just as bad as them, if not worse.”
They looked at me like they were seeing a dead friend. I should know, I’ve caused that look to surface a few times in my life.
”Don’t look at me like that. You make it seem like it was the end of the world. So I can take lives. That doesn’t mean I like going out of my way to find people to kill. It just means that when the time comes, I am able to do what needs be done.”
”We’ve seen fragments of your memories. You take pleasure in torture and cruelty.”
”Be that as it may, I never hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it. I never killed anyone who wasn’t capable of killing first. And I never harm innocents... at least not physically.”
”So you say...”
”And so does your lie detection spell affirm! Do you really need to invade my memories further?”
The sisters looked to each other for counsel, but neither knew what to do. Typical...
”If you think I’m too much of a loose cannon, just throw me in a dungeon and be done with it. It’s not like I have any say in the matter anyway.”
”We’re afraid a dungeon might not be adequate for you.”
”So you’re afraid I’d turn the dungeon keepers into undead servants. Strip me of my magic then. Must I decide everything for you? I’m not even sure if my new body draws magical energy the same as my older ones did anyway. Even so, even without my needing to re-learn how to cast basic spells all over again. Even in my prime, compared to the likes of you, I’m as harmless as a newborn.”
A snicker emerged on the two equines’ faces. I found this suspicious... then cause for alarm... then dread.
”You didn’t...” I managed out, panic rising in my voice.
"We didn't do anything. We were actually going to ask you why you chose to turn into a foal, or how you managed to turn into an alicorn..."
I stumbled and lost my balance, falling on my arse. Foal? As in, child?
"...What were the commands you gave your spell to follow?" the darker toned alicorn asked.
"I... I had it set to build me a suitable body to reside and grow in. One that could firstly survive in the environment, then fit my presence, then blend in with the local populace."
The smaller sister rose a hoof to her chin contemplating my stuttered answer. "That explains your age, then. It also explains why your body is so skinny. It would appear your spell didn't have enough power to turn you into a full adult, and needed to cut a few corners. An alicorn body is a powerful one, after all."
"...But."
"Also, since you asked for a body that can not only fit in and survive, but also one to encompass your power as well as offer room to grow..."
"No..."
"It would seem your spell did the best it could to satisfy all requests as satisfactorily as possible."
'This is unacceptable. It can’t be... I am not a defenseless child! I refuse to believe this!' "...Swear to me that you’re telling the truth."
She did more than that. She extended the truth spell over herself as well. ”I swear. You’re very much in a child’s body.”
'This will be troublesome,' I thought as I balanced a forearm over a knee. ”So I’m defenseless now. Alone in a new world, without even the strength of an adult from your species. I doubt our languages coincide beyond our mental link either.”
I berated my state of weakness, of defenselessness. Yet, I wasn’t arrogant enough to deny the facts any further. My position on the nonexistant floor was fitting. I was at their complete and utter mercy.
They both drew closer and sat down in front of me. The darkness around appeared to brighten. From the right side in front of me, it turned yellow, from the left it turned light blue. They looked at me quizzically, oddly. Yet not a single malevolent intent in their features.
I looked back at them. I imagine I might’ve looked less than dignified, but at this point, what did it matter? They won. I had nothing.
”What are you going to do with me?” I asked.
They sported peaceful demeanors. They were content enough to just sit alongside me, as if my company was actually enjoyable.
”We still had questions, but we imagine you’d wish to rest for now.”
”But what are your plans for me?” I insisted.
”We have no plans,” the larger of the two answered. ”You may keep your guard up, expecting someone to come and attack you at any given time, but know this, and know that the truth spell is still in effect. You’re safe here.”
”...Are you sure your spell is working properly?” was the only functioning retort I could give.
”You’re in a different world. A peaceful world, as we’ve decided already, did we not?”
I didn’t have an answer. She only continued to glare inoffensively, waiting for my retort. I couldn’t offer one.
Their words and reactions checked out. They were protective, but the mere idea of taking a life disturbed them. If what they said wasn’t true, then they at least believed what they were saying wholeheartedly. Passionately.
”I only have three questions.”
”Ask away,” the white alicorn offered with a smile.
”First one. Who are you? Second, why do you care about me enough to give me a chance? Final question, what’s the catch?”
Their smiles saddened again. By now I’ve already given up on trying to understand the meanings behind their changes in demeanor. They said I was safe. I still couldn’t believe it, but since they kept insisting on it... What were their answers?
”Are you sure you won’t be tempted to use naming magic afterwards?”
”I... tend to try to make a point in avoiding the use of naming magic. Still, I might feel tempted regardless, now that I think about it...” They deadpanned. ”What? I said I’d be tempted, not that I’d do it! It’s not like the victims would notice either way...” More stern staring. I sighed. ”Fine. I give you my word that I won’t use naming magic unless someone’s life depends on it. And considering how peaceful you make this world out to be, that would translate into a never. Is that sufficient?”
”It will have to do,” the smaller of the two sighed. ”My name is Princess Nox Luna. However I haven’t been called by my first name since before the clans merged. Princess Luna will suffice.”
”And I’m Princess Sol Caelesti, but I would prefer Celestia, if you would please.”
”Wonderful. I’m sure to jot them down for later use,” I smiled back.
I was yet again surprised. The white sun-themed royal smiled playfully in return. ”That would be such a shame. We would have loved it if we could grow to trust each other. Oh well, I suppose we will have to resort to more drastic measures.”
”Alright, alright, I’ll behave...” ’For now.’
”We heard that.” the moon princess retorted.
”Darn.”
They only chuckled in response. I was perplexed.
”You’re surprisingly lenient. Am I really not a threat to you?”
They took a small pause before answering that time. I didn’t think much of it. I supposed the question was just that tricky for them.
”Not directly, no,” Luna answered. ”Though you could certainly try, if you can still use your powers, since you say your body might not allow you to use magic anymore. But if you do, don’t expect to receive positive results. You’re a guest here, but we can make your stay as hospitable as we deem fitting.”
”...Noted.” I confess to being slightly intimidated at the time. Only slightly, though. Because I’m not afraid of anything. There was obviously no more than the idea of dread coursing through my head. I was most certainly not feeling a shiver down my spine upon her intense glare. <Cough cough>.
”Moving on...” I continued. ”Why are you even bothering with me? Certainly you can’t be acting out of sympathy...” I regarded them. They only smiled gently in return. I shook my head awkwardly and resumed, ”...alone. There has to be more to it.”
”Are you referring to the catch? Wasn’t that the third question?” Luna inquired cheekily.
”The catch being whatever ulterior motives you have for me. I’m only asking if there aren’t any personal reasons for you to want to deal with the likes of me in the first place. In short, what are you trying to prove?”
Such matters aren’t meant to be taken lightly. I was happy to find my last phrase was compelling enough to do my inquiry justice. Truth be told, however, I was mostly just aiming to find out whether or not they had decent answers ready.
The lunar princess seemed the more reluctant to answer, so I decided to give her the chance to gather her thoughts, should that be what she required. I faced the older sibling instead. She seemed much more ready to show her cards.
”When you showed your memories, I came to realize that you weren’t entirely to blame for your ruthlessness. Still, you’ve only kept to hurting those who you deemed deserving, never hurting an innocent. I imagine that’s why you never went after the king?”
I chuckled in response. ”Impressive. No one bothered to think that through until now. It would seem you were paying attention to my tale after all...
”You’re right. I didn’t try to kill the king, even though he deserved it. It wasn’t because I couldn’t, though. I simply didn’t want to cause political instability.”
The darker mare’s eyes widened in realization. I smiled wider.
”To hurt the king is to hurt the kingdom. I wasn’t about to offer the neighboring countries chance to invade and lay ruin to the commonfolk across the state.”
”You did say, you don’t hurt the innocent.”
”That I did. I also said that should I have to choose between an army of bastards like King Richard and just one innocent, I’d choose the innocent.”
Luna’s eyes went wider. She had objections.
”What of the relatives and friends of those you killed? The ones who went after you?”
”Their friends and family should’ve talked them out of throwing their lives away. I wasn’t going to just lie down and die because of every self-conceited sheep-shagger who challenged me. If their loved ones were willing to let them risk their lives to kill me for the price on my head, then their loved ones should’ve expected them to fail like the ones who tried before them.”
She seemed to have wanted to press on, no doubt insisting on something within the lines of ’but why did you torture them?’, when her older sister intervened. ”I can’t imagine it was easy for you. Having an entire nation hate you. Sustaining and embracing the common belief that you were a monster. I imagine a century, perhaps a century and a half was more than enough for you to finally give in and humor their demands.”
”...They were telling me I was a monster. Even my friends would agree. Who was I to deny everyone else? After all, I was only one man.”
My previous confusions were only childish disorientations compared to what I felt next. The younger sister decided to embrace me. I didn’t know what to think.
She was shaking, crying. What was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to embrace her back? I looked to the older sibling. She just looked sadly at me in return.
”...Was it something I said?”
For whatever reason, her crying only grew stronger upon my saying that. I decided it might’ve been best not to say anything else, lest I’d upset the impossibly powerful princesses enough to finally forget their promise of peace and kill me already. They must really hate killing a lot, if they were willing to collapse like this before finally giving in. The hug, however, was what I found odd. Certainly she didn’t sympathize with me that much? It must’ve been a cultural thing.
Eventually, the older sister decided to try to pacify her younger one. ”Perhaps we could answer your questions later?”
I couldn’t answer. I wasn’t certain what was going on anymore... not like I ever did since this encounter’s beginning. Nothing made any sense. Truly, this was an entirely different world from my own.
I only nodded in reply, and they vanished. Leaving me alone again. My sanctuary was devoid of intrusion once more... but it somehow felt different now. It felt... empty.
Glad to see another chapter of this story.
Still liking the rewrite and waiting for more!!
tell me if im wrong but is it because nightmare moon?
6098968 yes, actually.
Oh the woeful tale of the once feared moon princess. In the times befor her banishment Ponies feared the night for it hid predators in its shadows. So she began to equate that fear to fear of her. After feeling like a monster for so long Luna became that monster.
Something like that?
6098979 Basically, yes. Only a bit worse. You know, drive-someone-insane levels of worse.
Dude, I love this story, I can't wait for when it gets further in, please keep making more, you are indeed, a great author... Even if your redoing a story.
6099068 Thanks. I will. I have a few original ideas for short stories which I'm planning on working on later, but I just really wanted to get this thing running at a decent pace for now.
6099094 Keep it up mate, Doing great so far.
So, is this story placed before return of Crystal Empire...or Cadence (and crystal ponies) blowing up King Sombra via Crystal Hearth simply doesn’t count?
This is not nitpicking, just simple curiosity.
6099758 Well... Ugh... Huh. Oh! Here's an idea. Since Sombra was using dark magic, it eventually eroded his soul, rendering him a heartless, yet still intelligent monster. Essentially, he was fair game.
Maybe that's why he keeps coming back. Because he's already in Pony Hell, and what's terrorizing the countryside every odd thousand years is actually just his revenant.
HOLY SHIT, HEADCANON RIGHT HERE!
i.imgur.com/xUDlIxr.png
But anyway, Luna did think that she killed him a thousand years ago, which was part of the reason why she eventually snapped. At the time, anyway. They only learned about his soullessness later on. Same way Tia only learned about the fact that her sister's imprisonment was only temporary much later... unless she bartered with the Tree of Harmony for a few good weeks non-stop in order to rescind the "eternal" part of her imprisonment. But hey, it's all up to interpretation.
6099798
Well that raises some uncomfortable spiritual and philosophical questions…..but I will take it and file it right next to pinkie-clones. It’s definitely better that claiming that he was destroyed (never use k-word) by magical crystal that Cadence merely placed at right location... Or this Twilight Sparkle's answer.
Looks like you're delivering on your Bold Promise.
Luna knows that feel bro. I like the direction this is going. In the original Luna adopted him out of what mostly seemed like pity and maternal instincts. I think you do a much better job here showing how she actually empathizes with him. She knows what it's like to have the whole world against you and be forced to play the villain. She looks at him and sees herself, what she's been what she would still be if she had never been given a second chance.
Edit* Just saw that this has already been commented on by both reader and author. Disregard.
images.wikia.com/mlp/images/archive/5/56/20121117102144!King_Sombra's_defeat_S3E2.png
Ah, dehumanization of an enemy and/or the loophole of a whole Empire loving somepony to death not counting...
Truly, the signs of a perfect utopia.
Seriously though, I hope that was an oversight on Luna's part. Otherwise that's such a huge number of years without even a killing happening that it feels like somebody as jaded as The Necromancer should have at least reacted on hearing it, if not outright laughing his ass off.
Interesting. I really like how you are twisting what we know about Nightmare Moon to set up a relationship between Luna and the necromancer (who really needs to get himself a name) while still keeping everything in line with canon.
So, where can i find the original link to the cover art?
6099976 Well, it doesn't really have to be a lake of burning agony that Somber's soul went to. Maybe he's just not capable of moving on into the next life until he sheds his dark magic. Maybe he's unkillable, but his mind is simply too deteriorated for anyone to reason with him anymore.
As for the Mirror Pool, I still think those Pinkie Clones were actually alternate dimension versions and Pinkie was actually stuck in an alternate dimension, even if they edited the episode's dialogue. But for everyone else, maybe those magical constructs weren't really sentient? They certainly only presented minimal, superficial, mock intelligence.
6101788 there's a source path.
6100583 He was too confused to make heads or tails of anything. You should understand, the entire encounter was just one big double whooper of "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!"
But yeah, I'll probably be coming back to this conversation. As well as to the fact that Sombra needs exorcising, and Luna thought she killed him, and... I'm just going to dump a bunch of notes here as I remember them.
i am still trying to figure out if the story is going forward like is it still on chapter 1??
6102001 There is a disturbing headcannon about the mirror pool as being a very intelligent monster with the want to crush kill destroy swag and replace the original. they just play dumb so others will underestimate them...they are evil by nature and stuff.
This is all very interesting to be honest can't wait to see his wtf at everything else in Equestria.
"And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not"
I actually quite liked the protagonist's utter inability to comprehend why the royal sisters were sad, or that it was on his behalf. In my experience those who have lived dark things for long portions of their lives and grown cynical and cold because of it tend to be unable to relate to those who are not cynical as a result.
I really hate this concept. Like, burning rage. It is the most popular bullshit the human race ever invented. You want to invoke the Law of Elimination( killing come at a price, in body or in soul)? Fine. I can wholeheartedly get behind that. But making you just as bad as them? Bullshit. Plain and simple. There is no other word for it.
6109084 Luna's pretty archaic.
6109365 true. But to be fair, form her perspective, it's like the whole world suddenly changed their entire culture overnight.
6111940 mostly because that's pretty much the gist of it
6112586 yep. I was originally planning to put the word "religion" there instead of "culture", but.....I actually have no idea why I changed it.
This is really shaping up into an interesting story. The Nameless is a lot more consistent and appears more functional, and I can emphasise with Luna seeing her younger self in him, and what she could have become in a harsher world.
I do like the complexity of the story! Keep up the good work!
Meh. The pre-rewrite version of this meeting was better.
I tried to give it another shot, i did. I pretended i hadn't read the last few chapters, and i looked at all the positive comments.
Frankly.... i don't see the correllation. Maybe it's because half the people that have liked your story don't know what the original is or haven't read it.
Now, before i say anything else i will say this. Your story is well written, concise, and besides a few paragraph incidents (where it seems you missed a break) it has no flaws. It is a good story by itself. I admire you for that as it does take a manner of skill to properly make a story that tons of people can like and enjoy.
However, when taken into account that this is supposed to be an unofficial re-write of the famed story 'foal necromancer'... it falls short.
The character is no longer fun and charming, defensive of his actions i guess, but he wasn't this dark. The character lost his whole 'surprise! You're nobility now and that makes you my kid, GET OVER HERE!' which i found highly entertaining. Luna seems to distrust him so that means it will completely deviate from the Luna x Necro mother foal relationship, which i think was a huge selling point for the original.
I really don't know what else to say besides this. You tried too hard to separate yourself. A good re-write of a story that is dead, that is to say, no longer updating for sure, should be exactly that, a re-write, not taking a story idea, and using it for yourself with completely different characters and such. You should have stuck with the tired and true method of the characters being fun to read, not morbid, annoying, but not sigh worthy. You should have stuck to the original story. I realize that you wanted to try and give readers a new experience, but most didn't WANT a new experience, they wanted to CONTINUE the adventures of their favorite little alicorn and mother, something i think you missed to be honest.
So, before the Dislikes come flooding in because I've broken the cardinal rule of 'don't say bad things about mah favorite stuffz!' i would like to say that, while i am disappointed that it didn't go the way i wanted to (The other guys is dead or dying or given up) i will say good luck to you. So far your story is well written and should it stay that way i should find no reason so say anything negative about anymore. I wish you all the best and hope that you only garner more support from those who wish you the same.
6364074
This is a good story which would be fun to read but it is haunted by the specter of its original write? It cannot be that and it cannot be something new so it falls in to something in between and makes it difficult to read by those who read the original?
This is a good read but its hard to like it since there already is story with same slot in my mind which i like and it clashes. This is a problem with re-writes me thinks.
6364074
...Are you an Ork?
6609144 I agree with that for most rewrites, but this one is different enough were it doesn't clash for me. Like how two fics involving say, a human vampire misunderstood, for their plot lines. The plot is similar, but the story is different.
7611064
Considering the whole point of fan fiction is to take an existing story and add your own twist for peoples entertainment. This seems fine, I actually enjoy it as a new twist to a cool concept. (Can't avoid comparing the two, but one doesnt neccessary have to 'better' than the other, they are both fun fics)
Tres capítulos para la introducción
I do like how you don't have the necromancer too strong
But I don't like how he was not able to lie to the princesses and they,re made out to be stronger then they really are.
I do like how they are Immediately hostile to him but not to the point to where they found him Immediately and was at that mercy
A necromancer would be able to beat them due to how weak celestia and Luna really are.
He just needs his undead to be meat shields and he would easily overpower them.
But all around I like the story and hope it follows the Original.