- Member Since 25th Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Mar 13th, 2016
Everypony
Pinkie Pie is best pony. I'm very new to fics, so bear with me please.
Everypony
Joined 25th Jan, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Recon · 4k words · 114 10 · 3.9k views
- WritDash · 2.6k words · 128 6 · 4.6k views
- craziermite94 · 5.4k words · 24 16 · 438 views
- That_One_Brony · 12k words · 103 14 · 4.5k views
- voidless · 2.9k words · 71 7 · 4.3k views
- Obscure · 1.1k words · 156 13 · 2.9k views
- SwiperTheFox · 6k words · 83 14 · 6.1k views
- Jinadan · 2.7k words · 79 9 · 6.1k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.153 seconds
Total duration
1,027 users online
1,755,317 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Dear god, what did I just write?
605320I dont know I and I could care less
607054
Thank you very much for your kind input! :D
607061SHA TING MON!! (racism much?)
> Sensual cover art
> Mature rating
> Romance tag
> Sex tag
> Revelations of true feelings
Just a normal trip to the dentist, right? xD
EDIT: What the fuck did I just read?!?!?! lol
I dont really know what to think.
One thing i noticed is that you never ever, EVER use brackets while writing.
Explain it in a authors note at the end or the beginning of the story.
Use what it is that everyone know. Eg
"Colgate inserted the small mirror into Rainbows mouth."
"She removed the mirror, now covered in saliva."
just a few points
607242
I'm sorry, but I'm not quite sure what you mean by "brackets." If you're talking about the mouth mirror and how I added in parentheses explaining it, I actually never meant to put that on FimFiction. I originally wrote this on Google Docs for my friend and then decided to post it on here. I just must have forgotten to remove it. I'll remove that little note right now.
images2.wikia.nocookie.net/dragonball/images/3/39/Not-bad-obama.png
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/138/246/tumblr_lltzgnHi5F1qzib3wo1_400.jpg
Not sure if bueno, but Twilight is in for a surprise
nice
I felt like I was being brought into fetish territory that I didn't even know was a thing.
Either way; it's written well. Good work.
I'm not much of a lesbian pony type person so with that said I give it a D+
607685
In all honesty, neither am I. I wrote this for a friend who gave me the two to ship together.
static4.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/3442015+_b160b85938510463b76a4deab567022e.gif
i now want to mate with a dentist
Dat toothbrush vibrator things. Genius. Pure genius.
Obligatory for every story featuring a dentist.
Wait..... Colgate clop?
[url=26346.jpg]
Yesh
Very much yeshness
me gusta
another well done fic i oiek to read *ahem* clops now and again but i dont do that to them
Not bad for a first attempt! And an interesting pairing to boot!
enjoyed it
When she was firmly in place, metal clamps appeared out of the sides of the dental chair, clamping shut around Dash’s arms and legs.
This is gonna turn into porn really soon.
Very good for your first clopfic, mate, enjoyed it much more than I expected. Love the sentiment.
The beginning alone gets this a favouriting from me.
The flowery language fits her to a T, and if my own wasn't meant for everyone, I'd made her use it myself.
Also, Colgate? I like where that's going, because I don't think I've seen anything fan-related to her, despite having heard the name.
Nice work!
~ TDG
Colgate! That toothbrush goes into other ponies' mouths!
I loved this!
awesome story just finished recording it i will edit it later and upload it with links but yea cool story enjoyed it
Glad to see the story is doing so good Hunter!
I told you people would like it ;D
Colgate can clean my teeth anytime. If ya know what I mean.
Here is the read through i made
Rainbow Dash Goes To The Dentist Read Through
"“Did she really love me?”"
No, it's obvious she wanted you as a marefriend because she wanted the secret to your hair.
Other than that, some grammatical, prose and tense problems, this was mostly alright.
703729
lol Your first comment made me laugh. In a good way. And may I ask if you noticed any grammatical errors in particular?
707152
Alright, I'll do some.
"She looked at her capture, seeing a disgusted look on Twilight’s face." Pretty sure you meant 'captor' there, the relation between them would be Twilight being the captor, and Rainbow being the captive.
"...Too much candy and too many hay fries can lead to plaque buildup which can in turn lead to gum disease. You don’t want to be 30 years old with dentures, do you?” wherein the '30 years old' should be 'thirty years old'. (The rule in writing is that you type out the number's name unless it is over one hundred [100]. So this means everything from one to ninety nine should be typed.) While this is nothing majorly discouraging, it is a drag nonetheless.
"“Oh would you can it!? My teeth aren’t that bad!” Rainbow proclaimed.
“Rainbow, I’ve seen dandelions that are less yellow than your teeth.” Twilight said, still unamused.
“Ugh! Where were you taking me anyway? Couldn’t you just use a spell or something to fix my tooth?”
“I was going to take you to the dental clinic in town. All of your teeth need to be looked at, not just that one.” Twilight announced."
This is a very bad habit to get into, but it is admittedly better than just hammering out the entire conversation without any description like so many other authors so. A way to easily fix this would be to add more secondary descriptions to the character's actions. So something like this:
“Oh would you can it!? My teeth aren’t that bad!” Rainbow proclaimed, grimacing slightly while subconsiously tounging her sore tooth. Her frown grew as she turned away from the self proclaimed dentist patrol pony with an indignant huff.
“Rainbow, I’ve seen dandelions that are less yellow than your teeth.” Twilight deadpanned, her tone suggesting that she was not amused in the least as she sat back on her haunches, locking eyes with the nervous wreck of a pegasus hovering around her."
And so on.
Alright last one because I'm a very busy brony:
"The very second Twilight mentioned the dental clinic, Rainbow Dash felt fear slip into her mind. She looked around nervously before talking, making sure that the horrid place was nowhere near her. “What!? Why would I need to go there!? I mean, Zecora has some tooth remedies. Infact, I think I’ll go see her right now! Thanks Twilight!” Rainbow’s wings sputtered to life and began to propel Dash forward. She was stopped several inches away by Twilight’s magic."
I won't be specifically correcting this one very much, but one can easily see how stiff it is. I suggest using more commas between complimentary actions (one after another). A key to go by in this is 'Char sighed drearily as he looked up into the autumn rain, realizing that maybe he should not have worn his taco cos-play costume today.'
Looking at this, we see two parts; the red one being the primary action -what the hell is the character doing?- and the purple being the secondary action -what the bollocks else is the character doing, surely they aren't just sighing like a little bitch.-
Just work that out, and your stories would easily rival TAW's. they certainly posses the ...er...plot.
There's not nearly enough colgate fics out there. She is by far my favorite background pony. But that may just be due to the fact that have a bit of a hot dentist fetish.
Yet another use for toothbrushes.
I bet she really enjoyed it.
WHAT THE HECK DID I JUST READ?
Very good for your frist clopfic.
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lbvyr5BeP91qekbt1o1_500.jpg
read the first paragraph,
could see that coming but still funny,
next word "Fuck!"
hahaha
then what twilight said
i seriously lost it. i dont know why but the thought of ponies blurting out swear words like that is just hilarious to me.
as for the rest, nicely done
have a 'stache
i love this story
Despite this being a clopfic, i actually have to say that this was very beautiful. Not really much to say anyways. Good writing, silly plot, but beautiful in the end as well.
I liked it.
The story made me sad at first, but then it got good! 5 hooves up, Bro!
I'm just a gaining Twi and the receptionist just stood their staring at the room Dash and Colgate are in mouths agape before Twi turns to the receptionists and asks "you want to go get some coffee?"
I love it
707347 Holy crap man. I never thought that there could be so much into writing...
So much detail.
(Comparing me from you and Everpony: Me: Level 2 / MuzzledElk: Level 95 / Everypony: Level 56. Out of 100)
Overall nice story, I'm not really that kind of guy that goes in super deep so I'm just gonna say:
Not bad.
2093564
Only 52? :c
2093564
Christ I looked into this story far too hard. I must have been less jaded back then
2093880
Don't worry, 56 is at least a pass :D
If it makes you feel any better, I've deleted everything I've ever written and plan to start from zero again.
2093880
Oh it's okay. Next thing you'll know it, you'll in the top 90's on my list (Like, level 90+).
Maybe if I look more into your writing, then I'll see if I underestimated you (which I have already just by re-reading this story. I don't know why I read it twice. I just did) or not.
I don't read a whole lot of clop-fiction, and I write less at the moment. (That'll change once I start getting more assignments for Clopfic Galore on Fanfiction.) This is due to most of them being mindless smut. You, however, actually surprised me. Not often do I see a story included in the fic. To that, I say job well done. Great work, and as always, I'll read you around.
-cheers