• Member Since 21st May, 2015
  • offline last seen Jul 30th, 2017

hollow


Comments ( 23 )

good first chapter, also this story is definitely getting a thumbs up

good 2nd chapter, needs some grammar and spelling revision though, I'd be glad to do it.

You're not giving anything away in description, but you're also not giving anyone a reason to read it.

6031984 yeah I'm not great at descriptions or titles....

6031535 Thank you so very much!

That was so cute and romantic! I love sappy stories!

6033837 Thank you for your kind words :)

I don't know why, either that flutters is my favorite, or that this is a really good fic, but I love this!!

I enjoyed reading this so far. However, some mistakes you've made could be affecting views. If you don't mind, let me offer you some grammar/spelling advice:

Excited to see what the town you're going to live in is like you decide to look around

.
Insert comma after, "like".

Nearly as soon as you walk pass the welcoming sign, a bright blue pegasi blocks you off, looks at you and says, "I've never seen you around here before, are you the pony that bought the little house just out side the town?"

Should be its own paragraph; also, "pass" should be, "past"

Then before the conversation proceeded another pegasus overhead yelled "Rainbow Dash, you can talk later we have to get these clouds back to Cloudsdale now."

Should be its own paragraph; insert commas after, " then", "proceeded", and " yelled".
Now that I think about it, I should just PM these to you. Do you mind? I hope you don't feel I'm bashing your story. It is splendid, but to benefit you, I can offer help. If you want it, of course.

6038021 Thanks for pointing those out. And I wouldn't mind if you PM me. I'll go fix those now.

Dear God it's too cute. :raritycry:

N'aww, Fluttershy is so cute ^_^

The nuzzling is just so cute ^_^

Fluttershy is my most favorite pony :twilightsmile:

It warms my heart to see Fluttershy so happy

I don't normally read M rated but this is good.

Why am I the second commenter on this chapter? this needs more.

Just for future ref, new paragraph when another person speaks. huge blocks of words like in here

She introduces you to a small white bunny "This is Angel he's my pet bunny."
"He's cute" you tell her as she puts her supplies onto a table. The two of you then start feeding and taking care of several injured animals. As you're wrapping up a squirrel's injured leg you notice Fluttershy standing next to you. She eases closer to you as you continue caring for the squirrel. You finish wrapping the squirrel's leg. You take a deep breath with your eyes closed and say "Fluttershy, I was wondering if you would like to go on a date with me." Your heart beats faster and your mind tells you you asked her to soon.
"That would be wonderful" she tells you with a big smile
"How about tomorrow?" You ask
"Okay" she says hovering a bit above the ground covering her smile with her front hooves.
"I'm still not sure what there all is to do here in Ponyville, what would you like to do?" you ask
"Oh, uhm you could meet me here for tea at lunch and we could go from there." She tells you happily.
"That sounds great, I didn't realize how late it was I should go, good bye, I had a lot of fun today." You tell her noticing the setting sun.
"Goodbye," she says "I'll see you tomorrow"

That's unacceptable. You should fix it if you get a chance to.

Always a blow job in these storys.

Honestly, this story is amazing. I'm really surprised that it doesn't have lots of likes. It has only a few errors. It's a little rushed and it could be longer, but I like it.

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