A new face
Warning slight gore
*Jake first person POV*
I swear these "experiments" keep getting worse and worse. Yesterday they separated my FREAKING ARM FROM THE REST OF MY BODY. Yeah that sounds pretty bad, but the worst part about it was the fact somehow even though it was no longer attached to my body, I COULD STILL MOVE IT! I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT I COULD! I think the horses said something about a spell and a symbiotic link between my body part and my mind being active which allowed me to control its muscles? I don't really get it. Fortunately the effect didn't last long, I could only move my arm for a few minutes before it went limp. Nevertheless it was still very... creepy. I really can't come up with a better word than that to describe that experience. CREEPY. Oh did I forget to mention they had also cut open my chest? I COULD SEE MY FREAKING ORGANS PULSING. UGH. I'm never gonna quite get these images out of my head. Oh and if you're wondering why I didn't scream, well I couldn't because somehow these horses made me temporarily mute. But they sure didn't bother to numb the pain.
After that was finally over they zapped me with their mental powers or whatever, and my arm was reattached, my chest healed and I was taken back to my cell. Then I was drugged, and became unconscious until this morning. At least I think it's morning, I can't tell cause I can't see outside. I've tried talking to them to get them to stop treating me like this. But to no avail. Fortunately though one good thing did come out of talking. They now know what my basic diet consists of, so I've been getting some decent food. Not really enough to fill me up, but enough to sustain me. I'm also glad they let me keep my clothes, I guess even they don't want to see me naked for very long. They clearly want me to be somewhat healthy, and alive. Well a new day is starting, might as well get myself prepared for what's to come.
*third person POV Tempest Reason's office*
'This creature, this "human" was absolutely fascinating. Bipedal, omnivorous, those appendages he called hands, the lack of fur, the way it constantly wanted to wear clothes. SO FASCINATING.' Tempest Reason was in his office alone gazing out his window at the stormy weather, pondering to himself. 'But the most fascinating fact of all was the fact that there was no magical essence in him at all. Every creature on Equus had a magical essence within them. Even the ones that didn't use magic directly or in the same way unicorns did like gryphons, minotaurs, zebras, Earth Ponies, and changelings. The sheer scale of the scientific possibilities, we could gain from studying a creature with no magical essence is overwhelming' "I'm gonna go down in history" Tempest said aloud. 'Did I say that out loud? Oh well' he thought to himself.
There was just one problem though. The fact that the creature was sapient. Princess Celestia would never approve of the way they were treating the human. Tempest knew this very well. So he had begun working on a plan to keep the fact that this creature was sapient from Celestia no matter what. If she found out they were all in trouble. 'Celestia would let this creature go. She'd determine if it was a threat first sure, but the creature would fool her. The human couldn't possibly have good intentions for coming here. Celestia is too weak to do what is necessary. I have to make the hard decision that she can't' Tempest reasoned with himself.
At this point Study Guide entered tempest's office to discuss something with him. "Sir, I hope I'm not disturbing you." Study Guide spoke.
"Don't worry, I wasn't doing anything important." Tempest replied. "What is it you want?"
"Well, sir I um... Well... uh... Is-is it really necessary to treat the human like this. I mean it seems cruel, and unethical. Plus he hasn't honestly done anything wrong." Study Guide questioned.
"SG, I've already explained this to you and everyone here. The creature is a potential threat to Equestria and should be treated as such. We need to keep him contained so he won't hurt anypony." Tempest replied calmly.
"Maybe. But that doesn't explain why we need to vivisect him or experiment on him." Study Guide returned.
"Look SG, there's a lot of scientific advancements we could learn from studying this creature. Advancements that will benefit ponykind greatly." Tempest answered back rather sternly.
Study Guide just looked at Tempest, considering what he had just said. "Well it still doesn't seem fair" he said with a sigh. "What can we really learn from him anyway?"
"Well you are aware that the creature lacks any sort of magical essence correct?" Tempest asked to which Study Guide nodded. "Well from the data I've gathered, theoretically I can create a weapon that is capable of absorbing the magic essence from anypony."
Study Guide looked at Tempest in shock. "You mean you can make a weapon that can suck the magic out of anypony?! Isn't that the same thing Tirek did?"
"Well, yes I'm afraid it is. But don't worry it'll be under our control." Tempest reassured.
"I... I don't like it. I don't like it at all." Study Guide declared.
"Don't worry I wouldn't go through with something like this without an emergency plan. Which is why I'm also working on a weapon that will allow us to fill anypony with a magical essence." Tempest said.
"Well. I still don't like it." Study Guide said.
"Well this isn't your decision. The princesses will decide what to do about the weapons." Tempest stated.
"Why don't we ask them what to do about the human?" Study Guide asked.
"Because we're the ones that should deal with these situations. Not the princesses." Tempest said a bit angrily.
"Also why do you keep calling him creature when you know his species name is human?" Study Guide queried.
"Because I choose to. Study Guide unless you have something important to say to me you may leave my office." Tempest announced.
"Actually sir there is one thing." Study Guide said. Tempest tilted his head as he listened. "You see Princess Celestia is coming here to see the new creature you discovered."
Tempest's face took on a look of shock. "WHAT! Why was I not informed about this?"
"Well sir we only just recently heard she was coming. That's one of the reasons I came here to talk to you." Study Guide answered.
Tempest growled and raced out of the office desperately trying to come up with a plan. He knew the Princess would demand to see the creature. He had to prevent her from finding out too much about the creature. But how? Suddenly an idea came to him. It wasn't very ethical, but it would work. He needed to find somepony. Somepony who wouldn't be afraid to do what needed to be done. Somepony like... Maxus Deduction.
Maxus Deduction was a brilliant pony and had many scientific accomplishments under his belt, like all of the ponies who worked here. Unlike most of the other ponies though Maxus was rather large. Towering over most of the other ponies he also had a very impressive muscle build for a unicorn. His coat was a dark crimson color, and he had a ghostly white mane. At least that's what his coat would normally look like, however he and all the other ponies stationed there had a spell cast on them that would hide their identity, similar to the magic used by the royal guard which made all the royal guard look the same. However the magic around these ponies was slightly different. The differences being that the medical ponies, such as nurses, were mostly white with red stripes along their mane, and certain patches of fur. The other ponies were a dark grey with either yellow stripes, or black stripes depending on their level of authority, black stripes being higher, yellow stripes being lower. All of the ponies also kept their original cutie marks to help identify who they were.
"Maxus I need you to do something for me." Tempest stated.
"I'm listening." Maxus spoke in a deep voice.
"Well, you see Princess Celestia is on her way, and I can't allow her to find out the creature is intelligent." Maxus tilted his head, a slight look of confusion on his face as Tempest said this. "Just trust me."
"OK. But what do you need me to do?" Maxus asked.
"The Princess will eventually want to see the creature up close. When she arrives I want you to stay out of sight. I will signal you when she approaches its cell, and you will cast a spell that will make an invisible barrier that will stun her. If that doesn't stop her then when she gets closer I'll signal you again and you cast the spell again, this time powerful enough to harm her slightly." Tempest informed.
Maxus just stared at Tempest for a minute. The plan didn't sound very good to him at all. But maybe Tempest knew something he didn't, and he always did as he was told. "I understand."
"Good." Tempest then walked away from Maxus preparing himself for what he was going to say to Princess Celestia.
*Some time later outside of the secret facility*
A golden chariot pulled by two pegasi slowly descended to the ground. Inside the chariot itself sat a very uncertain Princess Celestia. She had come here to discover what strange new creature the scientists here had discovered, or if this was even true. As well as learn if they knew anything about the magical anomaly she had detected a few days before.
Celestia thanked her guard escorts and proceeded to enter the building. Once inside she was greeted by a rather nervous yet calm looking Tempest Reason. "Hello Tempest." she greeted.
"Greetings your majesty." Tempest said as he bowed down to her.
"There will be no need for formalities my little pony. I'm here on business." Celestia reassured.
"As you wish your majesty." Tempest said then realized he didn't need to say that and face-hoofed. Celestia chuckled at this.
So Tempest lead Princess Celestia through the facility while she asked him some questions. "Do you know anything about the magical surge I sensed a few days ago?"
"Well we went to investigate it, but it was nothing serious." Tempest told her.
"Are you sure?" Celestia questioned.
"Yes. Quite sure your majesty."
"Well then is it true that you've discovered a new creature?"
"Well sort of your majesty. I'll explain more later. But I suppose you'll want to go see it now?"
"Yes Tempest I would. Have you determined if this creature may be a threat to Equestria?"
"As long as we keep it contained it shouldn't be a problem your majesty."
Tempest filled Celestia in about what they knew about the human, leaving out some obvious things of course. They finally arrived at Jake's cell and needless to say Jake was a bit surprised to see Celestia. He'd been expecting more experiments, but who was this new horse? Unfortunately for him his question would not be answered today.
"Princess please keep your distance, even though this creature is contained it still has some powers that could hurt you if you get too close." Tempest warned.
"Your concern is appreciated Tempest. But I think it will be alright." Celestia reassured as she approached Jake's cell.
"Wait your majesty I must advise against this!"
Celestia ignored him and walked closer to Jake's cell. Jake grew even more curious about this 'Who is she? What is she?' he thought noticing her wings and horn. 'And what does she want?... Could she actually be friendly?' It was doubtful but Jake still hoped. As Celestia came closer Jake noticed Tempest give a little spark from his horn, and from behind Celestia a unicorn just barely visible began casting a spell 'What is he doing?' Jake wondered. Suddenly the tall white horse recoiled and there was a strange red glow around her neck and face for a few seconds. 'What the?' Celestia shook her head from, whatever that was and tried to approach the creature's cell again. She was met with the same problem, but this time it was worse. She cried out in pain and backed off.
"Princess are you alright!?" Tempest asked concerned as he rushed over to Celestia.
"I...I think so." She replied her strength coming back.
"Please stay away from the creature for your own safety." Tempest pleaded.
Celestia looked at the creature long and hard. Finally coming to a decision she answered. "Alright but I want to know as much about this creature as possible and as soon as its safe I want the opportunity to see it up close.
"As you wish your highness." Tempest replied 'phew dodged a bolt there.'
Jake just stared in confusion. What had just happened? He saw the unicorn in the background using its horn to prevent the tall white horse from getting too close. But why would they do that? Were they trying to keep her from reaching him? But what reason would they have to keep her from reaching him unless... Would she have helped him after all?!............... It didn't matter now, she was gone. He had tried calling out to her when he saw her getting hurt, but it was to no avail. His cell was soundproof. He sat down in a corner feeling more depressed than he had since coming here, what might have been his best chance of escape was just stolen away from him.
*Back outside the facility*
"I'm sorry things didn't turn out like you'd hoped Celestia." Tempest told the Princess.
"It's not your fault Tempest." Celestia reassured. "Unfortunately affairs at the castle require my attention so I must be going."
"Be that as it may, I have something I want to show you." He telekinetically handed her the blueprints for the weapons he planned to build "From studying the creature I have been able to design weapons capable of siphoning the magic from somepony or restoring magic to somepony."
Celestia looked at the plans impressed, but concerned. She folded them up and declared. "I will present these to the council and see what they have to say about them."
"Thank you your majesty."
Celestia then reentered her chariot and her escorts began their return to Canterlot. While Tempest smiled to himself 'All according to plan.'
*Back in Tempest's office*
Tempest reentered his office to find Study Guide there waiting for him. "How did it go with the Princess?" Study Guide inquired.
"It went just about as well as I hoped." Tempest replied.
"I see." Study Guide replied, not sure how he should feel about that. "What are you going to do now?"
"Now, I want to work on a plan that will help explain why the creature is sapient without Celestia coming against us..." Tempest said planning to himself. "And I think I know just the way to do that." he finished with a grin.
"What would that be?"
"Celesta doesn't yet know how we acquired this creature. I will tell her we genetically created him in our labs by mistake."
"OK. But how would you explain his memories?" Study Guide inquired.
"Well I'll simply say that he psychologically developed these memories to explain his existence if it comes to that. In the meantime though I have another plan for that."
"What s it?" Study Guide asked.
"Well using a process of magic and psychology I can slowly have his memories removed and make him believe what we tell him. Though the process will take several weeks."
"Why not just use magic to alter his memories?"
"Study Guide you know as well as I that the princess banned the use and study of mind spells that powerful centuries ago. They are kept in he archives were only those with special permission from the princesses themselves may access them, and I doubt even I will be able to get her to permit me access" Study Guide's face lit up in recognition as he remembered this.
"Now I want you to assemble our finest psychologists and explain their duties to them understand?"
"Yes sir." Study Guide answered hesitantly and left the room.
*Back to first person POV with Jake*
*Warning slight gore ahead*
Well I honestly didn't think these guys could do anything worse to me than the vivisection, and you probably didn't either. But now these guys are trying to take away my memories and convince me I'm just a science experiment. UNBELIEVABLE!!!! It's bad enough they kidnap me, dissect me, and experiment on me. But now they're freaking taking what's left of my life away. NO! I won't put up with this.
But do you honestly want to know the worst thing? It's actually working, I'm starting to lose some of my memories. I've got to get out of here. But alas there's nothing I can do about it right now. I'm currently drugged and sleeping off the effects.
*A short time later*
My eyes flicker open and shut, the drugs must be wearing off. The nurse should be coming any second with a new dosage.
*Several minutes pass*
OK seriously what's going on the nurse always shows up way before now, the drugs have completely worn off. Well here she finally comes. She sticks me with the syringe and I pass out again.
*A few hours later*
I finally woke up. It looks like it's a little before whatever they've got planned for me is ready. Something feels off about all this. I keep wondering what was going on with the nurse and why I'm up so early. Wait I'm beginning to get an idea. Oh my gosh that's it! I know what to do. I KNOW HOW TO ESCAPE!
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I wanna kill them
I'm going to break the 4rth wall and send an army of U.S marines and U.N.S.C ODSTs to kill them all and save that guy. Then were going to make peace with eqestria just as a final "fuck you" to that tempest guy
6041683 Might as well send an entire fleet. I want Tempest to die slowly, I normally would be against this, but I can make an exception.
Am I like, the only one who was like "nope nope nope nope" at that part? 'Sure, let's create a weapon that's already been tried before...' Why not start with something new, less-than-creative ponies? Like, say, guns? Because which is faster, the time it takes a unicorn to start using a spell, or a bullet fired at point-blank range?
Also... time to summon up my Fourth Wall breaking abilities and send in a certain group of someones to take care of these ponies? Hm, decisions decisions... should I anhilate them with Daleks, dragons (Skyrim dragons), Chaurus Reapers (Skyrim), Dwarven Centurions (Skyrim), that-random-alien-race-no-one's-heard-of-before, or should I send in a bunch of Xenomorphs?
6041683 Thank you for the comment.
6041879 Thanks for your comment too.
6041891 Thanks for the comment. Honestly the idea of the magic siphoning weapon came to me while I was away for a few days, I was thinking about what the ponies could possibly gain from studying the human and I thought of how humans have no magic so the idea of a magic siphoning weapon and magic restoring weapon came to me. As for creating guns, maybe I should have done that, but my excuse is these guys are looking to advance science not create weapons, yes while the magic siphoner is technically a weapon it has a lot of scientific value and uses to it that Tempest hopes to achieve. Also how would studying a human help them understand guns? Unfortunately he didn't have any guns when he came to the world. Also a 'weapon that's already been tried before' I don't really remember hearing anything like this before, maybe that's just me feel free to explain what you meant. Thanks again for your comment and have a good time.
6041973
In the story, one of the characters mentioned magic-siphoning weapons being used by Tirek (I got it right, right?). That's what I meant by "weapon that's already been tried before".
Man, it's Akira all over again. Next thing you know this will happen later in the fic.
6042004 Actually magic siphoning was Tirek's own magical ability, so it wasn't a weapon (Tirek shows up in season 4 in case you didn't know) Tempest wanted to create something that could replicate Tirek's magical ability.
6042077 I have no idea what that is. But cool
6042100
Weapon: a means of gaining an advantage
Dude... Tirek's magic siphoning ability is, by definition, a weapon.
6042137 OK I guess if you put it that way it does. Though technically a weapon like it hasn't actually been built before so that's Tempest's plan . Still you're right.
6042208
Tyraxn'glora Grinsdanixa: That's cute.
Me: No, darn it, TYRAXN'GLORA!!! QUIT TURNING EVERY COMMENTS SECTION WE GO ON INTO A ROLE PLAY!!!!
6042928 Sorry to disappoint but Jake'll probably say something like "Sorry that'll never happen. At least not yet."
6041973 your welcome good sir
6041879 die slowly eh? Fine the ODSTs and U.S marines can wait. Well just send in your average run of the mill army trooper. Well captture him and interagate him.. And when were done well make peace with eqestria. And tell him about how we are such great freinds with eqestria. Then well sentence him to death for crimes against the human race!!!!!!!!!!
They need a evil crazy pinkie laugh icon for all your dastardly needs
KILL EVERYTHING
6043356 Nah, give him to ONI. Or better yet, give Tempest and all of his associates to Jigsaw
6044084 oh god why would you even suggest giving him away to ONI..... That's just cruel and uncalled for
6045871 No prob it's just my first story I'll probably fix all of the minor problems later once I get an editor. If you could label some of the biggest problems I'll try to take notice and avoid and fix them. I personally think some people are a little too picky about grammar, but that's probably because I don't think grammar is a huge problem as long as the story is understandable and clear. Thanks for giving it a try, and for commenting.
I feel like I need more time to connect with the characters, I don't really feel anything for the protagonist right now. I mean, this is an interesting story, I just find it lacking in presentation and character depth. I'm not trying to discourage you, keep it up, but this is where we must part ways. Wish you luck!
6044868 If giving him to ONI is cruel, we should give him and his associates to Jigsaw.
6045959 You made some very good points, thank you. Unfortunately I think I'm too young of a "writer" to do that sort of thing very well right now. I'll try to improve on it but don't expect the best thing ever. I'm not trying to use my inexperience as an excuse, I'm just saying that's usually how it goes for young and learning writers. I want to thank you for your advice and for helping me come to terms with things many writers face early on. I'll try to do better, and don't worry I'm not discouraged. Farewell friend. Maybe you could come back once the story's finished.
I tihnk in order to combat the rushed feelign at the end you could elaborate some on the plan or at least how he gained the epithany that he could do 'X' to escape.
6045918 Dude, I think someones got grudge against you or something. You always have one dislike on every comment you post.
This pony has no idea what he's messing with I mean you can plan for any and every situation but his plan didn't account for one thing: the unpredictable human
I like your approach to this kind of story! You seem to be best at 3rd person views. However, try to avoid 1st person views. You are not good at them, or at least not yet.
... What?
Just... What?
This fic is just way too contrived for me to actually enjoy reading this. I'd go as far to say that Tempest is Gary Sue material. He is able to almost instantaneously convince a fellow scientist to betray their ruler 'because trust me'. Celestia, a millennial old being cannot figure out that this shmuck is trying to pull the wool over her eyes. Every cry against his treatment of this alien creature who has shown no hostile intent and can somehow speak the same language as you is summarily dismissed one way or another without any apparent lasting consequences. He straight up tells said alien how pointlessly cruel he is going be, just to drive home how mustache-twirling ev-lulz he is. Actually no, if he were a true mustache-twirling villain it would have been at least slightly funny to read. Then there's this plot about how they're going to explain away having a sentient alien by claiming they created life and sentience from scratch.
And this alien. Because this has to be an alien to so calmly describe all the sadistic experiments performed on him. I could not read this guy in anything but a bored monotone, his personality is so dry.
I feel like every "reason" given for anyone doing anything in the first two chapters is:
i.imgur.com/tgQJIPr.png
"But that doesn't make any-"
"SHUT UP AND GET ON THE DAMN MAGICAL FLYING CARPET WITH HITLER!"
To be clear, I'm not bashing the premise. This has been written before and will be written again. But for the above reasons given, I cannot be bothered to care about anything these guys are doing. This Tempest is going to continue to act like a sadistic freak of nature, Human is going to continue being scared and mistrustful of ponies, Celestia is going to be vaguely interested in the creature, until the moment when Tempest is somehow revealed to be the monster he truly is and Celestia realizes that the laboratory created sentient being was not making it up after all.
I cannot read past this chapter, I'm cringing so bad.
Eon, for the love of all that is good about fanfiction, find some editors or something. This could be a great fic, but your delivery makes every paragraph a cringe-inducing chore.