The Alpaca Prince
Part 1 -- Mwah! MWAH!
Twilight murmured quickly through her flashcards, one hoof tappity-tapping the perfect floor in front of her. She’d asked Princess Celestia why an Alpaca Prince had to stay with her at Castle Friendship-- something about current generations of rulers meeting to establish long-lasting friendships. It hadn’t made Twilight feel any better. That and the books in her library hadn’t exactly helped either.
Alpacas were fierce, fluffy warriors from the far northeast, steeped in tradition and forged in the frostbite of war! No country’s army had ever invaded Alpacastan and lived to tell the tale. Their slash-and-burn tactics bled armies out as they crossed the tundra-landscape. Falling back, burning resources as they went would starve their enemies away and… and it sounded so terrible! Twilight didn’t know what she was supposed to do with a young warrior prince from a land like that!
And yet, the son of the Grand Alpacan Highlord, King Fluffington, was to stay with Twilight during trade disputes being held in Canterlot. She gulped again, slip-slip-slipping through her flashcards.
The sudden BOOM-BOOM-BOOM of a heavy hoof on her front double doors made her smooth her dress. The first meeting of royalty from two countries was private. Twilight would’ve surrounded herself with friends (and guards, frankly), but the occasion called for solitude. “Come in!” she called.
K-BASH! The doors flung themselves open as the massive fluffy fury that was Prince Cudfellow made himself known. “Greetings to you, Princess Twilight Sparkle!” the mass of fur with four legs and a face entered. The purple mare couldn’t help but stare. “I am to be bringing good tidings, and hullo’s of friendshipness!” his Equestrian was thick, but commendable. It was only proper to speak in the local language, after all.
“G-greetings, Prince Cudfellow,” Twilight bowed a bit as she spoke. “Welcome to Equestria, I hope you had a good journ-EEP?!” The alpaca prince pulled nothing less than a TREE from his massive, fluffy exterior and dropped it on the floor at Twilight’s hooves. Fifteen feet long, it rained pine needles in all directions.
“I bring you Alpacan tree gift of Friendship!” he boomed, looming over her. Reaching, he seized her by the ears and she screeched. “Mwah! MWAH!” he kissed both her cheeks and then released her. Blood pounding in her ears, Twilight reeled a little. Shaking the dizzy out of her skull, she smiled politely. “It is big! Furry! And strong! Like Alpaca!” he thump-thumped the tree twice with his back leg.
“Th-thank you!” Twilight rubbed her reddened ears painfully. “Thank you very much!” Using her magic she stood it upright and against a wall. Using a holding spell she left it there like a Hearths Warming tree and swept the needles aside with a phantom breeze spell. Coughing twice, she offered him a thick book on a royal pillow. “Here, a book of Equestrian history, written in your native tongue.”
“Oooh!” the Prince ejaculated, leaning over it with interest. “How thoughtfully!” he said. “I am to be knowing we are good friends, Twilight Sparkle Princess!” he said, taking it and vanishing it into his fur. “You are very attractive in the face spot, just as Father said.” He gestured to her grandly. They turned to walk and Twilight felt her cheeks pinken a little. Not every day a mare got complimented by a foreign prince. “May we eat? Long roads make hungry bellies!” he said hopefully.
“Oh yes, yes of course. Dinner is already prepared” Twilight leaned around him to see if he had any followers or servants. “Erm, were you travelling alone?” she’d prepared for an entourage of twenty or so, but… didn’t see anyone.
“Father and I take different roads when arriving to pony lands,” Cudfellow said, pausing here and there to select the proper equine words. His accent was thick and exotic, but Twilight was patient with him.
“Weren’t you afraid of getting kidnapped or something? You’re in a foreign nation, after all!” Twilight said, aghast. Whoever heard of Royalty travelling unguarded.
“Father has his servants, I am travelling to lonely road,” the Prince said, gesturing vaguely outside. “But no creature would attack Cudfellow, I am steel wool!” he puffed himself out a little as they walked and Twilight was suddenly reminded of a pufferfish. When he was almost round, he exhaled and returned to his usual (wooly and strange) shape.
“Here we are!” Twilight gestured. A grand supper had been laid out, and a certain purple dragon was waiting in a tailed coat and top hat. “Ah, this is Spike, my personal assistant. Say hi, Spike!” Twilight said, glad this was going somewhat smoothly.
“Hello, Prince Cudfellow!” Spike piped, twirling his fake mustache a bit. Welcome to Equestri-AHHH!?” the Prince SEIZED him by the ears, hauling him into the air. “Ow! Ow! OW! What’d I say?! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” he bleated as the Prince mwah-mwah’d either side of his face and dropped him.
“Hullo purple Spike assistant!” the Princess said jubilantly. “Greetings to you from the Alpacastan mountains of dread and hellfire!” he boomed. “Where the dragons breathe winter and the pony folk dare not tread!” he slapped Spike’s back, knocking him down.
“Ewwww, Alpaca slobber!” Spike moaned, rubbing his face feverishly. Twilight hip-bumped him, her perfect-fake-smile cracking a little. “I mean uh, nice to meet you!”
“L-let’s be seated then, I’m sure you’re hungry!” Twilight said quickly. Spike grabbed the end of the tablecloth, scrubbing his face and moaning.
Prince Cudfellow seated himself, then looked startled and jumped up again. His cheeks were red. “Ehhh! Ladies first to do the seating,” he apologized. Twilight giggled behind her hoof for a moment, moving gracefully and sitting in her usual place at the dinner table. She eyed the spread carefully. Unsure about a foreign Prince’s tastes, she’d had Spike make a little bit of a lot of things. He steepled his hooves briefly, as though in prayer. Ohh, thought Twilight, how noble and stoic of h-- “GRACEFUL!” he boomed, then seated himself.
Spike sat next to the Prince, between he and Twilight. Standing in his chair because he was too short to reach the middle of the table, he pawed for the bowl of spiced rice in the middle. His foot slipped and he fell sideways, straight into the Prince’s fur. “Ah! AH! AHHH! AAIIEEEE!” Spike’s entire body vanished into Cudfellow’s fur. “Twiliii-i-i-i-i….” his voice faded with distance and the purple mare jumped to her hooves. It sounded like falling down a well!
“Oh let me, let me…” the Prince set his corn-on-the-cob down, reaching into his own body mass. Rooting around a little, he pulled Spike out and set him down. The baby dragon was holding a bronze short-sword and wearing welding glasses. “Oop, I was to be wondering where those went!” he took the glasses and shoved them into a different pocket of his fur.
Twilight frowned, taking the sword from Spike. “Armed, Prince Cudfellow?” she asked suspiciously. “At the dinner table? At a foreign dinner table, no less?”
Cudfellow looked embarrassed, standing and coughing, looking to one side. “Erm, forgive me Princess. Tales of Mighty Twilight Godslayer Sparkle resonate through Alpacastan. It is for my protection!”
“From what?” Twilight put it to one side, in an empty chair. It gleamed menacingly.
“From you, of course,” he swallowed like she might pounce on him at any moment, sweat beading on his forehead. His fluffy head tilted like this was no new news to her. “Twilight Sparkle stops the pony in the moon, trumps chaos gods, helps choke out the swarm and ascended to godhood! Did you not? Suppose you grew displeased with myself? I would be helpless in the facing of your fury!”
“I… er-well…” Twilight had never heard it put like that.
“Are you not Equestria’s mightiest warrior-Princess?” the Prince said, leaning at her with a sort of morbid curiosity on his face.
“I-uhm,” Twilight slowly sat down again, not really sure how to take that. It hadn’t really occurred to her that international attention might blow her victories out of proportion like that. Godslayer? Warrior Princess? “W-well, I prefer books to battle,” she tried to change the subject.
“Pen is mightier than the sword, pony-sayers said,” Cudfellow seemed a little more at ease, but kept glancing at his bronze shortsword. Twilight gingerly returned it to him. Their eyes met for a moment, and he knew it was not to be seen again. “Thank you. I do not think I could hurt your beautiful face, Princess Twilight, but it does not make my manhood feel so shriveled before you when I carry sharp thing to defend myself,” he articulated carefully. Leaning just so, he shoved the weapon into his fur and fluffed it accordingly. “Erm… juice?” he offered awkwardly, picking up a jug.
“Yes, please,” Twilight said wearily. Spike was still getting hairs out of his mouth and ears. She flicked him with a grooming spell and he sighed in relief. The Prince was afraid of her, it seemed. Well, hopefully she could change that during his stay. She decided right then she would have to make sure they were good friends before the negotiations in Canterlot were over. Her reputation as the Princess of Friendship was at stake!
End of Part 1
Lol... must I say anything else?
I just collapsed onto the floor in helpless giggles while reading this.
media.giphy.com/media/HnfdiBwdvcBsQ/giphy.gif
Oh, the cuddles. Oh, the fuzzyness. Oh, my. She's found a possibly romantic interest who brings his own mattress. Call havoc and release the cute fluffy alpacas of wool.
Oh yes. I loved this very much! Sooo, a weird mix of Russia and Afghanistan?
5996700 Russia/Japan/Afghanistan, yeah. XD
Amazing! XD
well I am definitely adding THAT to my flirting repertoire!
If this gets a live-reading, I call dibs on voicing Cudfellow.
LOL This is great! You really defined Cudfellow's character. And that tree gift. OMG. I was totally not expecting that! Please update soon!
If that's how he greets someone he's afraid of i wanna see how he greets everyone else
Ha. It's funny, Someone I've worked with who had the same speech pattern as this surly prince. You've captured the language and context of a person from Alpakistan perfectly, Aegis. My only question is why an alpaca though, wouldn't a camel been more appropriate or am I missing something here?
5996739 also, is it alright if I base a story after this? (Idea of twilight meeting foreign royalty.) I promise to give you credit and all.
Oooh!” the Prince ejaculated, leaning over it with interest. “How thoughtfully!”
....did you mean ejauclated? I know it can mean something else but I stopped and stared for a few seconds lol
My hovercraft is full of eels.
Congrats, Jocke! You won the thing! The rest of us get the consolation prize of seeing the finish product and getting to write our own dang stories.
5997258
No, he used it correctly.
I don't know why he decided that was the word he wanted to use, but he used it correctly.
5997205
Alpacas are inherently funny?
Huh. It's kind of like a vague pony version of "Borat," but I like it. I'll be interested to see where it goes from here.
5997732
It's like if Borat had a civilized and less rapey cousin who happened to be a Prince.
Commence read.
Interesting.
Liked how he listed off her accomplishments. No Tirek though?
5997343
how non-sequitorial.
Okay, this is shaping up to be something truly glorious!
Twi really has no idea what she just got herself into
5997820 Well, I did say "vague" pony version.
Somebody must have read the alpaca thread.
Wrong!!!
Alpacas live in alpine biomes and don't care for tundra much (since a very long time the Andes are their mountains of choice), they're kinda not-so-aggressive when not Pinkie-hugged and they are amongst, if not the, smallest camelids. What doesn't mean it's unfunny, tho'.
5997205 It's alpaca because it's the idea of JockeTF given on Aegis' blog !
No congrats was given that day.
5998798 meganstuartsnotebook.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/fuck-logic-i-have-magic-trixie.png
Note to self: Do not read the next chapter of this whilst drinking tea - or anything for that matter.
Speaking of which, does the Alpaca drink tea or coffee?
Am I the only one who thought of Chowder when the Prince pulled a tree from his fur as a gift of friendship? Except said tree is probably not a sentient being? Great job Aegis
He didn't last long. Those Alpacas, no stamina.
Prince Cudfellow, who had traveled many weeks,
Greeted his guest and Mwah-Mwah'd her cheeks.
Now here upon the pretty pony, did he look.
The Godslaying Warrior Princess who'd rather read a book.
She was truly quite attractive in the face spot.
Which was basically the Alpacan way of saying she was hot.
He let her sit down first, the picture of GRACE.
And once more complimented her on her face.
He said "I'd tappity-tap that" and she gave him a hip-bumpity-bump-bump
And then they went to the bedroom to...
Oh, and Spike was in there too somewhere.
Probably in the Alpaca hair.
5997343
I will not buy this record, it is scratched!
5998028
And now for something completely different:
5997732
5997820
I also got Borat vibe here.
Borat with the voice of Brian Blessed!
5998937 So is this the MLP version of Pakistan where Cudfellow comes from? If so, ballsy move. Gotta respect that.
I ask because I read the chapter and I just keep thinking Pakistan every time I read his lines and stuff. I don't mean to be offensive or rude to anyone out there, mind you. Please don't take it the wrong way.
I ship TwiCud so hard!
He's got a good point though, Twilight is clearly the war-princess they send in to beat things up, I'd be pretty intimidated to sit across from her at a table as well.
6000577 Mix of Russia (terrain), Japan (warrior background) and Middle East. Just a fun jumble, haha.
You had me at Alpacastan.
6000325
Now you have inspired me to do terrible things...
(Sung to the tune of The Mermaid by Great Big Sea)
As a cria from Alpacastan
My sire said "Take care!
There's never a more terrible thing
than a 'Questrian mare."
"There's one of them in particular,
Celestia's own protégé
She's the fearsome magic Avatar,
Purple Smart's her sobriquet."
Godslayer Twilight Sparkle,
Princess of Harmony.
Defeated Nightmare Moon alone,
Turned Discord back into stone,
Blasted Sombra from his throne!
Oh please don't banish me!
I travelled to Equestria,
The journey took me weeks.
I entered her castle in Ponyville
And MWAH'd her on her cheeks!
I gifted Twilight a friendship tree,
Gave it a solid thump!
"You're most beautiful mare from your face-spot
to the sparkles on your rump!"
So we had a proper dinner then,
Served by her dragon help.
He tripped up too close to my coat,
Tumbled in with a yelp.
He brought out my defensive sword,
Thought I was proper fook'd!
She put me at rest, no plans for conquest;
She prefers to read her books...
Godslayer Twilight Sparkle,
Princess of Harmony.
Defeated Nightmare Moon alone,
Turned Discord back into stone,
Blasted Sombra from his throne!
Oh please don't banish me!
(THis medicine is making me absolutely barmy loopy...)
6008437
Good lord, this is pretty good!
Also the story too
Well this the fist fic I red where I am literally speechless, but it was great so far.
GGRRrr
[If you don't mind me Aegis Shield, this is going to be my new head canon about Alpacas.]
GGRRrr
[Plus, awesome name for a country, Alpacastan. Lol. I keep a list of ponified (or other races) names of countries.]
I ship llama x Twilight so hard.
I... I don'the know if I can read this. That single bit is so ludicrously silly that it left me staring at the ceiling in disbelief.
Oh, this is just too silly.
What would happen if the Yaks and the Alpacas ever crossed paths?
I. Love. This. So. Much. Prince Cudfellow best OC. Why are there not more alpaca stories? This one is brilliant, but there's just so much POTENTIAL.