A Twilight in Hand Is Worth Two in the Bush
“Sunset… I wanted to… I mean, I want to ask you… I like you. Um, a lot. Like, in the romantic sense. Would you maybe be interested in going on a date sometime, or whatever?”
Sunset Shimmer’s heart skipped a beat, and her breath caught in her throat. She stared down at the blushing girl in front of her whose eyes were wide with hope and vulnerability. Well, at least things made a little more sense now.
Twilight Sparkle’s transfer to Canterlot High had caused quite the stir. The poor girl had had no idea she was walking into a building where everyone already knew her, that she was already seen as a hero, and that she had six best friends ready and waiting.
To say it was overwhelming would be a bit of an understatement, but once the initial furor and confusion had died down, and Twilight had her many, many questions answered, Sunset and her friends had done their best to befriend the human counterpart of the pony princess they knew. Though this Twilight had started out significantly more abrasive than Sunset had expected, friendship had eventually bloomed, and soon every day was just like any other with Twilight becoming as natural a part of the group as if she had been there all along.
And now, after having acted strangely for the past week, Twilight had pulled her to a secluded spot out back behind the school and was asking her on a date.
“I…” Sunset managed to stammer before her words failed her once again. She what, exactly? Twilight liked her, in the romantic sense. How did she feel about Twilight in return? She was a nice girl, certainly; smart, funny, and she was a good enough friend... but romantically? That would be weird, right? While Sunset’s correspondence with Princess Twilight these days was mostly via diary, she still considered the mare to be a close friend of hers as well. Hey, I’m dating your interdimensional counterpart, but we’re still cool, right? Yeah, definitely weird.
Sunset’s internal deliberation must have gone on for too long, because Twilight started to wilt in front of her.
“Ah…” Twilight reached up and adjusted her glasses before stepping back. “Sorry, I guess that’s kind of weird, huh? It’s fine if you don’t want to or anything, I just thought I’d give it a shot, that’s all. I’ll… be going now.”
Damnit. Twilight turned to go, and Sunset’s heart wrenched. She didn’t want to hurt the girl. Twilight was her friend. Even if she didn’t feel the same way, Twilight at least deserved a proper answer.
“Wait!” Sunset cried out, grabbing Twilight’s wrist. The shorter girl turned back up to look up at her. “I…”
Sunset’s mouth worked soundlessly. She still had no idea what her answer actually was. Twilight smiled, her eyes alit with renewed hope.
After about thirty seconds of Sunset just standing there stupidly, Twilight’s eyes started to water and she looked hurt again.
After a full minute, she just looked annoyed.
“T-time!” Sunset finally managed to sputter. “That’s it! I need time! Sorry, I just need to think this over, it’s all a bit sudden, you know? I’m not saying no, just… I don’t know.”
Twilight bit her lip and looked away. “I’d rather know now… but okay, I understand. I’ll give you twenty-four hours to come up with a proper answer. We’ll meet here again tomorrow, after school?”
“Yeah, okay. Thats sounds fair. Let’s do that.”
“Okay. Right. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Sunset watched as Twilight hurriedly disappeared around the corner. She let out a long sigh and wiped at her brow. Well, she had survived that conversation. Now she had to figure out just what the hell she was supposed to do. Hopefully without shattering any of her friendships in the process.
It was super weird, but there was definitely somepony whose advice she could use right now.
“Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,”
Sunset tapped her pen against the table as she rested her chin in her hand, staring down at the page before her.
It was just like every other letter, right? Princess Twilight always gave great advice. So why was she hesitating?
Well, the answer to that was obvious. Even without the alternate-self-counterpart-thing, Princess Twilight wasn’t exactly the first pony Sunset would turn to for help with a romantic problem, whatever its nature. Romance just wasn’t the bookish alicorn’s specialty. She could always try asking Rarity for help, but that would just end with more drama and certainly a few more dresses than Sunset was hoping for. Maybe Fluttershy…
Sunset groaned, slumping forward and letting the cool desk press against her cheek. Why did Twilight have to ask her out? For once in her life, Sunset was comfortable with the status quo.
No, that wasn’t fair. Twilight had asked her out because she liked her. It was perfectly normal to act on growing feelings, and as a friend, Sunset needed to at least be straight with her.
Or gay.
“I am writing to you today to discuss with a personal matter that, nevertheless, includes you, in a twisted fashion. It’s kind of hard to explain, but—”
Sunset’s writing was interrupted by the ringing of her doorbell, followed by a clash of thunder.
She blinked, staring into the darkness outside. Rain was coming down in sheets, and the strong winds were rattling her window. Who the heck would be at her door in weather like this?
Making her way downstairs, Sunset opened her front door, only to find a small, drowned rat of a girl on her doorstep.
“Twilight!” Sunset said, her mouth hanging open. “What are you doing here? I thought we agreed to talk this over tomorrow! And in this weather, seriously?”
“H-hey, S-sunset,” Twilight said, her teeth chattering. “Been a while, right? C-can I come in?”
Sunset blinked, then looked closer at the girl before her. No glasses, her hair was down, though completely soaked, and she was wearing that goofy outfit she had only seen worn by…
“P-princess Twilight!” Sunset croaked, her eyes growing wide as her mouth suddenly went dry. “Uh, yeah, long time no see! I was just writing you, actually. Is something wrong? How come you didn’t let me know you were coming? Oh, and come inside, don’t worry about getting water on anything.”
Twilight nodded, and stepped inside as Sunset closed the door behind her. “T-thanks. It’s nothing serious or anything like that, don’t worry. I just thought… it had been too long since we’d seen each other, and I guess there’s some things I wanted to talk to you about.” She bit her lip, still shivering. “Stuff that’s better said in person.”
“And important enough to walk all the way here in this downpour?”
Twilight snickered. “I was already through the portal when it started raining, so there wasn’t any point in turning back. I had an umbrella, but I lost it about halfway. My first instinct is to grab with magic, not my hands, and, well, I guess you’re used to that by now.”
Sunset rolled her eyes. “Tell me about it. Anyway, feel free to use my shower and get warmed up. I’ll lend you some dry clothes, then we can talk about whatever it is you need to talk about.”
“Alright, thanks.” Twilight’s gaze lingered on Sunset for a bit, then she cracked a smile, and followed Sunset’s directions to her bathroom.
Once Sunset heard the shower going, Sunset flopped down onto her couch, sighing and running her hands through her hair. What was she supposed to do now? If she was too embarrassed to ask Twilight about the Twilight problem via diary, there was no way she’d pull it off face to face.
Well, whatever Twilight wanted to talk about probably was important, if she came all this way. If there was a natural chance to bring up her own issues, she’d take it, but otherwise she would just do her best to be a good friend.
By the time Twilight came out of the shower wearing a set of Sunset's pajamas, Sunset had prepared some tea and crackers for the two of them. At Sunset’s behest, Twilight joined her on the couch.
"Sorry," Sunset said as she set her teacup down on the coffee table. "I know that this store bought stuff doesn't really compare to what we've got back home, but it's all I have."
Twilight giggled, then set her own cup down. "It's fine, don't worry about it. To tell you the truth, it all kind of tastes the same to me anyway." She made a face, then shuddered. "Don't tell Princess Celestia I said that."
Sunset grinned. "So, tell me, why has Princess Twilight Sparkle decided to grace me with her royal presence?”
Twilight bit her lip and lowered her eyes. "You don't have to be so formal with me, Sunset, we're... friends."
“Of course we are,” Sunset said, rolling her eyes, “but give me a break here. With the other Twilight being one of our… friends, now, I mentally add the title to help keep you separate, you know?”
“O-oh. Right. How’s she doing, anyway?” Twilight asked as she traced her finger around the edge of her teacup.
Sunset froze, but since Twilight was busy staring down at her tea, her expression went unnoticed. Well, there was her opening to bring it up. “She’s… fine. Adjusting to Canterlot High, making friends with everyone. Certainly a lot better than I did at first.”
“I see. That’s good to hear.”
All she needed to do now was bring it up. Tell Twilight about the other Twilight’s feelings. She was a princess, she’d understand. She’d—
“Sunset… there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a long time. It’s the reason why I came here.” Twilight turned to face her, wringing her hands in her lap.
Damnit.
Twilight took a deep breath, her cheeks coloring. “Ever since the incident with the sirens… well, I’ve missed you a lot. You’re a really good friend, and you mean a lot to me. To be honest, after we first blasted you with the Elements of Harmony, I wasn’t one hundred percent sincere about being your friend… I kind of just dumped you on the others. And when I came back and saw you again, how much you had changed, how sincere you were about it, how much your past has hurt you, something in me… I-I mean, talking with you all this time through the journal, I feel like we’ve grown so close, and I’ve learned a lot about myself and… oh dear, am I rambling? I’m rambling, aren’t I.”
Sunset swallowed, feeling sweat start to bead on her forehead. Something was off here. “It’s fine, Twilight. There’s no need to feel so stressed out about it. Like you said, we’re friends, right?”
“Ugh!” Twilight trembled as she bunched her hands into fists. “Why am I so bad at this! I read so many books before coming here to prepare, studied on how this works with humans. Why can’t I say it! I asked Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy for advice, and you know what they all said? Just go for it! Okay, Fluttershy didn’t give that advice, but if you look at it from a certain angle she kind of did, just from a very passive point of view and sweet Celestia I can’t take it anymore, Sunset, I’m sorry!”
“Uh, Twilight, what are— mmf!”
Sunset’s words were cut off as Twilight lunged forward and pressed their lips together.
Twilight pulled back after several seconds, her eyes lidded, her breath heavy. “I think I’ve fallen in love with you, Sunset Shimmer…”
For some reason, all Sunset could think of was the noise made when someone flatlined in one of those medical dramas that Rarity loved so much, because that was otherwise all her brain was doing right now. This couldn’t be happening. She was dreaming. She had actually tripped and hit her head on something this morning and was in a coma. This was too insane to be real.
But on the other hand, it kind of made perfect sense.
“Buaaaah,” Sunset managed to say, expertly showcasing all of her grace and intelligence as a unicorn.
Twilight apparently mistook her strangled grunts for something else, because she smiled, then leaned in for another kiss.
“T-Twilight, wait!” Sunset managed to spit out, putting her hand on Twilight’s chest and pushing her back slightly. “I’m not sure if…”
Twilight squeaked at the contact, and her face turned bright red. “Sunset, that’s, ah… I did some research, and apparently these are erogenous zones on humans.”
Nope. Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope. Sunset practically leapt up off the couch, retreating backwards as she held her hands up in the air.
Twilight’s eyes widened, and she shrunk back, hands shaking. “Oh no… Sunset, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to… I just wasn’t thinking, and… no, that’s not right. I’m one hundred percent serious here, Sunset, I can’t hold it back any longer.”
Sunset swallowed, then took a deep breath. “Twilight, please, let me respond. I…”
And her words failed her again. She what? Was in the exact same situation that she was six hours ago?
Well, if it had worked once…
“Look, I need time, alright? Time to process what you just said, time to think about how I feel, and what I want my response to be. I’ll give you an answer tomorrow. Is that okay with you?”
Twilight’s mouth worked soundlessly for several seconds, before she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She grabbed one of Sunset’s throw pillows and hugged it tight, hiding her face. “That’s perfectly reasonable, Sunset. I’m sorry for being so dramatic about it. Here I am, princess of a nation, master of magic, logic, and reason and I’m barely acting any better than a blushing schoolfilly.”
Sunset bit her lip. Twilight looked so pathetic it was heartbreaking. “It’s fine, it’s fine, don’t worry about it. What’s a little drama between friends, am I right? I’m like, super tired though, and should probably sleep on this, so I’m just going to go to bed. There’s food in the fridge, what’s mine is yours, sleep tight, good night!”
Before Twilight could respond Sunset backed around the corner, then practically sprinted up the stairs, slamming and locking her bedroom door behind her for good measure. Once she was sure everything was secure, she flopped onto the bed and buried her face into her pillow.
And to think she had thought it was going to be a good day. Just what kind of twisted soap opera had her life turned into?
Sunset stared down at the handle to her bedroom door as morning sunlight streamed through her windows.
Twilight was out there, downstairs, waiting apprehensively for Sunset to come down and give her a response to last night’s confession.
But she still didn’t have one.
Other than a few dreams that really only served to confuse Sunset even more on the issue, sleeping hadn’t helped in the slightest. Had it just been the one Twilight, Sunset could have probably at least convinced herself to go out with the girl, to give it a shot and make her happy, if nothing else. But with both girls vying for her affections? This was going to end in tears no matter what she ended up doing.
If there was one thing she had learned over the months where she had befriended the girls, it was how to rely on your friends when you couldn’t handle things yourself. Maybe together, they could figure something out.
As for her current predicament, she was half tempted to sneak out of her bedroom on a rope tied from bed sheets, like she always saw on TV, just so she could avoid facing Twilight right away.
Of course, that would be ridiculous, not to mention unsafe.
She had a good, sturdy rope stored away in her closet already.
“It really ain’t all that funny, Dash.”
“Are you kidding me?” Rainbow Dash wheezed as she howled with laughter. She doubled over, tears streaming down her face as she banged her fist against the table. “Both of them!”
Sunset groaned and slumped down on the table, covering her face with her hands. The five girls sat together in the cafeteria, eating their lunch. Luckily, Twilight (and Pinkie Pie, though that was less relevant) had lunch during a different period, so they could discuss this freely.
Rarity scowled at Rainbow Dash as the girl started laughing even harder, then turned to Sunset, and patted her on the back. “There there, darling. Look, you may have handled this a little poorly already, but it’s nothing they won’t get over this early in the game. If you don’t like girls, you don’t like girls. There’s nothing that can be done about that, and they’ll just have to accept it.”
“But I do!” Sunset said with a sigh. “Or at least, that’s not what’s holding me back here. I can’t just lie to them about something like that.”
“R-really?” Fluttershy asked as her cheeks colored. “I thought, because, um, you and Flash, that…”
“Some people just love who they love, Shy,” Applejack said, taking off her hat and setting it on the table. “Gender ain’t always gonna have much to do with it.” As she turned back to Sunset, she added, “You’re just gonna have to suck it up and be honest with ‘em both, Sunset.”
Sunset rolled her eyes. “Honest about what? I don’t know how I feel, or which Twilight I should pick, or anything! I’m totally lost here, you girls have to help me.”
“Hmm.” Rarity tapped her finger against her lips. “It’s certainly quite the predicament, then. Rejection is painful even in normal situations, but to lose out to an alternate version of yourself, well. They’re not exactly the same, but that would just make what differences they do have seem even more prominent. You could always flip a coin, or just go with the Twilight that asked you first, too, though that’s hardly very romantic or a good foundation for a relationship.”
“M-maybe you could, um, not date either of them, or just go out with someone else instead,” Fluttershy mumbled as she twiddled her fingers together.
“Because that would totally help,” Rainbow Dash said, still shaking with silent giggles. “Shit, do you know how many guys would literally commit murder to be in your situation right now? Twilight’s an open minded girl, I bet you could totally make it work with both of them at once. Just imagine it!”
Fluttershy turned beet red, and half the table turned to glare at Rainbow Dash once more.
“Somehow I think this situation calls for a little more subtlety than the kind of fantasy you’d see on the cover of an adult movie,” Applejack said as she rubbed at the bridge of her nose.
Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I’m just saying. I ain’t even just talking about the sex and stuff. There’s people out there that have relationships like that and totally make it work. Called a roly-poly or something, I think.”
“The word you’re looking for is polyamory,” Rarity said, flicking her hair back, “and I suppose it’s technically an option, though for something like that you’d need everyone involved to be one hundred percent okay with it. It would most certainly complicate things, and, since monogamy is still the norm as it were, it wouldn’t necessarily be easy going socially, either.”
“Uh, you sure seem to have done a lot of thinking about this, Rares.”
“I’m familiar with the concept,” Sunset interrupted, resting her chin on one hand as she drummed her fingers on the table. “You’ll see ponies occasionally forming relationships like that back home. But something like that for me? I dunno. To be entirely honest, I can barely keep either Twilight separate in my mind as is. Being with both at once sounds like it would just end in disaster.”
“Look, sugarcube,” Applejack said, standing and picking up her empty tray. “You’ve only got a few options here. Pick one or the other, turn down both, or figure out something that works for all three of you. It sucks when you’re the one who ends up having to make a call like that, but that’s life.”
“There’s one other option,” Sunset muttered as she banged her forehead against the table. “I could run away and join the circus or something, and never speak to either of them again.”
Fluttershy laid a hand on Sunset’s arm and squeezed it gently. “Um, Sunset, I just want you to know that whatever you do decide, I’ll support your decision as your friend. I think you’re a good enough person to make the right choice.” She smiled, looking up at her with wide eyes, before pursing her lips. “Except, um, that last one. Please don’t do that. I’d miss you.”
“That’s all well and good,” Rarity said, crossing her arms, “but whatever you do, you can’t keep running away, Sunset.”
Sunset sighed, then stood up. “Yeah, I know, I know. Thanks, girls. I think I needed to hear this. I’ll deal with this today, I promise.”
Somehow.
She wasn't going to run away.
That's what Sunset kept repeating to herself as she made her way through the halls of Canterlot High, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy by her side.
She still had at least one class left for the day, so her confrontation with Twilight could be put off for at least another hour. Plenty of time to figure out what she was going to say.
She wasn't going to run away.
She wasn't going to—
"Oh, uh. H-hey, Sunset."
Sunset looked up to see Twilight at her locker. The younger girl smiled, one finger twirling her hair as she met Sunset's gaze.
"H-hey," Sunset stammered as her heart thundered in her chest. "I, uh, am running late for—"
There was a sharp impact on her back as Rainbow Dash shoved her forward. Sunset stumbled and caught herself only to look up and realize that she was practically pinning Twilight against the lockers, their faces only inches apart.
"You kids have fun now," Rainbow Dash said, grinning wickedly as she leaned against the wall. She paused for a second, then mimed throwing popcorn into her mouth.
Fluttershy glared at Rainbow Dash, then fidgeted uncomfortably for a few moments before ducking around a corner. She peeked her head back around, her eyes watching intensely even as they were hidden behind her bangs.
Twilight face was scarlet, but she licked her lips, smiling. "I guess, then, your answer is..."
She closed her eyes and leaned in for a kiss.
Sunset was going to murder Rainbow Dash.
"Sunset, there you are!” A voice called out from behind them, in-between gasps for breath. "I'm sorry about what I did last night, okay? Kissing you like that was totally inappropriate."
Sunset’s blood turned to ice in her veins. She slowly turned her head around to cast her gaze upon the doom that had surely fallen upon her.
Princess Twilight stood in the middle of the hall, hands on her knees, panting. “I mean it, I’m—”
Her words caught in her throat as she looked up and saw the position that the two of them were in.
Time stood still. Nobody moved a muscle. Every student in the immediate area had stopped, and all eyes were upon them. A part of Sunset expected a tumbleweed to blow by, or a thousand crickets from a thousand summer nights to all start singing at once.
The tension was shattered with the click of a shutter and a bright flash as Rainbow Dash held up her phone. “Perfect,” she muttered, and shot Sunset a quick wink.
“You… you kissed her!?” Twilight shouted, her eyes starting to fill with tears while the other Twilight simultaneously added, “I see… so that’s why you were avoiding me.”
Sunset leapt back and pressed herself against the far wall as she scrambled to say the first thing that came to her mind. “It’s not what it looks like!”
Watching sitcoms with Rarity had proven poisonous to her instincts, apparently.
“Sunset,” they both said, their voices echoing in unison as they both stepped forward. “If it was her you were interested in, you could have just said so. I would have understood…”
“N-no, I…” Sunset stammered as she shook her head rapidly.
Both Twilights blinked, then turned to the other and looked each other up and down, frowning.
“You… you kissed her, right?” Twilight asked, her fists clenched.
Princess Twilight shook her head and sighed. “It’s not like that. I did kiss her, yes, but she didn’t kiss me back. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you two were dating.”
“Ugh,” Twilight grunted as she pulled on her ponytail. “I knew I should have gone for the surprise kiss. That probably would have worked out way better!”
Sunset swallowed, then tried again, raising her hands placatingly. “Girls, look, I can explain…”
Nope. Still a cliche. Damnit, she was really terrible at this.
Princess Twilight crossed her arms over her chest and tapped her foot. “Hold on a second. Are you two dating, or aren’t you?”
Twilight grit her teeth. “That’s the problem, I don’t know! I asked Sunset out yesterday, and she promised to give me an answer today! I guess what she really wanted to be doing was making out with a so-called princess instead.”
“We weren’t making out!” Princess Twilight growled, stomping a foot. “Look, I asked her out too, she ran off and hid in her room, then left without saying anything in the morning.”
“Then we…”
“So we…”
They both turned to Sunset, their hardened gazes piercing into her.
Sunset pulled at her collar, looking for an escape route. The crowd was starting to really gather now, and she could hear the silent laughter of Rainbow Dash somewhere nearby.
Princess Twilight coughed, then stood up straight, hands clasped in front of her. “Sunset, you can settle this right now, can’t you? Which one of us do you want to go out with?”
“I…”
“Hold on a second,” Twilight said with a scowl. “I gathered enough courage to ask her out first, so it should default to me, shouldn’t it?”
“By what, like, three hours?” Princess Twilight said, laughing. “The decision is Sunset’s to make, not yours. Besides, we’ve known each other for way longer. Not to mention, the two of us are actually ponies. And the friendship we share is… something special.”
“I shouldn’t have to take this from me,” Twilight said, growling. “Who cares if you two text each other in some stupid magic book? The first time we met, I bumped into Sunset by accident and she helped me up. It was love at first sight! Since then we’ve become friends, walked home together, had sleepovers, studied together, and her hand brushed against mine once when we were putting books away. It’s like we’re practically girlfriends already!”
Since the very beginning? Was she just that oblivious? But she hadn’t treated Twilight any different from any of her other friends, and none of them were secretly in love with her.
“Sunset and I are two paths to the same destiny!” Princess Twilight shouted, clutching one hand over her heart and raising the other in the air dramatically. “Born with great power and great potential, the same teacher took us both under her wing. We went in different directions, passing by each other like trains in the night, but with Sunset’s redemption we were reunited at last. It’s an intricate dance, our strings of fate entwining together with the arc of a heart. Princess Celestia herself even granted me her blessing before coming here. That’s the kind of bond that links Sunset and I as one. Not some silly little schoolfilly crush.”
Was this Celestia’s revenge, for Sunset’s many transgressions?
Twilight rolled her eyes and blew her bangs out of her eyes. “You totally stole some of those lines from the famous poet, Kiss Shot. Are you seriously going to fall for this cheesy crap, Sunset?”
Princess Twilight blushed. “So what? That just proves in addition to being a magical prodigy, a princess, and a genius, I’m also cultured. I don’t know about her human counterpart, but Kiss Shot is well respected even in nations beyond Equestria.”
“Yeah, as trashy romantic smut. I’ve seen Rarity’s book collection, you know.”
Both Twilights butted heads, growling at each other like a pair of stray dogs fighting over a piece of meat.
Which is about how Sunset felt right now.
“Can’t we all just get—”
“Shut up!” both Twilights snapped at Sunset, fury radiating off of them in waves, before they turned back to each other.
Sunset groaned, sinking down to the floor and burying her face in her hands.
“Look,” Princess Twilight said, crossing her arms, “Sunset doesn’t belong here in this world, or with you. She’s a pony, and she belongs in Equestria. With me. Not to mention, she’s at a completely different stage in her life right now. I know we don’t look it, because the mirror makes ages a bit confusing, but the both of us are actually in our mid twenties. You’re just a kid, Twilight. Go find the human counterpart of Sunset to date or something.”
“I don’t love some ‘other’ Sunset, I love this one!” Twilight yelled, grabbing Princess Twilight by the collar. “I won’t let you take her away from me!”
Princess Twilight narrowed her eyes. “I’d like to see you try and stop me.”
"Alright" Rainbow Dash said, standing and stepping towards the pair. "As hilarious as this all is, this is getting a bit too heated. You both need to back off and—”
The loud smack of Twilight slapping her princessly counterpart across the face echoed across the hallway.
Rainbow Dash stared, her mouth hanging open before she looked over to Sunset and mouthed, "Do something!"
Princess Twilight held a hand up to her cheek and rubbed at the red mark that was already forming.
Twilight blinked, then stared down at her own hand as her eyes widened in horror. "Oh gods, I can't believe I would do something like that! Twilight, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to..."
Princess Twilight snarled and raised her own hand high into the air as the girl in front of her flinched backwards.
Sunset and Rainbow Dash both caught her hand mid swing.
“Let go of me!” Princess Twilight yelled as she struggled against them. “I need to… she…”
Princess Twilight slackened, falling to her knees. “Sweet Celestia, what am I doing? After everything I’ve learned about friendship, how could I possibly even think of doing something like that to anypony? Twilight, I’m so sorry for everything. I don’t know you very well, personally, but you’re me, in a sense. We should be friends.”
Twilight fell to her knees as well, wringing her hands in her jeans. “Of course we should. Before I came to Canterlot High, I was pretty much the only friend I had. I don’t see why that should change just because it’s been externalized a little. I’m sorry.”
Both girls leaned close and embraced one another tightly, the asymmetry of their forms a welcome peace.
Sunset let out a sigh of relief and wiped at her brow. Finally, things were starting to turn around.
“Besides,” Twilight said as she pulled out of the hug and pushed up her glasses. “I’m the smartest person I know. If you’re technically older than me, then it stands to reason you have experiences and perspectives I lack. If we work together, I’m sure we can figure out a way to solve this conundrum in a way in which everyone walks away from this with the maximum amount of happiness.”
Oh Celestia no.
Princess Twilight frowned, rubbing at her chin. “I’ll admit it's been a while since I’ve studied the various ethical philosophies, but you might be on to something. I did make sure to read up on the particular differences in human courtship before coming here, and it shouldn’t be too hard to break down into simple math.”
Twilight opened the door to a nearby empty classroom, casually walking in and picking up a dry erase marker. “If we consider the parties involved, P, and the mutual feelings, L, and the net happiness gained by all, H, then…”
Sunset banged her head into the locker repeatedly. After a few moments she felt a hand on her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.
“You doing alright there?” Rainbow Dash asked, her voice lacking its usual bite.
“Not even a little,” Sunset said with a sigh.
“I know I’ve been laughing a lot at your expense - and it’s still freaking funny, okay? - but it looks like this is pretty rough on you, which, well... that sucks. Do you have any idea what your answer is going to be?”
“I think,” Sunset said dryly as she glanced over at the empty classroom; the whiteboard was already half full, “that I’m not going to be getting much of a say in the matter.”
“Um,” Fluttershy mumbled, twirling a finger through her hair. “I know it doesn’t mean a lot coming from me, but I think you should stand up for yourself, Sunset. I’ve been watching these YouTube seminars recently, and um… ‘if the love doesn’t fit, then you should just quit?’”
Sunset looked at Fluttershy, frowning, before she was interrupted by someone tapping on her shoulder.
“Uh, hey, Sunset,” Flash Sentry said as he rubbed the back of his head. “So, I can’t help but notice that there are two Twilights here today. I don’t suppose you could help me, maybe…”
The glare Sunset shot him could have liquified an entire mountain.
As Flash slinked away, there was another tap on her shoulder.
“Here you go!” both Twilights said simultaneously, beaming as they handed her a clipboard.
“Uh, what’s this?” Sunset asked. It appeared to be a calender or itinerary of some sort.
“It’s a bit rough,” Twilight said as she pushed up her glasses. “I’ll email you a polished copy when I get to my computer, but it should do for now. It’s our schedule.”
“Schedule for what?”
Princess Twilight grinned. “Polyamory is a tried and true traditional way of expressing relationships for royalty in both of our cultures, as well as between progressive individuals who have strong bonds between multiple members of a party, and wish to express those bonds in a way mutually beneficial to everypony involved.”
“You can’t be serious!”
“You’ll be spending your Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays in Equestria with Princess Twilight,” Twilight said, tapping at the clipboard with a pencil. “And I’ll get you Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. Sunday will be a group day.”
Rainbow Dash burst out laughing again.
Sunset stared down at the schedule, her mouth hanging open. "Do you actually think something like this would work? Me just gallivanting back and forth between Equestria and here, between you two, disregarding anything I want to do with my life other than being in a relationship?"
Princess Twilight shrugged. "I'm sure there will be some kinks to iron out at first. As well as some, uh..." She trailed off, blushing as she stole a quick glance towards the other Twilight, then coughed, "kinks. But we're all reasonable, well adjusted and intelligent adults who should be able to figure out how to make make it work.
"It really is the best solution, Sunset," Twilight said as she clung to Sunset’s arm and pressed her body close. "For all of us. I'm okay with it. In fact, I'm looking forward to it."
“I trust you, Sunset,” Princess Twilight said, clinging to her other arm. “It’s just a matter of everyone being open and honest about their feelings with each other. We can do it. I know we can.”
Sunset looked in the eyes of her captors, and the glint she saw there wasn’t the kind typically present in a ‘reasonable and well adjusted adult.’
She looked over to her friends. Rainbow Dash shrugged. Fluttershy looked away.
Sunset took a deep breath. She should have done this from the start.
“No.”
Both Twilights blinked, glanced at each other, then back up at Sunset. “What?”
“I said no.” Sunset stepped forward and shook their arms off of her. “I’m not interested in either of you romantically. I’m sorry, but that’s just how I feel. And I’m definitely not crazy enough to give your whole polyamory thing a shot.”
“If it’s the schedule, I’m sure we can adjust some things.”
“I’d be happy if you spent most of your time with her, as long as you spent a little bit with me…”
Sunset ground her teeth together. “I’m going to prove my point here in an incredibly stupid way that will almost certainly backfire horribly, but I don’t even care anymore.”
“What are you talking about?”
Sunset took several long strides across the hall, grabbed Fluttershy, dipped her low, and kissed her straight on the mouth.
It was hard to say exactly who was the most surprised at that situation, but Sunset had a sneaking suspicion it might have been Fluttershy.
“Hey,” Sunset said as she pulled away from the kiss. “Wanna go out with me, Fluttershy? We can go make out behind the school.”
Fluttershy had turned entirely scarlet, her eyes wide. She managed to move her head in the barest of nods, squeaking out a tiny, “Yes please.”
“Well, there you have it.” Sunset pulled Fluttershy back to her feet, the girl leaning on her limply. “Looks like I’m going out with Fluttershy now. Sorry ladies, but I’m afraid I’m taken.”
She walked forward, Fluttershy holding onto her arm as they rounded the corner, leaving both Twilights behind.
“Sorry about that,” Sunset muttered, blushing. “I mean, if you wanted to, I would, but I was mostly just trying to prove a point. You don’t actually have to go out with me.”
Fluttershy squeezed her arm hard enough that her nails dug in, and she took several short breaths, nearly hyperventilating before she took a deep breath and looked up at Sunset, her eyes sparkling. “That’s okay. It was, um. Nice.”
***
Twilight glanced over at Princess Twilight as Sunset left with Fluttershy.
"Well, crap.”
Princess Twilight sighed. “I guess we came on a little strong there, huh?”
“Guess so.”
They sat there in silence for a minute as the rest of the crowd started to wander away now that the drama was over.
“...You wanna go to my place and make out?”
“Absolutely.”
This one has been sitting around in my mindspace for awhile, and every part of it still makes me giggle. Hope you liked it too.
Thanks to the wonderful Theigi for the fabulous coverart. This story couldn't have worked without it. They've got an EQG fic of their own, so if you like the Dazzlings, check it out!
Thanks for Kalan, Magpie, TABrony, and R5h for editing/prereading.
If you like Sunset Shimmer, I've got an origin story for her over here. And if you're a fan of SunLight, keep an eye out. I've been working on a long and dramatic SunLight romance for the past 6 months now, and it's nearing completion.
One that takes itself a tad more seriously than this fic. 
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Oh. Oh, you cheeky dickwaffle, the puns. Alright, alright, I'll read it.
good dammit i know that reading this kind of fics at 2 am is no good for me 'cause i wake up all my family, i was laughing so hard!!!
but totally worth it!!!!!
this is just to much for me, i think i'm gonna die!!
That ending though
I bet Twi WOULD be totally into that.
Glad to see this fic finally making it out of your head and onto the site!
*Looks at title.* Proceed face-palm.
Lovely. There were a lot of really funny points in this. And I'm really glad it didn't end the way I thought it would.
Damn it.
I thought that title meant two hands in Sunset's bush.
I guess that just means I'm a terrible person for thinking that.
Celestia that ending. So much yes. Sunshy is my new ship!
Okay, no it's not, but it's still funny.
I have no idea how this got on the front page, but DAMN if it isn't funny. Sometimes a silly little fic like this is a good thing. you shouldn't take life or literature too serious all the time.
Next step is for all of Sunset's friends and enemies to fall in love with her.
6027473
Ha. Ha ha ha... HA!!! I know what you're referencing~!
wow all I can say is just wow that was awesome
If I were Sunset, I would haul off and punch Twilight in the face for setting a fucking time limit. I mean, I'd probably think of an answer in that amount of time, yeah, but she didn't have to make it an order.
...Alright, so maybe a punch to the face would be a bit dramatic. Then again, so is high school romance.
Well that last bit was quite unexpected. At least it was something (or in this case, someone) they could do
Nice. That was freaking Hi-larious XD
Dear God this was funny.
Ah, twilight does have a tendancy to go completely overboard when shes frantic. Funny to read. Poor sunset, hopefully she and Fluttershy make a good pair.
We get both Twilights making out, ShimmerShy, and Flash Sentry gets nothing?
Works for me...
6028389
Truer words have never been spoken.
Ouch.
*DIES* That is such a perfectly Twilight thing to say!!
Dammit, stop killing me!! I'm running out of Revives!!
And no "me days" for Sunset at all, because she's just a trophy!
You tell those crazy purple bitches, Sunset!
YES! Sunshy is SPREADING! My plan is working PERFECTLY! Muahahahahahaha!!
Awesome story, loved every second of it!
This was pretty funny.
You know, I could've seen it working if both Twilights hadn't come on so strong.
Ah well, selfcest for the win!
In the end, self-cest is the key.
I like it....
WHAT?...thats all I got man!!!!
Shimmershy/Flutterset? I somehow approve
Great story, I really enjoyed it! Thumbs up from me.
Good to know I'm not the only one. And my roommate said I was being stupid, it's helped me more times than I care to admit. not to mention it's tested to bear 2 tonnes of weight (It fell off the back of a forestry truck... I love my luck)
And my sides are hurting!
But hey, everyone ended up happy (except Flash but no one cares about him)
SEQUEL!!!!
That ending!
I lost it there. Your Twilight(s) is spot-on, exactly how I would imaging they would deal with this revelation. And that Shimmershy! What a Twist!
I really just want to make a clop fic bassed on that picture there
I did not that end coming, though I was VERY much hoping for it!
I like selfcest, I like Fluttershy ships. Therefore I love this.
6028829
face and the topped with the phrase "Thats worse than incest times a billion!"
My reaction exactly, only with more of a
6029075 Oops. I might be writing a SunsetXSunset story right now...
Long time no see by the way!
Sequle now plz
Flash ended up alone, that's sad Flash needs more love so I think he should at least be shipped with Blueblood
Fisting!
Grinding!
You smart person, you!
That was glorious.
Ten outta teeeeeen.
That was the best possible ending A++
I'm a sucker for multiple instances of the same person interacting. This was hilarious through and through, especially Sunset's response to the Twilights' proposal. Thank you for this.
If I was gay and less of a dick I'd totally bang myself. Good call Twi.
Well, I certainly expected a TwilightSunsetPrincess threesome, but Sentry getting nothing worth it xD
Dat SunsetShy was unnexpected xD
6029127 Flash ended up alone. Finally. And he also lost Twilight to Twilight. The irony.
I had to take a few minutes to collect myself after that ending. Jesus-mother-humping-Christ.
I loved this, a whole lot, and I'd love to see more. The situation's pretty much been wrapped up by this point, but it'd be awesome if you could find a way to continue it!
[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BAomAwIwxm8]
I completely dug that Sunset told the Twilights off and ended up with Fluttershy - because about from the 24 hour thing onward it was clear that those two was cray. I'd complain about Twilight being OOC, but this seemed to pretty much be a crackfic, and it made me laugh. So, yeah.
Up thumbs.
6029075 Selfcest is bestcest.
For me, that was the best line in the whole story simply because it proves that she IS that oblivious
Oh, and dat surprise... uh... Sunsetshy? Fluttershimmer? yeah... dat ship.
Oro, you are a horrible, horrible person and I love you dearly.
Twilight and Twilight making out... nothing wrong with that. Though I think Sunset kinda screwed herself over with Fluttershy.