• Published 22nd May 2015
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Discord's Discombobulating Discounts - Lost_Marbles



Discord opens up shop in Ponyville. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie are his first customers...

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Discontent

Discord's Discombobulating Discounts - Chapter 2
Discontent

Outside of “Banana Fluff’s Cafe,” Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were finishing up their lunch. Rainbow had already finished hers and was studying the juice packets and the pitcher of juice that sat on the mushroom table. “A juice that makes you fart? I don’t believe it. If there were such a thing, I think we would have heard about it before now. I think Discord’s just playing a trick on us. What do you think, Pinkie?”

Pinkie shoved the last half of her third daisy sandwich into her mouth. “I fink uee fould tesht it!”

Rainbow shook her head. “Swallow first, Pinkster.”

Pinkie gulped down the last of her lunch. “I think we should test it!”

Rainbow nudged the pitcher over to Pinkie. “Fine. You drink it.”

Pinkie giggled. “No, silly! Let’s test it out on somepony else. Hmmm…” Pinkie looked up and down the street at all of the ponies walking by. Her head stopped, and she jutted out a hoof. “Target acquired!”

Rainbow followed Pinkie’s hoof down the street to a stall that was very familiar. It was the Apple family’s stall, and behind it were Big Mac and Applejack talking. Pinkie scooped up the pitcher, balanced it on her head, and grabbed an empty cup and straw with her tail. “Meet me behind the building next to A.J.’s stall. I’ve got this.” Pinkie skipped over towards her first victim.

---

“...and could you tear up this ol’ newspaper while Ah’m gone? Some paper scraps otta make some good cushionin’ for the package Ah need to deliver.”

Big Mac nodded. “Eeyup.”

“Thanks, Mac. I shouldn’t be gone too long now.” AJ turned away and trotted down the street.

Big Mac watched her go for only a moment before getting back to the stall. Looking around and seeing no customers, Big Mac grabbed the top newspaper from a small pile that AJ left behind. He grabbed a corner with his teeth and tore off a piece, ripping the front picture of a donkey in half. After dropping the shred of paper into a nearby empty basket, he bent down for another bite; as he ripped off another piece, a shadow fell over him. Looking up, he saw Pinkie Pie had stepped up to the stall.

“Hey, cuz! Whatcha doin’?”

Big Mac let go of the newspaper, straightened his posture, and smiled. “Oh, nuthin’ much, Miss Pie. Just mindin’ the stall is all. What’s that you got there?” He motioned with his head towards the pitcher resting on Pinkie’s noggin.

“Oh this?” Pinkie Pie put a cup with a straw on the counter, launched the pitcher into the air with a jerk of her head, and caught it with her mane before pouring its contents into the cup. “It’s just a little juice. You must be soooo thirsty working out in the sun all day. You certainly deserve a little refresher, don’t you?” She nudged the cup forward with a smile.

“Well, that’s awfully neighborly of you, cousin.” He bent down and took a sip. “Thank ya, miss--” Pinkie was no longer in front of the stall. Big Mac searched about, but Pinkie was nowhere to be found. Big Mac shrugged and got back to tearing up the newspaper. He wasn’t aware of the two spies behind him.

Rainbow, the first behind the building, started counting down when Big Mac took his first sip. Pinkie, who was standing on Rainbow’s back so she could get a good view, shook and giggled. “23… 22… 21…”

A low rumble came from behind the Apple’s stall. The tight muscles under Big Mac’s skin tensed up as he slowly surveyed the area around his stall.

“9… 8… 7…”

Big Mac took a few steps back from the stall and the street full of potential customers. His tail lifted slowly. Pinkie’s shakes and giggles increased. Rainbow stared wide-eyed but continued counting.

“3… 2… 1…”

A little toot could barely be heard. Big Mac looked around once more before fanning his tail about and stepping back up to the stall, then he continued his work.

Pinkie covered her mouth. “Well, that stunk.” She let out a snort.

Rainbow lowered her head and ears. “Well, I guess it works; but it didn’t have that much of an effect on Big Mac. We need a new target.” Rainbow looked across the street from Big Mac’s stall and saw the Carousel Boutique. She rubbed her chin. “Pinkie, you pondering what I’m pondering?”

“I think so, Dashie! Here you are.” Pinkie hoofed over a cup to Rainbow, and she took a sip. Midway through, Rainbow looked down at the liquid in the cup. It was purple. She spat out what she had in her mouth and threw the cup at Pinkie.

---

Rarity was in her kitchen, cutting cheeses to make a platter for some important guests that would be coming in later that afternoon when the door to the Boutique opened with the chiming of a bell. She put down the knife. “Coming!” she sang out as she elegantly walked out of the kitchen. “Welcome to Carousel Bou-- Pinkie Pie! Rainbow Dash! What an unexpected surprise! What brings you two here?”

Before Rainbow could open her mouth, Pinkie jumped up and announced quite loudly, “Rainbow Dash wants to try on dresses!”

Rainbow’s legs locked up, and she turned her head to look at her best friend. A wink from Pinkie quickly restored Rainbow’s faith in her partner in pranks and gave her the mental focus to close her mouth again. Looking back at Rarity, Rainbow was greeted with a cocked eyebrow.

“Really?! Is this true, Rainbow?”

Just roll with it. “Umm, Yeah… Yeah! I do. I would like a dress.”

Rarity jumped up on her hind hooves, clapped her front hooves together and giggled. “Oh! This is wonderful! What kind of dress are you looking for?”

Pinkie hopped in front of Rainbow. “She’s looking for something frilly and girly and sweet!”

Pinkie, what are you doing?

“Like this drink.” Pinkie extended out a hoof holding a cup of pungent punch in front of Rarity’s face.

“Like this drink?” Rarity repeated Pinkie’s words slowly. “Well, it’s a little unorthodox, but alright.” Rarity took the drink with her magic and took a small dainty sip from the glass.

Rainbow leaned closer to Pinkie and whispered, “Pinkster, you draconequus, you.”

“I’m not a draconequus, I’m a pony!”

Rarity pulled out a napkin and dabbed her lips. “Hmmm… Sweet. Fruity. A bit tangy and a rather strong taste. Maybe something with spring colors to represent fruit. Let’s see what I…” A small gurgle interrupted Rarity’s train of thought. “Oh, excuse me. I think I left the oven on in the kitchen. I’ll be right back.” And with that, Rarity gracefully walked through the boutique and through the kitchen door.

Once she was out of sight, Rainbow and Pinkie both rushed up next to the door. 11… 10… 9…

“Hey, Dashie,” whispered Pinkie.

“What?”

“I added a bit more of the punch mix to the batch since Big Mac’s wasn’t so big.”

“How much did you add?”

A trumpet blast echoed out of the kitchen and into the boutique.

“Oh goodness! Um… Sweetie Belle! Please don’t be playing the tuba so loudly, dear. Especially in the kitchen. We have company.”

Rarity walked back out to the boutique. “You’ll have to pardon Sweetie Belle. She just got a tuba for her last birthday and…”

She was too busy with her excuse to notice that Rainbow was biting her lower lip and Pinkie was turning blue from holding her breath.

“...she has been playing it at night and it interrupts my beauty sleep. But she is my dear sister and I do love her so…”

Another rumble came from Rarity’s stomach.

“Oh, I do believe I left the milk out. One moment.”

Rarity walked quickly out of the boutique and into the kitchen again.

Rainbow and Pinkie didn’t have to get close to the kitchen to hear the butt trumpet.

“Sweetie Belle! Volume!”

Rainbow stomped the floor and laughed through her clenched jaw, while Pinkie bit her leg and shook like a madmare.

Rarity walked out again; this time there were a few strands of hair poking out of her otherwise well kept mane and tail. “I’m terribly sorry about that, now then, where were we? Oh yes, a dress for Rainbow Dash.”

The door to the boutique jingled, and Sweetie Belle came running in. “Hey, sis! I forgot my tuba!” Sweetie Belle ran up the stairs and came back down with a tuba wrapped around her torso. She pranced on by, tooting her tuba as she went. The doorbell jingled behind her, and the boutique went silent. A few more strands of hair popped out of place in Rarity’s frazzled mane. Her pupils were pin pricks.

Pinkie Pie took a few audible sniffs in the air. “Hey, Rarity. It smells like that milk of yours went bad.” Her voice cracked at the end. Rainbow couldn’t hide her smile any longer.

Rarity’s eyes darted about as she ran a hoof through her mane. “Ummm, well, you see girls… I…” A rumble interrupted her. She jumped forward and shoved the two guests toward the door. “I’mterriblysorryRainbow,butIjustrememberedI’mgettingtheboutiquefumigatedtoday.Pleasecomebacklater,okay?Okay.Bye!” With a final push, both Rainbow and Pinkie were outside of the boutique and the door slammed shut behind them, followed by another sonic butt boom. A few of the windows opened up, and the sign on the door glowed with Rarity’s magic and flipped over from “We’re Open” to “Closed.”

The two pranksters laughed until their sides hurt.

---

The partners in prank walked together side by side as they looked around for their next victim. As they turned a corner, they saw the Cutie Mark Crusaders outside of a tent. The tent, much like others in Ponyville, was almost spire-shaped and had a little canopy over its entrance. Under the canopy, Sweetie Belle was blasting her tuba, Scootaloo was holding up a sign, and Apple Bloom was calling out to all the ponies who passed by, “Get your fortune read right here! Fortunes! Madame Scootaloo will tell you your future!”

The sign Scootaloo held up and shook around said, “Fortunes! 3 bits.” It probably said more, but Scootaloo dropped it when she saw Rainbow. “Hey, Rainbow Dash, how are you doing?” She jumped and buzzed her wings.

Rainbow smiled. “Oh, nothing much, squirt. You’re a fortune teller now?”

Scootaloo straightened her back and stood as tall as she could. “Well, you never know. Already told a few fortunes today; turned out pretty well! Hey, I could tell your fortune, too, Rainbow! What do you say?”

Looking back at Pinkie for a moment, she turned back to Scootaloo, and three pairs of puppy dog eyes stared back. “Alright.”

The three fillies jumped and cheered. Apple Bloom stepped forward and shot out a hoof with a smile. “That’ll be three bits!”

“What!? I’m your favorite Rainbow Dash! Can’t you just let me in?”

Apple Bloom shook her head. “Madame Scootaloo is a very busy pony. Her time is valuable.”

Oh well, I guess we could humor them. After all, it’s only three bits.

“Now hold on a minute,” Pinkie said, a mockingly serious tone in her voice. “You three have been outside in Celestia’s sun, tooting your tubas, swinging around signs, and yelling out on the top of your lungs. You must be hot, tired, and thirsty. How about you each get a free cup of juice which is worth two bits a cup instead? It will cool you down, give you a boost of energy, and soothe your aching throat. What do you say?”

Apple Bloom’s serious face fell. “Huddle!” she shouted, and the three of them grabbed onto each others’ shoulders and whispered. This turn of events also made Rainbow pull Pinkie aside.

“What are you doing, Pinkie!?”

Pinkie giggled. “What? It’s just a little gas. They can handle it.”

Rainbow shook her head. “Just a little? Did you not remember what happened to Rarity? I wouldn’t dare do that to Scootaloo.”

“Relax, Rainbow.” Pinkie tapped the pitcher balancing on her head. “If anything happens to the fillies, I’ll take responsibility. Pinkie Promise!” Pinkie crossed her heart and stuck an invisible cupcake in her eye. “Besides, I'll water their drinks down so they don't explode or anything.”

Taking a deep breath, Rainbow closed her eyes and imagined the worst case scenarios. The CMC get a bad case of the toots? It would only last for a few minutes. And it was Pinkie who offered the drinks, so if Scootaloo got mad, Rainbow was pretty much in the clear. “Fine.”

Both mares turned to the three fillies, who had broken their huddle. Apple Bloom stepped forward. “It’s a deal.” She stuck out her hoof, and Pinkie bumped it with hers before she gave the fillies their payment.

The three fillies gulped down their drinks and dashed inside. Apple Bloom stuck her head out the tent opening. “Please wait a second as Madame Scootaloo prepares herself.” She pulled her head back in, and the sound of whispers escaped the tent.

25… 24… 23… Shoot, if we’re going to be out here when IT happens, this is going to be a waste of-

“Madame Scootaloo will see you now!”

Rainbow and Pinkie let themselves in. Inside the small tent was a short, round table covered with a long, flowing tablecloth that hung to the floor with a glowing crystal ball. Around the table, closest to the entrance were a few cushions for the guests. Opposite of the entrance was Madame Scootaloo, draped in purple garments and necklaces that might have been borrowed with or without permission from Rarity. There were even several mismatching clip-on earrings on one ear. Next to Madame Scootaloo, just a little distance away, sat Apple Bloom. Madame Scootaloo nodded, and Apple Bloom spoke up, “Please, take a seat.”

Rainbow and Pinkie sat down.

16… 15… 14…

Scootaloo raised her hooves under her long sleeves and waved them around the orb, the orb glew brighter and changed colors. Both Rainbow and Pinkie leaned forward and watched how certain motions of her hooves made the crystal ball glow brighter or how it changed colors when she spoke.

“Filly’s tears and young colt’s cooties.

Are you scared? You must be bold!

Reach us now, oh crystal ball.

Truth be told, what shall unfold?!”

Oh wow, she is really putting on a show. They must have put a lot of effort into this.

What Rainbow and Pinkie didn’t know was that as Scootaloo worked her magic, so did Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. Apple Bloom watched Scootaloo’s performance and slid her front hooves over a hidden chart they had made under the table cloth. Sweetie Belle, hidden under the table, would watch Apple Bloom’s hooves move across the chart and light up her horn to the color and brightness that the chart indicated. It was a little bit difficult to look down at the chart while she stuck her horn up through the hole in the table and into the upside-down fishbowl, but it worked. She smiled when Rainbow and Pinkie said, “Woah.”

Then she got a rumbly in her tummy.

Her opening act finished, Madame Scootaloo sat down and rubbed her stomach. Apple Bloom adjusted herself in her seat. “So, which one of you wants your fortune read first?” She leaned to the side, towards Madame Scootaloo, and coughed.

Pinkie raised a hoof. “Oh, do me first!” she said with a slight giggle as she covered her smile.

Madame Scootaloo leaned over a bit and threw her front hooves in the air. “Oh, CRYSTAL BALL!” she shouted, muffling another sound that came from her seat. “Show us, what does the future hold for Pinkie Pie?”

The crystal ball began to glow pink, but it flickered for a moment at the same time as a little squeak escaped from under the table.

Apple Bloom leaned over and coughed again.

Working her magic again, Scootaloo waved her hooves around the crystal ball, speaking out while her volume and word stresses fluctuated. Whenever she did so, a low rumble could be heard from under her chair. “The crystal ball, it SPEEEEAAAAAAKS to me. It says… It says... “ The crystal ball turned green. “It says that YOOOOU are going to MAAAAAKE a good deal. You will have no problem with BIIIIIIITS!”

The crystal ball flickered, and another squeak came from under the table.

Pinkie bit her lip and hid more of her smile under her hooves. “That’s great,” she said, nearly choking on her giggles.

Even now, Rainbow was having a hard time as she fought the growing smile on her face. Rainbow, in trying to contain her laughter, squeezed hard on her chest, forcing herself to wheeze out her question, “What about my future, Madame Scootaloo?”

“Hmmm… Let me SEEEEE!”

Apple Bloom leaned over and coughed.

The crystal ball flickered and squeaked.

Madame Scootaloo waved her hooves around the flickering crystal ball. “I see, I SEEEE….” The crystal ball turned blue. “That… that can’t be right.”

Risking to catch a whiff of what the CMC had been cooking, Rainbow leaned forward. “What? What’s so bad? Blue’s an awesome color.”

“No, blue means something bad will happen. The orb is probably STIIIIIILLLLLLL thinking!” Madame Scootaloo aimed the last comment down at the orb and not to Rainbow.

The table shot up and tipped over. The crystal ball went flying, and the tablecloth whipped by Rainbow and Pinkie’s faces, revealing Sweetie Belle. Her eyes were red and full of tears, and her cheeks were incredibly damp. “I can’t take it anymore! Scootaloo! Apple Bloom! You two stink! I’m stuck under there, and you two keep… keepUUUGHHHHH! I can’t breathe in here!”

The upset filly ran off, and her friends chased off after her. “Wait! Sweetie Belle!” “Hold up!”

Rainbow and Pinkie watched as the fillies disappeared through the front flaps of the tent before the two started howling with laughter. They would have continued laughing for much longer, but Sweetie Belle’s tantrum also unleashed the worst stink bomb both pranksters had ever inhaled.