• Member Since 8th Jul, 2012
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Shenanigans


Hello, Sirius Shenanigans here! I am a martial artist with a hankering for humor. My primary intention is to create stories with original characters. MLP characters are great, but they aren't mine...

Comments ( 69 )

Eeha! Everyone! Fight foe haters! Upvote in a name of Littlepip's tailhole!:rainbowwild:

What really interests me is how this fic is portrayed through the perspective of a wasteland merchant. I like the idea of having the 'protagonist' as a merchant, you lose income for being too 'kind' or charitable; or you lose customers due to you lack of empathy and take advantage of every trade to take as many caps as possible. Being a merchant in the wasteland is kind of in the 'grey' area, can't be too 'good' or 'bad'.

5995378
It certainly creates an interesting game of economics. It is not that he can't be too generous, it just means that he has to balance who he cheats and who he gives gifts to. Sometimes a gift is an investment, because an act of kindness can give you a friend worth more than what you gave. Economics isn't always about making the money, but how it gets spread around.

Oh, oh this is quite good. More. More! MORE!

6086098 Thank you so much. I really appreciate it! I hope you will like chapter 2 just as well!

I like/question how most of the strange activity affects Tumbleweed the most. The carnivores plant, the computer, burning buildings. In my opinion I think that Tumbleweed is the Pinkie Pie equvelent of the party. Minus the reality bending but all the funny. What ever happened to the "Mr Handy"? Last I remembered from the first chapter it was burning the diner.

6215067
It makes me happy that you think of him as the party equivalent to pinkie pie, I certainly am shooting for a character who has optimism and humor in spades. Questioning is a good thing, some of the weird stuff is definitely in there to make you ask questions. The weird stuff for me is what makes Fallout what it is! As for how it effects Tumbleweed, he is a little bit different from stable dweller protagonists like Littlepip and BlackJack. He is a wastelander through and through, so he is better adjusted to these things. Like a tumbleweed, he rolls with the punches, metaphorically and figuratively.

The Mr.Hoovsy is just as you say, at the bottom of a burning bar. In original drafts, I was thinking of possibly having him as a recurring character, but I liked how it tied everything together in the end of chapter 1. It felt satisfying. I won't say he is dead, it really come up to how much faith you have in the MoWT's ability to make things that can withstand the apocalypse. I absolutely loved writing the Mr.Hoovsy, so there will certainly be other amazing robotic personalities as we go along.

Thanks so much for commenting, it helps encourage me to keep writing.

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I can't help but enjoy all the wacky things that happened to tumbleweed, especially his attempted hacking session. Ifeel that if he were to wake up from a drinking binge, he would wake up cuddling/spooning the the same or a different computer with an aqward conversation that ensues:

*Tumbleweed wakes with a mind splitting hangover*
Tumbleweed:Arrrgg-wu . . . What the buck?
computer: I had a great time lastnight.
*Tumbleweed stared in disbelief at the computer/screen, whatever*
computer: No one touched my programming like that for centuries.
*Tumbleweed fails to say anything coherent*
Computer: Tumbleweed?
Tumbleweed: Wa-um, I mean, yes?
Computer: . . . . . . I'm pregnant.
*Tumbleweed stares into space as his eyes dilate while trying to recall what brought him to such a strange predicament*

Level Up:
Science skill: Max

Perk
Software to Hardware.


Just wishful thinking.

6216304 JW is secretly my plan to ship an OC with Celestia, or dare I say, Molestia. XD XD XD jkjkjk

I appreciate this sooooo much, you have no idea! Who knows? its a wild wasteland out there! Anything can and just might happen... It is a good thing you are picking up on Tumbleweed + Computers = wacky antics. The tales of Tumbleweed's Electronic/robot Hijinks are not over.

I want people to have a fun time with these goofy characters dealing with scenarios with varying levels of seriousness. If I can make characters that you can't help making jokes and exploring silly ideas with, then I am doing exactly what I want. For me, Fallout Equestria wasn't just how it was written, it was about the imaginative ideas that got flowing along the way.

Oh, one thing to note: max in a stat is going to be really hard to reach in this series, since 100 isn't the limit...

Will you be preoccupied with fallout 4 like some of the other FoE writers?

6620882 I'm worried about what I see in Fallout 4, because from what I am seeing thematically, it is looking like it will turn out to be the Anti-Fallout 2. It looks like they did great things to enhance game play and making the story telling more convincing, but I worry about it as a Fallout game. Anyway, I'm in a transitory period between computers and jobs. I am probably going to be preoccupied with finding a job. Still, I'll be watching from the side lines.

Right from the first paragraph, the story starts with a question about subjectivity. The question might confuse a reader of Fallout: Equestria stories at first, but it actually provides a kind of frame to view the usual backstory blurb. Establishing a context to apply to the rest of the story at the very beginning is daring, but it succeeds in application to the first chapter. Well done!

One aspect that bothered me was the shift to including two different characters' dialogue within the same paragraph. By all means, you are free to do so, but it might be best to keep consistent. The dialogue with the robot is kept separate for both characters; then enters a new character, and their dialogue wind up answering each other in the same paragraph.

When the weather is nasty out, but you still have that craving, what do you do? You order out.

Witty narration is definitely the strongest quality about this story, so far. Every sentence seems to exist to play on words and create humor. It just becomes such a fun read that I take in every sentence and consider it for a moment. Not much aside from a Hemingway novel makes me do that. Fantastic!

Strange inconsistencies in formatting do appear, but they pale in comparison to the wonderful narration and witty dialogue. Although the majority of the chapter is a scene of two heads talking, the chapter maintains a good pace in introducing main characters and a catalyst for the coming adventure. I am intrigued, interested in seeing what this half-baked duo will do next.

I came buckets. This is lovely and amazing and I can't stop reading it.
It draws yeh in and fondles yer attention in such an entrancing way.

I will definitely be keepin' me eye on this one.

The one with the prominent letters “G”, “U”, and “N” stood out to me. What a terrible ghost of the past…

What follows after that line is not a badly written rant, but it definitely should be a separate paragraph from the preceding sentences. I enjoyed the wit in the rant, but it took way too long to get to the point it needed to be at. Had the rant simply gone from the line about terrible ghosts of the past to the sentence talking about the scariness of guns, then I do not think much would have been lost, really.

…And then she shot me right in the face with a laser pistol.

That does make for a rather funny scene, but I cannot help but wonder how Tumbleweed can just take a laser beam to the face and only flinch. A headshot with a laser beam would make for some nasty, eternally painful burns! A minor gripe, however, given the nature of the story.

Finishing up the big chase and showdown with the raiders, the grotesque gore splatter at the end was actually quite fitting. It was longer than I had seen such moments drawn out before, but a combination of interesting narration and continually added spectacles kept the scene from becoming boring. The only problem I could see is if this kind of presentation is used in consecutive scenes, because action scenes should not typically last this long in word count. The next time a fight is underway, it should be varied in length and content.

The two of us were absolutely mortified. Bleached white, I hoisted Scapegrace over my shoulder, I grabbed my clothes, armor, and the abraxo cleaner before dragging my refrigerator out of the room. “Pardon the intrusion.”

Once more, this story has fun just running with its insane sense of humor. A wonderful break after the long fight! Scapegrace is also introduced with a great amount of detail exposed in merely a page's worth of conversation. That is great characterization.

Overall, the chapter was a thrill to read. However, Tumbleweed's ability to shrug off devastating laser wounds and the way the raider encounter dragged on a little too long were striking enough to warrant attention. The narration and dialogue remain top-notch in the meanwhile.

On a side note, whatever happened to that bartender robot Tumbleweed got into a fury? Was it not following him at the conclusion of the last chapter?

6838016 Its good to be getting critique, as I have really yet to get any of that.

What follows after that line is not a badly written rant, but it definitely should be a separate paragraph from the preceding sentences. I enjoyed the wit in the rant, but it took way too long to get to the point it needed to be at. Had the rant simply gone from the line about terrible ghosts of the past to the sentence talking about the scariness of guns, then I do not think much would have been lost, really.

Your almost certainly right on this. This is one of my earlier writings, so I was still figuring out my groove. I've been meaning to de-clutter that whole section. I like bits of the rant, but it does need to be broken up.

That does make for a rather funny scene, but I cannot help but wonder how Tumbleweed can just take a laser beam to the face and only flinch. A headshot with a laser beam would make for some nasty, eternally painful burns! A minor gripe, however, given the nature of the story.

To me, the laser pistol represents one of the most technologically advanced artifacts of inefficient weaponry. Had it been anything else, Tumblweed would have died! I haven't encountered a fallout game where at any point where you have access to a laser pistol, that it is a good and effective choice to use a laser pistol. They don't have mass, they don't deflect really, they burn flesh at least, but they don't really do well in penetrating. It's been 150 years since its manufacture, and that means it could be all kinds of inefficient. Also, Tumbleweed is an earth pony, and there are lots of subtle magics they subconsciously use. The way I see it, the laser pistol is a weapon that relies on getting fickle chain reactions to be effective in combat, making it a piss poor weapon choice. The laser pistol is a joke in itself.

The only problem I could see is if this kind of presentation is used in consecutive scenes, because action scenes should not typically last this long in word count. The next time a fight is underway, it should be varied in length and content.

I definitely understand what you mean, I'd like to avoid extraneous fight scenes that get repetitive. However, there are a number of ideas that are being presented subtly in that fight. The biggest thing is the distinction between fights with guns and fights without guns. Tumbleweed doesn't have any weapons! He can fight quite skillfully, but when up against guns, he has to put up a fight on the run because he is both alone and guns are scary. His fight has to take longer. It also demonstrates bits of earth pony magic on multiple different counts, but I don't point it out. Finally, it introduces a number of elements that are active in the city. Its a potpourri of elements being introduced.

6841184
fanon mode GET

I think that energy weapon effectiveness degrades sharply without routine and competent maintenance.

A frequently and competently maintained energy weapon will consistently put through-and-through holes through flesh, bone, thin strips of metal and concrete and pretty much anything within a certain size, density and enchantment level.

A poorly maintained energy weapon will have firepower comparable to a tight beam flashlight and be more useful as a melee weapon than a ranged weapon.

This seems consistent with classic FO's portrayal of energy weapons as high maintenance, high power weapons.

Hehe, well look at that… Apparently this guy only sold two kinds of things. Why would anypony sell those together?

Not that significant and not even that much of a recognizable reference, but I love the fact that this version of Ponyville remains faithful in design to the original. It makes the setting a whole lot more endearing.

It shot out aiming for my head, but I blocked it with a hoof from my fast reflexes.

'fast reflexes?' Surely, Tumbleweed, you don't need to brag within the narration about skills we're well acquainted with. ;)

The fight with the acidic plant was certainly a nice display of humor and team-bonding between Scapegrace and Tumbleweed. I think the 'historic value' joke was played one too many times during that sequence, but it was an entertaining dose of action, anyway. Part of me still paused to wonder just how in the world such a creature wound up in the home of a Ministry of Image writer, but that oddity is more a nitpick than anything else.

"I do miss my old looks, but I guess ponies always told me I had a face for radio."

Brilliant bit of wordplay there. Well done.

It is uncanny just how durable earth ponies are made to be in this story. Killjoy is the number one violator. While I enjoy the character's personality and banter with his partner, I still cannot get over the fact that he shrugged off that many shots to the head. It may be revealed later on how he did exactly that, but with what is given in his introduction scene, it just becomes impossible to believe.

It also added, “Go read a book or something.”

You used science on the terminal. You learned nothing new. This little scene harkens back to the brutality of lockpicking and science skills in the first two Fallouts. It was all trial and error.

There was a moment of silence. Something wet dripped down my throat.

You just continue to defy expectations! Anyway, in spite of the brevity of that action scene, it was definitely one of the best written so far. It does not go on for long enough to grow dull; it varies things up by having darkness play into the combat; it features plenty of humor while demonstrating Calypto's skill as a gunfighter. The whole scene breathes with the indulgence in absurdity and awesome that characterizes this story.

“You still owe me a million bits!”

And what an excellent way to come full circle from the first chapter.

Overall, the chapter definitely seemed to go a different direction from the previous ones. Less internal dialogue from Tumbleweed and, thus, less witty lines. In exchange, the chapter feels like it progresses a lot smoother, moving into and out of action without creating overly long sequences. Absurdity still runs boundless, actually escalating (didn't think that was possible) with the hilarious Ministry of Morale interface. If there was one overarching criticism I had to lay on this chapter, it was definitely the fact that some jokes were used way too much. While the repetition of said jokes worked the first two or three times, by the fourth time something like Scapegrace's obsession with 'historic value' came up, it was stale.

Still, the story is tons of fun and engaging through and through. Looking forward to the next chapter!

Why did you make the cover art so confusing and messy? I can't tell what's going on in it.

6950976 I actually drew my own cover art, which I've heard is like a capital sin for some people but for Joker's Wild, the chaotic style works. I had a really good artist friend I wanted to have draw it, but he demanded I draw my own, because he likes how I draw. This is a story that celebrates the haphazard, chaos of the wasteland, so I like the scratchiness of it. I need to add more contrast so things are clear. The cover has Tumbleweed on top of a giant radscorpion, with a balefire egg in one hoof, the pandora fridge in the other. It will probably never be an accurate image, but it is true to the spirit of the story!

Ponyville has not been selected to receive a fully functioning MAS Sparkle Reactor due to its affinity for class 1 to 3 disasters

You really cannot blame the government for pointing that out. The bureaucrats are in the right for once.

I was getting sweat on my sweat

If I had to be honest, that was the worst I had seen of wordplay from Tumbleweed's narration. It just has no appealing wit, and it proves a destructive break from the flow of the paragraph.

I couldn’t afford to be loopy in a place like this

Savvy as always, Tumbleweed. Nice of you not to ever act uncharacteristically stupid for plot purposes. Good job!

Oh, she was the artist of my distress.

Now there is another winner of a line!

She started ruthlessly sewing my wounds together.

In his arrogance, Tumbleweed forgot an important wasteland lesson: do not anger the person providing you medical services.

I took a spell of pause

'A spell of pause'? A period or break of a pause? Not that the two words have the same definition, but they are close enough to make this bit seem redundant.

"If we die, we can’t save anypony."

At last, Tumbleweed realizes how to reason with a character like Calypto. With the zebra acting as judge, jury, and executioner, the only way to convince him would be to use his own twisted logic against him. Hopefully, Tumbleweed does not forget that fact in later interactions. It could be a good Chekhov's skill.

And that wraps up a pleasant, self-contained chapter all about exploring Tumbleweed's relationships with his new companions. It brought in some much needed bonding between Calypto and Tumbleweed, in order to convince the reader exactly why Calypto's survival should mean anything to anyone. Their shared 'stallion moment' at the end was a real treat as well. The interactions between those two were executed brilliantly; there was not much for development, however, between Tumbleweed and Scapegrace. That was a little disappointing, given how the opportunity was just lying there.

As a breather chapter, this one does really, really well at maintaining the spirit, wit, and passion of the story purely through the characters, as a story should always manage to do. While some choice lines and missing phrases proved a little distracting, they were but nitpicks overall.

6956293 Yeah, some of the lines are not my finest, but I am glad you enjoyed some of the wit. Those bits are are always the hardest to figure out. To find when to place them in, and what to say, and how to word it in the most poignant way possible. I will sit around on a document for a long time and come up with nothing.

Still as you said, the main focus of the section is the Calypto and Tumbleweed's relationship. We had just had a number of scapegrace scenes, and I needed to reintroduce Calypto with a strong bonding moment. Once upon a time, I think there might have been schemes for a Scapegrace development, but I like having good start and stops for scenes, and the Calypto section dominated. I also wanted to transition into the following bits quickly, as I was behind on getting stuff out. I ended up choosing against having a development moment there. This was also written way back, immediately after chapter 2. I don't think I had really worked out Scapegrace's entire role in the story by then, so it would have been a gamble as to how good of a scene it would have been.

Scapegrace will get her moments, but Calypto is an important character to define for this story. Few FOE stories have the kind of high octane friendship that Tumbleweed and Calypto have. You get to see tense characters who bond via commiseration a lot, or characters who devolve into being romanticallly or sexually involved, or things like that. There are few male protagonists in FOE stories, and few strong male friendships, so I wanted to show them being bro's.

Oooooh, better watch yo self Tumblefuck!
g02.a.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1iPdvLXXXXXaDXXXXq6xXFXXXY/The-Legend-of-Zelda-font-b-Moon-b-font-mountains-The-Legend-of-Zelda-Majora-s.jpg
Came to the wrong neighborhood!
Oh wow, heh heh heh. I'm not sure what you'll do with this new development, but right at the end of the chapter, some part where Tumbleweed went *squish* , I thought it was sort of like Majora's Mask.

6994631

Oh wow, heh heh heh. I'm not sure what you'll do with this new development

Isn't that the fun part of things? Not knowing what is going to happen next? The next section is certainly interesting.

Majora's Mask is a good thing to be feeling. That moon is an omen.

6951036
I love your cover art, too! JW has this... turbulant feel to it, and the art style fits.

then the cyclops lifted the eye-patch, putting a sniper rifle up to her newly unveiled eye. She had her night vision.

The night serves as a dynamic for the characters to interact with, and the execution is quite impressive. That eyepatch trick is just one of the clever ways nighttime becomes another variable in the action.

that was the closest thing to calming we were going to get. It was nice.

Those three words at the end do not exactly give off the sense of breather you were going for in this paragraph. That short sentence is made redundant by the line preceding it. I would take that sentence out.

This is Pharoah, the heart of the revolution, and this is Evolution Radio.

Pharoah's broadcast is a well-written speech reminiscent of an intellectual's appeal to the masses for revolt. It reaches the grandeur of a world-stage revolution and yet remains within the context of raiders and their own twisted perspectives of the world. The only issue I have with this speech is that it draws a discomforting parallel between a downtrodden social class and actual savages, especially considering the choice of words (pariah, outcast, misunderstood). Turning raiders into relatable revolutionaries, no matter how twisted Pharoah's perspective may be, might be crossing the line.

The horny pony tried their best to break through my hold

I cannot believe you rolled with this wording XD.

“He has a shield…” Calypto mumbled to himself, bringing a hoof to his face.

While I do enjoy how out-of-nowhere this line comes in, I do feel that the tension and pace of the scene is broken for the sake of comedic timing. His comment just seems odd given the multi-fighter brawl currently breaking out around the party. His line should really have come while he was engaging the enemy; the description just gives the visual of Calypto standing to the side while his companions fight desperately to survive.

Before she could finish, there was a sun-like flash of light.

Did they just use Scapegrace's crystal coat to blind the raiders? Now that was thrilling and brilliant (pardon the pun)!

I’ve been known to even forget my own birthday from time to time

Very subtle callback.

"There isn’t anypony in you right now, but there will be!"

This is probably one of the funniest exchanges I have read in this crazy story! Flying innuendos, terrible implications, references, and cloudcuckoolander fun. All wrapped within a chat between this host and Pinkie Pie. For that reason, it is the best introduction to Pinkie Pie I have ever read.

This chapter has audacity in the new elements it explores. The nighttime variable that not only weaves into the action, but also into the tone of the unfolding story. A transition in perspective that leads to possibly the best interpretation of Pinkie Pie I have ever read. A visionary's speech that actually makes sense and hits the necessary notes (albeit with some unfortunate implications). The narration returns to its golden wit; the characters coalesce together in a comedic team in the vein of the Three Stooges.

However, the pacing and timing suffered some instances of misplaced or distracting phrases and actions that took away from the flow of the narrative. A joke does not always land during an intense action scene. Letting the narrator wander in thought does not always add personality or substance. But these are far and few in between. Many more jokes and bits of clever narration do land.

I laughed out loud myself during this chapter. You have succeeded with your intention on this one!

7008920

The night serves as a dynamic for the characters to interact with, and the execution is quite impressive. That eyepatch trick is just one of the clever ways nighttime becomes another variable in the action.

Lighting is one of those much neglected combat variables that stories breeze over. We have so many tools to deal with it, and can adapt to it, but only if it is a problem in the first place. The eyepatch trick is something that people would actually use in espionage groups, in case of flash bangs.

Pharoah's broadcast is a well-written speech reminiscent of an intellectual's appeal to the masses for revolt. It reaches the grandeur of a world-stage revolution and yet remains within the context of raiders and their own twisted perspectives of the world. The only issue I have with this speech is that it draws a discomforting parallel between a downtrodden social class and actual savages, especially considering the choice of words (pariah, outcast, misunderstood). Turning raiders into relatable revolutionaries, no matter how twisted Pharoah's perspective may be, might be crossing the line.

He doesn't use the term raider does he? He is calling more than just raiders, but there is more to raiders than just savages. It's survival of the fittest, so "dumb savage raiders" get killed quickly. You end up with smart savages at the very least. Raider is an occupation not a mental disorder. Raiders have been relatable revolutionaries for centuries. Look at the mongols! Hell, the original fallout raiders are based on them!

I cannot believe you rolled with this wording XD.

This is Joker's Wild! Get used to it! Three cheers for double entendres!

While I do enjoy how out-of-nowhere this line comes in, I do feel that the tension and pace of the scene is broken for the sake of comedic timing. His comment just seems odd given the multi-fighter brawl currently breaking out around the party. His line should really have come while he was engaging the enemy; the description just gives the visual of Calypto standing to the side while his companions fight desperately to survive.

I know what you mean, but it is the limitation of writing. A fight throws so many actors and variables into the mix, and writing can only talk about one at a time. I would have more content on Calypto's part in the fight, but it would screw up the pacing. This is a scene of inferred conflict. Calypto is still doing his own thing. The joke comes in as a comment to something seen out of the corner of his eye that just can't be ignored. It prevents the scene from having tunnel vision. I can't show everything that goes on, you have to have some imagination.

Did they just use Scapegrace's crystal coat to blind the raiders? Now that was thrilling and brilliant (pardon the pun)!

Using what you have is the name of the game. Also, they are bounty hunters. Scummy bounty hunters, but bounty hunters none the less.

This is probably one of the funniest exchanges I have read in this crazy story! Flying innuendos, terrible implications, references, and cloudcuckoolander fun. All wrapped within a chat between this host and Pinkie Pie. For that reason, it is the best introduction to Pinkie Pie I have ever read.

Everybody loves that Pinkie scene. I had so much fun writing it. It almost didn't happen. It is the most recently written part of chapter 3 as a whole. I rewrote that whole fight scene to accommodate having it as part of it. I think it worked out well.

This chapter has audacity in the new elements it explores. The nighttime variable that not only weaves into the action, but also into the tone of the unfolding story. A transition in perspective that leads to possibly the best interpretation of Pinkie Pie I have ever read. A visionary's speech that actually makes sense and hits the necessary notes (albeit with some unfortunate implications). The narration returns to its golden wit; the characters coalesce together in a comedic team in the vein of the Three Stooges.

Glad you liked it!

I laughed out loud myself during this chapter. You have succeeded with your intention on this one!

Aww, I should put that bit on my wall to keep me going!

Wow, I will need to read this story once more. Is he dead, undead, mostly dead. So many plot devices, so many characters, and so much world building to come.

7145676 So many more characters on the too. Savage Song, Cross Fire, Hexerai, Jailbird, Jonna Gold, Traffic, Little Bastard, Duckling, and so many more characters that exist but I also am tentative on names for. All with varying levels of importance. Its a big story, and most of it is mapped out. I laugh when my editor tells me that "Joker's Wild villains come in swarms."

Is he dead, undead, mostly dead.

Guess I'll have to finish the reworks on the next section sooner so you can get those answers.

I knew from all the spirit I’d from him today that he was most certainly smiling.

I think there was supposed to be a "seen" between "I'd" and "from."

‘Bang! Bang!’ went his guns, launching bullets into Killjoy’s face.

Considering the style of narration, I think you could do without the comic sound effects in this scene.

Suddenly, there was a loud bang and pain shot up the side of my hoof. “That doesn’t mean shoot me!”

Now, a team inflicting pain upon one another can make for good humor. Shooting someone in the leg just because they pointed out a fact is not in good taste. In fact, it comes the closest this entire story to the bad kind of absurdity, the one where even the rules of the story are violated and characters are derailed.

I snapped back. Nopony knew my struggle.

He gets berserk when characters question his refrigerator? You know what, that does sound characteristic of Tumbleweed.

This wasn’t just a chandelier… it was an earth pony chandelier.

What a twist!

Just keep swinging Killjoy! Your power is my power!

This fight is probably the first to really demonstrate Tumbleweed's prowess in close quarters, since he has to rely more upon quick thinking, environmental awareness, and understanding of his opponent's balance and strength to win the battle. Fights with layered factors and streamlined presentation should become the staple of this story.

Blood rushed in me like a burning star, pushing back a darkness of death.

The simile there is a little contrived. Such anger and determination. This paragraph should mark the transition from build-up to execution, but the language somehow feels tamed, because the simile does not work.

“It’s occupied!” He called out from the other side of the door.

How cheeky of this villain.

The fight between Tumbleweed and Killjoy is definitely the highlight of the chapter. Any business with the alicorn afterwards is well and all, but the fight overshadows that scene easily. I have praised the clever narration of this story before, and I have expressed my problems with the earlier fights, but this chapter seems to correct the problems I noticed. I only hope later clashes embody the same level of thought, personality, and pacing as this one.

But the writing does not always capitalize on the potential of the scene. Strange similes and nonsensical phrases like "He was most of the way out, when the music found him" cut into the thought-out sections of writing like knives. Some readers may find their immersion disrupted, trying to understand what that particular phrase means.

Furthermore, Calypto's contemptible shooting of Tumbleweed should have been written out entirely. The drive it provides later in the chapter is not enough to make up for the pure derailment it does to his character. Calypto has shot Tumbleweed before... on accident. Even then, he maintains that he has principles of a justice-bent hero. Shooting Tumbleweed out of mild annoyance calls all of those 'principles' and 'justice' into question. Plus, it just feels like a really poorly delivered joke in bad taste.

This chapter is easily the most exciting thus far, but it is also hurt by a number of issues, all of which can be easily rectified. I look forward to seeing where this story is going to go in the next chapter.

7172082

I think I need to explain the nature of the joke going on with Calypto shooting Tumbleweed. This is a joke that entirely functions on subtext

Shooting someone in the leg just because they pointed out a fact is not in good taste.

Even then, he maintains that he has principles of a justice-bent hero. Shooting Tumbleweed out of mild annoyance calls all of those 'principles' and 'justice' into question.

Neither pointing out a fact nor any type of annoyance is responsible for why Calypto shoots Tumbleweed in this scene. Calypto's true motive in this is one of confusion and curiosity. Let me explain the subtext here. Calypto has jumped straight to shooting Killjoy mid-conversation. Usually this is an excellent tactic. Why wait to listen for an enemy to finish talking? Especially when you know they are a dirty raider! The jump to the preemptive first strike is a tried and true tactic for survival in the wasteland.

But despite landing a shot dead in the center of the pony's face, Killjoy spits the bullet out unfazed. In Calypto's mind that sort of thing is impossible. Killjoy's head should have exploded right then and there. Calypto is trying to understand what is going on here. It certainly wasn't his aim, he knew that.

Tumbleweed then provides the information that it is "Earth pony magic." It is an explanation for the reader, but to Calypto he is still confused because he has certainly shot earth ponies before. Why did it not work now? Earth pony magic is usually so subtle that it often goes without notice, and the idea of personalized magic for earth ponies doesn't register for Calypto. Calypto is questioning whether his guns are still working properly.

He needs to know. His guns are his primary means of defense. It sets up the irresponsible split-second idea for an experiment. Do my bullets still work on earth ponies? If they don't work on Killjoy because he is an earth pony, do they not work on other earth ponies?

Unfortunately for Tumbleweed, he is the closest earth pony.

Calypto has shot Tumbleweed before... on accident.

This is also not true. Calypto has yet to shoot tumbleweed. Scapegrace is the only one up to this point who has shot Tumbleweed. Calypto almost shot Tumbleweed when he snuck up behind him, but Tumbleweed avoided having his head blasted off by passing the gun over his shoulder.

Calypto shooting Tumbleweed is also not as huge of a problem. Calypto has excellent aim, and he can figure out how to land and nonlethal shot at close range. Tumbleweed also manifests one of the few "gamey" aspect of the story with the "Fire of Friendship" bonus perk added at the end of "New Friend Gambit". There is a narrative reason for things like this, but I don't want to give too much away at this point.

The drive it provides later in the chapter is not enough to make up for the pure derailment it does to his character.

This bullet provides more than just drive in the Killjoy fight for Tumbleweed. This is the symbolic manifestation of the strange friendship that Tumbleweed and Calypto share. It is one where they do not entirely agree with each other, and they even get in each others way. To Calypto, Tumbleweed exists outside of his sphere of Justice. Tumbleweed is a scoundrel at heart, but he also shares a certain mindset with Calypto about wasteland life that is rare. For Calypto, he isn't unjustly shooting somepony else. In a way, he is shooting himself, so it's okay.

For Tumbleweed, it is more than just an annoying drive that he gets in the middle of the fight with Killjoy. It is the presence of an ally when he is in the pits. When he is about to give up, Calypto pulls him up refusing to let him die. Calypto is the entire reason for Tumbleweed being in the town at this point. While him getting shot by Calypto is a horrible thing, it saves his life. This characterizes the dynamic shared between the two characters. Their friendship is one that relishes in being terrible people to each other, but in ways that make each other grow and push each other forward. Their friendship is the fire of friendship, straight under each others asses.

As MLP has grown, the nature of the friendship of the Mane 6 has changed alot over time. There is this idea that friendship is soft, enabling niceness and agreeableness. Laughter, Generosity, Kindness, Honesty, and Loyalty certainly shine through, but we have lost sight of the elusive element of Magic. Lauren Faust described the element of Magic as that "x-factor" that you just can't explain. It is a chemistry between friends that doesn't fall into the other five categories. The friendship of Calypto and Tumbleweed is almost entirely x-factor. They that when the 5 elements are present, the 6th will appear naturally, but in this case, it is the other way around. Magic is the spark that brings the other elements to their relationship. Chapter one, that X-factor lead to laughter between them, and set the foundation for Loyalty. We may get to see honesty, generosity and other elements come out of them, but the strongest element is the similar irresponsible mindset they share and the mutual games of pissing each other off.

This moment helps display a nuance in their character relationship that shows their 3-dimensional sides.

Now that is out of the way, lets talk about other stuff.

This fight is probably the first to really demonstrate Tumbleweed's prowess in close quarters, since he has to rely more upon quick thinking, environmental awareness, and understanding of his opponent's balance and strength to win the battle. Fights with layered factors and streamlined presentation should become the staple of this story.

Tumbleweed has had a number of instance of showing good judgement, character, and fighting knowledge up to this point, but this was certainly the first martially intensive fight of the story. It helps that it is a melee fight, meaning that Tumbleweed doesn't have to do most of his fighting on the run. While I would love to write fights like this for every fight, I would burn myself out too quickly, and it would mess with pacing. When there are important fights, they will certainly get more martial attention. This was a fun fight to write, and I hope to be able to make more like this.

The fight between Tumbleweed and Killjoy is definitely the highlight of the chapter. Any business with the alicorn afterwards is well and all, but the fight overshadows that scene easily. I have praised the clever narration of this story before, and I have expressed my problems with the earlier fights, but this chapter seems to correct the problems I noticed. I only hope later clashes embody the same level of thought, personality, and pacing as this one.

The Killjoy fight was definitely supposed to be the center piece of the chapter. I have some regrets about the implementation of the alicorn scene. I've grown a lot as a writer since I have put the scene together, and it isn't as strong. Another thing is that we are starting to get into the set up for the main over arching story for the entirety of joker's wild, and had I known as much of the story I have planned as I do now, I might have introduced the elements at play differently. From this point on, the story is getting a whole lot more defined.

But the writing does not always capitalize on the potential of the scene. Strange similes and nonsensical phrases like "He was most of the way out, when the music found him" cut into the thought-out sections of writing like knives. Some readers may find their immersion disrupted, trying to understand what that particular phrase means.

I like playing around with words, and sometimes that means it breaks flow a bit. I like subtext and sometimes it doesn't always pull through. I agree with the statement that some of the word play isn't the best in this chapter.

This chapter is easily the most exciting thus far, but it is also hurt by a number of issues, all of which can be easily rectified. I look forward to seeing where this story is going to go in the next chapter.

I am really happy you found this chapter exciting. Hopefully I can make it so every chapter is exciting or interesting as well.

Hi there, just like to say I'm really enjoying the story, so keep up the good work! All the characters are fun and interesting, especially Tumbleweed, Scapegrace and Savage Frisket. :coolphoto: Hope to see some more soon!

7665466 Thank you so much! Its always great to hear support for Joker's Wild. I'm glad there are people who come to appreciate Tumbleweed and Scapegrace. I know a lot of people I've asked will tell me that they like Calypto best. I'm always like hearing what people like in the story. Anyway, I hope you get to stick with JW and keep reading. There is a lot of really interesting lore and story stuff coming up for some of these characters. My editor and I actually made a lot of progress on editing through the next section, so with any luck, it should be out soonish. I don't want to say any dates, because that will guarantee it won't come out for months, but hey, I'll try to get it out as soon as possible. The next subchapter is really fun.

Ch3 done. I got to say that there was a lot of good bits, but a bit too long compered to how long the other chapters are. Sofar, the computer was my favorite character.

I thought for sure I was going to die, but I should have realized the searing healing hurt more than death. I kicked and screamed till I passed out.

This is a bit of a weird segment, since Tumbleweed is only unconscious for like seven paragraphs before he is back to consciousness. All the while, the narration just continues as though he were awake and observing. I had to look back to see if I read this part right, since it was not really clear that the point of view had changed.

From the gunfire of the far off panic, to the myriad of screams, confused, angry, and otherwise, my senses were reaching far.

When you put it that way, it seems as though the drug was the keystone to unlocking the inner potential, some sort of transcendence of his nature. Though I suppose that's how a Mintal would make you feel.

“I thought you said there would be no reason to kill me? Something about ‘the weak can not contest the strong’ or something like that?”

Now that's the kind of clever line I needed to see more in the past chapters.

Hey, Calypto... I found the town.

Another winner there.

“Rest assured, we have no intentions on monopoly. I am impressed. You clearly care a great deal for the wellbeing of your town.” As I spoke, the captain motioned to her guards to lower their weapons.

These underground folks seem to be a little bipolar. They're swinging between trust and hate rather erratically in a short span of time with just a few words. I had hoped maybe the tension would be higher as the relationship developed, and that Tumbleweed would have to adjust strategy as the scene went on.

“It’s free…” I said with a smile. “Whatever you want to do, whatever you want to be, you can be it.” Yeah, that was what it meant to me. Then, a voice came up that I wasn’t expecting.

“It’s dangerous... can’t say that it isn’t, but that is something I think that makes it interesting. If you are strong, there isn’t any place better to be.” Killjoy said, humoring the pony’s question.

Two lines set up as foils the rivals of this story. Two lines, immediate answers to a kid's question, establish better than monologues their philosophies on the world they live in. It is not as wordy as the rest of the material in this arc, but it does not have to be and is improved by the brevity.

Well… he was my son, from a theatrical standpoint.

This whole scene with the weird spirit just does wonders for an arc that has been going on for far too long without a pause in its violence, insanity, and constant action. It contains the kind of playfulness and wonder at the diverse absurdities of this world that I was really expecting the moment I finished the first chapter. It also has some standout narration to make up for a kind of lackluster opening to this chapter.

“Is this okay?” I asked the spirit, and the spirit nodded. I filled my personal canteen and secured it away in my coat.

Good little touch to the character.

The opening to this chapter was a real bog due to some stale narration and general fatigue with the constant action, but certain moments afterwards were real winners. With a much needed breather in its latter half, this chapter was long overdue for the arc. Some great potential is realized here, and the improved execution gives hope that the story after this long arc will blow my mind.

Good chapter. I'm glad to see tumbleweed's sense of humor.

However, I feel like scapegrace's physical appearance is described perhaps too early. Tumbleweed is running from raiders and happens to bump into her. He likely wouldn't notice so many details so quickly, and it kinda interrupts the flow of his fight in a jarring way.

Shortening & simplifying the description of her upon "first contact" and expanding on it after the action has passed would go a long way towards improving the flow of that portion of the chapter, in my opinion.

8208235 Yeah, Scapegrace's design was added in post, and it probably is a bit long for the moment its in, but its also placed in this surreal moment where he can look at her. And it wasn't like Tumbleweed wasn't looking....

I apologize in advance for how long the next one is. I decided to do some editing one day, and it added like 5k... whoops. Its still a good section, it just is a bit longer and probably needs a break somewhere in there. It offsets how short the next one is though.

Glad you like the humor though! Tumbleweed's brand of humor is pretty much why I wanted to write the story in the first place, so expect to see more of it throughout the adventure.

So, tumbleweed finally finds calypto again, and finds him only​ in slight mortal peril. Despite this he decides to join him instead of returning to his job? Seems like a rather thin justification, but Tumbleweed is a little bit off.

A rather short one, but calypto and Tumbleweed have a newfound understanding, and that's a bonus

An interesting chapter, to be sure. I liked the transition to nighttime and the salty earth method.

There are some jarring bits, though. For instance, the memory orb, while a good idea, muddles who is actually experiencing the memory. For the life of me I couldn't deduce whether it was Tumbleweed or the blinded unicorn, or both of them. I eventually landed on both of them, but I fail to see why tumbleweed, being an earth pony (and therefore lacking the facilities to access the memory on his own) ended up in it as well.

Granted, unexpectedly entering an orb would certainly be a jarring experience, but the way it gets to that point is a bit strange.

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jokers wild is a daoist parable, which makes first person semiomniscient the ideal nartation type. tumbleweed is the storyteller, but he is not experiencing the memory orb. he does not say "I" within that passage.

Also, that salty earth technique is a real life ninja technique from the shoninki. that is something people really did.

I'm pretty sure tumbleweed has the wacky wasteland perk at this point. :rainbowlaugh:

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First off, it is called "Joker's Wild" for a reason. There is a comedy tag, and my username is "Shenanigans." What were you expecting? :rainbowlaugh: In the old games, there wasn't a perk or trait for "wild wasteland", the wasteland just was that all the time. It was a trait of the setting. Society had been all the way to the future and in one day was knocked back to every single time in history across the board, with technology displaced for wacky shenanigans.

More of a side note, but don't assume Tumbleweed is level one. Anyway, glad you are enjoying the shenanigans.

Loving this. Tumbleweed reminds me of myself when I play Fallout games, but with different skills. Stubbornly defiant, hates slavers with a passion, and shouting insults in the middle of battle. (If only I could actually do that last one in-game. I just say things I think are clever at my screen.)

I can also relate to that "My Wasteland" thing. Who wouldn't imagine it as theirs after marching across it for days, and whenever they think "That Raider would look better as a pile of ash" it becomes so?

From a mad alicorn bent on a destruction not her own design to a water spirit that gives ponies involuntary baths. Curiouser and curiouser

And Tumbleweed has a history, I see. One he'd rather forget.

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