Many years before Hearth's Warming, and the Great Division, Equestria was known as The Canterhorn Empire (AKA The Alicorn Empire). From the City of Canterhorn on Mt. Canterhorn (present day Canterlot) the Alicorns ruled the land with grace dignity and justice. Then there was a rebellion, and everything changed. There are only three Alicorns left: Lady Lauren LaQuill, Princess Celestia, and Princess Luna (both were infants at this time). Lady Lauren raised the fillies as her own while they hid from the world in the Everfree Forest. During this time Lady Lauren gave Luna a set of magical silver pony slippers. Luna wore them all the time, but accidentally lost them during a storm.
In the present day, the silver pony slippers return, but on the hooves of the main six, and undergo quite an interesting journey as they pass from pony to pony. What happens to them in the modern day it seems only fate will decide.
- Member Since 12th May, 2015
- offline last seen Jul 4th, 2023
Nocturn Dreamwrite
I am a writer, a historian, lover of horses and deer, and the human double of Nocturn Dreamwrite my OC.
Nocturn Dreamwrite
Joined 12th May, 2015 ·
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Chapters (14)
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Hello Everyone.
I've finally finished my first My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic story. Sorry it took a while. I decided to finish it before I posted it.
Please enjoy.
Thank you.
-Nocturn Dreamwrite, (The Author)
Whats the sequel called
I forgot to mention this before but please do comment on my story if you wish. I'd love to hear from you. Thank you.
_ N. D.
To be fair, if I'd had a set of magic, wish granting slippers nicked from me by strangely sentient wind currents, I'd be pretty dang upset too. ;)
Hmmm, it's a pretty nice story so far. But I've noticed a few things which cause me some concern.
The first is grammar, namely the wrong use of 'their'. Their is possessive, "It was their time", for instance, but you've been using it in the wrong places "Their on the table" is wrong, doesn't make sense in English, as it suggests a somebody owns 'on the table'. "There on the table" works, as something is there, on the table, location; as is "They're on the table" which is saying that a group of people are presently on the table "They are on the table".
The other thing is plotwise. While I'm enjoying the story so far, it does seem a bit repetitive. Pony finds the shoes, they make some wishes, then lose them; I can tell right now this is almost certainly going to be repeated another 4 times until they go back to Luna somehow. I feel it's a wasted potential here, unless you plan to throw a curve ball at me. What if someone DOES try to make a malicious wish? Maybe there should be some kind of punishment for that? Or maybe there should be more consequences for the wishes being made. Indeed, maybe there should be some limitations to shoes which can infinitely provide wishes to their wearer.
I'm having a good time reading this so far, but if you ever did something else based off this, or if you wanted to rewrite this ever, I feel there could be some potential for drama or consequence here, which have otherwise gone neglected so far.
Hm, okay, kinda cool they didn't just magic away like the previous two times.
Sadly, another gramatical booboo here. Your is also possessive, "It's your time", for example. For the context you were using it you want You're "You're late!", for example, it's the shortening of "You are late".
Well, that was pretty nice. It definitely has room for improvement here and there, and I have to be honest, but I do feel like there was a little wasted potential. It was remedied a bit by the fight when the 5 ponies were all arguing over the shoes, so it's not that bad, but I think there's more that could be done there. A pony with the ability to wish for anything, infinitely, at any moment is a teeny bit OP, but that's okay, because that's interesting! I would limit it a little bit somehow, and perhaps do more to develop if ponies DID try to make malicious wishes.
Otherwise, a very entertaining read! Thank you for putting it online! :)
Ah, I forgot there was an epilogue, and I left my big review comment on the last page!
Erm...
Whoops! Sorry. ^.^;
This story should be made into either a comic or an audio drama.