• Published 17th May 2012
  • 5,617 Views, 57 Comments

Honesty Lost - Fillydelphian

When Applejack falls gravely ill, her special somepony Anonymous deals with the consequences.

  • ...


Rarity walked up the dirt path, Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash at her sides. The years showed on their faces. They had grown up, now. They were wives, mothers, friends. Rarity had grandfillies on the way, she said with great pride. Her mane, now graying with age, was still kept perfectly, matching her coat and giving her a look of distinguishing grace. Twilight kept hers in a tight bun, her youthful naivete having long since been replaced by learned experience. The Library was still hers, and she had expanded it in her years in Ponyville. Pinkie Pie had taken over Sugar Cube Corner, never losing her bubbly attitude or crazed exuberance. The gray streaks in her mane simply added to the persona. Rainbow's signature mane had faded some over the years, but she hadn't lost her spirit. She'd settled down later than her friends, but by now had started a family. Fluttershy had grown out of her shyness, in speech, at the least, and flew alongside Rainbow Dash as the group made their way to their destination.

“It's hard to believe,” Twilight started “He's gone for so long and then out of the blue, it looks like he's right back home.”

“Not right back, we're over ten miles from Ponyville. If we weren't told he was here, we'd probably never even know.” Rainbow Dash replied. It had been so many years since Applejack had passed away...so many years since she'd lost one friend and then another, only to now find one so close to home, yet so far away.

“Celestia said he'd been traveling, Rainbow. You remember how he was when...you know...”

“Why didn't he ever just send us a letter?” Rarity looked forward, towards the horizon. “He could have at least told us how he was doing sometime over the years.”

“It's complicated.” Twilight looked to her friend. “He wanted to get away and start fresh. I guess he just couldn't take the reminders, or didn't want to be more of a burden on us, or any number of things.”

“I'm just glad to be seeing him again! I haven't gotten to throw a party for Anonymous in forever!” Pinkie Pie's excitement rubbed off on the rest of the mares as they walked the path, sharing stories and memories of their youthful days, of Applejack, of Anon, and of their time together, sharing adventures and living life.

At last their goal came into view over the crest of a hill. A farmhouse stood proud in the open plain, surrounded by brown fence, a modest but lush orchard growing in the south field. A small barn and silo punctuated the scene. The idyllic country home. As the five mares approached, the sound of high laughter became audible.

“You're it!” A young colt tapped another, who had failed to escape him.

“Nuh-uh, you didn't get me!”

“I so did!” He pounded his hoof against the ground




“Yuh-huh!” The two were interrupted by a blue filly who jumped on both.

“Now you're BOTH it!” She laughed as she bounded off. The two colts looked at each other before running off in pursuit, eliciting a chorus of lively screams from the colts and fillies behind the house. The five mares stopped in front of the gate, watching the scene. They opened the gate and walked up the stone path to the front door. One of the foals, having made a circuit around the house, stopped in front of them as they walked.

“Hi! I've never seen you around here before! Are you looking for somepony?”

“Why yes, we're old friends of Anonymous. Is he home?” Rarity asked. The colt cast his gaze down at the ground for a few seconds before responding.

“I-I'll get Ms. Beatrix...” He trailed off before trotting inside. The five mares felt an implacable sinking as they watched the young colt lose his happy energy. A few minutes passed before the door to the house opened again and a blue mare with a graying, pale blue mane stepped out. She looked up at the mares in front of her with kind eyes as they looked back in shock.

“...Trixie?” Rainbow Dash stared wide-eyed. It had been so long since Trixie had come to Ponyville last, Rainbow and the others hardly recognized her at first. Trixie sighed heavily before replying.

“That's a name I haven't gone by in a long time, Ms. Dash. Please, come inside. I've been expecting you.” She beckoned the five confused mares inside and led them to the parlor. As they sat around the low coffee table, a filly came into the room and walked over to Trixie.

“Is it them? It really is them, isn't it?” She asked in a hushed tone.

“Yes, it's them. Could you put a kettle on? I think our guests could use some tea.”

“Of course, Ms. Beatrix.” The filly walked out and into the kitchen.

“I suppose you all have more than a few questions, so feel free to ask while we wait for the tea.” Trixie looked around the room at the five mares seated in front of her. Pinkie Pie was the first to speak up.

“Where's Anon? We were told he was here. When can we see him?”

“Soon, Ms. Pie. For now you'll have to be patient.” A minute or two passed in silence. “Don't any of you have any questions? Ms. Sparkle? Ms. Rarity?”

“Why are you here, Trixie?” Rainbow Dash narrowed her eyes as she spoke. She'd all but forgotten about her humiliation at the boastful mare's hooves all those years ago. “I can't picture our Anon having anything to do with ponies like y-”

“Rainbow, please, show some tact. We're in Trixie's home, from the looks of it.” Twilight cut Rainbow Dash off, trying to keep her from saying anything more rude than she already had. Trixie sighed again before answering.

“You can just call me Beatrix. Trixie was my stage-name and I put that all behind me a long time ago.” She looked around the room, collecting her thoughts before going on. “Way back when I came to Ponyville, I was overconfident, to say the least. A braggart and a showpony, riding on exaggerated tales of my exploits to make a few bits in each city I visited. After the incident with that Ursa Minor, I couldn't do it anymore. Granted I tried, I really did, but news traveled faster than I could about the pony who really saved the day, and my parlor tricks and bravado weren't so well-received from then on.” She looked down at the table for a moment. “After that, I sort of started drifting, town to town, doing odd-jobs and demeaning shows...” She stopped again. It was not a good memory, but it was a story that had to be told. She owed it to him to tell his friends. “Anonymous ran into me in Baltimare. We were at a bar, he told me he was in town for business, but I could tell by the way he carried himself that he was as aimless as I was, just too proud to admit it. We talked for hours; it was like we had both found somepony to open up to, who was in a similar place. He stayed in Baltimare for about a week before he moved on. We crossed paths many times, in different cities; Fillydelphia, Manehattan, Stalliongrad, Hoofington, on and on for a few years. We shared a room in Detrot the last time we met; he let me have the bed, gentleman that he was. Every time we ran into each other we'd catch up and see how the other was doing. We grew close in the time we spent together. By the time we met in Detrot I thought I had really found somepony who understood me; who cared what happened to me. I asked him if he wanted to come and stay in Trottingham with me, since I'd been in contact with some ponies there and was looking for a place to finally stop wandering. I remember he said he'd think about it before trailing off and changing the subject. He disappeared suddenly after that. I felt like I'd lost something when he left. I had nopony to talk to anymore, and I sank back into my old ways to cope. I didn't see him again for six years. Then, out of nowhere, when I was staying in Canterlot, of all places, I get a message from him. Apparently he'd found a poster of me somewhere and had a pegasus track me down with the letter.”

Trixie again stopped her story as the tea came out. Pouring a cup for each of the mares before starting up again. “The letter said he had bought a farm outside of Ponyville. He wrote that he had been trying to find me for a few months but couldn't because I had moved around so much. Apparently he had hired the pegasus who delivered it to track me down since he couldn't give an address or even a location. The first page of the letter he spent apologizing for disappearing on me in Detrot and telling me how much the time we spent in each others' company meant to him. My asking him to come with me had made him remember somepony he'd lost, he wrote, and he wasn't ready to do something like that. He wanted me to come live with him on the farm and help him realize a certain pony's dream. At first I was shocked that he'd even remembered me after all this time, even more so that he though I'd ever want to live in the country, but after a few weeks of brooding and thinking about it, I decided that I was getting nowhere fast, and traveled back to Ponyville to find the place. I've been here ever since, taking care of other lost souls, as it were.” Trixie set the cup onto the saucer and looked at the five mares, who sat in silence, taking in her story. She had changed much since they had met in their youths. The arrogant smirk, the smug tone of voice, the bravado and overconfidence in her eyes had left her. Before them sat a different pony than the one they had forced out of Ponyville those years ago when the Ursa Minor struck. Rainbow Dash broke the silence.

“That's all fine, Tr- Beatrix, but we came here to see Anon. Twilight got a letter two days ago telling us he's here, so when are we going to see him?” She was leaning forward now. The distant look in Trixie's eyes whenever she mentioned Anonymous had set her on edge, as if she could already tell what was to come. The story brought back painful memories for Rainbow Dash. Memories of a time in her life long since passed, when she lost friends so suddenly and got no explanations. “Where is he, Beatrix?”

“Rainbow, please, you mustn't be so aggressive.” Rarity spoke calmly as she picked up her teacup and took a sip.

“Thank you, Rarity. If you'll all come with me, I'll take you to Anon now. He simply wanted you to hear my story beforehand.” She got up from her chair and the filly who had brought the tea walked in sheepishly and collected the china set. The five mares rose from their seats as well and followed Trixie through the house to the back, and on into the yard. As they made their way behind the blue mare, the group of old friends felt that implacable sinking turn into full-blown dread. The foals who had been playing in the yard had stopped when the group exited the house. They looked on, whispering amongst themselves until some of the older fillies corralled them inside, speaking in hushed tones as they went.

At last they came to a large oak in the back yard. Its strong branches swayed in the breeze as the group stood by Trixie, who motioned to a plot of earth marked by a simple granite stone. The five mares' faces fell. They had all known this was coming, from Trixie's behavior, to the colts and fillies hushed tones and somber attitude regarding Anon, but seeing the headstone drove the reality home.

“He never stopped loving her, you know. Every time we met in whatever city he'd talk about that mare and how he was trying to get himself back on track. In a way we saved each other, but I could never replace her.” Trixie looked at Anon's headstone with eyes betraying her emotions. “Still, I like to think I made a good companion.” She produced a yellow envelope as she spoke and handed it to Rainbow Dash. “He wanted me to give you this, Ms. Dash.” Rainbow took the envelope as Trixie turned and left the five mares alone. “I'll leave you some time with Anon.”

“What's the letter say, Rainbow?” Rarity looked over the cyan pegasus' shoulder as Rainbow read it silently.

“I think it was just meant for her, Rarity” Twilight looked at Rainbow's face as it softened and her eyes began to well up.

“If you say so.” Rarity said with a sigh. “Rainbow? Are you alright, darling?” Rainbow Dash wiped her eyes and turned to her friends.

“Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Should we pay our respects now?”

“I think that'd be good.” Fluttershy spoke somberly

“Alright.” Pinkie stepped forward as the five mares formed a semi circle around the headstone and said their last goodbyes to their lost friend.

As the sun made its way towards the horizon, the five mares made their way back to the house. They talked some more with Trixie about Anon before taking their leave, their families waiting for them back in Ponyville. Rainbow Dash hung back. She walked into the back yard, to Anonymous' headstone and lay a hoof on the top of the granite marker. In her other hoof was the letter, which read:

“Dear Rainbow Dash,

I'm sorry I never wrote you when I was away. You were right; I am a coward. When I got to New Mareleans I lasted two weeks before I started drifting again. I couldn't face you or the others so I kept on drifting, then running, then just wandering. I went from city to city hoping to escape that guilt and depression, but it followed wherever I went. I shudder to think what would have become of me if I hadn't met Beatrix. She was a lost soul, like myself, and we shared our pain and eventually our company. She told me she knew you once; small world, I suppose. Beatrix is a lot like Applejack, deep down, you know. She's headstrong and caring and she saved me. She'll be modest about it if you ask, but I wouldn't have made it this far without her. When she asked me to come live with her I ran again; it was too much like what happened with Applejack. But eventually I realized that I couldn't run forever; that that was the problem. So I decided to work towards realizing Applejack's dream as best I could. She always wanted a farm outside of Ponyville, where she could raise a family. I like to think she'd be proud of what I've done with Beatrix here. I know Applejack would have done the same for me.
I hope you can forgive me for leaving like I did all those years ago, Rainbow. You were always my closest friend and I could always count on you, even if the same couldn't be said for me.
Bros always-

“Of course I forgive you, you brainless monkey.” Rainbow rested her forehead on the headstone as the tears fell to the ground. She stayed there for several minutes until her eyes dried and the knot in her throat faded. She smiled as foals ran happily around the yard, playing, and walked to the gate leading to the road to Ponyville. As she started on her way home, she turned back and looked one last time at the sign over the gate.

Applejack Acres
Home for Wayward Foals

Trixie sat in the living room, sipping a cup of tea. She had found her place in the world thanks to Anonymous, and the foals and fillies in her care brought her more joy than any applause ever had. On the mantle, faded from years of wear and travel, sat the framed picture of Applejack, smiling faintly in the setting sun.

The End

Comments ( 43 )

will read later...

LATER: Fuck You And Your amazingly talented masterpiece of writing, this became so hard to read. And there is a knot in my throat and my chest and my F*cking eyes are portals for rivers and...... This is a story I will never forget.

So beautiful...I'm not gonna cry...I'm not gonna cry...I'm not gonna...:fluttercry:
Oh, buck it, you get 5 sadpinkies for writing such a beautiful lament. :pinkiesad2::pinkiesad2::pinkiesad2::pinkiesad2::pinkiesad2:

So many tears... I mean I cry so much I even upsetted my own guts

Glad to see you posted it up!

Here's hoping it gets front-page featured! :rainbowkiss:


Looks like it's getting pretty decent reception so far. I'm glad people are enjoying.

beautiful story... i listened to this while reading... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0kGAz6HYM8&feature=autoplay&list=PL46ABC4C18F4B71A8&playnext=3 now exsuse me i need to get some tissues.... to many tears
due to making me shed tears i award u..... infinite out of 10

:raritycry: :raritydespair: :fluttershbad: This is the first time that I have actually cried at a fanfic, not just tears, but bawled. So SAD!

best story ever its sad but also life changing:fluttercry:

Really glad to see so many positive responses to my story.
You guys are great. Seriously.

A truley beautiful story, i loved every second i spent reading it.

*All Posts Lead to this being a very sad story*



*Read a bit of it anyway*

WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?!?! :fluttercry:

This reminds me a lot of the fiction 'My Little Pony - Hospice', but much shorter and features Applejack instead. Good show. :moustache:

Contests. Your story was the first one I have ever read to make me who is considered by everyone I know and quite a few doctors to be almost completely emotionless to actually break down in tears. You my friend deserve mad props.

*My thoughts when I found this fic while browsing*?Hmm... Name of fic is "Honesty Lost". It's tags include both sad and tragedy... THERE'S NO WAY ANYTHING BAD IS GONNA HAPPEN! CHARGE! *reads*

:applecry: OH GOD WHY?

*favorites and thumbs up*

To this day, this story was the one that tore my insides the most. When I think about it, I can still feel it.....dude; MLD can't hold a candle up to this. This is on my top 5 list of favorite fics, and emotionally wise- this is #1. This deserves so much more. Thank you so much for writing this.

Oh sweet jebus this was amazing, one of the best sad stories to date.
Deserves so much more attention, well written sir!
My insides are now a mess...
:ajsmug: :heart:

The feels...

DEAR GOD, THE FEELS! :fluttercry: :raritycry:

I made an account just so I could comment. Wow. Just, wow.
This is just so beautifully tragic. I just about cried my eyes out. You have a great talent here, I hope you keep up the good work.

I read the first part when it was originally posted, but I have only just got the courage to read the second and epilogue.

This story really pulled at my heartstrings... I wish we still had a rating system instead of the naff thumb system. This easily deserves 5 stars.

after reading this story and listen to It's hard to say goodbye , I actually cry like a man.


How come all tragic stories with applejack take the sadness to an extreme?

OMG i cried several times reading this. i honestly highly admire your work on this story. i like tragedy but i hate it at the same time because i always know im going to have my feeling wrecked by the end of it. you did a good job on this story i couldn't stop reading it, i had to take pauses to wipe away the tears from my eyes since anon's way of narrating his pain and struggle was so accurate for those who have lost someone dear to them much more their special soul mate. i believe how you ended it was purely a work of art. it was bittersweet to say the least. i don;t think i could have handled living like anon did and i thank you for making him such a humane and strong character. i kept thinking he would end his life but im glad you surprised me with such a pleasant ending. anyways i would like to thank you for making such a moving story and hope you share your talents with many more people.v:fluttercry:

thanks you so much. :ajsleepy:

Holy fuck, bro. That shit was... Wow. Really good. Sad, but really well done.

The fact that this story is not more popular is a travesty, really. Just, GAH. This is the story that made me appreciate sad and tragedy as genres.

Beautiful...just amazingly beautiful!:heart:

i don't what to say, it's really good writing but it's extremely sad.... :applecry:


That story was one of the best I have ever read, and I actually cried. I rarely ever cry even if its a funeral i'm at! :fluttercry:

In my opinion, this music score fits the story perfectly.

I'm overwhelmed.

This... is one of the most emotional, tragic, haunting, and beautiful things I've ever experienced in my life.

The helplessness of watching a loved one struggle and the unbearable pain of their passing, the punishing guilt and regret of words left unsaid and things left undone, the desperate search for closure and peace, and the will to finally open up and truly live again... I felt every single one of these emotions reading this story.

I feel no shame - rather, I am proud - when I say that I wept while reading this.

Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story with all of us. I was touched at a level I never thought a written story could reach and for that, I am eternally grateful to you.

I will never forget this story and the meaning it holds. Thank you.

Bless you.

This was just...utterly beautiful. You conveyed love and loss so perfectly that I was driven to tears. This whole story would take anyone on a journey through the life of a regular human, coping with not only the loss of his previous life and acceptance of his new one, but also struggling to cope and comprehend the loss of a loved one. This story really hit me at the end.To think that even in the end, he not only saved a pony from her old life and gave her a second chance to begin anew. He was also able to keep his promise to his love. This story was amazing from beginning to end, and I hope you take good pride that you have the talent to be able to convey such emotions from each character that even the reader can feel them. My hat's off to you

*clap clap clap*

Oh god, I'm depressed now.

I am very much down and filled with so much sorrow. Tears are still coming out as I write this, It's just too sad. Mistakes were made that can never be corrected, only forgiven. It is very sobering. This was well written and I give this my David Crespo stamp of approval.

This story is unnervingly realistic. I myself have experienced similar things. Life is such a remarkable journey, and it can be changed so very greatly by tragedy. As someone who knows the pain of loss, thank you for writing this. You've successfully conveyed emotions that I've been struggling to comprehend for years now.

All the time constantly, I shed these tears and i,
do it again and again. SO PERFECT... IT WAS LIKE A DIARY!

Sad fic but a good one. Good job

Dammit all to hell!!!!

That was beautiful but I need a pick me up!!

GOOD LORD!!!!! I had to stop like 20 times to cry there were so much feels.

Dude that was like a story to the movie as well

Fuck..... I can't... the feels... Damn it I'm gonna cry

I justed wanted you to know how beautiful your story was, it really touched me. One of the best I've ever read, you're very talented :twilightsmile:

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