(Rated Teen for shipping, possibly not necessary, but caution is better than nothing.)
(Art drawn by me)
Big Macintosh doesn't know what to do when given some time off from work at Sweet Apple Acres. He goes into Ponyville for what seems like the first time in forever, and he ends up running into the mane six, who he hasn't seen in a while. He still remembers what they did for his sister last Applebuck season, and he intends to be the gentlecolt he always is, and thank them each. However, simple greetings and thanks can always blossom into something more.
Chapters (5)
So who is going to end up with Big Mac?
Vote now!
Press 1 for Twilight
2 for Fluttershy
3 for Rainbow Dash
4 for Rarity
5 for Pinkie pie
Or
6 for Derpy
Good work look forward to seeing more!
605449 I kinda hope it's Fluttershy. It's making sense at the moment. 2!
605449 3, for the love of all that is good, 3.
Can someone tell me if there's a way to follow a story without favoriting it or is that the only way?
Big Mac is ladies man. No doubt about it.
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PRESS ALL THE BUTTONS
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Faving is the new tracking. Kinda weird, but I guess it means less coding or something like that.
Also, any pairing works really. Big Mac is adaptable.
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Holy crap guys. It's been 12 hours, and I've already got a lot of favorites from you guys. Thanks a ton, glad to see you like it!
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5!!! I haven't seen an extended Pinkintosh before.
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You'll just have to wait and see. I'm still buried in work, but I should be able to make a BIG advancement in the story over the weekend.
It should be Fluttershy. Fluttermac is the best pair ever and should never be questioned.
And then maybe Twilight and Big Mac.
Either way this fanfic is awesome so far.
>> captain_n00b
Unlocks secret character
Queen Chrysalis
So does he get all the mares?
FlutterMac!
Also, this is awesome, Big Mac needs more love. Keep up the good work!
I've just been leaving this browser open while I work, and I just can't say how much I appreciate all of the favorites and comments I've received. Thank you all so much! It sounds sappy, but it means a lot to know I'm doing a good job.
Brilliant! 9.5 internets!
605449 1! 1! A thousand times 1! TwiMac is best ship!
I vote 1. Rhymes with fun.
This has so far been a fun little character fic, looking forward to more. Mac seems a little soft here but I guess that's the popular fannon now. His interaction with Rainbow Dash should be funny.
Vote 1
605449
Well... I'm still making introductions... but it seems like a lot of people are voting for 1.
Maybe they'll be dissapointed!
Maybe they won't!
FIND OUT NEXT TIME, ON DRAGONBAL- Er, Away at the acres.
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I'm sorry for what i started!
Great story keep it up!
OK maybe I'm not sorry
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It's fine, trust me. I started this on a whim, still not sure who he's gonna end up with myself! XD
605449 I vote for 27, because nobody else will.
This is written so smoothly. I love it
Sounds like Big Mac's got some pondering to do.
By the way, watch out how often you begin sentences with the same word. Your first and second paragraphs open a couple dozen sentences with the word "He." Just a heads-up. Keep up the good work!
Hey man, Congrats on getting on the scrolling stories! How is this going to end!
We have the potential for HNNNNNNNG and D'AWWWWWW levels to reach critical mass with this, just by the huge amounts of potential shipping alone. Tread carefully, my friend!
Aaaaaaand tracking. Keep it up!
648200 'Tis a truly special way of tell someone when you want more of their story.
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*smashes the Number pad* ALL OF THEM!
And so Our Hero began his quest to defeat the notorious Pentafold Harem.
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I just repaired that to the best of my ability.
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Awesome.
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*Bows* I write for others to enjoy, who would I be to ignore their concerns?
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Apparantly I had to rewrite the edits in, It's now edited for real.
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Oh, yep, there it is. Great job. ;D
This chapter felt.... odd. Lacking, in a way. A wild Luna appears, and they just hit off the casualness right away - somewhat ooc for both herself and Big Mac. A little tiny piece of irony or something might've helped with some comedic relief. Some kind of secondary speculation, on the farm, on Big Mac's recent experiences, anything that might have slowed the pacing down a bit and rounded out the perspectives. Otherwise, this chapter felt very direct, like it was walking a straight and narrow line towards a certain point, like it was trying to prove it's not drunk or something.
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That would make sense, as I usually write at around midnight, and while I don't drink, that's as close as I get to being drunk is when I'm horrendously tired. I usually try to edit in things on concerns that I agree with, so do you have any specific ideas that I could try to add in, maybe a bit more of a greeting, or something? I'd be happy to flesh it out, I wasn't overjoyed with it either.
649482 It certainly could have been expanded upon. I, for one, wasn't aware it was night when he got there, I knew it was evening sometime, but a fair bit of setting out the scenery Never hurts - its plot neutral and helps define the situation, while helping with context.
Luna could have explained better why she was there, randomly. Both her and BM seem entirely too casual about randomly meeting this way.
Some kind of physical action, just a little ol' anything to help the images flow, maybe they walk while they talk, and this prompts the scene setting?
Not sure what Luna you're planning on, but I imagine a bit of teasing isn't out of the question, if your writing her that way. Sorta half expected him to have the same reaction with her, and be like "Damn you heart, calm the hell down!" except he doesn't. Could allude this in some way.
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Edited in a bit of explanation to the tune that it is midnight.
I think Luna's explanation of why she was there was good, though I should add that she teleported down from Canterlot.
I'll try to add a little more on how big mac remains at the tree, and I'll add a bit in which Luna sits down to listen to him.
Nah, I'm putting the princesses in as more psychological figures, and Big Mac views them too much as leaders to fall for them. I may write a LunaMac in the future, but not really gonna tease that one for now.
There we go! I made a few minor changes to try and address the problems you had. Tell me what you think!
And remember, as hard as I try, I might not reach your standards. First full fledged shipfic, after all.
649742 that's definetly a positive improvement. Onwards to shipping!
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Excellent! Still reading through it, making little edits to things I may have missed while half asleep writing it. Creativity is a torturous muse, commonly approaching my mind in the late hours of the night.
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the dawn chorus makes for quite a pleasent lullaby, ironically.
649792 Dawn Chorus by Boards of Canada? Good song.
I really like how you added in a moment where he could sit and reflect about the days current events and then also try and gain some help from a Luna.
That part where Luna came in surprised me. And now I cant wait to see whats next.
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I'm taking this story one step at a time, but I felt that a chapter of introspection was really needed, and seeing as the night is a symbol of love, I really thought Luna could fit in as a psychological aid to Big Mac during his romantic struggles, without becoming too romanticized herself.
wow I didn't realize there was some intended symbolism behind you staging it at night thats really cool nice job.
649809 Never heard of it. I meant the dawn chorus of birds outside the window
Edit - good song though, now that I'm hearing it . Edit 2.0 - weird, but good.
Your line about "i know much of romance." It speaks of things to come?