Anger
I look around in terror. The world around me is so terribly bright. I should be used to this brightness after so long in Equestria, pretending to be that princess. I find myself completely thrown off by my surroundings, however.
“Chrysie!” I jump at the nickname. I spin.
Eacko.
Tears run down my face in joy. How is he here? How is my love here? “E-Eacko… How are you… Why…” My questions fall flat. I cannot think while I am with him. I run forward to kiss him.
I feel each movement we make. His heart beats faster as we both savour the kiss. He takes a breath through his nose and I can feel his chest rise. I feel the roughness of his lips - I don’t mind the roughness. I love it. It feels soft to me, as tender as he whom I kiss.
I break away from him, smiling, my eyes shining. I take in every part of his body - his crooked horn, his silly goggles, that beaten up scarf. Lastly his eyes. His shining… sorrowful eyes.
“E-Eacko?...”
“I know you can be a good queen,” he says, his voice echoing around me. My ears are suddenly pounding like that of a heartbeat. Thump-ump. Thump-ump.
“Eacko, w-what are you-”
“Now change! GO!”
His body morphs into mine, but his eyes stay the same. I am frozen in place. My eyes are wide with fear. I’m shaking, and my body feels warm and all too cold at the same time. My tears are no longer from joy. I try to speak, but no noise comes out. My heart is racing and I don’t know why. Thum-umpThum-ump.
“Go, Love! Run! CHANGE!”
I-I have changed! We both changed already! We took each others place! H-He took my place, I should have died!
“Save yourself, My Queen!” Thump-um-umpThump-um-umpThump-um-ump!
If only I could - I couldn’t even save you, Eacko! I can’t even save my own race!
“GOODBYE MY LO-”
The world goes red. Blood red. There is no light or shadow or the beat of a heart; my concrete heart has shattered and all that is left is the pain of separation. I will never see him again. I will never see my one true love again.
I wake, gasping, trying desperately to wipe the blood splatter from my body that is not there. I shift and turn in fright, my eyes wild, feeling as though my heart has stopped. I have to save Eacko! It is the only thought in my mind, my only goal. The changelings would be better without me - if I could only have Eacko.
My mind starts to calm itself from the nightmare. I feel tears falling down my chin to my cocoon, but I pay them no heed. I take a deep breath, unblinking, reviewing the facts.
Eacko is dead. My heart aches as I remember that fact, but it is beating once again. I am in my Palace, and not in Equestria. That was just part of the dream. That awful dream…
I take a deep breath. I am in my Palace. I am in the Bad Lands, in my Hive. I am safe. I am stoically doing my royal duties. I am meeting with the council today.
I groan, leaning back in my cocoon. I had forgotten about that little meeting. It was surely going to be dreadful, especially after my failure. Still, they would not go so far as to dethrone me. My race would simply mutter and grumble in the shadows about how awful I am. Little did they know I did the same.
I sigh, rubbing my head. The time was well nearing dawn, but not so close to the meeting that it would be feasible to wake yet. Yet, the thought of returning to that nightmare… I roll out of my cocoon with yet another sigh. Might as well get ready anyways. I would need to compose myself beforehoof either way.
I trot to the nearby window, looking out among the few changelings who mill about in the pre-dawn hours of the morning. Many are wounded, but thankfully, none seem to have died in the attack. None, other than…
Many of them know of Eacko’s sacrifice. None of them understand. Most every changeling here believes it should’ve been me there. They believe I should’ve been the one to die. They think Eacko didn’t deserve to die for a queen like me.
They’re right.
I shut my eyes tightly, gritting my teeth. “No, they’re not,” I whisper to myself. “Eacko… H-He knew what he was doing. He… wanted me to live. He knew I could be a good queen. I know I-I can be a good queen.”
Liar. I growl to myself. You’ve been lying to yourself ever since he died. You’re pathetic.
“I am NOT pathetic. I’m mourning.”
But you’re not supposed to mourn. You’re the queen, aren’t you? You’re a changeling, aren’t you? You can’t mourn. You can’t even feel. So what are you, if you feel this way?
I feel tears rolling down my cheeks. I curse to myself and wipe them away quickly. Already? I don't usually start crying this early.
Look at you. You’re miserable. You’re suffering. You're even keeping track of what TIME you cry now. What sort of queen is like you? What sort of queen puts a single measly drone above all of her subjects? What sort of queen lets some changeling take her rightful place?
I hold my head tightly, trying to make the thoughts stop. They keep coming, every hour of every day. I can’t make them go away. I snarl, shaking my head and opening my eyes. “I WILL be queen, and I will be the greatest changeling queen known to history. No being will tell me otherwise.”
Then why are you still hiding? Why are you still crying? Why are you still alive?
“I don’t KNOW why I didn’t die! I know it should have been me, but it wasn’t! I should have died that day, but I didn’t, so that’s that! I will be queen and live on for Eacko, just like he wanted me to, and nothing will change my mind about that!”
I realize I’m panting from my explosive response. I wipe away more tears, standing taller and taking a few deep breaths. In, out. In, out. I can calm myself. I will remain calm, no matter what.
I hear a knock at the door. “Enter.”
A messenger comes in. There is no need, truly, for messengers, seeing as we can communicate using the hive mind. However, it keeps the unemployment down. This scrawny changeling could not pass any of the vital tests to become a soldier or a spy or any other worthy profession. He watches me; I can sense the thinly veiled hatred pouring out of him easily. “Message, my queen.”
“It says?” I turn to look down at the few changelings outside the palace once more.
“The meeting of the council will be moved to before dawn. Your presence is requested in the south hall.”
“Very well, Icaru.” The changeling bows and turns. “Wait,” I say softly. He glances back at me, an eyebrow raised. “You should have paid better attention to your classes, Icaru. Your hatred for me is so profound, it nearly brings tears to my eyes; tears of shame, that is, at how poorly concealed it is.” He offers no response. “I do not blame you for hating me, Icaru. Next time, however, do, at least, try to hide your feelings, even a smidgen?”
“As my queen commands,” he says through his clenched jaw. “I shall make my leave now, your majesty.”
“See to that.”
The door closes behind me and I sigh. It will be a long day.
*~*~*~
“I wish to apologize to them.”
That single statement silences the council. Every eye is on me. I take a deep breath, inhaling the confusion and outrage lacing the air. There had been plenty to begin with, but now, the room was filled with it. I blink slowly, and the arguing match begins.
“My queen, perhaps you might repeat that? APOLOGIZE to the… ponies?”
“You heard me right, Koviska. Perhaps you should get your ears cleaned if you are that hard of hearing. I said that last statement at a reasonable volume.”
I watch the changeling’s face slowly rise in red color. I smirk internally but that jovialness is quickly lost as I consider the implications of what I suggest. Grand Council member Koviska is right to be incredulous; if anything, I should apologize to my race. Not only that, but-
“Your majesty, changelings do not apologize!”
I sigh. “Neither do they lose after their last attempt at a meal, Idarsa.” I hear a small hiss escape her lips, followed by a rather colorful expletive. “Language, Idarsa. A lady does not say such words.” Her eyes widen. The shock on her face is almost as delicious as the shock I can taste. But it turns to ash in my mouth again. I sigh once more, bored and frustrated with how long this is taking. “We are a new age of changelings. Perhaps it is time to make history.”
Haven’t you already done enough to make history? ‘And on that day, the Changeling empire failed in their last attempt of finding love. This was the final straw that led to their eventual extinction.’
I shut my eyes tightly. I take a deep breath. “I spent time among the ponies. I know how they work. If we apologize to them, they may see fit to give us love willingly.”
“Nopony has ever given a changeling something willingly, your majesty!”
“Have we ever tried to ASK?!” I slam my hoof down, the sound echoing around the room, silencing the mutters that had begun to annoy me. “We have always stolen love, never once considering the fact that there may be easier ways to obtain it! Haven’t any of you foals wondered what it’s like to FEEL love, rather than just EAT IT?!” I'm panting lightly, but I don't care. Being angry keeps the thoughts away, at least momentarily. I will stay angry forever, if it just means I don't have to deal with it.
“Your grace.”
I look over to the right. General Tskari. He regards me coolly before shutting his eyes and resting his head on his hooves. “Changelings cannot feel love. We can only feed on it. As such, we must steal it, for beings such as pony kind refuse to see us as anything but monsters.” He opens his eyes again, staring directly into my eyes. “As demonstrated by the loss of your Guard Captain, they will stop at nothing to exterminate us without ever learning the truth.”
I wince, my heart running cold. My eyes narrow, but I say nothing. I can never say anything, in this regard. They can never know.
If word were to ever get out that the queen had once felt love, there would be outrage. The changelings were very afraid of change; change usually meant a shortage of love. Not only that, but if their queen had changed, they could be in danger. She could have gone soft. Thus, should I let my secret be known, I will surely be executed, just as my love was. I refuse to let that happen. He wanted me to be queen. I will be, but only for him. Only for Eacko.
The General sighs. “Be that as it may…” My ears perk up in surprise. He clears his throat. “Various missions to Canterlot have shown these ponies to be very emotional in nature. If we were to plead our cause, they may see fit to aid us.”
The changelings gathered begin to shout and bicker, outraged once more by his suggestion. My eyes shine with hope, however. I have one on my side. Perhaps one will be enough.
“Tskari, you go too far,” one says. “Those ponies are monsters! How many of our kind have shed their blood because of those ponies?”
“They have shed their blood for a reason, fool!” He slams his hoof down, growling. “We invaded THEIR territory with little hope of survival. Any troops going in there knew what was going to happen if we failed!”
"We would not have failed,” a small voice says, “if we had a better queen.”
The world slows. The changelings seem to part, like a sea, and I lay eyes upon one lone councilwoman. She regards me with cool anger, freezing my heart with how powerful a feeling it is. I stand and her face does not change. “What did you say,” I whisper softly, knowing she can hear me in the powerful stillness that has fallen upon the council.
“I believe you heard me, Chrysalis.” I breathe in sharply, along with many members of the meeting. It is forbidden to utter the queen’s name. “I said the plan would not have failed had we had a better queen.” She stands as well, and suddenly I recognize her. My heart pangs with regret, misery, sorrow… I keep each emotion locked up, but one.
“And what, pray tell, makes you say that,” I say, my voice rising in volume.
“I say this because you nearly sacrificed your entire race for a single city. Did you not think of the repercussions before you thought of the rewards? What of the surrounding allies? What if they had sent aid? What of the aerial teams Equestria is so proud of? What of LOVE, Chrysalis, which you seemed to forget entirely about? What of the power of LOVE that BEAT US after YOU, a CHANGELING who KNOWS the power it can have, DISMISSED IT?!”
I meet her glare with my own. I take a deep breath. “And what would you do to me now, Shasria? What would you do to the failure of a queen?”
“I would kill you with my bare hooves if I could.”
“Then, by all means, try.” A shocked gasp is hardly muffled somewhere in the group gathered. “If you can kill me, DO IT. I dare say the changelings will be BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME!”
My voice echoes through the chamber. I shut my eyes tightly and feel myself tense up. I feel anger coursing through me and I cannot contain it. I open my eyes, my wrath plain on my face. “But choose wisely, Shasria. Will you truly face me? Because, even as I am a failure of a queen, I am a queen nonetheless. I have tenfold the power you claim to have, and twenty times the power you truly have. I faced Celestia herself and survived. I have witnessed the death of a changeling from the front lines and realized it should have been me and I kept. going. Can you claim the same?”
Shasria is trembling. She gulps and takes a step forward, pointing an accusing hoof at me. “You are a failure, and I demand you be dethroned! You have failed your race. You’re a joke of a queen.”
“It must be hard for you then, Shasria.” I turn my back on her, flicking my tail. “At least some ponies like jokes.”
I turn to the guard standing by my left. “Detain her.” He nods and charges forward. I don’t watch the struggle; there would be no point to fueling my blazing anger. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself, but I cannot. Her words ring true, but I do not wish to hear them from her. She had once been a trusted advisor, bright and clear minded. Now, she hated me beyond all measure.
The guard to my right salutes to me. “What shall we do with her, your majesty?”
“Exec-” I stop, the word getting caught in my mouth. I think back to the nightmare, the blood staining me as my beloved’s head rolled past. That blood, covering my eyes, blinding me. That sickening blood. I gulp. “Throw her in the dungeons.” The guard looks curious at my decision. While it is not his place to be curious, I decide to indulge him. “Changelings sometimes end up being important. It’s hard to get important changelings who are dead to do anything.”
He nods and they drag her away. She screams the entire way. I sigh and turn back to those gathered.
Their faces are unreadable. I clear my throat. “This is why we need to send communications to Equestria. The changelings are on the verge of extinction. Many have lost hope. Many have gone mad, just as Shasria has.” I close my eyes softly. “It is time to swallow pride… and anger… and allow others to aid us.” I open my eyes, the last bit of anger I have left in this conversation surging forth. “I will be sending a letter of peace to Celestia. I fear this council cannot stop me. I only ask for your aid in this matter.”
I watch. I wait. Slowly, I see them nod. I do not smile, however. I cannot fully smile yet. I nod back. “Now. Your queen wishes to retire,” I say wearily. I spin and trot back to my room.
*~*~*~
The guard flings open the door, his eyes wide. “My queen!?”
I sit amid the debris of the sparing furniture that had once adorned my room. Everything that could be broken, other than my cocoon, has been utterly destroyed. I keep my head hidden from him to shield my tears from his eyes. “I am not being attacked. Do not question the destruction. Order the carpenters to begin constructing new furniture at once.”
The guard is silent for a long time. Suddenly, I hear him turn. “As you wish, my queen.”
He trots out. I hang my head and weep as silently as I can.
Destruction cannot bring him back. I can only hope peace will.
Stats
Page generated in 0.024 seconds
Total duration
917 users online
396,988 hits today, 2,314,256 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
i.imgflip.com/70let.jpg
A sadfic based on a sad video. My feels!
At least it looks as though something positive may come out of this.
You mean "what does it say?"
6211154 Ditto. Fuck this is good. Real good.
6211331 Let us hope.
6211154 Weight has nothing to do with it.
6211154 Thanks~
6211313 This was caught in the previous fiction. ^^; I haven't found a proper way to change that in the first one, and that scene was from the first, so I kept it the same here too.
6211331 Mhm~ Thanks for the comments!
6211603 Hmm... Not sure if I'll change it to that edit. Chrysalis has a peculiar way of speaking. She's particularly straightforward, and using unnecessary words wouldn't make much sense to her. *shrugs* Her minions would get the gist from "it says". Thank you for the suggestion, I might still change it.
6211890 aaaaah ok
6211754 Why do you keep saying that word? "Heavy"? Is there something wrong with Earth's gravitational field in the future?
Excuse me miss Arries. I was wondering if I was planning to do a fic based on the Servant of Queen PMV, and was wondering. May I do a reference to this and your I am her servant fanfic?
6344672 Hmm... ^^ Feel free!
6345474 thank you. I'm currently studying things about changelings... Hopefully I don't screw up too badly... but then again, I do get pretty good reviews everywhere else i've been. Anyway... Thanks.... Again.
I...I need more!!!
6386037 *chuckles* I'll try. It's been really tough going here at college. :)
What must hurt especially is that Shasria is correct about every single point she made.
Well, at least she has more drive than ever now.