Written for Equestria Daily's 2015 Writer's Training Grounds, Week 1, Prompt 3, along with many other writers!
When Braeburn, an up-and-coming star, and Chief Thunderhooves, proud leader of the buffalo tribe, clash during preparations for the upcoming rodeo, only one can walk away the victor! At least, that's what Braeburn claims. And that's precisely what he does, telling the story to Applejack, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and nearly the entire town of Appleoosa! But maybe there's a grain of truth to his tall tale.
Chapters (1)
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Thank you! I'm glad you gave it a read, enjoyed it, and put it in your favorites. It feels good to know the first person to comment here had fun! And I'm not too worried about number of comments or upvotes, because apparently EQD will compile a weekly post of the fanfics together.
CAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH!
LOL! I'm so relieved the violence was fake. Cause it sounded brutal!
I liked the way you wove all the threads throughout the story. It was complex, but easy to read. I loved the co-hosts commentary. My favorite line was when the Sheriff asked where he was. And I enjoyed how the tale got taller and taller. Poor Scootaloo, being disappointed like that.
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Thank you so much! I had so much fun writing it, and I'm glad you've had fun reading it too. And speaking of reading, I've just finished reading your story, Intervention (which for anybody else reading this post, is on Google Docs)!
You've got a great grasp of how the characters think and act, especially Applejack and Rarity! AJ's reservations about the CMC doing their own rodeo feel legitimate, like she knows what she's talking about. Rarity's reaction to the sombrero is priceless, as well as the part she binges on ice cream. And the ending - it opens up a whole new world of possibilities for the fillies. If you want to write more (and I recommend you do), there are so many different things you could do with that premise!
But there's a couple of things I noticed. First off, Applejack is all one word and Trouble Shoes is two. Plus, there's a few issues with indenting. Half the sentences in the section where the Cutie Mark Crusaders are talking are farther to the left than the others. And then there's this:
The word "said" is separated very far over; it was so far over I thought the word was missing entirely the first time I read it. But those aren't fundamental issues or anything, it's easily fixable stuff! The only thing I was a little confused on was why the Cutie Map alerted the Mane 6; the only time it's alerted them to anything was a major issue affecting an entire village, and there was no proof the CMC were about to, like, commit a serious crime against friendship. I feel like the Mane 6 could've reached the decision to intervene without the Cutie Map's involvement, that's all.
But the point is, this was a good story! I saw you made a comment on EQD that this was your first fanfiction. If this is seriously your introductory foray into writing, you'll definitely get even better. I hope you've written up something for the second set of prompts!
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okay let me try this again... still figuring out the site.
Thank you SO much for your feedback and encouragement. I apologize for taking so long to reply. Your comments were very helpful and I will incorporate them into my next draft. I really appreciate the time and effort you took to welcome this fledgling to the herd. no wait, foal to the herd?
6112063 No problem, man. I haven't been checking FiMFiction lately, and I kinda fell off the Writer's Training Grounds wagon too. Anyway, you're very welcome, and I'm glad you felt welcomed too!