• Published 7th May 2015
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There's Nopony I'd Rather Be Than Me - Tatsurou



Wreck it Ralph raises Nightmare Moon in the arcade.

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It's In the Code

Vanellope paid close attention to Nightmare's racing style as they drove. While it was a no items race, there were still boosters and other such aids and obstacles scattered throughout the mapped course, which showed on their windshields as an HUD - a new addition to the game courtesy of Albert Wily's coding genius after reverse engineering what Turbo had done. It didn't do anything for the player during gameplay, since they got a map of the course anyway, but it did wonders for the sprites during off game races, or simple maneuvering.

The first thing Vanellope noticed was about the Dream Eater, though. The classification of a car as 'boostable' wasn't fully understood, either by players or by the sprites. As a result, few racers made use of karts with that stat, as they tended to have low racing stats in other areas. And at first, it seemed like a foolish decision, as Vanellope's more powerful engine was able to get a huge lead right at first...right up until Nightmare hit her first boost pad.

Not only did she get a larger boost from the pad than the average kart, easily eclipsing Vanellope's lead, but the exceptionally light weight of her kart meant that she lost that acceleration much slower than any other kart. Maintaining that boosted speed for that much longer gave her a serious advantage as long as she didn't crash into anything.

And then the high drift quotient showed its advantage. Rather than braking to make turns, Nightmare let her kart drift to the point of spinning out on a couple tight turns, releasing the throttle as the spin started and gunning it as she began pointing the right way. Because of the light weight of her kart, most of the spinning happened in mid air, and gunning the engine triggered the afterburners in the back, allowing her to change direction without losing anywhere near as much speed as most racers would on the turn. While it still reduced her back to her normal max speed, it sill put her at a major advantage over other karts that had to brake to make such turns. The lighter weight also meant that the slightest turn of the wheel let the kart dodge around obstacles.

Vanellope quickly understood the nature of the Dream Eater. It was an expert kart. In the hands of a beginner, it would be difficult to control, hard to use, and seem like a poorly designed car. In the hands of a pro, however - or the hooves of its designer, apparently - it was next to unbeatable.

Despite Vanellope's best efforts, after that first boost pad Nightmare maintained a commanding lead throughout most of the race, especially the uphill portion where Vanellope lost a lot more speed than Nightmare, both due to the comparative weights of the karts and the riders.


Having taken a shorter route to Cola Mountain, Ralph made his way into the incomplete bonus level hidden within, the place Vanellope once called home. Glancing around, he saw not much had changed since his last visit here. The track was still there. The Mentos stalactites still hung down over the bubbling cola lake. An oversized kart was parked in front of Vanellope's old lean to-

"Wait, what?" Ralph turned to examine the kart. It was definitely not there the last time he was here. It was much bigger than any of the karts he'd seen in Sugar Rush before. Far too big for any of the sprites to drive. In fact, it was nearly big enough for a Mario Kart game, sized for somebody like Bowser or Donkey Kong...

"...or me," Ralph marveled as he continued to examine the kart. Aside from its massive size, it also was definitely not matching the general theme of karts in Sugar Rush. It looked to be made of bricks...until Ralph realized they were gingerbread, held together with frosting mortar. The wheels were black licorice tires around chocolate rims. On the front were two spikes jutting out in place of headlights. When he touched the controls, they glowed in the dim light of the cavern. The controls were also built far sturdier than most karts, looking like they could handle even his clumsy hands and feet without breaking. Checking under the hood, he saw the massive engine purring like a kitten. "Is this kart...mine?"

At that moment, Dream Eater barreled through the entrance to the track, hitting a jump and clearing the cola lake as Nightmare cackled happily. "Victory!" she proclaimed happily as she came to a halt.

Vanellope pulled in shortly after. "That filly's a natural racer!" she proclaimed breathlessly. "She really knows her stuff on the track! Oh Ralphy, I see you found your kart!"

"It's...it's really for me?" he asked wonderingly, staring at the kart in awe.

"Yup!" Vanellope said happily, hopping out of her own kart and walking over. "Wily helped work the code so I could make the oversized kart, and I designed it based on how you work. He even managed to code it so even you can't break it accidentally-"

Vanellope was cut off as Ralph pulled her into a tight hug. "Thank you," he whispered, tears in his eyes.

Vanellope returned the embrace for a time, then pushed away. "When did you get so mushy?" she joked. "Come on, test it out!"

"Another race!" Moony asked eagerly.

"Not just yet," Vanellope replied as Ralph climbed into his kart, surprised it actually took his weight without rocking back and forth. "First we need to make a brief stopover at the palace."


The trio drove slowly to the palace, Moony enjoying the scenery as Vanellope pointed it out, Ralph enjoying having a vehicle designed for him that he could actually drive. Other racers waved as they passed by, and he waved back. He was almost sad to see the palace looming as they reached the gates. "So what are we doing here?" he asked.

"You'll see!" Vanellope replied, driving them straight into the throne room and past the throne. "Bring your karts!"

Confused, Ralph and Nightmare followed.

She led them to a side path filled with glowing blue cables in a pure white room. At the end of the path was a massive Nintendo controller. Walking right up to it, Vanellope began pressing buttons on it. "Come on guys!" she called as she input up up down down left right left right B A start.

The controller rotated, and the door opened into a massive blackness. "There should be a detachable plaque on the dashboard of your racers," she called. "And some rope in the trunk of yours, Ralph. Tie us off to the throne and come on!"

Confused, both Ralph and Nightmare obeyed her instructions. Once they were all tied off, Vanellope led them into the vast blackness before them in a realm without hard-coded rules. Ralph didn't take too well to the lack of gravity, getting dizzy. Moony, however, flowed through the blackness as smoothly as a dolphin in water or a bird in the air.

Vanellope led them to a massive cloud of connected data blocks. "This is the code of Sugar Rush," she explained, approaching a specific cluster. "This is how Turbo altered the game's code to take control."

"Then what are we doing here?" Ralph demanded nervously.

Vanellope grinned widely. "Well, remember that rule about dying outside of your own game being permanent?" She reached a block labeled 'Secret Characters'. "Well...Wily's been working on a workaround for that." She gestured to the blank blocks that diverged from it. "Touch these. Moony, you touch this one with one hoof and the plaque." She gestured to a blank block that ran through a connector entitled 'Expert cleared with all racers'.

Confused, Nightmare did as she was bid.

The block rippled, and text appeared on it.

Nightmare Moon
Dream Eater

"Now you're recognized as a racer in Sugar Rush," Vanellope said proudly, "complete with restore code for power up damage!"

"That's incredible!" Ralph said excitedly. "Is this one mine?" he asked, reaching for another.

"One of these," Vanellope corrected, gesturing to one of the blank blocks connected through 'Locked'. "We don't want you getting unlocked during gameplay and then not be available, right?"

"Good point," Ralph said, letting the block scan him.

Wreck-it Ralph
Bull Dozer

"Oh, I like that kart name!" Ralph said eagerly.

"You two hit the track!" Vanellope called out. "I'll meet you there once I'm sure all the code connections worked."

Smiling happily, the two swam back through the void to the entrance.

Vanellope looked back at the code, frowning. After a time, once it was plain Ralph and Moony were well out of range, a unique sound filled the air. She turned as a blue and yellow saucer approached through the void. "Doctor."

The saucer opened as Wily stepped out, anchored to his saucer. "It went quite well, I'd say," he commented, approaching the code blocks.

"I don't like not telling them," Vanellope pointed out. "It feels like I'm betraying Ralph."

"Vanellope, you rule here," Wily explained. "You're responsible for the safety of your game, and of its citizens. You know that means sometimes making hard choices."

"I still don't see why we can't just tell them," Vanellope countered.

"Do you want to tell Ralph that Nightmare Moon isn't a sprite in the traditional sense of the word?" Wily demanded. "Do you want to tell him that she could single handedly destroy the code of the entire arcade if she generates too much power? Do you want him to think he's raising a monster?"

Vanellope frowned. "But...she's not a monster..."

"No, she is," Wily said bluntly, copying Nightmare Moon's data block and collapsing it. "But that doesn't mean she's bad. She can be good. She can be worthwhile. But that doesn't make her any less dangerous or capable of destruction. And I know I'm not the only one to realize this." Collapsing the code block copy, he turned it into a data file. He approached another code block.

Dr. Albert Wily
The Saucer

He put the data file into the code block. In the saucer, a data file containing a full analysis of Nightmare Moon's capabilities in code format appeared. "And we need to know exactly what she's capable of," Wily continued, "so she doesn't destroy us all by accident, just because she gets scared."

Vanellope sighed. She knew he was right, just as she'd known he was right when he'd set this all up with her last night after he'd left Tappers. "Being a Princess - or a President - isn't as fun as the stories make it out to be," she grumbled.

"No, it's not," Wily agreed. "Good people rarely enjoy the job, and you'd have to be evil to want all the hard decisions it comes with." He grinned. "And now you know why so many bad guys are would be conquerors."

Chuckling ruefully, Vanellope returned to the castle, composing herself and focusing on enjoying a race with Ralph and Moony.

Wily quickly made his way through the code realms, the underside of the games and Grand Central Station, making his way back to his own game, where he had the tech to analyze the data he had acquired.