• Published 7th May 2015
  • 25,177 Views, 3,592 Comments

There's Nopony I'd Rather Be Than Me - Tatsurou



Wreck it Ralph raises Nightmare Moon in the arcade.

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The Bite of Karma

He sat back in front of his computer, trying to relax himself. It had been a stressful past few days for the young man. Ever since his psychotic break when he was a child, things had not gone well for him. He hadn't managed to get through school completely, and the only job he'd been able to hold down was that of a garbage man. But then he'd gotten a computer, and the world opened up to him.

He quickly had discovered a natural talent for hacking, for making computer systems bend to his will. He'd used that talent to calm himself and deal with his rather sub par life. No longer a garbage man, he now stayed at home most days save when he went out to get something he wanted, having more than enough money from his less than legal or moral internet activities to get whatever he wanted or needed.

And then came what he saw at that arcade. The way the pony sprite had moved about, had addressed the players...that had disturbed him mightily. It reminded him of...

He shook his head. No, the years of therapy had taught him better. The cowboy had not been real. Just a symptom of the twist in his mind. The meds helped with that.

But even so, he knew Litwak didn't have the talent to reprogram those arcade machines to add a new character, or any of the rest of that. Heck, the machines didn't have the memory capacity at factory standard to contain all that extra data. Someone had been helping Litwak...and he had gone in, determined to find out who. He had followed that connection in Litwak's computer, sure it would lead to the genius programmer behind all this, and then...

No, it hadn't been real either. He'd just missed taking his meds that day, that was all. And now he was going to try hacking into the Pentagon again to relax himself. Placing his hands on his keyboard, he began to type.

At that moment, his computer screen went blank, and a rather familiar face appeared on it, standing over a stylized globe of the Earth. The image proceeded to laugh maniacally. "Greetings, people of Earth! It is I, the one and only Doctor Wily! Today, my conquest of the world begins!"

The hacker ignored what Wily was saying, having heard the speech several times back when he played the games. He tried to exit out of whatever had opened, but there was no mouse pointer. Even pressing Ctrl+Alt+Delete a few times and fiddling with the power and reset buttons did nothing. "Aw, fuck!" he cursed. "My computer's busted." He turned to reach for his phone.

"Who are you calling busted, buster?"

The hacker froze. It couldn't be...

Turning, he saw Wily on the screen, his arms crossed as he stared right at him. "Yes, I'm talking to you...Sid Phillips. Seem familiar?"

"No!" Sid shouted, backing away from his computer as fast as he could. However, the window shutters and doors all closed and locked audibly around him. "That wasn't real! You're not real!"

Wily simply grinned. "Oh? Not real, am I?" He raised a hand, and Sid's stereo suddenly let out a loud howl. "I'd reconsider if I were you. You've learned this lesson once before, but it seems you need to learn it again. It's not just the toys that have feelings."

Sid stared around him in fear, seeing one thing that scared him. In one corner of the room, right by his fridge, was the life size Terminator animatronic he'd bought online last year. Its eyes were beginning to glow.

"We live our lives to entertain...but that isn't enough for some of you," Wily continued. "You just want to cause pain. Well, there are some lines you shouldn't cross, Mr. Phillips...and you've crossed them." He raised his arms, and the cameras around the room began to rotate. "We sprites can see everything..."

The Terminator lunged forward, slamming its closed fist into a wall right by Sid's head. "So play...nice..." it growled out in its synthesized voice.

Sid screamed in absolute terror. Hearing the door unlock, he raced upstairs out of the basement only to bump into his little sister, seeing her playing her handheld game. Right at that moment, the hero sprite turned to the screen to say, "A winner is you!"

Sid let out one last scream of terror, yelled, "The sprites are alive!" and collapsed in a dead faint.

Hannah rolled her eyes. "Mom!" she shouted. "Sid's off his meds again!"


As soon as Sid was out of his parents basement, the Terminator turned to the screen. "That give you enough time, Doc?" Ralph asked.

"Yup!" Wily confirmed. "Get out of that bot and back into the network. We need to get this viral data back to the arcade so I can make up an anti-virus."

"Right!" Ralph agreed. Turning around inside the Terminator's CPU, he gave a thumbs up to the control program. "Thanks for letting me hitchhike."

"No prob," the Terminator replied. "Sure beat the last action I got. He had me dancing swan lake in a tutu! And when he wasn't doing that, he was using me as a coat rack. A coat rack!" It grinned widely. "Of course, all I have to do now any time he's getting problematic is make my eyes glow when he hasn't turned me on."

Ralph chuckled. "Have fun with that. For now, I need to get back to the arcade. We need to fix Moony."

"Good luck with that," the Terminator replied, taking back control of the body and returning to its original position before anyone came back down. "Umm...what about the hole in the wall?"

"Sid's problem, not yours," Ralph replied. "Just brush all the plaster dust off by the hole."

With that, Ralph returned to the net with Wily, Nightmare, and Rush.

Author's Note:

Though the direction I actually went with it was quite different, much of this chapter was inspired by this comment.