• Published 6th May 2015
  • 1,508 Views, 24 Comments

Blue Moon - TheGreatEater



[GoldenVerse Fic] Prince Blueblood is Equestria's greatest mortal troll. Princess Luna is a goddess with a mighty pair of lungs and a hair trigger. Things can only go well when Luna hunts down the Prince for a heart to heart.

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Wherein Blueblood isn't a villain, or catastrophically incompetent.

Luna walked down the halls of the Canterlot Castle. Having left her sister to deal with problems that she should have faced ages ago, she was off to find her prey. More accurately, talk to Blueblood to determine whether she needed to fill out the proper paperwork for banishing a subject to a far-off celestial body, or if she had, as her sister said, misread the conversation.

Although 4 years of comments and interactions had left her with few petitioners to visit her, as well as the aristocracy treating her as a joke, she rather doubted that she had misread things. It was more likely to her that her sister's boundless optimism, mixed with a form of blindness to those near to her, was coloring her judgement. After all, not even Nightmare Moon would sink so low as to make jokes at her sister's haunches. As abundantly plump as they looked. Seriously, it looked as if that mare grew thicker every year. But Luna had the grace not to bring it up, even if her sister was starting to leave cracks in the floor as she walked every now and then.

That said she, Luna, Princess of the Night, Guardian of Dreams, the Dreamwalker, The Slayer of a Thousand Evil Dust Bunnies and That Thing Under the Bed (although only Tia could use that title for her), was looking pudgy. It was beyond indignant. Especially how the aristocracy tried forcing soy products upon her when she went to parties, saying it was good for one’s figure. Her figure was adorkable. The Pink Demon said so herself. Now there was a mare who knew about bodies. She would have to, what with all the specialized parties she threw for anything that existed inside or outside of reality.

Luna shook her mane, and the stars danced angrily inside them. I need to remember that Tia is normally a great judge of character. Sure, there was the fifth Zebrican shamaness, and the time with that candy mare at the first ever Carnival, or the maid named Steels Stuff, and the first time she went to the original Griffon Empire and was challenged to a drinking contest against King Griffhaken... That was horrifying. A drunk Celestia is something nopony should ever witness, although I still wonder where she summoned all those fluffy booties and shaggy blankets from. Seriously, trying to cover up the sun so it doesn't get a cold? Not even I get that weird... Thankfully no one will ever feel her awkward cuddles in this day and age. Nor another creation myth about where Hippogriffs come from.

Still... Other than the fifty-odd beings she's made awful judgement calls with, I shall reserve judgement until I speak with him privately. Than he shall be the signer of his own fate. Wherever the axe may fall.

By the time Luna got to the parlor where young stallions among the aristocracy were wont to be when not contributing to society, which sadly Luna had come to see as most of the time. Or if not here, throwing their bits at one frivolity or another. It made Luna miss the days when a noble could be challenged to prove their worth with an epic quest. Alas, Celestia said those were done away with ages ago. It was something Luna had been fighting her sister for years now to bring back. And with the newest alicorn ascending, she could easily get a massive vote for a yay, rather than a nay.

No! I shall stop this at once. Since when did I give way to distraction and tangents? Wasn't I the one who fought valiantly in... No. No more distractions. This just like any other war. I shall burst in there with my royal self ablaze with power, and in a firm voice strong with conviction shall tell that young whelp that he and I are going to talk... If that doesn't work I'll just pull him by the ear like a petulant colt.

Luna's body glowed with a dark aura of power, as if shadows had gained a physical substance that burned with an indigo flame. Her eyes shone white, and a storm of mana formed around her head like a violent halo, and with herself steeled she burst into the room. "Blueblood! We shall speak at once!"

She saw the force of her Royal Canterlot Voice tossed the various ponies in across the room by sheer volume, and among those sat Blueblood and several pompous stallions lying in the remnants of what once was a game of poker. Her storm swirled around her with a violent fury, the high vaulted windows rattling in fear. Yet all Blueblood did was brush himself off before looking at his entourage. "Sorry, gentlecolts, it seems as if Aunt Luna wants to have a word. You know how mares get this time of the month, am I right?" He said with a wink dripping with chauvinism and sarcasm.

Well I tried to do this nicely. Gripping his ear with her magic, she pulled him towards her, causing him to yelp in surprise and pain as she dragged him away. "This was a long time coming. We shall decide your fate soon enough!" Luna roared.

Luna dragged him all the way to her apartments by the ear. His whining and moaning was stressing her patience to the very limits, but she had wanted answers, and as a seeker of truth, she would know everything before she sent him to somewhere particularly brutal. If only for the fact that he made a quip about her estrus.

But once she deposited him upon the cold, hard floor. She was utterly flummoxed with what came out of Blueblood’s mouth next.

"Thank you for getting me out of there. I thought those parasitic mouthbreathers would never let me leave. Although you could have gone easier on the ears, I'm delicate you know," Blueblood grumbled.

"Wha-Wh- Huh? What manner of insults are you using this time? We are unfamiliar with this form of pettiness, but demand an answer!"

"Insult? What are you... Oh! Auntie Tia never talked to you about me?" He asked, and if Luna wasn't mistaken, looked rather hurt.

"Not until recently, and all she said was for me to talk to you. Since the very first day, you've done naught but insult Us, made Us to be a laughing stock of the aristocracy, and worse of all, have done nothing to earn your title. So speak, and I shall judge your worth," Luna fumed, four years of pent-up anger boiling to the surface.

"Ha," Blueblood huffed humorlessly, "Then there is both quite a bit and not a lot to say, as Draconequuic as that sounds. When you first arrived here, it was a surprise to everyone. Auntie Tia never mentioned you, there were no history books about your existence, nor works of art portraying you. So when you came side by side with Auntie Tia, it was a shock.

Past that, I'm sure you notice the stress headaches she gets and how she pretends they don't exist? Or the mountains of paperwork she takes upon herself even though she doesn't need to carry all that weight upon herself? Or even the tons of petitions from greedy ponies wanting to take away from society for their own gain, usually on the backs of the commoners?"

"Yes, you have a point?" Luna snarked.

"Yes. A very good one in fact. You had just arrived, and after hearing from Auntie Tia who you were, and what you'd be doing, I wished to spare you those who would use you as a way to go around Auntie Tia's back, or bury you in petty complaints that would crush you under a mountain of undue stress. Much less on top of learning about the modern world.

"So I made you a joke, something to be avoided by the majority of the idiots who think an accident of birth equals greatness, or titles equal entitlement. The few who do see you, are those in the inner circle who are smart enough to get to know you, or think they can one up you. The later thankfully you're actions have given rumor to viciousness and a ruthless streak. Your entrance today further cemented that.

"Although I'll need to spin this to make it look as if it was planned to the right ears," Blueblood monologued.

"Wait, so all of that was supposed to be for my benefit?" Luna asked incredulously.

"Of course. My cutie mark represents my ability to find the direction and movement of anything. I just use that to manipulate socialites and the higher ups to put their decadence, casteism, and wealth to wherever it will do the most good, while using connections to make sure none of the more ridiculous bills or proposals find their way to Celestia. Of course, that means I have the image of a mule's plot and a chauvinist most of the time. But I have power to demand respect, and I use it for what good I can, when I can," Blueblood sighed.

"What about the Grand Galloping Gala?" Luna asked.

"Aunt Luna... May I call you Aunt Luna?"

"Yes, for now you may," Luna asked.

"You know how ponies proposition us, as in the royalty? Seeing us as stepping stones to wealth, power, and fame?"

"I do know of such things. So your actions were a test for her?" Luna asked.

"Oh Elysium no!" Blueblood chuckled, "I know the mares who hunt me down in the Gala are a pack of wolves. I simply find ways to not only ruin their night, but also repulse such ponies for a great long while. I am sorry for dragging you into my schemes last Gala. I should have warned you, although the few times I sent apology flowers to your room, astronomers reported that they ended up in orbit around the planet."

"I forgive you," Luna said calmly. Many things were falling into place in her mind, "And I'm sorry for thinking the flowers were a trap in some sort of cruel prank."

"All water under the bridge. Honestly, I'm jealous of the commoners. What they lack in political power, massive wealth, and international prestige, they make up for in freedom. Freedom of titles, of tradition, of familial burdens. They can be whatever they wish to become. Free to find love without worrying about it being a power move, or only for a way to increase their wealth, power, or personal goals.

"Although I should someday make amends with Rarity. Auntie Tia told me about her. While she's not my type in the least, I should at least make up for ruining her special night, or Caddy won't let me hear the end of it in our monthly Obelisks and Ogres game.Four years of the same lecture, ever since Auntie Tia told her about my interactions with the Element Bearers."

"Who exactly is your type?" Luna asked, honestly curious as to who would tickle his fancy. For the first time since she had gotten back, she felt something other than anger towards him. And as the former Element of Laughter, as well as Honesty, when faced with sincerity and honesty, from those with noble intents, it was hard for her to stay mad. Grudges just weren't in her nature, after all, a mortal’s life was too short to waste on such things.

"I don't know. I think Fancy has the right idea with Fleur De Lis, but it was brutal on her at first. A country mare with a special talent in sophistication and high society etiquette, and the body of a model. Thankfully things got better for her, and gives me hope. But at least she was a unicorn."

"And what, dear Blueblood, is wrong with non-unicorns?"

"Honestly, nothing. I like the beautiful curves of an earth pony mare, and pegasi look absolutely exotic. But this is mostly a unicorn city. Any attempt to go not only beneath my station, but to a non-unicorn, would only give her pain and ridicule. Caddy thinks I'm being silly, and love conquers all. I see it as being a realist, and love only takes a pony so far before the acidic passive-aggression of the upper class would kill love like a careless foal would a bug."

Luna looked at the downcast visage of Blueblood and felt pity for him. "Fie! A pox on such a ludicrous notion. I know for a fact that Tia has bedded every type of pony, and a few non-ponies in my day. If an immortal ruler finds that a non-unicorn is worthy of Her affections, then that should be good enough for the aristocracy."

"Thanks, Aunt Luna, I needed that. Still don't think I'll ever find love, but I'm glad we could talk for once outside of the public eye. Caddy and some other ponies you should get you know are going to be having a game night a few nights from now. You should join."

"What about Our nephew? Can he join as well?"

"Nephew?"

"Yes, Spike is about to be adopted by both Twilight and sister dearest."

"That's good news. It will give me a chance to actually get to know him outside of rumors and legends."

"Legends?"

"Yes, apparently he was quite the mare's stallion. Talk to any mare that was in one of Auntie Tia's schools and they'll go on and on about the cutest, most helpful little thing. Some even had a crush on the school’s mascot from what I've heard. Although none of the stallions have anything to really say about him other than as a mascot for the United Universities."

"United Universities?"

"Ah, it's a reference to all the schools that Auntie Tia made and looks over."

"Hmmm. Well as long as he's welcome, I'd love to join."

"Fantastic. Caddy would love to see her little hero. From what she keeps telling me, he was is the greatest hero the Crystal Empire ever had, and ponies worship him over there."

"Really!?" Luna squealed excitedly.

"Yes," Blueblood replied cautiously.

"Then this shall be the perfect fix for young Spike's dilemma. Tell Cadance that her nation’s hero needs her. We must start this game soon, for Spike's stake," Luna shouted exuberantly.

"I'll let her know. Later on, I'll give you two help creating your first characters. And... Aunt Luna?" Blueblood said hesitantly.

"Yes?"

He offered a hoof towards her. "Friends?"

Luna pushed away his hoof, and embraced him in a hug. "Nay, family."

Author's Note:

I was thinking originally of making this a normal chapter of ToL, but I decided that it would be more fitting as it's own little story. As a sidequel, it works well as a standalone fic. With no prior knowledge of the GoldenVerse to know what's going on. Or enjoy the fic as a whole.


Ogres and Obelisks is my AU's version of D&D. I use the monster prior to the place because it rolls off the tongue better. That and, on a personal level Obelisks are awesome. They can be Monoliths, or a plethora of them. Solid markers of a place / dungeon. Or hollow and dungeons themselves. Ancient, or Futuristic. Landmarks, or Weaponized Sentinels. They have literally endless possibilities.

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Comments ( 24 )

I didn't read the full description and thought this would be luna blasting him with a 10.00on the royal voice.

5946737

And it only turns out to be room blasting [8.3], rather than a Big Bad Wolf sized VMD [Voice of Mass Destruction] :rainbowlaugh:.

5946807 i know! Have you noticed anything wrong yet? About the site and a few of the buggs? Like the :moustache: Button?

5946813

Not really. I mean sure you have the old occasional bug of not being notified for random stories, and you find out when surfing your old faved fics for re-reading, or when (a) new chapter(s) come out. Or being unable to comment randomly (until you refresh the page, and paste what you wrote to re-send). But those are old ones. What's the mustache bug?

5946836 I can't see spike. Just the words. Its very odd. Must be a mobile problem.

5946841

I see it on my cellphone, as well as my lappy. Are you using an Android phone, and Google Chrome? Google Chrome usually is perfect for web surfing compared to the normal internet. And is more reliable than Firefox (imo). But yeah, it might be a problem with your mobile device / type of internet you're using.

5946853 yeah. I'm using an apple iphone 4 with chrome. It's probably an isolated event. Lappy? I'm guessing thats your laptop.

5946859

Yep. It's the pet name I give my laptop :twilightblush:. Just like I call my tablet (after it gets fixed and returned to me) my Tabby.

I like what you did here! Looking forward to seeing Caddy and Spike. Are you gonna use the angle that she babysat him?

5946947

Partially. Most of the times he was with Twilight, Celestia, or in the Castle Daycare (for parents that work in the Castle, and Celestia's attempt to get him used to socializing with ponies his own age.). But when not at those places, he spent lots of time with Caddy. Probably as much, if not slightly more time with her than Twilight did when she was foalsat.

A little heavy on the dialogue after Luna dragged Blueblood out.

Well, either way I get a sense that Blueblood's still kind of a jerk, judging from how he views his peers. His frustration wih the bad overshadows the good, or so I hope. Never bought the widely-accepted but often silly noble-bashing so prevalent in FiM fics.

5950318

Yep, he didn't get the title, Greatest Mortal Troll in Equestria, for nothing :rainbowlaugh:. So yep a jerk. As for noble bashing. Not quite going to go there. I'm basically using the show, plus a bit of earth history to build it. Show wise, as Jet Set and Upper Crust (along with Bluey's trolling) show that unless wealthy, connected, or able to increase their social standing. Any non-unicorn / Noble is beneath them. As shown in JS & UC's less than pleasant digs at Rares until Fancypants vouched for her (After learning where she was staying).

And add in the crazy things rich people have done (and even do now). Then while like any other Caste System you have your good, bad, and middle ground ponies. The Good are rare, the bad are not evil (Celestia wouldn't allow truly evil ponies to roam free), but are self-centered, entitled, and have the connections to do seriously stupid things (or try to). Kind of like how modern people with the ability to propose laws try to slip things in to make them richer, get perks, or screw over something for their own personal enjoyment (and 99% of them get caught and removed from the bill). With the rest (90%) are neither really good, or really bad. Just there, having a family, doing their noble duties (if any), and not causing to much of a fuss. While climbing the social ladder, watching their money, and social networking.

So you'll not see a lot of Noble Bashing. Sure in this AU, the bad are jerky, condescending, and self-important. Greedy, but not evil. The Good, are decent, and while still playing The Game aren't all that bad (to even being rather/really likable. Like Twilight's parents). With the rest, just like any other pony. Just wealthier, more connected, and classy.

5950663
That's the thing about going by the show, though. Everyone always points to Blueblood in "The Best Night Ever", Jet Set, and Upper Crust.

They conveniently leave out the other part of "Sweet & Elite", where the things Rarity was invited to were actually fairly benign, even positive. She went to a theater production, a Wonderbolts airshow, an airship christening, an art gallery opening, and a charity auction. None of which sounds really bad. However, when was the last time you read about the nobles doing a charity event in any story?

They're usually presented as the worst scum of Equestria. It just doesn't add up, you know? If your approach will be as broad as you say it's already a huge improvement.

5950697

Well to be fair. She was only invited after. A) She was found to be staying at the castle, and B) had a connection to the Princess. Which falls under them climbing the social ladder / trying to get connections. But yeah, people forget that Charities are tax deductible, thus it's profitable to be charitable (while simultaneously impressing your peers with your acts of generosity).

But yeah, I can't see Celestia allowing the whole, "All nobles want to destroy orphanages for personal pools, and can only be sustained by a steady diet of orphan tears and the blood of the innocent", line of thinking. That and with Twilight's parents being nobles (in my headcanon (how else would they get a Princess as a foalsitter?)) I can't see a mare who eventually turned out as good as Twilight (and the stallion as honorable as Shining Armor) if all nobles were evil.

I had one reaction to this: :pinkiehappy:

5950318 I actually liked the amount of dialogue.
I like Blueblood stories like this.

5951956

:twilightsmile: Thanks. Other than the Savage Skies Series, what other good Blueblood fics do you know about?

What is the 'Savage Skies' series?
As for fics with a good Blueblood, there's Where is my love?, The Early Life of Blueblood, The Blueblood Chronicles, and many more that can also be found here.

5952622

I'll have to give the Good Prince group and the BBC a look.

Book 1 OMC! I has some of the most amazing world building, story telling, and character interactions of the entire site. And is one of my most favorite series of all time (fanfic and professional works of fiction). Seriously I can't praise this story enough. My only gripe is the only canon pony who showcases Rooted Mountain (Earth Pony Martial Arts), and Knight level super powers, isn't talked about at all in the fic. Even though Sunset Shimmer never went into EQGVerse and stayed in Equestria and Daring Do is an epic Knight (both got re-writes).

Really the only reason I like Maud in the least is because of reading the fic and seeing Celestial Knights. Honestly, the books might be have tons of words, and are litteral books. But they are utterly breathtaking, deep, and words can't in the least say just how utterly amazing the series is. With each book better than the last. And each book building up the world and it's characters more and more.

Well that, and it's the only series that I've read so far that's memorable. That has an utterly amazing Blue Blood.

Edit:

Sorry for post length. I just really, really, really, love that series. You can even see little bits and pieces that've influenced my own works here and there.

Is it just me, or does Blueblood look like he's blowing his nose on Luna's mane in the cover art?

6000750

Meant to be a facehoof. But now you mention it, I can't unsee it. You get a cookie.

6001134 I knew there would be at least one "Cannot Unsee" for this! :pinkiecrazy: :trollestia:

So with his description I would say Applejack is the mare for him.

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