14 - Epilogue: Our Demons
Epilogue: Our Demons
Twilight roamed through the halls chatting with Amethyst and talking about the deepest mysteries of magic. There was an interesting conjecture that the professor pointed out and surprisingly, Amethyst looked like she had the knack for devising solutions for crystal defects in bulk magical materials.
This once, and only once, Amethyst scored higher than Twilight in a test. Her grades dropped in other subjects, but surprisingly, Amethyst told her she didn’t mind. Before, she said, she was so busy studying that she didn’t really take the time to find out if she liked whatever she was working towards and now that she found her passion, she concentrated on that to the exclusion of all else.
She loved crystals.
Twilight, on the other hoof, excelled as an all-rounder. Instead of being ashamed of her cutie mark and what it represented, she started embracing magic and all aspects of it. Just because magic didn’t help with friends, didn’t mean she couldn’t make some. With that attitude, her shy proposals for friendship were slowly accepted and seeing her and Amethyst get along, the other foals weren’t shy about approaching her.
After all, Twilight and Amethyst were foals that participated in saving Equestria, if not the whole world from certain destruction.
Except, nopony knew that it was Twilight that closed the portal, or that there were any demons involved as well.
Only Twilight knew and perhaps a solitary owl that apparently lost the ability to speak.
One day, the owl flew off and Twilight never knew where it went. The owl lost its ability and the Library disappeared, leaving only the top-most section of books within. All that was left in its legacy was the Encyclopaedia, but that never wrote anything again.
Twilight wondered if the Library had connections to the Other. After all, when she sealed off the Other, suddenly everything stopped. No demons to ask, no domains were present. Nopony could summon even a single sprite, not to mention a demon.
Demons were gone from this world.
From time to time, Twilight would think back to Morpheus and try and remember what he was like. Quirky, snide, rude, but loyal, faithful and honourable. These qualities weren’t typically those that ponies would associate with demons. Besides, most ponies didn’t know about demons, or even that their lives were moments from being erased by the merging of another whole plane of existence.
It was as if none of it had ever existed.
Twilight was worried that her memory would eventually fail her and she’d forget Morpheus. She tried to think about what Morpheus would say right now to cheer her up. Probably something along the lines of bucking up and the transient nature of friendship and mortal existence.
Twilight now had the confidence to move forward. She was free from the shackles of her personal demon of self-loathing. Now she walked forwards, proud and tall and standing above it all.
But she still missed him.
And perhaps, if Morpheus had changed as much as she did, he would miss her.
And I did.
But there was work to do.
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Talking of a next chapter in the author note of the epilogue is the promise of a sequel. We will hold you to it, ok?
I liked it. Looking back at the years it took to finish this story, with the times between chapters, seeing it compete is weird. The ending was bittersweet, with Morpheus being gone but the promise fulfilled. It needs a reunion of friends for it to feel complete, I believe. Or said sequel to be published...
8668304
Agreed.
It is an interesting point of where it leaves off. All things considered.
There's much teased in the last few chapters, but also on his side too.
What he will he, what he was. And yet, what it takes to achieve such a role.
That ending was beautiful. I swear I'm not crying from sadness, I swear!
Alright so I thought the story all around wasn't bad and had an interesting way of showing how the Other interacted with the mortal realms and how the Demons viewed their ties to the mortal realm and how it affected interactions between Demons and Magi. I found most of the characters interesting and frustrating in an acceptable fashion and found that the story mostly seemed to go at least somewhere and the ending was not all that bad.
Now with a major issue I had with the story, while still enjoyable, I found Morpheus to be a somewhat puzzling character that seemed to not be fully used within the story. While you did give us interactions and a bit of exposition of how respected and different and powerful Morpheus was to the Demons it really didn’t feel like he was stronger or more impressive than what other demons would be. A good example of the questionable difference in power that’s been told is when Lex and Morpheus are introduced into the story and how each effect the world around them. At the very best I can remember Morpheus being kind of fast and sneaky and honorable which, while being ok characteristics, when dealing with creatures that we expect to be somewhat strong and long lived he just seems insanely weak when compared to Lex when he is introduced, and Lex’s domain just steamrolls most of the characters in the story.
I understand it’s always great to have a character who is the one of the best and incredibly respected within a story but honestly looking at Morpheus and trying to find any evidence of the strength he supposedly has comes up with very little and the story kind of suffers because of it as it leaves readers guessing when he’ll just deck what seems to be the big bad when they fight. While this isn’t a killing blow to a story it does leave situations where when he’s being absolutely destroyed I was seriously hoping for us to see even a smidgen of what strength he supposedly has but all that was really given to us was other demons being ‘disappointed’ how weak he was, and it really made me question if Morpheus really was strong at all to begin with. In order to fix something like this don’t be afraid of making your character underpowered or weak in comparison to the others of their race, it would actually be much more compelling for Morpheus to be a younger/more ignorant demon than he was in the story and have him learn something from Twilight and rely on her to do certain things so when the climax does come around you can have every moment in the story before and his interactions with Twilight be the fuel to what helps him accomplish what he does showing growth and improvement to the character in the end rather than him using his willpower and strength alone with a desire to keep a bad end from happening which in a way sort of trivializes how much Morpheus grew beyond respecting a Magi and learning to make friends.
I do understand the difficulty in publishing your own works out to the public and have it face criticism I do applaud you in writing a story for others to read and criticize. Hopefully your experiences with writing this story will make you a better writer even if it’s just for writing fanfics as I do enjoy most of your work and am interested in seeing if you will do a sequel or not to this story.
I loved the story. The personalities, the backstory, the lore, the mystery, everything was just perfect.
The only thing that annoyed me was the randomness of the magi that was trying to destroy everything. It wasn't a character that was at all showed in the story prior to my knowledge. Their motivations were close to being understandable, but it seemed like they were closer to insane yet the only insane quality they showed was their sadistic ways of accomplishing their goals. It just kind of bites at me that one of the main turning points of the story is centered around a character we know nothing about.
That being said, if this magi was all in a lead up to a sequel then I am more than impressed with the story. Excellent work!
There are several songs with the name Hell Yeah. IMO, this is the best. As a Baby Boomer, it stands at the frozen outer limits of my music map. Past this is a blank area labeled "Here there be loud noises"
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Ludicris+Hell+Yeah&&view=detail&mid=552AE530265F27F29FC1552AE530265F27F29FC1&FORM=VRDGAR
Great story. Sad to see it end but glad to see it complete.
Thank you for wrighting this.
8668448 8668451 8668304
I'd like to first start off with saying thank you very much for giving this fic a go and thank you for leaving feedback! While this is an ending or sorts, it doesn't feel 100 % complete and I agree with you on this. It shows more character growth on Twilight's side than Morpheus and showcases more on how she tries to overcome her obstacles.
The villain in this story was placed without considering a longer character arc of interaction making her somewhat 2D compared to the previous two adversaries, Alma and to a larger extent Lex. This is a failing of mine, because I'm actually dithering in whether I want to pursue a sequel (I'm leaning heavily on probably yes), so I needed to resolve Lex, yet open a way for continuity. Yet, I agree this is probably a clunky way to do it and perhaps I need to revise this just to show an interaction between Morpheus and Lex.
With regards to power and respect: It was repeated quite often that magi hold power over demons and that magic, in general, is tricky to deal with being a demon. Especially when dealing with magical contraptions that grant magi domain immunity (like Night Light's cloak). For Morpheus, in general, his domain isn't all that powerful and can only really be exerted to give himself and his magi immunity. Ideally, he's actually got an edge on demons, provided he has consent (Alma) or surprise on his side (Lex and that magus towards the end). I did try to tease that Morpheus is mostly revered because of how he can free them, and not necessarily his strength, re exposition:
That said, I agree that catharsis is missing here where the protagonist doesn't seem to exert a great deal of active influence to achieve the outcome and it's mostly left to the capable hands (hooves) of his friend(s). I kind of wanted to make him reliant on Twilight to show that normally things he would achieve himself is now flipped around. It's frightening for Morpheus to give up agency, because he likes being independent. To trust someone else goes against his core perception that he should only trust himself. He's never done this before, but this marks the final turning point when he begins this by trusting one demon to Twilight, then all demons to her at the end. It's sort of symbolically passing what he sees as his 'duty' to help demons in this way.
This is mostly a long-winded way of saying I agree with you, but I just wanted to write about what kind of dilemma I faced with trying to mark Morpheus' turning point and why I thought this was an inevitability. However, that's not an excuse. A good story would not need this sort of breakdown to understand and this mostly means that I should run this by someone else before releasing, it sort of shows how green I am with trying to tie things up like this.
Anyway, again, thank you so much for leaving feedback. I'm stoked that there were at least some parts you enjoyed and I definitely need to do more with tweaking this ending. I will try harder! Hopefully, if all goes well, there will be a sequel, if there's enough interest, but for now, I will try and hone my skills in my other stories to get enough experience to attempt it.
Thanks for reading!
8668691 8668571 8668442 8668363 8668362
Thank you so much for giving this a go and reading, it really warms my heart to see emphatic comments about my story! I hope you enjoyed it and perhaps... there could be more in the future cough cough cough.
This was a great read.
I look forward to seeing more great stories in future.
The Monk
8668769 Thank you! I really appreciate it
You can't just tease me with that last line I need to know if there'll be a sequel
8668790 Haha, most likely, seeing how things are going!
Very good story and a good ending, may we see an sequel?
8668809 Honestly, despite my demands, I loved this story.
Thank you for writing it!
but i still want the sequel if that's okay
8668851 My pleasure
8668819 Yes, most likely!
What a brilliant read this was !!
An epic for the bookshelf.
Bittersweet indeed, not the ending I had in mind
- when I was halfway through i was hoping that the Epilogue showed Twilight at adult age interacting with a Morpheus who had decided to stick around - but you concluded the story well, sad as it may seem.
Well done.
I remember the first chapter... And now we're here. Great story. What was actually happening a bit incoherent at times, but forgivable in a first-person narrative.
Very good, well written, and incredibly solid in it's execution. I liked it so much I even added it to my exclusive Top Favorites bookshelf.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
>probably only four chapters long
It was fun watching it grow from there.
This has been a fun story and I'm glad I found it all those years ago.
There's some interesting possibilities for a sequel, and I would love to see one.
... I'm just gonna ignore that last sentence, and pretend that there was no sequel-bait. Nope, just a nice, smooth ending.
a fantastic story. Thank you for the ride.
I loved every single chapter! :D
8669297 8669298 8669532 8669583 8669759 8670542 8670731 8670805
Thank you all so much for reading! I'm super duper happy that you've enjoyed/liked/were mildly entertained by my writing!
I'll also pitch in with a wish for a sequel. While it wasn't flawless, I liked the story and especially (predictably) Twilight and Morpherus' heartwarming relationship. Really shows how she has it in her to eventually come to exhibit all the qualities of the elements of harmony and deserve the princess title. Now, as a point of criticism, what I liked less was all the weird stuff with the library and the final villain, as well as the numerous and nebulous rules about magic that all just happened to come together in such a way as to force this end. It felt pretty underexplained and underdeveloped, almost as some sort of convenient excuse to tie up the plot. I guess it's realistic that you can't expect someone like this villain to reveal stuff about themselves, so in essence they were more like a nameless driving force behind a cataclysm that almost happened. Heck, I even kind of like how fleeting the villain was and that we know nothing about them and need to know nothing about them and that what the characters "fight" in the end isn't the villain but the thing they summoned/created. But the library stuff and the reasoning behind Twilight having to send Morpheus back and all that... it felt rushed and confusing more than anything. Again, I understand that we probably didn't need to know more for the story to work, it's just annoying to have this barrage of vague hints and suggestions instead of developed ideas thrown at us in the end. It works as a story, but it wouldn't have hurt to expand on almost everything but the villain. (And, just to nitpick, the villain really could've been less cliche, I feel like they should've looked very plain, like a normal non-threateningly-colored pony, and their personality could've been much more calm and distant, to reflect the non-trivial scope of their grand desire and the outlandishness of it all, rather than this tired "Oh I'm so powerful and you're all so powerless, I'm gonna flaunt my plot armor and talk like a tremendous dick because I'm a villain!" thing which is what cliche Tirek-like villains do. Or maybe I'm just remembering Owlman from that one Justice League animated movie?)
Now, don't mind the relative lengths of the praising and the criticizing parts of the comment, I did overall like the story and left a "like" to express that. It's just the criticism is something that takes more words to accurately explain, as a series of specific points, compared to the reasons why I liked the rest of it (that can all be summed up with "it was good"), and, well, this aspect of the story is much fresher in my mind seeing how it ended with it.
Lies
This needs sequel
8670867 Thank you for taking the time to leave a solid critique. I agree with all your points! With the latter half, I do have a problem with rushing things and fleshing things out towards the end. A lack of characterisation on the villain's behalf is as you say conducive to feeling rushed and fleeting and that's because the focus was more on the other interactions rather than the villain themselves. I haven't set things up for a sequel before so this cliched approach was going more for a fleshing out in the (planned/unplanned) sequel. In any case I'm so glad that you gave this a shot and I really hope my later writing can improve to the point where gripes would be super hard to pick out (which is what I aim for!). Thanks for reading!
8670959 *cough* *looks away*
8671009 *continues to cough* *continues to look away* (no but there will most likely be one)
I do hope to see a sequel
That perspective shift at the end.
...
HE IS ALIVE!
REJOICE!
Bravo, bravo! This was one hell of a ride (hue), and I loved it from the start to the end.
Good to see you still manage to keep up with your quality stuff - I seriously have yet to see something from you which I don't like.
... no, that's not a challenge.
I liked it.
It was a thrilling ride.
That was a fun read, thank you for a great story!
8672306 Yes! Quite possibly!
8672846 Challenge, accept—cough also you're making me blush cough
8673059 Awww thanks for giving it a read, I appreciate it!
8673282 You're the best for reading the story, thanks so much!
I LOVED THIS! The ending doh, its one of those stories that makes you soooo happy and sad when the ending comes around. And then the ending was like "this could lead into a sequel" which means this story isn't doomed to the immaterial, and has the chance to progress. And that's a good ending. An ending where, if you wanted to continue, you could, but was done in such a way, it does not have to be continued, and, as much as I would love to see more, I am so happy for the short day of joy this story has bought me.
8673508
A blush, you say? *keeps the compliments coming*
I shall turn you into a quivering mess soon!
Surprisingly good story. Terribly uneven in the first half, but thats what happens when you spend ~2.5 years writing a story.
The ending is good but horribly rushed. I get what the author was going for but you can practically see the author throwing plot lines out the window. (Celestia is literally reduced to a cameo and the "Selena" plot thread ends up being meaningless)
Woot! A bit rushed in the end but good nonetheless.
So what WAS Morpheus's domain in the end? I know he said "demon-hunting", but what exactly does that mean? That's not a thing like time is. You can extend a field of time (or water or fire or hate etc), but you can't extend a field of demon-hunting.
So what was it then? Or was he not really anchored after all and he was just choosing to stay, lying to his dear, gullible audience?
8673518 Thank you, I really appreciate your sentiments!
8673558 Don't tempt~ that's a bad course of action right there.
8673782 8673871 You're both right. A lot of people have been saying it's rushed at the end and poorly paced with plot points thrown out and others not explored nearly enough. I think, even if others want a sequel, maybe I should stick to a rewrite, if that's the direction readers think I should take this. I value feedback immensely and will try and incorporate as much as I can back into my writing.
8674677 Domains are poorly explained here. I would say not necessarily intentionally because of story time constraints and I don't like readers to sit through exposition too much. What I want readers to infer from the way demons 'use' their domain is that it's like an area of 'influence' around them, where their specialties can manifest themselves. His domain is 'demon-hunting' which means any demon trapped in his domain is going to have a bad time. That is, if he's strong enough to manifest his domain in the first place.
With regards to the latter end: With how he acts in the story, Morpheus does not like lies, but that doesn't mean he doesn't lie to himself, or realise he's lying to others when he's deceiving himself.
8674730 Thanks so much, I really appreciate you taking the time to point out these mistakes! They've been fixed! Thanks again!
8674841
I'll tempt you with a cupcake on a string. And then another. And then another. And when you think it's getting too easy, And when you get confident that it's easy I'll start moving it away from your reach just before you can grab it.
Welp! This was a magnificent story!
Even though sometimes it was difficult to follow, the story was funny from the beginning, mysterious at middle and closed up with mediocre action. I really enjoyed reading it. It took me a while to fully comprehend The Library, but after a while and 12 stages of insane I understood EVERYTHING. Pffft, what do you think I am? Some kind of mortal?
I'll give this story:
A-
For original content and great story, but in places hard to follow.
I'm not crying, you're crying! This is definitely one of my favorites.
8674983 D:
8675471 Thank you so much for your kind words and frank feedback. I definitely agree, it was stumbling a lot at the end, I will try better next time!
8675808 Thank you, thank you, thank you! It warms my heart to hear such things, I hope you've had a great experience and I hope you also have a great day/night!
8676932
Too much?
Is there going to be a sequel someday?
The ending... It's tragic and somewhat happy at the same time.
I can't take it, I want to cry but I can't. Why can't I cry?!
P.S. Sequel please! I want Twilight to meet Morpheus again.
This ending makes my heart hurt(in a good way...sorta) i dont think i can be content until i see/read a sequel......