l
“Uhmmm...” Rarity fidgeted in place, her pale brow furrowed. “I... don't quite remember that last scenario unfolding at any particular time, darling...”
“Yes... well... it's something that could happen, don't you think?!” Twilight Sparkle stammered, her violet eyes bugging out. “We're the representatives of Harmony in Equestria, Rarity! We can't afford any random linguistic hiccups during our routine adventures!”
“And why not?”
“Because... because explosions!” Twilight's voice cracked. “That's why!”
“Explosions? Whew!” A voice rasped above the two mares. The air of the room shifted from the cool flapping of even cooler wings. “Finally, you girls are talking about something that's worth a darn.”
“Huh?” Twilight looked up.
“Oh, good morning, Rainbow Dash!” Rarity smiled with a dainty curtsy. “What a pleasure seeing you this early. You certainly look bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.”
“Meh.” Rainbow hovered in place, flipping through a hard-bound book.
“Rainbow...” Twilight frowned slightly. “I don't recall inviting you over. Just how long have you been here?” She blinked. “How'd you even get in?”
“Y'know, for a Princess, you really don't close your balcony windows that much,” Rainbow muttered, stifling a yawn. “I mean, I know that nowadays you're contractually obligated to flounce out in a flowy ballgown and sing a random aria to the sunrise, but come on.”
“Errrrrrrrr...” Twilight fidgeted with a blush.
“And if you really wanna know, I came by to pick up my Daring Do novel. You know..." She glared down with one piercing ruby eye. “The one that I asked to have returned over three days ago?”
“Oh. Right. That.” Twilight gulped. “I'm... I-I'm so sorry, Rainbow Dash. I've been kinda busy.”
“Yeah.” Rainbow's eyes darted between the mountains of text. “I can see that.”
“Did you happen to hear much of our conversation, Rainbow?” Rarity remarked.
“Just up to the point where Twilight was ready to burn AJ at the stake. Yeah.”
“What?!” Twilight frowned. “Rainbow, I do not want to burn Applejack at the stake!”
“You sure about that?” Rainbow closed the novel and pointed at the three hundred page treatise lying on the floor. “You certainly have enough fuel for the job.”
“Rainbow, I wrote this neat and detailed paper in order to educate Applejack—”
“On what? Friendship?”
“No! On grammatical inaccuracies and the necessity for correcting them!”
“Yeah...” Rainbow Dash smirked, rolling her eyes. “'Cuz that's sooooooo much more important than friendship!”
“It... it isn't!” Twilight stammered.
“Then why's it such a big deal?”
Rarity giggled.
Twilight frowned at the unicorn. “It's nothing to titter over!”
“Twilight, darling, a lady never titters.” Rarity fluffed her mane with an upturned nose. “She merely... chortles in an air of genteel frivolity.”
“Call it what you want!” Twilight stomped a hoof. “But this is serious! Gone are the days when we would all hold hooves and zap something evil and chaotic with beams of harmonic rainbow magic! Right now, it's all about diplomacy! Social grace and tact! We won't be spreading friendship very far if we don't get our social etiquette down just right!”
“Heheh...” Rainbow Dash flew lower, hugging her Daring Do book to her chest. “And you're getting in a tangled mess over Applejack's social graces? Girl, the mare might smell like a farm and make love to apples, but when has she ever—like—embarrassed you?”
“Just a few days ago!” Twilight squeaked, pointing towards the interior lengths of the Palace. “Right in front of the Duke!”
“Pffft... I don't see the Gazelle Army bouncing up to our moat,” Rainbow droned, “They haven't declared war or nothing.” She blinked, then grinned at Rarity. “Dudes! We should totally get a moat! Wouldn't that be sweet?!”
“Oooh!” Rarity bounced in place. “With bordering flower gardens and little swan boats! Squee! It'd be divine!”
“No, it would not be!” Twilight growled.
“... ... ...” Rarity stood awkwardly in place. “...pelican boats?”
“I'm not talking about swans or pelicans, I'm talking about Applejack!” Twilight frowned. “I can't... we can't settle for her using gross grammatical inaccuracies when addressing our visiting diplomats! Home-grown colloquialisms or not, terms like 'y'all' simply must not be used when speaking to the likes of Duke Autumn Breeze!”
“Ah jeez...” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Princess Egghead's shell has already cracked. Must be from the tiara's weight.”
“Huh?”
“Twi...” Rainbow Dash planted her hooves on her floating hips. “How many times has Applejack spoken to Princess Celestia? Or members of her family spoken with her?” The mare chuckled. “Heck... if what Granny Smith says is true, entire generations of Apple Family ponies have crossed paths with Celestia over the decades. Wanna guess how many times they exchanged words whenever they met? Even silly, farm-sweating words?” She shrugged. “If you ask me, Princess Celestia woulda banished our favorite fruit farmers ages ago if the way they drawled was such a big deal.”
“Rainbow, this is not a matter of interior Equestrian socializing!” Twilight exclaimed. She waved a lavender hoof. “Our task these days is making friendships... new friendships with those outside our normal social circles! We have to be prepared for any and all eventualities, and—I'm sorry—but Applejack's vernacular is a liability we can't afford!”
“But... like... becoming friends is all about giving as well as taking.” Rainbow shrugged. “We were willing to tolerate the Yak-Yaks when they went totally berserk and started homewrecking. We shrugged off Discord's invitation of the Smooze to the last Gala. And nopony bothered to say out loud how much they hated Duke Autumn Breeze's super ugly horn rings!”
“Perish the thought!” Rarity gasped. “I-I found them to be quite beautiful and dazzling—”
“Point is...” Rainbow pointed. “When making new friends, we embrace some of the stuff that we—as ponies—would otherwise find lame! And, y'know, that's totally cool! But... being friends is about making compromises both ways as well! You know this, Twi!” She smiled. “And so maybe Applejack doesn't dot some of her I's or cross her T's. So what? If a dude like Duke Autumn Breeze is too stuck up to accept that, then why should we bother being friends with the Gazelle Prince in the first place? I mean... making Applejack change who she is just to make a foppish guy happy? Don't you realize how lame that sounds? Pffft... we all know she's polite! And I'm sure the Duke could sense that as well! That's why he didn't friggin' say anything! Can't you see? It's no sweat! Really!”
“You were right about making compromises both ways, Rainbow Dash," Twilight said. "In the end, this isn't about making Applejack change who she is. It's simply a matter of making a compromise in her manner of speaking! It's about how she presents herself! About how she formulates her words.” Her brow furrowed. “You of all ponies should know, Rainbow, just how important it is to play an important role in something and stick to it. For instance, every time you show up at the Wonderbolts Academy, you have to cast aside casual posture and idioms, don't you? I mean... you couldn't very well perform a flight drill under Spitfire's supervision if you were all slouching and joking the entire time!”
“Oh pleeeeease...” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. She flew backwards across the room, fighting the urge to giggle. “Are you really comparing our task as friendship ambassadors to some sort of formal military code?”
“Yes!” Twilight said. Even Rarity laughed at that, and the alicorn frowned at her. “What?!”
“Twilight, darling, perhaps some sleep is in order,” Rarity said, patting the mare's shoulder. "You're starting to sound like my father during Macaroni Family Mondays."
“I simply can't believe that neither of you are on the same page as I am!” Twilight exclaimed. “Since when did you second guess my lectures on friendship?”
“Since you stopped being a Princess and started turning into an Evil Queen,” Rainbow said with a wink.
Twilight huffed. “Rainbow...”
“I'm joshin' you. Simply joshin' you, Twi.” Rainbow ruffled the mare's mane and hovered before her. “Seriously. If this is such a big deal, go talk to Applejack about it.”
“Yes, darling, be upfront with her,” Rarity said. “You know she appreciates that.”
“But... but...” Twilight pointed at the thick bundle of papers. “...the essay.”
“Ugh...” Rainbow backflipped and flew towards the nearest window. “It's too dang early for this. I'm out of here, guys. Smell you later.”
“Fare well, Rainbow Dash.” Rarity waved with a smile. “Tea and cupcakes later?”
"With the sprinkles shaped like tortoises with jet packs?"
"Most certainly."
“Woohoo! You bet!” Fwooosh! And the speedster was gone.
“You... you don't think I'm turning into an 'Evil Queen,' Rarity...” Twilight floated the thick treatise up and hugged it like a pillow. Her eyes quivered. “...do you?”
“Ohhhh Twilight...” Rarity trotted over and nuzzled the mare. “Don't let Rainbow Dash's comic hyperboles get to you. The mare's being her usual, loyal self. It's only natural for her to play the devil's advocate in a conversation like this.”
“But... but I'm not trying to paint Applejack as a 'devil,'” Twilight said. “It's just... just...”
“She could use a bit of work on her social graces. I understand that.” Rarity nodded with a smile. “I've always understood that. But I also learned—long ago—that you can't always change the essence of a pony, nor do you always need to. And it's not as though Applejack has an odor problem or something else of a disgusting nature! She's simply... erm...”
“Obtuse,” Twilight droned.
“Hmmm... indeed.” Rarity let loose a long sigh. “And, alas, the pendulum has swung back.”
“Unngh...” Twilight rubbed her skull. “I could use some coffee.”
“So could I.” Rarity's face lit up. “A trip to Sugarcube Corner, perhaps?”
“Oh, that sounds wonderful.” Twilight levitated a pen over to join her veritable tomb of hoof-written notes. “I could do some editing while we sit and chat!”
“Oh, goodness...” Rarity fought the urge to roll her eyes. “Doesn't that sound divine?” She walked Twilight out of the room and to the front door of the Palace. “Really, darling, you should get your beauty sleep. Not to suggest that you're lacking in aesthetic qualities as of late... ahem... but it would do a great deal of good to the mind as well as the body and soul.”
“Hey, there's nothing wrong with my mind!” Twilight said, frowning slightly as she tugged on the front doors with her magic. “It's just that when I set my thoughts on something, I have to tackle it until the project is completely one hundred percent finished!”
“Uh huh...”
“And, believe you me, if this treatise doesn't convince Applejack to turn a new leaf... then I don't know what will.” Twilight opened the door. Her violet eyes reflected bright freckles in the morning sunlight.
“Mornin', y'all!”
“Applejack!” Twilight's voice cracked as she teetered backwards.
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Don't ever do this.
To be fair, the Sparkle friendship castle would be cooler if it had a moat.
6181573 "The PRINCESS OF FRIENDSHIP would like to BATTLE!"
orig08.deviantart.net/7129/f/2011/251/7/7/a_wild_twilight_appeared_by_dmn666-d492rpv.png
...dayum, a moat does sound pretty sweet.
Rainbow joining Rarity for tea? Now I'm starting to wonder if Twilight is having a fever dream.
quickmeme.com/img/71/71930e9ea00a94c6a695b59e1441fc3cf451d3ab35a5c22ea74e69eb8b64a395.jpg
Goddamn you, Skirts.
6181573 The irony of that statement in the context of this story is wonderful.
6181941 That's fake. She doesn't have wings!
That dialog is
.
Ya'll so impressive!
Moats are where its at man, legit.
Nice job! :D
You know you've gone 'round the bend when Rainbow Dash is the calm voice of logic and reason.
6181671 yes, but this castle is reminiscent of a disney fairy tale castle, so items of strategic importance are out of the question.
...totally needs murder holes, though.
Swans make everything better.
I friendship this. I friendship it so hard. It's so weird in this wonderful way watching Rarity and Rainbow get along.
How MUCH time is Rainbow Dash spending with Rarity having tea and cakes? 'Cause she's starting to sound LIKE Rarity...
⸘Have you heard about the bestest punctuation-mark evar‽ ¡Interrobang!
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Agreed. They should get a moat.
Hey, at least she used it correctly there.
6194568
To be fair, if Twilight's been sitting there working on that essay for three days and nights straight, she probably WILL smell Twilight later.
6191744
And short skirts
Never forget the skirts.
6194568 I. Pulled. Up to the castle 'bout 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cart-pone, "Yo home smell ya later!"
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as Princess of Bel Mare
6183818 she just hasn't evolved to Twilicorn yet
6272977 41.media.tumblr.com/9e3d5acec4b08d86086270ef3fb06e7e/tumblr_nspyxaNmRk1u9lzywo1_250.jpg
6188120
Now don't you start. Do you really think anyone has ever been so pressed for character space that they would need to compromise their punctuation‽
Oh, no!
What have you done‽
And then Twilight's mind snapped like a twix bar.
Let's discard formal logic for typical conversation logic and assume that this implies that Rarity remembered all of the previous stories that Twilight told her. In this case we must assume that Rarity somehow remembers the 2nd to last story involving the outhouse. How did she remember this?
7291311
...Either Applejack or Twilight told her.
Yes Twilight, Ask your friend to conform to the grammatical standards of your own upbringing. I'm sure that won't be an intensely alienating experience at all. Impose the will of the high society and academic elites upon this crude lower class farmer. It's the right way to speak after all.