Y'allin'

by shortskirtsandexplosions

l

Branches and rain water soaked the upstairs loft of Twilight Sparkle's library. The unicorn squatted amidst the leaves, fumbling nervously through her convoluted book on slumber parties, desperate to find a solution.

Meanwhile, on the complete other side of the room, Applejack continued to lecture a fussy Rarity.

"Right now, ya need to stop bein' so dang fussy pickin' up all the little things and help me move the one big thing in here that actually matters! Please!"

"Uh... uhhh..." Rarity grimaced. "But I'll get all icky!"

Applejack choked on a cussing breath, but found the strength to say: "Yes, ickiness is often a side effect of hard work, but y'all need to get over it, on account that I just can't fix this mess I made myself!"

---

"Apple Bloom!"

Startled, Twilight Sparkle turned and looked across the market square of Ponyville.

She saw Applejack in an apron, brushing Apple Bloom aside as she approached an angry-looking Bon Bon.

"I am really... really sorry about that. She's new. Here!" She poured some apples into Bon Bon's bag. "Take these. No charge."

Bon Bon was not amused.

"And these," Applejack said, simpering, and threw in a few more pieces of fruit.

Bon Bon was still not amused.

"...and these!" At last, desperate, Applejack tossed an entired bucket onto Bon Bon's flank.

"Guh!" With a wincing smile, Bon Bon finally shuffled off.

A breathless Applejack called after the lone mare. "Y'all come back now, y'hear?"

---

“Hold on, Princess!” Applejack huffed and puffed, galloping up the Sweet Apple Acres hillside with a heavy, bulging saddlebag. “I'm a'comin'!”

“Ohhhhhh Applejack...” Twilight's voice groaned painfully. At the top of a hill overlooking the barn and its surrounding apple orchards, a lone outhouse stood. It shook and rattled from the occupant within. “This is simply embarrassing! I'm so sorry it had to happen while I was paying you and your family a visit.”

“Nothin' to fret about, darlin'.” Applejack trotted to a stop, breathing evenly through a friendly smile. “We're all members of Mother Nature, though Mother Nature doesn't make many stops by the department store... or Big Mac for that matter.” That said, she reached into her saddlebag, pulled out two rolls of toilet paper, and held them up to the door handle of the outhouse. “I got whatcha need here, darlin'. Don't worry.” She shut her eyes. “I ain't looking.”

“Oh thank you, Applejack. Thank you so much.” The door opened a tiny crack with magic. Lavender energy encased the two toilet paper rolls, and they flew into the tiny wooden shack within the space of a blink. The door slammed shut as Twilight exhaled a breath of relief from within. “I've... I-I've never been in this situation before.”

“Yeah, well, dun you fret. On account of you bein' a Princess and all, I doubt it'll ever happen again.” Applejack crossed her legs with a friendly smirk. “Anythang else I can help ya with, sugarcube?”

“Erm... no, Applejack. You've done more than enough. I'll... uh... I'll be out to rejoin you and your family in a minute.”

“Heheh... sure thang!” Applejack turned to trot down the hilltop, but paused halfway. “But... y'know... if y'all need anythang... and I do mean anythang... just holler, y'hear?”

Dead silence.

“... ... ...Twilight?”

The outhouse shook. A wet gross vomiting noise echoed down the hill, making the apple tree branches shake and quiver.

Applejack blinked. “...so... do y'all need me to stay, or...?”

The vomiting repeated, even louder and wetter this time.

---

“We have only sixty seconds left!” Twilight Sparkle hollered, her brow covered in sweat. Her eyes reflected a mess of multi-colored wires, and all around her the floor of the Canterlot Palace was covered with the bodies of freshly pulverised Diamond Dogs. “We have to diffuse the canines' bomb or else every hostage and citizen in the city goes up in flame!”

“Alright! No panickin'!” Applejack sat across the large, ticking explosive from the Princess. She tore the sleeves of her Gala dress loose and cracked her neck joints. “Let's do this, sugarcube.” The mare plucked a pair of wire cutters from the floor and stared into the splayed guts of the bomb. “Just tell me what to pluck and where. We'll utilize yer expert brain and my apple peelin' finesse!”

“I... I don't even know where to start!” Twilight hissed, her eyes darting from one wire to the next. “Just one wrong move, and we could all explode in a horrible plume of flame and shrapnel!” She clutched her head as her lavender brow furrowed. “Ohhhhhh... if only I could somehow concentrate!”

“Dun fret none, darlin'!” Applejack smiled. “Y'all got the best brain of us all! So I'm sure y'all will think of somethin'!”

“... ... ...”

“Twilight?” Applejack's emerald eyes darted up. “Y'all still with me, sugarcube?”

“Uhhhhhh...” Twilight's eyes shrank into pinpricks. She stared deep into the intestines of the ticking bomb, her muzzle starting to leak with drool. “... ... ...derp?”

“Huh... well then...” Applejack shrugged, then reached forward with the wire cutters. “Reckon the red wire is the trick.” She smiled as she plucked the crimson string in two. “I've always liked red. Reminds me of a fruit that I fancy—”

KAPOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

Comments

[mastermenthe]

The bomb did not explode.
That was Twilight.

[zaponator]

That really got out of hand fast...

[RoboRed]

Well, that memory trip went from 0 to "lolwut" in a hurry.

[Shining Dawn]

lh3.googleusercontent.com/-3FdQZrhgsxY/AAAAAAAAAAI/AAAAAAAAAAA/gbQJVM4Kg1s/photo.jpg
img15.deviantart.net/27ad/i/2012/325/0/4/doctor_who___dafuq_by_foooxft-d5lr920.jpg
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lh3.googleusercontent.com/-3FdQZrhgsxY/AAAAAAAAAAI/AAAAAAAAAAA/gbQJVM4Kg1s/photo.jpg

[Hobbestc]

Did Twilight just clock AJ? Lol!

[JDLENL]

multi-colored wireds, and all around her the floor of the Canterlot Place

wires and Palace, skirts.

[KarmamarK]

Twilight turned into Derpy!

[Dustchu]

Well, this got out of hoof rather quickly if I do say so myself.
hehe, nice.... nice.

[Malandy]

Huh... well, I don't know what that was... but I think I liked it... I think...

Also, typo...:

entired

[Shamrock95]

ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/2013-10/enhanced/webdr02/30/11/anigif_enhanced-buzz-22249-1383145395-4.gif

[Scarlet Scorch]

I am very confused.

[Tarox]

“Uhhhhhh...” Twilight's eyes shrank into pinpricks. She stared deep into the intestines of the ticking bomb, her muzzle starting to leak with drool. “... ... ...derp?”

Oh god my sides!!

[Eonflare]

Really shouldn't have asked that question Rarity.

[birdyluv0]

wut...

[artofwar77]

I'm glad you referenced those scenes from the show.
I remember those each and every time someone on FIMFiction claims that Applejack never uses/misuses "y'all".

Though I'm not sure I've seen those last two episodes yet...

[Pankrazius]

6195900
They are about to be aired after the hiatus. Our glorious leader author has some miraculous connections to the Hub, methinks.

[TwilightUCrazy]

“We have only sixty seconds left!” Twilight Sparkle hollered, her brow covered in sweat. Her eyes reflected a mess of multi-colored wires, and all around her the floor of the Canterlot Palace was covered with the bodies of freshly pulverised Diamond Dogs. “We have to diffuse the canines' bomb or else every hostage and citizen in the city goes up in flame!”

...Did I skip some episodes?

[arancaytar]

We'll utilize yer expert brain and my apple peelin' finesse!

I'm suddenly reminded of Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes.

[Eddy13]

When did that situation when Twilight was stuck in the outhouse happen?

[rogueunicorn]

6567214 It didn't.

[Eddy13]

6709210
I meant after which episode?

[Fluttertreetop]

6709229

it didn't happen at all. Not from any known episode.

[Razzy]

... That escalated quickly.

Only thing missing was a scene in an active volcano with a ring.

[shattered_sky]

I don't remember the last episode....