• Member Since 30th Apr, 2015
  • offline last seen Dec 22nd, 2017

PhoenixBlaz3


When life gives you lemons, extract the citric acid from the lemon juice and sell it as teeth whitener. Might as well make a quick quid when you're gonna die anytime soon.

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A fanfiction about Button Mash and Sweetie Belle, about their love, their friendship and their happiness and how it began to bloom with a single moment. This is my first fanfic so construcive criticism would be great! I'll put in some Rumble x Scootaloo and Spike x Applebloom. (Sorry Applebloom x Pipsqueak shippers). I'll try to upload chapters once every month or maybe more.:scootangel: yay!

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 105 )

Your work is liked. Don't be discouraged with the ratings.:twilightsmile: Good luck with this.

5929678 Thank you it's nice to see people like my first fanfiction!

5929678 This. There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with the writing, but the chapters are too brief and short, try exceeding about 1500 words per chapter. Other than that, I'm not really sure why there are dislikes. A like for your story, sir.

I thumbed down cuz ships/pairings were too obvious.

5931014 Yeah sure man. I tried to get the chaptes to at least 1000 words and thought that was enough when it wasn't so I'll try to do what you said.

5931290 Thanks for an honest answer for my fanfic. I've got another fanfic in mind and try make it less obvious.

5931014 Yeah, I swear some works thta would be liked all over are just disliked randomly. Sometimes I think there's just people always disliking everything they come accross.:applejackunsure: I mean, really. Some things should be dislkiked that are liked the absolute snot out of: like Rainbow Factory, My Little Slave, and Cupcakes. I mean jeez. Is this what people like nowadays? It's just mature material all over the place

5931853 Have you read the next chapter yet? I'm gonna try to make the chapters a lot longer now, maybe about 1000-2000 words. Hope you enjoy it! :twilightsmile:

5931853 I agree, I find it stupid that 4/5 of the time, the Featured stories are clop and super short comedy stories that are mostly random and not even funny. I've read so many better fics that have a lot more effort put into them than most of the ones that are Featured, but the most credit they get would be a few likes.
5932644 You might want to fix the last section of the chapter, it's all in italics.

5934493 Sorry I just noticed that when I edited it there was no italics bit. It might be somehing to do with the site, or the coding or something else. You might have to ignore it for now. :twilightoops:

Sorry guys I know I said I'd upload the chapter on Monday but I really can't wait so I'll start it now and finish it tomorrow and submit it tomorrow.:trixieshiftleft:

Thanks for the likes guys!! I really appreciate it!:pinkiesad2:

5931853 Then you haven't read my stuff alright :rainbowlaugh: but yeah, I can understand that, look at the special featured list, there is always 1 or 2 clop stories on it :ajbemused:

Alright, here we go! 1: Why would Button Mash be sad leaving his friend but then he is all pumped for going to Ponyville so quickly? 2: The chapter is incredibly short, it shows laziness and lack of dedication. The more words you have in a chapter, the better it looks. SOme people like the quick read, but most people like to see words over 6k or even 8k in a chapter, it looks good and more professional. 3: Sentence structure is poor, your spelling and grammar is dead on, but it is not constructed properly. This can be fixed merely with practice and work. Writing is like working out, the more you do, the better you get! My first bit of work was terrible, but now I write good stories! 4: Stories on here don't need a 'prolong' on this site. It's more for professional story books. I mean keep it if you want, it's not really a problem, but it's not needed. It kinda gives a false image of professionalism. Lastly, 5: Try to add more description to the story. Right now the only thing I can see are Rumble and Button Mash in this chapter, I know they are on the train station but what does it look like? What about the weather? Is the station crowded or is not many ponies on it? Can they hear the city sounds from the train station? When you write you must paint a picture with words for what is happening. Here is a way you can practice this: Look at everything in your room,, now start naming off items and things in your room such as blue walls, black computer tower, white laptop, green floors, ect. Once you have listed everything there, make that into a proper paragraph! Turn the list into sentences. The trick is really great practice! Oh. . . one more thing, It's Button's Mom, upper case M because it's part of her name. :raritywink: Now onto the next chapter

Ok, here we go again! ("How about your video games, sweetie?" suggested his mother as she rolled her eyes.) There should be a capitalized letter after a conversation. Example: "Hey mom! I'm going to school!" He called out from the living room. That should be how it looks like. You shouldn't show everything that is happening in a game because then it looks rushed. You make it look like that 'possible' 5 hours of work happened in less than 10 minutes.Also do you understand that when you use this: "B-but mom!" it represents stuttering? Some uses that you have here where not needed. Also in the beginning you used a run on word: (The train ride was getting labouriously boring. Taxi rides were fun, and they weren't boring.) You shouldn't use the same word twice in a paragraph unless it's a name, even then it still has rules. Instead of using the same word twice, you should say something else like 'Taxi rides were fun, and they were way more exciting than train rides' as an example. Also you should have put a short explanation way he likes taxi rides more than train rides. Also the word labouriously is mispelt here. The correct spelling is laboriously and means something else as you have it put here. It means to put a lot of effort into something, so it doesn't really fit here. Most people won't pick up on that but it just takes a critic like me to show them. Again poor sentence structure and you put detail in places where it didn't need to be and less detail where there should be more detail. You need more practice, to put it in a shorter form, so don't feel bad :twilightsmile:

5939122 Firstly, thanks for reviewing this man. Now to answer your questions: q1: He gets happy quickly because Rumble promises to Button that they will see each other again, and Button wants the time to fly by so he can get a chance to see Rumble again. And for #5 I understand that I need more practice on the scenery. I'll try to get my sentence structure better and check for spelling mistakes. (Sorry my iPad has no spel check). I'll also make my chapters longer. The only reason I put the prologue is because I wanted to show the life of Button before he moved to Ponyville, as the stroy is mainly to be based there.

5939224 Ok, thanks for your help man! Thanks for telling me that they need a capital letter after a conversation, because I was taught something else. Yeah I understand that it means stuttering but I didn't know I used it wrong somewhere so I'll check. I know what you mean by the 10 min of work. I think the reason I put laborious was because Button needed a lot of patience to get through the train ride. Anyway thanks again for the feedback! I'll apply your advice into the next next chapter and about half of the next chapter.

YESS!!
You've answered my prayers!!
I love the shippings!!
They are all my fav!

"You shouln't have worried, Rarity. I was in good hands." replied Sweetie Belle, pointing to Button.

Sorry but don't you mean hooves?:raritywink:

5941226 Good to hear that! I love these ships as well. If you want to see another person who writes with these ships I would recommend FelixtheBrony, he writes good stories and uses all these ships. He has 2 stories with these ships, so you should check him out!

5941268 Yeah I didn't notice that error, thanks for pointing it out... or should I say hoofing it out?:unsuresweetie:

Anyways guys, here's the next chapter! Hope you enjoy! It took longer than expected, so sorry about that. :twilightoops: Have a nice day!

It's getting better and better each chapter! (the writing)
Can't wait for the next chapter!

5946344 Oh thanks man! I asked Masked Frenchman to look at my work and see how I could improve. Will submit a new chapter in about 4 days, unless I have a lot of homework, then it might be delayed.

Keep up the good work! :pinkiehappy: I'll be following this once I determine if I like it a lot or just a little.

not bad looks good ima read now! S_B TO DA NEXT CHAPTA!:pinkiehappy:

Thanks guys! I never thought that my first fanfic would get so many likes and comments!!! :derpytongue2:

Hey guys starting the next chapter. Will be released in about 2-3 days bye.

Guys I'm kinda struggling so the next chapter might not be as good:raritycry:. Anyways might finish it tomorrow.

5955457 MWahahahaha Who Wants Spoilers to Next Chapter? Cos Phoenix Told me in real Life. Next chapter gonna be soooo cute

I can tell you about the next chapter... so kawaii!!

Ok guys, right now it's about 10:20, and I'm about 3/4 finished, and since my teacher gave us no homework this week I'll be able to finish it, but maybe it'll be delayed, hope you don't mind. Peace and good night!:twilightsmile:

5959004 Aww i think we have homework
(SPOIlERS EVERYONE NEXT CHAPTER CALLED Snuggle™

K guys uploaded the next chapter, it took so long!!! Hope you enjoy!:pinkiehappy:

0-0 so good im going to like what's going to happen next

Just made an account so I can follow keep up the work.

Thanks guys! I appreciate your encouragement. I will probably upload the next chapter next week, unless I don't get a lot of time, then I will definitely upload it next week

Oh, can I just ask you. When are you uploading your next chapter of For the love of SweetieMash, because it's so good!!

5968250 I honestl just go with the flow. Since I'm graduating from grammar schooll this year, I have a bunch of work to catch up on. BUT I'll still work on. If you notice, it's like a side story to my first story, New Year's Kiss. I sorta want to end the stories on the same page, so I gotta focus on that story a bit more than my Buttonbelle story. But don't worry, though. It will be update by the end of the week:twilightsmile:

Starting the next chapter... Uh i need to sleep...had a contact lens appointment...

Ok guys... The chapter WILL be late... I hardly did any today... sorry:fluttercry:

This is the one BUTTONBELLE I have not read. How did it get by me?
Anyways, for a first fic your doing incredible. Keep it up.

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