• Member Since 5th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Mar 22nd, 2023

bestponydash


Dash is best pony, Luna is best princess, scootaloo is best crusader. Most of my stories will probably focus on one to all of these three. Just keeping it real. Hope you enjoy : )

T
Source

It was Scootaloo's fifth birthday when she found out that her parents were alive. Now, years later, she leaves Ponyville, seeking answers about why they left her and who they are.

Cover art created by: aJVL* at www.deviantart.com

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 27 )

Cover art created by: aJVL* at www.deviantart.com

You do realize that the star is not part of the artists name, right?

Huh I thought he would be the dad or the uncle.

6211842

I thought it would be too predictable to make him her father

narrative coincidence is convenient.

I'm guessing this has something to do with ehy he was at the bar, do I'll go on record and say that, scootaloos dad asked him to put him out of his misery?

6312435
All will be revealed in the next chapter.

6312585 how did know you would say that.... :facehoof:

6312716
:rainbowlaugh: One must never be a spoiler. :scootangel:

This is quite good! I did notice some grammar issues, but there is a reason that this is 21-to-0 rating.
Keep it up!
EDIT: Approved by the Random Supporter's Association.

...And it gets better! I love the development, the conflict, the tough decisions. It's all awesome!

*Favorited.

While this is a pretty interesting Scootaloo adventure and discovery story thus far, I have to disagree with the choice to start this off when she's five years old, since you seem to be corresponding pony age roughly with human age. At five years old, a child wouldn't really be equipped with the maturity or mentality to understand something like what Scootaloo's parents did, and I would expect Ms. Hanes would instead give them to her when she was around 10 instead.

The other thing I find curious is the order of events, where Ms. Hanes gives the letters to Scootaloo BEFORE the fifth letter arrives. Since the fifth letter has a return address on it, I find it would make a far more logical series of events if Ms. Hanes got the letter, saw that it had a return address on it, and then thought 'Oh, I guess Scootaloo's parents feel she's ready to see these letters now if they put a return address on there', and THEN turn them over to Scootaloo.

Poor Scootaloo. She has a good life right there in Ponyville, with a big sister and a near-guaranteed job, but the call of knowledge takes precedence.

The big thing that annoys me about this chapter is Scootaloo's Cutie Mark. You mention it twice, that Rainbow Dash helped her get it when she flew on her own for the first time. However, you then completely fail to go into any detail beyond that about Scoots' Mark. Given that it's a big deal for the CMC's entire character arc in the show, you can't just completely ignore that altogether.

In a fight between narrative coincidence versus stumbling around, narrative coincidence always wins.

Dramatic narrative convenience two chapters in a row?! Say it ain't so!

This story pretty much stopped making sense in this chapter.

The first two chapters were fairly good. The next two chapters were alright, but far too much abuse of narrative coincidence and plot device to pretty much railroad Scootaloo into these last two chapters, which were pretty much one 'wut' moment after another.

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Thanks for all the feedback. It's always nice to meet a reader that gives constructive thoughts to help. And I will admit that as the story reached its end it felt a little hazy, but I am still trying to find and perfect my own writing method. I hope to be better in future projects. :pinkiehappy:

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