• Published 30th Apr 2015
  • 1,956 Views, 26 Comments

Revitalization: The Tale of Pumpkin Cake? - RealityWarper



Ponies exist, I should know. I was once human. Now I'm a filly.

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Madness Decent

Not so regrettably I had a sluggish awakening that consisted of much blinking, yawning and lots of eye crust. I could feel the sleep digging into my eyes, yet this was quickly dispelled by the insistent rubbing of my large eyes. Darkness filled my vision, and there was no adult in immediate sight. Now was a good time to take in my surroundings without being bothered, as well as begin a lay out of the house should I ever need it.

It was the middle of the night, strangely. I didn't think I'd sleep in so late. Or so I guessed due to the shading of the room. However, this could be obsolete. Just as easily it could be perhaps a blind covering the sunlight. However, my internal clock told me me otherwise. Glancing around once more to check for any adult horses lying in wait I arose from the tangled mess of sheets in the tiny baby jail cell known as a cradle. I found myself curious as to wait time it was, luckily there was a chicken clock on the of the room. A quick inspection let me know it was twelve o'clock on the dot. However, this wasn't enough to dissuade my curiosity alone. It could be in the afternoon and the blinds were covering this fact from myself. Grunting, I sprang up from the sheets and tossed them to the side.

Perplexingly, I now noted that yes. If this room was pitch black I was seeing fine. Yet another quick inspection- a glance around the room- and I found myself staring at a small night light. I allowed a small lopsided grin to grace my face or perhaps muzzle now. Not everything had gone to hell.

Forthwith, let me convey your own wonders and my own. By all means, am I unnerved by the darkness. Darkness in it's essence is something unknown. The fear of a monster in the dark, normally while a concept I would immediately desist in my pursuance was now a high possibility in this world unknown. By awakening here, I have now assuaged any doubts that I am hallucinating. This is either an upgrade, or downgrade. I had no earthly clue what I had been doing before I got here.

My point being, is here in the dark in a world I know nothing about could be a highly dangerous thing. I could easily be attacked by some unknown entity for setting foot in another world- if the universe worked that way. Hesitantly, I gazed around the room once more.

There were a various assortment of differently manufactured toys scattered about in the immediate area beside the cradle. Though, even with the night light I could not make out what toys they could possibly be- sadly enough. Though, a bunch of toys seemed pretty pointless in itself so I derailed the train of thought expertly. I'd inspect them later, just to be safe...

I turned my head, looking around the room several times to find the door. There, the door was shut and looked to be quite whilom in it's design. Clearly of a aged building. I'd hear it creaking if it opened.

Good. It'd give me time to pretend to be sleep.

My vision glimpsed upward at the slowly ticking rooster and or chicken clock passing the time away. Strangely, in a way if felt...taunting. Like the clock was mocking me.

Peculiar, and unsettling.

The rooster clock's gaze rested on mines. And it took me a moment, a dawning concealed horror created a terrifying shiver down my tiny spine. The rooster was supposed to be innocent in design, I could understand. But it's wide, lidless, bulging bug eyed stare felt like the clock was no longer an inanimate object but a strange unsettling entity staring in my very being. It's jaw was hinged open, as if missing bolts to keep it shut. However, where the mouth was gaping there was the clock itself making it aware that it was but a simple design. But I had a simple question to ask myself that I wasn't sure I'd like an answer to.

Had that clock's eyes had been looking at me before?

I think I'd remember seeing something so...evil looking.

Shaking my head, I slowly wedged my gaze from it's own creepy staring. The sounds of a circus-esque theme I began to hear now. It was highly unsettling. A music box, it sounded like. Grimacing, I glanced around the room and found the cracked doorway. My head swiveled slowly the opposite direction, turning my gaze back to the other peculiar objects of the room such as the jacks on the ground I could clearly make out. There was a small fan, metallic and rusted in nature causing me to raise a brow. However, this, the florescent night-light along with the lights on the ceiling being on earlier assuming it wasn't from the windows leading outside gave me a distinct feeling these horse were adequately technologically advanced to some degree. This was acceptable as I had no want to go back to ye' old golden days of no electricity.

I don't know what it was, a celestial blessing/curse, the ominous feeling of pure abject terror residing deep with my very core that chilled my spine, or maybe even plain luck. I had flinched back in horror as I realized a fact I had grazed over and paid no mind to in my mindless state of the clock incident.

Thatdoorwasclosed!

My head turned so fast I could have gotten whiplash from it, my revulsion , building horror, stress and cold sweated feeling of fear running through my veins rocketed a hundred fold as I felt the freezing icy pit of dread building in my gut all collided to make me a shivering wreck as the fact I had so callously skipped over hit me in full force. If it had been on of the adults that came in I would have heard them, if it had been this 'Pound Cake' they spoke of as a kid he would have been loud and undoubtedly obnoxious clearly heard by myself.

No, this wasn't the work of one of the members of the house hold.

FOUND YOU

The words themselves briefly flashed in my vision causing me to inhale and back into the cradle.

As soon as my eyes snapped to the door way, I got a glimpse of a quick retreating unknown shadowed figured with crimson ominous glowing eyes ducking away from the door and slamming the door shut with an audible sound where it no doubt slipped into the dark hallways of the house that I currently inhabit.



Idly, I noticed my vision was going hazy. I then realized the reason for this.

I was hyperventilating!

Sure enough, I felt the swimming feeling of lightheaded-ness dominating my mind and body.

'Calm down. Calm down. It's not real, it was just like one of those hallucinations from earlier...'

Finding a comfort in my words, I now realized I had been staring at the doorway for quite awhile. To my immense shame I was curled in fetal position and was a shivering mess without even knowing it. Taking several deep breaths, I calmed myself slowly.

"What is going on?..." I muttered under my breath.

Had that whole thing been real? I don't know, but I need to get my head straight. I carefully wiped my wet tears stained cheeks with a single filly hoof. When had I begun crying? This is freaky, stop the ride I wanna get off. I took more deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling. I was feeling much better. I silently avoided the unnerving gaze of the creepy chicken clock, it was the last thing I needed at the moment. The one creeping feeling had fleeted, but left caution unlike any other in it's trail. I had been wondering about whether or not I should leave the cradle and checking out the rest of the building.

Pardon my language but, hell no. Forget that. I felt tired once again, I was a new born after all and this much stress was not good for my new little heart. I took the previously discarded thick covering that I had been wrapped in not so long ago and once again wrapped myself in it. Discreetly, and once more to my shame I hid under the blankets and cowered profusely at the thought of that creature coming back. I see why children do it, if I pretend it isn't there and I hide I don't have to face the problem.

Whimpering, I willed myself to sleep.

And I did.

Comments ( 16 )

Is this a stealth FNAF crossover?

5924266 Nope! It is not!


5924346 ...Surprisingly accurate!

5923412 That's actually so amazing! I like to do that with my (newer) stories, too! :D :D I'd like to think those stories are doing okay, too.

Anyway, you're very welcome! I hope we can become very good friends in the near future, with the similar prose we use~:heart:

And thanks for the watch, too! ^-^

~Elusive

:pinkiecrazy:ooooooohhhhhh me gusta

it's and its are not the same

5927151 No, no they are not. I likely made a mistake in there, thank you for pointing it out! I'll look at it now.


5926234 I'm glad you do, and it's good to see you again!

DF

...as of this chapter I will have to reevaluate my assessment of the grammar. It's honestly kinda, sorta, really terrible in this chapter. That fact combined with your use of obscure terms makes it seem like you're trying to be pretentious and failing. Get an editor to fix it up, or even just a proofreader to look it over.

Overall you're pertty good at setting a scene, but the buildup and atmosphere's kind of ineffectual when the reader has to stop every paragraph to try and puzzle out what a sentence is supposed to mean.

None the less, the premise of the story is intriguing, and I'll be keeping an eye on it.

5935989 Your feed back is highly appreciated! I will double my efforts to fix my mistakes! Proof readers and editors will be highly effective as myself- I'm not too good on the subject of grammar. It's just passable sadly. I'm working to improve myself, but at this moment will have to rely on others.

Sub-optimal.

Thanks again, I love when someone helps me become better! Thanks to you, I'm on my way to slowly improving!

DF

5939614 I'm not sure if I'd call what I said feedback, but you're welcome. If you'd like to look for an editor I'd recommend the Looking for Editors group. It's a solid place with lots of good people willing to help.

I'm a bit curious, is English you native language?

EDIT: I just noticed, the title of the second chapter's misspelled. It should be "Madness Descent". Also, unless it's a joke or something, the story's title's got the wrong name, it's Pumpkin Cake, not Pumpkin Pie. I do believe that there should be a "The" before "Tale" in the title as well.

5942988 It's a joke alright, but it won't become clear until later in the story- but if I DID make a mistake, thanks! I'll get right to fixing the rest of it when I come back from where I'm going.

As for the english? Sadly, yes.

I grew up never being taught how to properly do any grammar what so ever. As of the past two years I've been learning how to correctly write by myself. The fun fact is, I'd never have learned how to write properly hadn't it been for fanfictions.

The 'Tale' being alone was done on purpose. Revitalization is a series of mine which explains that.

But about the Pumpkin Pie- it was a little joke reference for the future as stated. Though, it's kind of spoilers if you think about it...

Thanks! I'll fix it. :fluttercry: I hate spoilers!

Is this story still being written?

5970782 Mhm! As soon as I can get the time, I will. Actually thinking about writing one tonight.

In a way I always like such more darker themes, but currently it seems that I donĀ“t exactly crave the bad things in a story, proably because I already had two or three storys, that felt like that where rather swamped by bad stuff either for the character or just as something that happened in the story a lot. I only mean that I hope that this time the horror show is either her power, or just her imagination.

I like the idea, and right now I kind of hope that he maybe still has his own mind and can act differently from what they would expect from a Baby.

Sometimes I like it if ther mind is a bit influenced by his child state, but this time I would like it if he would actually could take advantage of his grown up mind.

I would like to have a new chapter please.

edit: In the end I can't and don't want to force you, but maybe concentrate one a story first before starting to many new one's?

writing it down should be enough to keep one story in mind, and I'm only saying it because one author once said he couldn't get his head empty and had to start 30 other storys because of it.

It is just that I really liked your Screwball story.

I would like to see another chapter.

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