Horse-Trading

by TheJediMasterEd

2. To make some Hour less Dreary

They spoiled my fun. They always do. But up ‘til then it was such fun.

You mustn’t think I was bored. Friendship and domesticity are so novel—relatively speaking—and Fluttershy’s little animal friends always have the most interesting stories to tell. You’d think the predators’ would be juiciest but no, the herbivores usually have them beat. At least as far as the stories I like are concerned.

(And despite received wisdom snakes are a total loss: you dine out once a week and then sleep for five days—really, where’s the conversation in that?)

But chores and teas and garden parties can only go so far with someone in the prime of life. A fellow has needs. I’m sure you understand.

So I decided, you know, to have my fun. Discreetly of course. What Fluttershy didn’t know couldn’t hurt. Not that I was unfaithful: I kept my vows to the letter. No harming others, no playing with chaos, obey the rules and serve the good of the community.

Shall I tell you what I did?

I’d arrive in some city or town in the form of a middle-aged stallion, a stranger, well and soberly dressed. And I’d pick one random pony on the street, go right up to them and say, in an intimate tone and with utter seriousness:

“They know.”

Then I’d turn and walk away. That was it. And can you imagine? I mean, the effect of just those words, uttered in just that fashion --well, it was nothing short of magical!

Most would go straight home, and after a few sleepless nights they’d confess the most astounding anthologies of sins to their spouses, their friends or the authorities (What? Oh I have my ways of knowing, never fear). Most times it was about mares or money, but others—really, the charades you mortals get up to never cease to enthrall me.

Often there’d be tears and forgiveness. You’ve got to expect a few damp squibs. But oftener it was divorce court, civil suit, criminal charges—I was a force for justice, you see. And if justice left chaos in its wake, why, how could I be blamed for that? It was the Law that did it, and who has less to do with Law than I?

There was one fellow—I’ll never forget—who reared, actually whinnied and reared right there in the street and bolted. He didn’t go home. He made straight for the freightyard and hopped an express. Last I saw of him he was shivering in a shack in Appaloosa, hollowed out with guilt and homesickness. And his wife and foals forever wondering why daddy never came home …

…and do you know, I never learned what it was all about.

Of course I wasn’t always so successful. Mares tended to roll their eyes and walk away. A few called for the police. And a surprising number would say “so what?” or words to that effect. Either they were bluffing or they knew I was. Foals were the worst: they’d just stand there, blinking up at me stupidly. A few would condescend to tell me I was we-ird. So I gave up with them early on. Little sociopaths.

(And yes, I abhor sociopaths: to the music of mischief they are utterly tone-deaf. I mean how can you appreciate it if you can’t tell evil from good?)

But the stallions gave me good sport. Why, I wonder? I suppose it’s because they have more freedom than mares—not being the ones to bear and nurse foals—and freedom of course is freedom to misbehave. But that being the case why don’t you, you know, make allowances? Raise a few barriers here, lower some expectations there, and so much misery could be averted. You could do it. You know you could do it. Yet you don’t.

You’re such fascinating creatures. I could study you ‘til the Sun burns out. Probably will, at that.

Anyway it was all too good to last. I was sitting on a hill one day, gazing down at the Ponyville School—I’ve taken an interest in education ever since some students gave their teacher a date-rape drug for Hearts and Hooves Day—and up comes Twilight Sparkle. That never-to-be-sufficiently-damned Princess Twilight Sparkle, prancing along like a little filly who wants you to know she’s got something you don’t, like an ice cream cone.

And she looks up at me with a smile all cold and full of artificial sweetness, and says:

“They know.”

And off she goes.

Well I’m no rube: I went home in my own good time and acted like nothing was amiss. And Fluttershy seemed none the wiser so she’s not one of the “they” who know. At least I think so. Celestia and Luna? But I’m not on the Moon, or stuck up as a piddling fountain in the Canterlot gardens—at least not yet. I don’t know, I don’t know…

What I do know is that the jig is up and I’ll have to find a new way to amuse myself. I suppose I will, eventually. Until then I’ll have to settle for corrupting Fluttershy with games of chance…

…Pardon me—it’s my turn to “go fish.”

Author's Note:

Discord makes a barstool confession, and rationalizes it like any other creep.

I based this on a passage from some 19th-century author--someone said it was Conan-Doyle but I think it might have been Dostoevsky--who wrote to the effect that the most devastating thing you could do to a stranger was to simply walk up to them on the street and say "They know."

The title is from a stanza out of Lord Byron's Don Juan:

“But 'why then publish?' There are no rewards
Of fame or profit when the world grows weary.
I ask in turn why do you play at cards?
Why drink? Why read? To make some hour less dreary.
It occupies me to turn back regards
On what I've seen or pondered, sad or cheery,
And what I write I cast upon the stream
To swim or sink. I have had at least my dream.”

Comments

[TheJediMasterEd]

5918332

It's when Quill describes Groot to Rocket as "Your friend, The Giving Tree..."

[Skeeter The Lurker]

Damned if I can't see Discord acting in the exact way.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[Skeeter The Lurker]

5918342

......Oh.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[Magello]

It was Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. He sent a series of letter to his friends in Parliament saying "We are discovered. Flee immediately."

One of his friends vanished and was never seen again.

[GhostOfHeraclitus]

I felt the need to offer an addition to this most excellent tale:

"They know.

The little shaggy unicorn with the drab coat and the air of somepony who ran clear out of patience some decades ago fixed me with baleful yellow eyes for a few moments, his lips working soundlessly as if trying to work something out.

"I doubt it," he said, at length.

Well. I didn't expect that. Quite caught me off-guard, it did. So I babbled. Bad habit. I do have a few, here and there.

"Why," I asked for lack of a better idea.

The shaggy bastard gave me a thin smile that owed nothing at all to humor.

"OPSEC."

And then he left! Didn't even spare a glance! Third time that week I'd struck out, too.

Well. I stopped hunting around the Tower of Sunset immediately. Bureaucrats are much less fun to tease than you'd think.

[Lurks-no-More]

Ah, Discord, sowing discord for fun and hypothetical justice. And of course, he would be vulnerable to his own tricks!

[Axis of Rotation]

I wouldn't have caught the meaning behind the mention of Big Mac if it wasn't for your blurb at the end, so I'm glad you included it. It takes a story which is already personal (to Aj) and makes it doubly so. I actually kinda wish it had explored this inner facet of her more--how she views and possibly takes for granted her older brother.

I've never read The Giving Tree, but I'm pretty curious now as to what your view on it is. Or put another way, who you actually agree with: Fluttershy or Aj. For most of the story it seems as if Aj is winning the debate (and by extension, you), but then you obviously turn it around at the end, so now I'm not so sure. Care to tell?

This is a Discord who fits more naturally with my headcanon--to me, he can never really be a true good guy. I'll always hate the fact he's no longer a villain in the show. Your snippet of him here fits right into just how devious and cruel I like to think he can be.

[TheJediMasterEd]

5926815

I wouldn't have caught the meaning behind the mention of Big Mac if it wasn't for your blurb at the end

Yeeeaaaahhh...I'm gonna have to work on that. When a writer's so clever he has to explain himself, he isn't really being very clever.

I've never read The Giving Tree, but I'm pretty curious now as to what your view on it is.

I think I may write a blog post about that because it changed as a result of writing this vignette.

For most of the story it seems as if Aj is winning the debate (and by extension, you), but then you obviously turn it around at the end, so now I'm not so sure.

This started out (before I ever saw Guardians of the Galaxy) as my rant about The Giving Tree coming out of AppleJack's mouth, with Fluttershy as my strawhippie. But I didn't want to make Applejack a bully or Fluttershy a doormat, so I gave Fluttershy an observation that allowed her to come out on top at the end.

Applejack does kinda take Big Mac for granted because she's so brash and outward-looking and he's so taciturn and inward-looking. But their relationship will never become as dysfunctional as that of The Giving Tree because a) they're equals, b) they've already had a good upbringing that taught them to watch out for self-centeredness and ingratitude, and c) Applejack is the Element of Honesty, and honesty mitigates against self-centeredness and ingratitude.

But she's not the Element of Being Especially Perceptive, and what with him being so quiet and head-down in his work he tends to get overlooked. Not that he minds it: he even may feel a bit vain of how much he can bear and forbear without speaking up (and it's not like he's naturally dull or inarticulate--witness they way he went off on the CMCs in Ponyville Confidential).

Fluttershy sees him for what he is, though, because she's attuned to his self-sacrifice through her Element of Kindness. And you know who else would do that? Rarity, through the Element of Generosity.

[Axis of Rotation]

5933189

When a writer's so clever he has to explain himself, he isn't really being very clever.

Actually Ed, I disagree ^.^
I mean, yeah, sure, there's an argument to not being so obtuse no one understands you, but for one, that's not at all the case here, and two, if anyone wants to be that obtuse, well, who am I to say no? I've read stories where I was one of the few who "got it" and I've read stories where I was one of the ones who didn't, and for most of those I wouldn't have advised making it easier to understand. There's nothing wrong with trying to hide something, even hiding it very well. "Never Too Far From the Tree" has one of those "quick-punch" endings, where you make a sudden flip or turn at the end which is supposed to make the reader gape and their minds realize something important--you convey an entire idea with a final sentence. "How's Big Mac?" Bam. And of course, it's built off of everything that comes before. The fact I didn't get that the first time I read it doesn't mean the story was too obtuse. I've ended stories like that myself lots of times. There's always gonna be the risk of a reader not getting it.

I mean, I suppose you would have to see how other readers responded, but even then. Some people get angry if they've missed a fic's meaning and then see it explained in a blurb at the end, but I'm not one of them. I definitely didn't mean to convey otherwise :3

But I didn't want to make Applejack a bully or Fluttershy a doormat, so I gave Fluttershy an observation that allowed her to come out on top at the end.

Ahh okay, I see. I think you made the right choice there. It takes a simple soap-box stand and turns it into something more--and makes it an actual story, too.

Applejack is the Element of Honesty, and honesty mitigates against self-centeredness and ingratitude...But she's not the Element of Being Especially Perceptive

Ooo you read my mind, because I was going to comment something to the effect of your second sentence there before you beat me to it. Because yeah it depends a bit on how you view honesty, right? Is it simply 'not lying'? In that case (which might be the case), it has almost nothing to do with perception of the actual truth--you may tell what you honestly think is the truth, but you may be wrong. Doesn't mean you're lying. But if you apply "not lying" to yourself then by being honest you're therefore introspective enough to avoid self-deceit, and if you're self-honest enough to avoid that you'll be able to spot it in others.

Canon-wise, I think Aj is very much the 'not lying' to others type but not especially perceptive inwardly, like you say. For the most part though this tends not to cause her too many problems because she's not an overly complicated creature (I don't think) and was raised well, like you say. Though personally, in my head canon I sometimes like to alter her Element to mean that she's not simply honest, she also sees the truth of the situation, or the other person. She can detect when someone is lying to themselves. It's an idea I've toyed around with, at least. I like to imagine that perfected in her Element Aj would always be able to "see the truth" better than anyone, regarding personal truths. Twilight of course will always be the one to grasp the larger, universal truths.

[toafan]

This tale. This tale, oh goodness. This is worth an upvote just by itself. That is so exactly Discord. Oh, I don't have words. Have a instead.

---

"Overhearing" you and Axis talking about "Never Too Far From the Tree" made me realive I missed something. I may or may not have spoiled it for myself. I can't tell, so maybe not; but either way I'll have to go and re-read it sometime that's not y'know midnight.

[Celefin]

Since everything I'd have to say to this has already been said, let it suffice to say: this is brilliant. Thanks for writing this.

[TheJediMasterEd]

6700990

Thank you! I do enjoy writing in Discord's voice: it provides an outlet for my own snottiness

[Alondro]

5919140 Second best are the 6 words that ruin anyone's political career when whispered to someone else in sight of them but just out of clear earshot: "Don't you think she looks tired?"

Thanks goes to 2nd-best Doctor (Tom Baker shall always be #1)!

Also, clearly Doyle was one of my troll kin...

[Aster Viridian]

I still hold the hope that you'll add some more to this someday.