17 year old Brandon, an average teenager finds a mysterious glow in a underpass and investigates it. This is the last thing he remembers. Shortly he ends up in world full of colorful talking ponies, and love. He is stuck on this world until he can find a way out , but with the great beauty and happiness that this world provides, will he decide to stay? Or will he go back?
Warning: This is my first story so it may suck
i am not a native english speaker but i will take some time later and proofread it :)
i should be able to see most things :)
5931171 Okay thanks Xormak
I was in kickassking's live stream yesterday when you posted a link to this story.
You have a good story here; the main thing it could really use is a good proofreading.
5965054 Okay Thanks!!!
5965449
You're welcome.
Alright, I just have this comment to make: I don't know if I'm reading the story right, but wasn't he heavily injured by a blow to the head (and subsequently passed out)? Nevermind that he didn't notice that right off the bat, but then he gets up, "jogs", and can open and close doors? Look, I've had that kind of trauma before, and that simply doesn't happen. Even getting up makes you so lightheaded your skull feels like it's being split open with a pickaxe. So yeah, the characterization of injury here isn't very realistic. Take that as you will.
Apart from that, this story looks fine in my book. Plenty interesting start, the character's thoughts are easy to understand and relatable, and I'd like to see where this is going.
5974555 What you stated will be explained in the next chapter. And thanks!
Some grammatical issues but its a good story.
Yes, I'm a grammar Nazi. HEIL SPELLCHECK!
What's up with the deleted comments?..
6313603 I'm kinda derpy on my phone and I accidentally pressed the delete button instead of the reply button
That's an interesting take on why their isn't a queen of Equestria.
BTW, I liked the new chapter.
6512089 Thanks!
6523146
You're welcome.
He should of rode Applejack.....that would of been interesting.
6314346 Human: I ate a pony today.
Ponies: You monster.
Human: Yeah, it was pretty great. It was the light green pony with the harp icon on her butt.
Ponies: You ate Lyra!?
Lyra: Being eaten has never felt so good!
Human: Maybe next time I can use my baster and fill her up with my special sauce!
Ponies really dismissed the meat eating diet pretty quickly.
What a coincidence. My name is Brandon and my favorite pone is Fluttershy (although it shifted a bit towards Starlight).