Chapter 2: Chased
Chapter 2: Chased
Canterlot
Princess Celestia rubbed her hoof on her temple as she mulled over the current situation. She had been made aware of an unprecedented discovery late that previous night, courtesy of her younger sister Luna. Staring absentmindedly through a glass window, she recalled last night’s events:
A loud tapping on her bedroom door roused the radiant princess from her slumbering, before a rather anxious Luna burst through.
“Pardon the intrusion sister,” Luna offered in compensation for the rude entry.
It took all but a second for Celestia to become fully alert and to quickly rise to her hooves. Celestia knew her sister wouldn’t have made such an entrance if the situation at hand hadn't warranted it.
Seeing that Celestia was giving her undivided attention to her, Luna began. “You won’t believe it, but a new species has been discovered in the gardens of Canterlot!” Luna said with a large grin showcasing her pearly-white teeth.
Celestia couldn’t help but stare at her younger sister with a raised brow. Surely Luna couldn’t have believed it was urgent to tell her about a new animal being found in the middle of the night. “Uh…I’m sorry, but come again?” Celestia returned in order to make sure she had heard right.
“Yes, a new species,” Luna answered, while shaking her head enthusiastically. “It’s the strangest thing I’ve ever seen, vastly different than any animal ever seen in Equestria!”
Celestia smiled at her sister. Surely something of the sort would interest Luna, but she herself was only mildly intrigued. She did have a pet phoenix after all, what could be more interesting than that?
“That’s very…great Luna, and I’ll be more than happy to hear you out in the morning but for now…” Celestia tried but was cut off by Luna.
“No, I don’t think you quite understand the gravity of the situation,” Luna challenged, causing Celestia’s eyes to widen in surprise at the force behind Luna’s words.
“This isn’t some random colored bird or weird looking bunny,” Luna said. “It could very well be an alien or transdimensional being for all we know!”
Celestia stared blankly for a moment before finally finding her voice. “Where is it?” she asked bluntly.
Seeing that her sister now understood their position, Luna beamed. “It’s being moved to a place it can be contained.”
“Contained?” Celestia repeated. “Is it dangerous?”
“I don’t know,” Luna answered with a simple shrug. “I only had a brief encounter with it, and it was unconscious then. Besides, there hasn’t been any reported incidents so it hasn’t hurt anypony yet,” Luna said.
Celestia sighed in relief. “That’s good; it would have been a problem if this being had hurt somepony.”
Luna nodded her agreement. “Agreed, it really is fortunate we caught it while it was unconscious, it may have tried to go on a killing spree if it were awake.”
“You don’t really believe it’s of that sort?” Celestia asked.
“No, I don’t,” Luna admitted. “It was wearing clothing, so I’d assume it has some level of intelligence.”
“You don’t say?” Celestia said with intrigue at the prospect of having acquired an intelligent alien life form. “Do you know what this could mean for Equestria?”
“I have an idea: fear, panic, hysteria, those about cover the basics?” Luna joked.
Celestia frowned at Luna. “No, a greater understanding of the universe we live in,” she explained. “We have always entertained the idea that we weren’t the only sapient beings in this universe.”
“Yes, I understand that, but do our subjects?” Luna challenged. “Let’s face it; our citizens live a rather… routine life. How would they react to something of this magnitude?”
Celestia would have liked to have taken on that argument, but she realized Luna was correct. She had spent centuries molding Equestria into what it was today, and frankly put, it was almost a utopia in comparison to its neighboring countries. Her subjects were more or less ignorant to the larger world around them, let alone the universe.
“Your point is well taken.” Celestia said. “Very well, we’ll keep this finding to as few ponies as possible. At least until we properly know with what we are dealing.”
Luna nodded her understanding before beaming brightly like a young school filly. “So, do you want to go see it now? I know you’re going to be speechless.”
“Yes, it’s time we see to our guest,” Celestia responded.
It didn’t take the two princess long to find themselves in the infirmary wing of the castle dungeons. It was the only place that held the necessary amount of security, but with a modest amount of accommodation as well. At least that’s the story the captain had fed the two princesses.
As for Luna’s part she had proven quite correct in predicting Celestia’s speechlessness at seeing the creature.
After Celestia had regained her composure from the initial shock of what she had seen, she began inspecting it. She walked around the table the creature was currently resting on, taking in every inch of its bizarre appearance, making as many mental notes as possible.
“I hadn’t expected it to be so…bald,” Celestia spoke, acknowledging its relatively hairless appearance.
“I like its mane,” Luna said taking a few of its locks into her hoof. “I’ve never seen such a style; I wonder how I would look with these,” Luna mused.
“Don’t even consider it,” Celestia shot down quickly.
Luna mock pouted before taking one of the creature’s hands into her hoof. “Look at these tiny claws it has, I doubt it could even scratch an itch on me with these.”
“Yes, I’ve noticed,” Celestia agreed. “Its teeth are also strange, even its canines aren’t particularly sharp.”
“Agreed, I’m really starting to doubt that this thing is much of a predator,” Luna said. “Its claws aren’t sharp or strong enough to hold onto pray with, and its weak looking jaw doesn’t seem like it would pack a strong enough bite to bring something down, unless it’s small, of course.”
“Um, please forgive my intrusion,” the captain suddenly spoke up, letting his presence be known. “But if I may?”
“Go ahead Captain, speak your mind.” Celestia offered.
“I was just thinking, is it really safe for you two to be studying this thing yourselves? I mean it’s kind of big ain’t it, what if it wakes up?” the captain reasoned. “Surely we should station more guards just in case?”
“That does sound wise, but I wanted to keep this between as few ponies as possible,” Celestia answered. “But never the less you are correct, call for a platoon of guards to set up positions outside this room,“ Celestia ordered. “We don’t need to tell them what they are guarding, just as long as no pony enters this room it’ll be fine.”
The guard saluted in response before galloping away to see to his task.
“Well, now that he’s gone, should we strip it of its clothes?” Luna inquired; sounding more boisterous than she had planned.
“Luna!?” Celestia replied in shock.
“What? It’s just to discern whether it’s male or female,” Luna defended her position.
“But we don’t know its customs; such an act may offend it,” Celestia tried to counter.
“But it’s out cold,” Luna fired back. “Besides, it's soaking wet, remember? It’ll catch its death if we don’t remove them.”
Celestia sighed, Luna was once again right. “Very well, we’ll cover it with a blanket as soon as we get its wet clothes off,” Celestia said as her horn began to glow and the clothes of the creature magically began to pry themselves from the creature’s body.
It had taken all but a minute before the creature was bare before the two princesses.
Both Celestia and Luna stared at its naked form silently before Luna spoke up. “Well take a look at that, it’s a male,” Luna pointed out, taking note of its reproductive organ, similar to that of a stallion.
“Indeed,” Celestia responded as she magically floated over a blanket to cover up the body leaving only its face visible. “Did you have a look at its rear legs?” Celestia inquired.
“Yes, they appeared much more muscular than it’s forelegs, and such abnormal hip structure,” Luna said. “You don’t suppose he walks upright do you?”
“That’s precisely what I was thinking, he has to be bipedal,” Celestia said, finding it hard to conceal the excitement in her voice. “He’d probably stand at about your height,” Celestia added.
“Ha, a bipedal, possibly sapient alien, the griffin’s would be plucking out their feathers if they knew what just landed in our hooves,” Luna chimed arrogantly.
“Luna, it’s been over a thousand years since we’ve quarreled with the griffins,” Celestia lightly scolded. “We don’t need to dangle anything over their faces to spark anger.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Luna waved Celestia's reprimand off as her eye caught sight of a bag nearby on the ground. “Oh, I had forgotten, he came with a saddle bag.”
“Really?” Celestia asked, intrigued at what the creature could have had with it.
Luna excitedly trotted over to the backpack and began magically removing its contents. Once it was empty, she stared curiously at the things she had removed.
The first thing that had caught her interest was a small booklet, prompting her eyes to light up like the moon itself. “Celestia you have too see this!” Luna squealed, floating over the booklet towards Celestia.”
“Impossible this book is legible, and it’s written in Equestrian.” Celestia spoke. “It says passport.”
“Passport…what do you suppose a passport is?” Luna inquired curiously.
“Not sure,” Celestia answered as she opened up the booklet, revealing a picture of the creature, along with information beneath it. “Luna, I believe this is some form of identification,” Celestia deduced before she began to recite the wording. “Says here, name Keon Demar Ikner, nationality, United States of America, date of birth 23 FEB 1989.”
“Keon Demar Ikner,” Luna repeated thoughtfully. “Such a strange name,” She said, before returning her attention back to the items before her with Celestia joining her. Neither princess ever noticed the creature next to them beginning to stir.
‘…Voices?’ Keon thought to himself as he slowly began to regain consciousness. He was more than certain he could hear the voices of two female women conversing with one another. ‘Women, that can’t be right, I’m supposed to be dead, aren’t I?’ he thought to himself as past events began to run vividly through his mind.
‘But then again, maybe I’ve somehow managed to weasel my way into heaven,’ he mused at the prospect of waking up to the site of gorgeous angels waiting to pamper him forever in eternal bliss. His fantasy was quickly shattered as the unmistakable smell of bleach and antiseptic wafted through his nostrils.
‘Nope, I’m definitely in a hospital room,’ he concluded as he struggled to open his eyes. The bright light enveloping the room wasted no time in going to war with his pupils.
“Agha,” he grunted at an almost inaudible volume. Rising to an upright position he waited for his eyes to become accustomed to the light. Once his eyes finally managed to focus, he stared around the room blankly.
He realized he was definitely in some form of infirmary wing, although the metal table he was on wasn’t exactly what he’d call comfortable, it was damn cold.
‘Wait a minute, why the hell am I on a table instead of a bed?’ he wondered as he finally took notice of the two other occupants in the room with him.
“What…the fuck?” Keon muttered, as he was sure he was staring at the rear ends of two horses.
Both Celestia and Luna whipped their heads around at the sound of the sudden voice and stared speechlessly at Keon while he could do nothing but return the favor.
At seeing the two Alicorns staring back at him, Keon’s mind began to work at an extreme pace as he observed them. They were the strangest horses he’d ever seen. The white one had to have stood at a good seven feet including the horn, wait it had a horn? Keon noted before spying the wings on both ponies, holy shit, they have wings. But the strangest aspects of both ponies to Keon were their astral like manes, blowing in a nonexistent wind.
Neither Celestia nor Luna knew exactly what to say as they stared at the creature they assumed was named Keon. In truth, they hadn’t really planned on him waking up during their initial inspection. But here he was, fully awake and staring at them with obvious confusion.
“Greetings strange creature, 'tis I, Princess Luna, and mine sister, Princess Celestia! Pleasure to make your acquaintance!” Luna’s voice echoed loudly through the infirmary room. “I mean…hi,” she added uncertainly in a much softer tone.
Celestia shot Luna a disapproving glare for using the royal Canterlot voice.
At hearing Luna’s voice Keon’s eyes widened in shock as he frantically scooted away from the two princesses, falling off the table, and hitting the back of his head on the hard floor below in the process. His vision became a blurred haze, and he could clearly feel the blood now running down his back from having split his head open.
“Please calm down,” Celestia tried as she watched the creature struggle to its feet, trying to keep a fair amount of distance between them and him.
“Stay back!” Keon shouted to the two princesses, before he spied a nearby door. Wasting no time at all he bolted for the door in an effort to flee from wherever the hell he was.
Realizing this, Celestia had attempted to ensnare him with her magic, but he had already forced his way through the door and was out of sight.
“Quite agile for a creature that runs on two legs,” Luna noted as she casually trotted towards the door. “I suppose we should go and catch him, not that the guards you sent for won’t run into him first,” she concluded with a chuckle.
“Luna, this is no laughing matter,” Celestia rebuked. “Did you see the look in his eyes?” she asked. “Such fear and confusion, we may have very well caused irreversible damage.”
“We only spooked him,” Luna said, as though Celestia’s remark had been silly. “But the way he responded to us surely means that he’s not from around here,” Luna piped up growing ever more excited.
Meanwhile Keon was hauling more ass than he had ever done in his life. Nothing made sense, where the hell was he? Why the hell was there talking horses? And above all else, why the hell was he naked!?
“What is this?” Keon wondered, as he took note of all the empty cells he was currently passing by. “Am I in prison? What’s the deal with those damn horses?” Keon was abruptly brought out of his wonderings as he found himself being tackled to the ground.
“Get off me!” Keon ordered before delivering a vicious elbow to his assailant’s nose, or rather, in this case, muzzle. For his captor was indeed a pony clad in armor.
“I don’t believe this,” Keon said, getting back to his feet after freeing himself from the pony. “Is this place run by mutant ponies?” His question was partially answered as a dozen more armored ponies came around a nearby corner, with three of them actually flying.
“Halt!” one of the guards ordered.
“Like hell,” Keon said, now picking up his pace, although outrunning ponies proved futile as they were gaining ground fast. “Well, no shit I can’t outrun them,” Keon sorely noted as he came to a screeching halt after having run into a dead end. “Fuck,” he muttered, as the corridor was now blocked by the pursuing ponies.
Keon eyed the ponies wearily as they stared at him in a mixture of awe and confusion, but they still slowly inched towards him.
“Don’t come any closer!” Keon warned as he brought his fist up into a fighting position. He knew he was outnumbered, but the ponies were little more than half his height, he figured that may be enough to deter them.
He was wrong, and they kept inching forward, closing in on him.
Keon took a deep breath. If he was going to go down, he’d be damned if he didn’t break a few snouts along the way.
“Remember, you bastards asked for it!” Keon shouted as he threw himself into the mass of ponies, punching, kicking, kneeing, and elbowing anything in his way.
“Sounds like the guards found him alright,” Celestia grimly spoke, as she and Luna galloped briskly down the corridor where they could clearly hear the sounds of a struggle taking place.
“I hope he hasn’t managed to kill somepony,” Luna said morbidly.
Coming around the corner the princesses stopped to observe the scene. At least four guards were nursing injuries, and one pegasus clearly had a broken wing. As for the creature, he was currently struggling against the weight of the remaining ponies that managed to dog pile on top of him.
“Get..off…of…me!” Keon demanded but the ponies paid him no mind as they were getting to work on restraining his legs and arms.
“Princess, what is this thing!?” one of the guards questioned while struggling to tie up Keon’s legs.
“It’s…well …it’s complicated,” she said as she walked up to Keon and the mass of ponies piled on top of him. “My sincerest apologies,” Celestia offered kindly. “We hadn’t expected your awakening to go so… wrong.”
Keon didn’t respond but simply stared up at Celestia with a mixture of anger, fear, and confusion. Now that his initial rush of adrenaline began to die down, and he could clearly assess the situation, it scared the shit out of him.
The fact that he had awoken on a cold metal table could only mean one thing. These ponies were going to cut and gut him like a fish. His heart soon began to race frantically at the prospect of being mutilated and taken apart for study.
His chest heaving heavily, he struggled for air, as for some reason he was finding it hard to breath.
“Celestia, he’s hyperventilating,” Luna said with a hint of panic in her voice.
“Guards get off him quickly!” Celestia ordered.
“But your majesty,” one of the guards tried, but was shot down by Luna.
“Can’t you see he can’t breath!?” Luna retorted.
Without further argument the guards did as they were told and simply watched as the creature in front of them struggled to breath.
“You have to calm down Keon Demar Ikner,” Celestia tried to reason with it.
“No…just stay…stay…” Keon choked out as he swayed back and forth before finally releasing the contents of his stomach and passing out on the floor.
An awkward silence shrouded the room, as everypony stared down at the collapsed being.
“So much for good first impressions,” Luna quipped sarcastically.
‘Yes, last nights events had indeed been strange,’ Celestia summarized as she returned her attention back to the present.
It had been about six hours since the earlier incident, and the creature hadn’t awoken since. Celestia had to admit she was worried, she really didn’t intend for any harm to befall their strange visitor but things had sort of just fallen into place that way.
All they could do for now was keep an eye on his condition and have faith that he’d be a bit more…cooperative the next time he awoke.
Elsewhere
Chris aimed his compass towards the castle he intended to reach. Seeing that the castle was in the north east direction, it would be a simple matter of heading that way. Unfortunately, he had an uneasy feeling that the forest in front of him had no intentions to make it easy on him.
“Alright, I’m not getting any younger,” he said as he ventured towards the awaiting darkness provided by the forest.
Apart from the numerous amounts of strange plants Chris had come across, his trek was proving relatively uneventful. Although it gave him time to properly decipher his situation. Observing the trees was enough to tell him that he was no longer in Brazil, or even South America for that matter.
He concluded that the type of forest he was currently in was definitely one that could only exist in a temperament climate, not a tropical one. But like everything that had recently taken place, that too made no sense. How could he be moved off an entire continent without being aware of it? Better yet, why would someone do it in the first place?
Was the entire incident involving the strange bird and cavern all a part of some elaborate scheme? No, that was preposterous.
He was nothing more than an everyday student, just some average Joe trying to make it in the world. Who’d waste their time and resources just to play a cruel trick on him? Chris soon began to wonder about Keon, if he were safe or if he too was in a similar situation?
“Maybe I really am dead?” Chris began to argue with himself. “In truth that would make more sense than actually trying to rationalize any of this.”
Chris was suddenly brought back to reality as the unmistakable sound of wolves howling could be heard off in the distance.
“Oh…shit,” Chris exclaimed as he suddenly stopped and crouched down next to a tree, looking in the direction he could hear the howling coming from. ‘Those wolves don’t sound too far away,’ he thought, feeling as though someone had poured ice water down his back.
‘I guess I really didn’t consider that this forest would be home to some dangerous animals, kind of stupid of me,’ he acknowledged as he surveyed the forest floor for something he could use as a weapon if the situation called for it. Finding a relatively large, broken off tree branch, he picked it up and held it tightly in his hands.
“This should be enough to roll some heads,” he tried to reassure himself, before standing back up and walking in the direction he needed to go.
After a good hour or so Chris stopped to rest on a large tree stump. The crying of the wolves had long since stopped, which could really only mean two things, Chris had reasoned: Either the wolves had moved on out of the area, or they were in hunting mode. He hoped for the former.
He cast those thoughts aside when he took notice of a strange flying animal a few yards from him, he went to investigate it. He was sure he could narrow down his location by what type of wild life occupied the forest. The wolves themselves weren’t much to go on, considering wolves had a large array of lands in which they could be found.
Successfully creeping up on the unaware animal that was hovering above some flowers, Chris stared at it dumbfounded. He wasn’t entirely sure if it were an insect or a small woodland animal. It was little more than a blue ball of fur, with four insect like wings and abnormally large green eyes.
‘I’ve never seen anything like this,’ Chris thought excitedly, instinctively reaching for his iPhone. The quality obviously wasn’t of the same caliber as his camera, but he figured it was better than nothing. After taking a quick picture of the animal he grinned, seeing that this anomaly actually proved photogenic.
Taking out a pen and notepad he jotted down a few notes on the creature. He wasn’t certain where he was, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t seize the moment either. “My professor would have loved to study you,” Chris spoke to the tiny creature, causing it to stare at him briefly before flying away.
“I wonder if there’s any other weird species here,” Chris said as he stuffed the pen and notepad into his pocket.
It would seem fate had a cruel sense of humor, for Chris’s question was answered by the sound of low growling coming from behind him.
Standing to his full height, Chris whirled around to face whatever it was that didn’t sound too pleased with him at the moment.
Chris’s had to locate his jaw, as he took in the sight of the creature standing a few feet ahead of him. It was a wolf, yeah, that part made sense, what didn’t make sense was that this wolf appeared to be composed entirely of wood.
The wolf moved a pace forward, enticing Chris to do the same in the opposite direction. “I get it…a timberwolf.” Chris would love to have laughed at the pun, but there was absolutely nothing funny about his current predicament.
Gripping the branch firmly in his hands, he debated whether he should take on the wolf or to try and outrun it. His choice was made for him when more of the wolves stepped out of the shadows, their yellow eyes almost glowing in the darkness.
“So much for that idea,” Chris quipped as he launched the branch in his hands towards the nearest wolf and broke into a sprint at full speed in the opposite direction.
The timberwolves wasted no time in pursuing their would be meal.
“What in the hell are those things!?” Chris shouted, running at a speed he never thought he was capable of.
Daring to venture a peek over his shoulder, he was thankful to see that these things weren’t nearly as fast as actual flesh and blood wolves. Otherwise they would have caught him before the chase even started. That didn’t mean that they were slow by any means, for they were surely gaining ground.
Chris figured his only chance would be to lose the wolves or they would soon catch him. Fortunately, he could hear the sound of running water and without a second thought made a beeline directly for it.
The wolves seemed to have picked up on Chris’s intentions and picked up their pace.
Seeing the stream coming into view, Chris gave it everything his body had left for a final boost of speed. Without hesitation he dove head first into the stream. The wolf leading the charge went in right after him while the others stopped in their tracks.
Chris was somewhat surprised to see one of the wolves had actually followed him into the water. It wasn’t that wolves were afraid or didn’t like water, he just figured that ones made of wood probably didn’t like the idea of getting waterlogged.
Thankfully, his theory may have had some merit to it, considering the rest of the pack had opted not to go into the water. Not to mention that the one that had followed him didn’t appear to be much of a swimmer, its attempt at the doggy-paddle was pitiable. If it weren’t for the fact that wood is incredibly buoyant, Chris was sure the wolf would have drowned.
It took Chris only a minute to reach the bank on the other side. Climbing out, he watched as the wolf struggled against the current to make it to him. Taking notice of a large boulder, Chris went to retrieve it and headed back into the water.
He knew the wolf would be much harder to deal with once it got on land, so he wanted to take care of it while he had the advantage. Walking into the water until it reached about chest height he waited for the wolf to get closer.
The wolf for its part was far too busy trying to swim to notice the large boulder Chris slammed on top of its head.
“Lights out,” Chris spat, as he watched the unconscious or possibly dead Timberwolf get carried away down stream by the current. It pained Chris to do what he had done, but self preservation was an instinct no human could fight against.
Turning his attention to the remaining wolves, he watched them as they followed their comrade's limp form downstream.
Tiredly dragging himself out of the water, Chris laid down on the bank, breathing heavily from the ordeal.
The entire time he replayed what had just happened in his mind, he could only come up with one conclusion: He wasn’t in Kansas anymore.
Authors Note
Hey guys what’s up? Looks like my first chapter did pretty well, 40 favorites and only one dislike so thank you for that. I hope this chapter proved entertaining, and as you can see I’m trying for a somewhat realistic approach to this whole HIE angle. I know this chapter was a tad shorter than the first one but 4000-5000 words will be the average for each chapter. Anyway please comment, rate, and favorite you know all that good stuff and I’ll catch you with the next chapter.
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I am liking it so far, however both of the princesses are not talking as they would in the show, I feel. They are using words like 'yep' and 'yeah', and I would think they would be more formal.
He got the crap knocked out of him while he was naked! Hilarious!
I wonder who Chris will meet first?
img.ponibooru.org/_images/8c284f83c8c9804a01e0ecd612b458fc/147291%20-%20animated%20dis_gon_b_gud%20FAIC%20macro%20pinkie_pie.gif
Ze updatez, I must haz dem.
You... are going to continue this, right? Please? This is pretty good, and you've earned some attention.
729047 Yeah the next chapter is about 90% done. I should have it posted no later then Wednesday night.
Heh, Avatar reference :3 Enjoying this very much so far
"Luna inquired; sounding more indignant then she had planned. " wrong word.
"tis I princess Luna and thy sister princess Celestia" It is 'my', Celestia is NOT Keon's sister.(don't know why almost everyone uses 'thy' wrong)
“Such fear and confusion we may have very well caused irreversible damage.”-> “Such fear and confusion may have very well caused irreversible damage.” or “Such fear and confusion, we may have very well caused irreversible damage.”
You seem to have problems with Luna's speech patterns
“Greetings strange creature, tis is I princess Luna and thy sister princess Celestia! Pleasure to make your acquaintance!”
Should be
"Greeting strange creature, Tis I, Princess Luna and our Sister, Princess Celestia! Pleasure to make your acquaintance!"
beyond that, well done.
j.wigflip.com/wkQE0zQy/roflbot.jpg
American Kid in the jungle. Well, he's doing better than most.
only the second chapter but you get a like a watch and a favorite cuz i love this take on HIE fic
HE WASN'T IN FUCKING KANSAS TO BEGIN WITH!!!
Lol jk I got that
Great story btw
…Sonson21, the show depicts the characters interacting with dragons, changelings, diamond dogs, a minotaur, and gryphons. It depicts them living with donkeys and cows. In the context of the show, these are sentient beings. The way that they interact with these creatures, they take it for granted that there are other non-pony cultures around. Ponies themselves are composed of three different sub-species, and their supreme heads of state are another category all to themselves. Of course they've entertained the idea that they aren't the only sentient beings in the universe: only an ignorant or especially stupid pony would believe otherwise. That you have Her Highness as that stupid pony tells me that you aren't thinking this all the way through.
Normally, I would be a bit more gentle, but this has virtually no dislikes, and you're claiming that you're intending to be more realistic in terms of HiE.
Please tell me that you've at least done your homework on the zoological side of this. I find your protagonists to be wooden and unbelievable, or at least so shallow that I can't help but find them that way. If the science is good, though, it's okay. Have you talked to any zoologists, or at least read some books by and about them? Everything about this title is hanging on that.
Luna and Celestia are drug dealers? How do they not know what they're dealing?
He picked up a boulder? wow, that's impressive!
Lol Timberwolves getting waterlogged AHAHAHAHAHA I dam near pissed mah self
1530930
"With what" they are dealing. That is, "what they are dealing with". It's not grammatically wrong, as far as I understand, if somewhat archaic.
Actually... "With" is a preposition, so that's actually much more appropriate. "Dealing with" is quite common nowadays, but is probably rather poor grammar, now that I think about it.
Whether Kaeon is real or not is irrelevant, the fact that he is one exact year older than I am is what's cool.
meeting mutant horsed while on a cold medical table...
id be freaked out too
:D
This is the best portayal of the sisters I think I have ever seen in this genre/fanfic type. I've read a shit ton of these stories too.
Bravo sir.
Aaand there it goes, lol. I think luna would say "Yes,yes" not yeah,yeah, also.
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Hah. "Yes,Yes"
Luna Bison anyone?
Aww it sucks they don't have any advantage over them D: like magic immunity or increased strength and agility like the one in Huma. Or shades of grey
Well I better prepare for their asses to get beaten by Teleniknessis
Ok. Second Chapter is as good as the first with one minor discretion. You were not clear about when the flashback began and ended. I would suggest adding a notice for both the beginning, and end of Celestia's flashback. It may not be what a professional would do, but no fanfiction writer IS a professional, and neither are the readers.
Alter-me: Flooding is a terrible income.
Me: He just said something again, didn't he? *Le sigh* *Puts on Rage-face slowly*...*breathe in, breathe out, breathe in* FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU----
fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/105/8/0/team_fortress_2___you_don_t_say__by_tadeu_costa-d5vj05x.jpg
TF2 and Nicholas Cage made me do it ;_;
OMG...
sorry, this is a good story and all, but GOD DAMMIT! Why has every single author taken to using the single most annoying phrase!? "Not in Kansas anymore"... EVERY story I had read in this past week has used that....
I don't think that a large stick would be good for cutting heads off.
3567484
...We're not in Milwaukee anymore.
...We're not in Illinois anymore.
...We're not on Madagascar anymore.
...We're not on a plausible realm of reality anymore.
...We're not in the World of Warcraft anymore.
...I like tacos.
4067109 Potato :P
Should have saved the wolf, it was clearly the leader and if you dominate him; you get the whole pack.
4067109 i like boobs and turtles that are ninjas
5369481
You use 'breath' instead of 'breathe' four or five times in this chapter. Really interrupts the flow of the story.
I know this is likely never to be read at this point, but I feel it necessary to point out that S.America does indeed have temperate climes; including, but not limited to temperate rainforests and extensive mountainous biomes. I think it'd be safe to say Brazil doesn't have any, but not all of S.America is jungle. IMO, the white castle would be a better give away that he wasn't in S.America than the vegetation...