A Zoologist Dream

by Sonson-Sensei

Chapter 15: Royal Pain

Royal Pain

Ms. Cheerilee beamed as she spread out the morning newspaper and clipped it to the easel at the front of the classroom.

“Attention class,” she started out, trying to get the class to settle down. “We have a very interesting subject matter today.”

“You mean about those aliens?” a small, plump and buck-toothed colt asked, which earned him a nod from Ms. Cheerilee.

“Right you are, Snips. I’m sure you’ve all heard the news by now,” Ms. Cheerilee continued as she retrieved a ruler and pointed it to the first picture. “If not, they have revealed that they are called humans and that they are Equestria’s first extraterrestrial visitors!”

“I think I’ve heard enough about them already,” a gray coated filly responded after groaning. “My mother wouldn’t stop going on about them, she’s really freaked out, I tell you. She’s convinced that they’re here to take over our world and lock us in cages.”

“Well, that’s just silly, they don’t want anythin' like that,” Apple Bloom interjected. “We already met one of 'em, so take mah word for it.”

“Nuh uh, you didn’t meet one,” a rather lanky, amber colored colt protested. “There’s only, like, two of them, and they’re in Canterlot. How could you have met one?”

“That’s easy Snails,” Scootaloo chimed in. “He was here in Ponyville before he went to Canterlot to find his friend.”

“Yeah,” Sweetie Belle added. “His name was Chris, and we found him in our clubhouse, we got to play with him and everything. He told us a bunch of really neat stories about his world.”

“Well, I believe them,” lisped a filly with a curly, scarlet mane. “I thaw it come into Sugarcube Corner with Apple Bloom’th thithter. Really weird looking but he theemed nithe.”

A pink filly up turned her muzzle as she said, “Well, I don’t believe any of you.”

“No pony asked you, Diamond Tiara,” Scootaloo fired back with a cocky smirk. “Besides, you’re just jealous, that’s all.”

“Jealous!?” Diamond Tiara spat and looked affronted by the accusation. “Why would I care if you blank flanks got to pal around with a freaky looking ape creature? Besides, you’d probably catch something if you got too close to one of them.”

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo grit their teeth, while Sweetie Belle frowned in disapproval.

“Take that back right now, yah hear?” Apple Bloom all but demanded of the decidedly snooty looking filly.

“That’s right,” Sweetie Belle said with determination. “He’s really nice. You don’t have to call him names.”

“And what are you going to do to make me stop or take back what I said?” Diamond Tiara challenged while wearing a satisfied smirk. “Oh, I know, maybe you can get your big, alien teddy bear to come and make me?”

“We don’t need Chris to put you in your place,” Scootaloo said as she rolled up a pair of imaginary sleeves.

“Girls, girls that’s enough!” Ms. Cheerilee interrupted. “What’s gotten into you?”

“Well, she went an' started it all,” Apple Bloom protested. “She always jus' has tah be mean, Ah can’t stomach it anymore.”

Cheerilee sighed. “I thought you girls would have learnt to get along by now. How long do you intend to keep up this silly behavior?”

“Either until we get our cutie marks or I have to show Ms. Snooty Tiara what’s for,” Scootaloo said as she crossed her forelegs and slouched down in her chair.

Diamond Tiara chuckled along with the gray coated filly next to her. “Yeah, that will be the day,” she mocked.

Meanwhile

“Come again? What do you mean 'team'?” Chris asked Celestia, his eyes narrowed in mild confusion, as Celestia continued to smile at them.

“Like I’ve already said, you two do not fully understand the dangers of our world. It would be more than foolish to go without somepony that’s accustomed to such dangers,” Celestia explained. “And I just so happen to have the perfect candidates in mind, in fact, you’ve already met them.”

“Twilight, Pinkie, Rarity and, uh… Spectrum Sprint?” Keon said aloud as he checked off each pony on a finger. “But if I’m remembering right, I’m pretty sure there were six ponies on that fortune card old Zuri gave me. So, that leaves an orange pony and a yellow one unaccounted for.”

“Rainbow Dash,” Celestia clarified. “And yes, Applejack and Fluttershy would round out the final two of the six.” Celestia finished with a nod of her head.

“Wait a minute,” Chris interrupted, still a bit confused. “Never mind the fortune card, but did I hear you right? You want to send along the girls that have been looking after us?”

Celestia raised an eyebrow as she regarded Chris. “Would that be a problem?”

“Well, actually… yeah,” Chris responded and looked rather conflicted. “Applejack, Rarity, Dash and Fluttershy have been more than helpful, and I couldn’t thank them enough, but they seem kind of on the young side. Should they really get involved in this?”

Celestia cut off any further protests he might have had when she put a hoof to her muzzle and stifled a giggle. “Mr. Chris, my little ponies are more or less the same age as you and, as the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, they have spent their fair share of time in the company of danger. I dare say that they are veterans.”

“Elements of harmony? I must have missed that bit in my studying,” Chris reasoned and made a mental note to check up on those later.

“Would you feel better if Luna went with us instead?” Keon asked with a rather bored expression on his face.

“Wha… of course! She controls the moon, for God's sake,” Chris said, though he still felt as if he were missing something obvious. “What does that matter anyway? It’s not like it’s an option.”

“Well, I heard straight from the horse’s mouth that she got handled by six ponies, and she mentioned something about them being the Elements of Peace or whatever it was,” Keon explained with a shrug of indifference. “And depending on how much faith you’re willing to put into the free tarot card readin’ I got, the Elements of Six are supposed to help us. I don’t know about you, but if these girls could put their hooves up Luna’s ass, I got no problems with them tagging along,” Keon concluded.

Celestia wore an unsure grin. “I don’t believe I would have said it in quite the same manner as Mr. Keon; however, his point is valid. Furthermore, I assure you, you couldn’t ask for more capable mares than that of Twilight and the other Elements.”

Chris still felt unconvinced, but he was careful not to show it as he thought about the girls in question. Twilight the scholar, Applejack the farm pony, Rarity the fashionista, Rainbow Dash the weather mare, Fluttershy the animal caretaker and finally Pinkie, the one that… well, admittedly he didn’t know much about her, apart from the fact that she was bubbly and chipper when he’d met her. Even so, no matter how he tried to look at it, he could only picture them as nice civilian girls, despite the faith their ruler had in them.

It wasn’t like he or Keon had much to fall back on themselves, as far useful skills went. They had their knowledge of wildlife and a few preschool level tricks to surviving in the wilderness they’d picked up during their stint in the Boy Scouts years ago. Apart from that, neither of them brought much to the table as it was. The idea of being shipped off with a group of equally unprepared ponies just didn’t sit well with him. More than that, he felt a debt was owed to his new patrons and dragging them off to a place like the one they were going to wasn’t exactly the best way to say, "thank you for all you’ve done."

“Do you not trust my judgment?” Celestia inquired with a calm visage as she dragged Chris away from his own wonderings.

Chris swallowed the lump in his throat as he made to speak, but Keon had beaten him to the punch.

“To be brutally honest, no. At least, that’s what he would like to say,” Keon said. “But, in light of not stepping on anyone’s golden horseshoes, he’ll feed you some sugar-coated BS.”

Chris rolled his eyes. “Thanks for throwing me under the bus like that.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” Keon said as his lips creased into a smirk, his expression bordering on smug. “Anyway, are you telling me you can stare down a dragon, but you can’t speak your mind with our benevolent host?”

‘Benevolent?’ Celestia thought with an amused expression before she turned to Chris and said, “It was an honest question, and I’m seeking an honest answer.”

Chris held the back of his neck with one hand as he looked to the sky and thought of how he wanted to say what he felt needed to be said. However, when he spotted something in the sky, he quickly lost that train of thought as he was now focused on a blue blur flying past overhead and leaving a rainbow colored streak in its wake.

“What’s that?” Chris asked, prompting both Celestia and Keon to join him in peering into the sky.

Keon held his hand towards the sky to block out the sun and squinted through the bright light to focus on the object before deciding whatever it was, it was too small and moved way too fast to make out.

“It appears Rainbow Dash is out for some light exercise,” Celestia commented offhandedly.

Chris’s eyes widened while Keon gave an impressed whistle in response to his surprise.

“Are you serious?” Chris asked as he tried to follow the newly identified Rainbow Dash. “Fluttershy told me that pegasi can fly at about sixty five miles an hour during level flight and some really exceptional ones have clocked in at about eighty. From here it looks likes she’s doing maybe three times that.”

“Yeah, she’s moving like a jet,” Keon said, nodding his head approvingly, clearly impressed. “Maybe I should have taken that offer to come and watch her after all.”

Celestia smiled as Rainbow Dash went into a dive, increasing her speed even further. “As I’ve mentioned before, those six mares are quite capable, and very exceptional,” Celestia stated matter-of-factly. “Only one out of every million pegasi born can exhibit such flight power, even I cannot hope to match her in sheer aerial speed, although my size does contribute to that factor.”

“So, still having any doubts?” Keon asked as they watched Rainbow Dash perform some rather impressive barrel rolls and flips.

“Even if I did voice my doubt, I have a feeling Celestia would manage to convince me otherwise anyway.”

“I assume Rainbow Dash’s performance has won you over then?” Celestia ventured and got a simple nod from Chris in response. “If that’s that case, I feel that there is only one more order of business left for us to discuss.”

“There’s more?” Chris asked.

Celestia nodded. “I would like for you to consent to a verbal confidentially agreement, one that’s only bound by your word.”

“You don’t want us to tell anyone about this, but why?” Keon asked curiously. “I assumed you would want to let all the other head honchos know about such big plans.”

“I did not come to this decision easily,” Celestia said as though what she had to say had been weighing heavily on her mind. “I will not lie to you, I wish to be in control in establishing first contact with your world. If we do not keep our intentions known solely to those that need be made aware, I’m afraid things may go awry quite quickly.”

“I don’t follow,” Keon admitted while Chris simply remained quiet as he considered what Celestia had to say.

“Once every nation is brought into the know, those that seek the same thing as I will engage in a mad scramble to collect what EONs remain for their own gain. Vice versa, those that would not wish for such a union between our worlds may seek to eradicate them entirely to prevent such from happening,” Celestia explained. “The monopolization of such power in the wrong hooves could be disastrous for both Equis and your Earth, if the initial contact between our worlds is handled poorly.”

“Not to be rude, but isn’t that way of thinking rather hypocritical?” Chris asked carefully. “If we manage to bring back an EON, Equestria will be the only country to have one in its control, at least for some time.”

“I cannot ignore my own obligations as a leader, and as such, I must act in the interest of my own subjects first and foremost,” Celestia reasoned. “Our world is comprised of many nations and involving them all initially will make matters unnecessarily convoluted. If anypony has the hooves both delicate and strong enough to bear such a responsibility, it is I.”

“So just cut out the middle man, huh? I respect the hustle, but I guess things would get pretty nutty with so many countries deciding on how to make this work,” Keon agreed. “I can only imagine how crazy things are going to get on our side of the fence. If a gateway to another world suddenly opens up and talking ponies step through it saying, 'we come in peace.'”

“If this is something you feel would be better handled with you as the frontrunner, I’m not going to argue with you, this is your world after all,” Chris said while keeping strict eye contact with Celestia. “I haven’t been here long, but from what I can tell humans can relate to ponies easily enough. If there is an ideal species here to establish first contact with us, it’s probably the Equestrians.”

Celestia smiled appreciatively. “I’m happy you believe so.”

“He only thinks that because he hasn’t met Strong Horn yet, that guy may as well be a furry-ass human,” Keon said before he took notice of Rainbow Dash as she descended towards their position on the balcony. “And we might want to move, looks like Rainbow is coming in hot,” he warned while taking a precautionary step out of the way.

Chris looked to the sky just as Dash came flying in overhead, causing him to duck out of her way.

“Sorry about that!” Dash shouted as she circled the balcony a couple of times before finally touching down. “How’s it hanging everypony… er, I mean, everyone?”

“Good afternoon to you as well, Rainbow Dash,” Celestia greeted warmly. “I see you are in high spirits.”

“Kinda hard not to be after an awesome flying session like the one I just had,” Dash said while wiping some sweat from her brow with her hoof. “And you won’t believe it but I just passed by a huge dragon on my way back, it had to be the most random thing ever.”

“I think we could believe it,” Keon said with a simple shrug.

“Really?” Dash asked with a raised eyebrow. “Well, that’s cool then. But what’s going on out here, did I fly in on something private? I mean, I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

Celestia looked towards Chris, who drew his fingers across his lips as though he were sealing them shut. Celestia nodded.

“Actually, we’re quite finished here,” Celestia said as she turned on her hooves. “In fact, we were just on our way to have lunch. Would you care to join us? I’m sure my guests and the girls alike grow tired of waiting for our arrival.”

Dash shrugged. “Sure, why not? I can go for some grub.”

“Excellent,” Celestia said, looking rather pleased. “Mr. Chris, Mr. Keon, if you would be so kind as to follow me.”

Chris shifted his backpack over his shoulders as he, Keon, and Dash made to follow Celestia.

“So, the dynamic duo is finally back together, huh?” Dash said in a casual tone, hovering between Chris and Keon as they walked.

“I don’t think there’s anything dynamic about us, but it’s cool to have my boy back,” Keon said as he scrolled through the pictures they’d just taken. “Not bad, I see Rarity’s got a bit of talent for photography.”

Dash peeked over Keon’s shoulder to see what he was looking at. “Man, you humans have the coolest stuff,” she muttered before her eyes widened at seeing the dragon in the photo. “Hey, that’s the dragon I saw a little while ago,” she said as she pointed her hoof at the LCD. “What were you guys doing? Having a photo shot with him?”

“Are you kidding?” Chris asked while pointing to the dragon in the photo. “Are we looking at the same thing? It would have been a crime against humanity not to take pictures with him.”

Dash slowed her pace a bit as she thought about it. “Yeah, dragons are pretty gnarly I guess. But what was he doing here?”

“Kinda of a long story,” Chris said with a sigh, preparing to reiterate the tale.

A short while later Celestia, Chris, Keon and Dash arrived at the banquet hall where Luna was waiting for them outside the doors.

“Just one moment, please,” Celestia said to Chris, Keon and Dash, prompting them to stand in place as she made her way to meet Luna.

“Has all gone well, Sister?” Luna inquired the moment Celestia stepped forward, a look of slight nervousness marring her features.

Celestia nodded her head and displayed a small smile. “Yes, Sister. Both Mr. Chris and Mr. Keon are on board for what we have planned. Now we only need the Elements to cooperate and agree to accompany them on this exploit.”

“I’m sure that Twilight Sparkle...” Luna stopped speaking for a moment as she looked over Celestia’s shoulders towards the three patiently waiting for them to finish. “And Rainbow Dash will eagerly agree,” Luna reasoned. “However, how do you feel that the others will respond?”

“I have faith in my little ponies,” Celestia answered, her voice full of confidence. “They will follow what their hearts tell them.”

“I see,” Luna said as she looked down at her hooves in thought.

Celestia put a comforting hoof on Luna’s shoulder. “Do not ruminate on such concerns, Sister. All will be well. Besides, there’s a matter that concerns me more at the moment,” Celestia said as her soft features tightened, a more serious visage replacing her relaxed demeanor.

Luna lifted her head back up, her eyebrows knitting together. “Yes, I sense his presence as well, although I’m confident he’s intentionally making his presence here known to just the two of us.”

“My thoughts exactly,” Celestia said in agreement. “Clearly he’s waiting for an opportune moment to reveal himself and cause a ruckus.”

“A ruckus?” a brown unicorn with a graying, black mane and wearing a dark gray blazer interrupted as he came slinking out of the shadows from behind Luna. “I think the word you’re searching for is, 'chaos', dear Princess.” He winked of one of his sickly yellow eyes as he ended his sentence.

Both Celestia and Luna looked down at the unicorn before them. Celestia wore what could only be described as an irresolute smile while Luna’s face remained stoically neutral.

“Sweet Luna, will you forever shower me with that perpetual look of misprize?” the unicorn inquired, pouting in mock sadness. “Nevertheless, a little birdie has told me that you two have found quite the interesting pair of toys while I was away, on a task which you so graciously bestowed upon me.” The unicorns’ large yellow eyes became glossy as they filled with tears. “And you couldn’t so much as send a letter to inform me of what was taking place in my absence. Truly, I’m hurt.”

Luna rolled her eyes. “Look, Dis…”

“Nah ah ah, please call me...” He paused as he looked down at his flank and scrunched his brows together in heavy concentration. “Let’s see, what would make a good pony name?” he pondered aloud before exclaiming, “Accordion Whispers!” As he did, an accordion shaped cutie mark slowly faded into existence on his flank.

“Accordion Whispers?” Luna repeated, holding her nose high in protest. “That name is just…”

“What?” the newly named Accordion Whispers interrupted her. “Just as trite and pretentious as any other pony name?”

Luna made to retort. However, Celestia quickly cut her off. “The name is fine. Even so, I must ask you, why the charade?”

Accordion Whisper's mouth creased into a large, shit eating grin. “I fear your esteemed guest beyond that door won’t take too kindly to me crashing their little shindig. Besides, your new playthings seem like such delicate fellows, I don’t want them on edge right away, so just play along. Furthermore, the pony makeup suits me quite well if I do say so myself.”

Luna looked down her muzzle at Accordion Whispers, a stern expression on her face. “We will not tolerate any foul play from you. Do I make myself clear?”

“Foul play?” Accordion Whispers chuckled mirthfully. “I think I’ve been quite well-behaved as of late, not to mention following every trivial request you two so lovingly ask of me. I suspect I should have earned a diminutive amount of trust by now, wouldn’t you agree?”

Celestia sighed, clearly vexed by Luna and Accordion Whisper's banter. “I suppose you have. In fact, it’s time you were made privy to our plans.”

Luna’s eyes widened. “I thought we agreed to keep our plans to only those directly involved.”

Accordion’s ears perked up in interest. “You had my curiosity now you have my attention, do please go on, dear Princess.”

Meanwhile

“Who’s this joker?” Dash asked as she watched Celestia and Luna converse with the brown unicorn that had just arrived, seemingly out of thin air.

“He seems pretty familiar with the princesses, you really don’t know him?” Chris asked, scrutinizing the pony with the oddly colored eyes carefully.

Dash shook her head in response. “Nope, I’ve never seen him before. Could be one of the princesses' advisors or something, not like I know what goes on around here.”

“Well, whoever he is, he looks like he’s been smoking some really good shit,” Keon said, taking note of the pony's abnormally yellow eyes.

“Down, Fido, they’re coming over,” Chris whispered to Keon as Celestia, Luna and Accordion Whispers sauntered over to them.

“Forgive us for having made you wait,” Celestia started as she held out a hoof to introduce the pony to her right. “This is Accordion Whispers our…”

“Master of Whispers!” Accordion said while extending his hoof and shaking Chris’s hand. “It’s quite the honor to finally meet our oh so special visitors,” he added as he began to shake Keon’s hand to the point where his own foreleg popped off like a broken action figure's.

“Holy fuck! Dude, your arm!” Keon shouted as he dropped the severed appendage to the ground, and he, Chris and Dash backed away from it in horror.

Celestia and Luna glared at Accordion while he merely chuckled as he knelt down to retrieve his foreleg and twisted it back into the joint, a sickening pop accompanying it. “Sorry about that, I just go to pieces when meeting someone new.”

“How did you do that?” Chris asked, his face now adopting a confused look as opposed to the horrified one he had just worn.

“It’s just a little magic trick to break the ice, I wouldn’t worry about it,” Accordion said with a satisfied grin.

“A magic trick? I’ve never seen a pony do anything like that before. Heck, I’ve only ever seen Discord do something that weird,” Dash cut in while folding her forelegs over her chest and giving Accordion a suspicious stare. “What’s does a Master of Whispers do, anyway?”

“My dear Dashie, I advice our princesses on matters of espionage and state intelligence, of course,” Accordion answered as though it were obvious.

“Hey, how do you know me by that name? Only my friends call me that,” Dash asked while getting up in Accordion's face.

Accordion closed his eyes and held his muzzle high. “I wouldn’t make much of a Master of Whispers if I didn’t,” he reasoned as he gave Dash a pat on the cheek, much to her annoyance, before turning his attention back to the pair of humans. “So, good sirs, how have you found your stay in Equestria thus far? Dull, boring, lacking in all things fun?”

Chris and Keon looked between one another, both of them taken aback by the odd question and even odder pony.

After having finally found his voice, Chris said, “Well, uh… besides the timberwolves and the fact that I could really go for a cigarette, it’s been one heck of an experience that’s for sure.”

“I passed out in my own puke last night, so I can’t say things have been all boring,” Keon answered.

Accordion burst out into laughter, using his hoof to wipe away a stray tear. “Oh, you humans are a delight already. It’s so refreshing to know that we’ll get along just fine.”

“Right, I think we’ve kept the other guests long enough,” Celestia cut in while directing a hoof towards the banquet hall door. “Shall we?”

Chris and Keon merely nodded as they followed Celestia’s lead, only stopping when Celestia did so herself before opening the door.

“Before we enter, you should know that many of high standing have chosen to join us today in the hope of rectifying missed opportunities last night,” Celestia explained. “Admittedly, your reception party did not turn out to be the ideal setting for formal meetings, I’m afraid.”

“I can see that,” Chris said, having recalled the state Keon had been in the previous night.

“Sorry, I didn’t think that the Ursa Killer would kick my ass like it did,” Keon offered as an excuse. “But I’m all sobered up now, so let’s do it.”

Celestia nodded as her horn became shrouded in a golden aura, the doors to the banquet hall doing the same as they opened, and Chris and Keon instantly found their ears assaulted by the sound of jumbled chatter.

“Whoa,” Dash mouthed to herself. “With this many ponies, it’s like the Gala all over,” she stated, taking note of the numerous circular tables set up throughout the banquet hall, currently occupied by the nobles of Canterlot.

Meanwhile, Chris and Keon surveyed the large dining room, both of them guessing that there were easily over a hundred guests present.

Chris soon felt the beating of his heart start to pick up as gradually every pair of eyes in the room focused on them, and the previous chatter metamorphosed into a suffocating silence. Unlike his friend, who was seldom bothered by attention and large crowds, he hated being subjected to the scrutiny of so many curious eyes. At least during his wanderings through Ponyville he had the luxury of not being confined to a single area, and the ponies had quickly dispersed after a few words from Applejack.

Having taken notice of Chris’s clear look of unease, Luna cleared her throat in order to draw the eyes of those present to herself. “Please, everypony, continue as you were. We’d rather not our guests become uncomfortable.”

With Luna’s words uttered, the nobles and aristocrats of Canterlot reluctantly went back to their own idle chatter, only sneaking in a curious stare occasionally when they could do so relatively discreetly.

“Don’t worry, I get kinda of freaked out by all the big pony eyes staring at me too,” Keon whispered to Chris as they made their way through the aisles of tables and guests, shaking many enthusiastic hooves they found shoved into their hands along the way before an all too familiar pink pony came bouncing up to them, in every sense of the word.

“Keon, Chris, and there you are Gummy!” Pinkie shouted the moment she came to a stop in front of Chris and Keon. “I was really worried, but it looks like Keon has been taking super duper extra special care of you,” she cooed to Gummy before rearing up on her hind legs and plucking him off of Keon’s shoulder and wrapping them both in a simultaneous hug.

Keon looked away from Pinkie as she did so. “It’s not that big of a deal,” he said while scratching his cheek with an index finger a bit awkwardly. Tilting his head towards the ceiling, he suddenly found the sight of it quite interesting, as he tried to think of literally anything other than what had happened between them that morning.

Chris quirked an eyebrow as he looked curiously between Keon and Pinkie, the former wearing an expression that was rather jarring on his friend's usually goofy looking face. Sighing to himself, Chris shot Celestia a hesitant smile as he walked up to Keon and threw an arm around his shoulder. “Mind if we have a word alone?” Chris asked as he pulled Keon away from Pinkie and, by extension, the crowd.

“Alright, so, what the hell was that all about?” Chris asked after they had moved out of earshot of Pinkie, Celestia, Luna and Accordion. “I haven’t seen you look that jittery around a girl since you asked my sister to our eighth grade social.”

Keon grinned at Chris nervously. “Look, you have to believe me when I say that what I did to Pinkie was a complete accident, and I don’t mean the smoking, that part was intentional.”

Chris’s eyes widened before he grabbed Keon by the collar and pulled him close. “You didn’t... Please, tell me you didn’t do what I’m thinking. You had the sense not to; she’s a…” Chris paused in the midst of his sentence, halting himself from saying anything derogatory. “Well, damn, you know what she is. That’d be wrong on so many levels.”

“Yes, I know what she is, and no, I didn’t hop in the saddle with her, if that’s what you’re getting at,” Keon answered, making sure to keep his voice at a whisper, “but I may have scratched her to the point of her nearly dowsing my bed in something other than urine. Honest mistake, I swear it.”

Chris was silent for a moment as he assessed what Keon had said. “Wait, so you were just scratching her, like behind the ears?” Chris asked curiously, finally releasing his hold on Keon’s hoodie.

Keon slowly nodded as he massaged his throat. “Well, yeah, with these ponies being so plush, it’s hard to resist, you know what I mean, kinda of like when a puppy is next to you. But it turns out it’s sorta of a sensual gesture here. I guess they have some sensitive spots behind the ears, at least Pinkie does.”

Chris slapped his hand on his forehead in disbelief. “Damn, the implications of scratching them never even crossed my mind when I was…oh, god, what have I done?”

“Ah, so you couldn’t keep your greasy mitts off some ponies yourself, huh?” Keon said with a large grin. “You’ve got the look of someone who’s fucked up big time. Do I even want to know who you touched?”

“No, you don’t, but just like you, I didn’t know,” Chris retorted. “I think from now on we should keep our hands to ourselves, it would be in our best interest to not go around sending out the wrong signals that might cause some misunderstandings. Especially here of all places where we don’t know what’s appropriate physical contact, not to mention their gender ratio could make things even more complicated than it already is.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just have a look around and take note of just how many of the guest here are female. Their gender ratio is so skewed that most of them probably live their entire lives without ever being with a male. Try letting that sink in for a minute and maybe you’ll realize that a pony deprived enough might actually think someone like you is a good catch. So, don’t go around giving any of them a reason to get interested, capiche? The last thing we need is you in some screwed up Jerry Springer romance with a pony.”

“Is this really something we need to discuss so seriously?” Keon argued. “Besides, like you alluded to, they’re ponies, admittedly a bit anthropomorphic, but still ponies. We probably look pretty gross to them, right? I don’t think we’ll be beating them off with sticks anytime soon, regardless of how short they are on males.”

“Stop assuming, or did you forget we’re in a world with more than one species capable of coherent thought? It should go without saying that their view of what is and what isn’t attractive is way different than ours,” Chris said as he cast a glance over his shoulder, taking note that Celestia and the others were casually conversing with one another, apparently fine with letting them have their private little conversation.

Turning his attention back to Keon, Chris continued, “You should know, I’ve already got an admirer of my own that followed me all the way here. It could just be that she thought it would be fun for her and her friend to play spy kids, or maybe it’s something else entirely, hell, I don’t know. The point is, we don’t know how these ponies could view us in that manner, so let’s not rule anything out.”

“I think you’re just over thinking things,” Keon said as he grabbed a glass of champagne from a waiter that passed by.

Chris pressed his index finger against Keon’s forehead. “No, you’re just not thinking enough. We’re representing humanity: Acting with reckless abandon isn’t part of the equation anymore. Or did you forget; we’re a part of something big here, so let’s not fuck this up. And put the damn champagne down!” Chris hissed through clenched teeth as he made to grab the champagne from Keon, only for Keon to pull it out of his reach.

“Whoa, dude, chill, it’s just one glass, besides I’ve already talked with the big wigs, so you can chat it up with them this go around if you think I’m just gonna mess things up for humanity. Besides, I’d rather entertain the children at the kiddy table anyway.” Keon said as he pointed towards a table where an aquamarine unicorn was waving at them enthusiastically, apparently trying to flag them over. “That one looks like she really wants to meet us.”

Chris looked to where Keon was pointing and spotted the table currently occupied by Lyra, Bon Bon, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Vinyl and a very disgruntled looking Spike.

“Speak of the devil, that’s my number one fan right there,” Chris said, “and it looks like our two teammates that you haven’t met are over there too.”

“Well then, it would only be polite for me to go say ’hello’,” Keon reasoned as he made to move but not before a shadow fell over him and a large hand landed on his shoulder.

Looking up, Keon was slightly surprised to find that it was Strong Horn. Strong Horn took a drag of his cigar and blew the smoke into the air before looking down at the two humans.

“I’m impressed you were able to crawl out of bed this morning after having a shot of that Ursa Killer.”

Keon held his head where he could still feel a lingering headache from his hangover. “Then that makes two of us. What the hell did you put in that stuff, anyway?”

“You’d have to ask the goats that brew it up back in Mons,” Strong Horn answered.

“If I’m ever in your neck of the woods, remind me to ask them then, but right now I suppose you’re looking to settle up on our little bet?” Keon puzzled out while digging his free hand into a pocket and pulling out a wad of crinkled up bills. “Here you go, my man,” Keon said as he handed Strong Horn a twenty dollar bill. “One Thomas Jefferson, as promised.”

“It’s Andrew Jackson on the twenty, you idiot,” Chris said, though without any malice as he simply considered Keon’s stupidity par for the course.

“What difference does it really make?” Keon asked, not really seeming to care.

Strong Horn held up the bill to his face, scrutinizing it carefully. “I thought our agreement was on currency, what exactly am I to do with a piece of paper with a funny looking hyoman on it?”

“That right there, my man, is super cool, trans-dimensional, alien money, use your imagination, big guy,” Keon answered before taking a swig of the champagne in his hand. “Personally, I’d save it if I were you: It might actually have some value here sooner than you think.”

Strong Horn raised a brow as he said, “Sooner than I think, what would you mean by that?”

“He means nothing by it,” Chris interrupted as he struck out a hand towards Strong Horn. “I’m Chris, by the way, the less abrasive human.”

Strong Horn took Chris’s hand in his own baseball glove sized one and shook firmly while Keon chose that moment to slip away.

“A pleasure to make your acquaintance,” Strong Horn said.

“Likewise,” Chris replied while taking in the minotaurs appearance, finding his large size more or less expected. However, his choice of clothing being as lavish as it were was more than surprising for a creature known for its brutality in legends. “And I’m sorry about my friend pulling one over on you like that, I’d reimburse you if I could, but my cash is as useless as his, I’m afraid,” Chris added.

“No apologies needed, he held true to his word after all,” Strong Horn said calmly, clearly not upset by Keon’s underhandedness. “Besides, the bet was in good fun, and it’s my fault for not having enough foresight to realize that a hyoman wouldn’t have the proper currency to begin with.”

Chris let out a breath in relief, thankful that the hulking minotaur didn’t have the urge to kick Keon’s ass after having been played for a fool. Admittedly, he and Keon had been in their fair share of schoolyard scuffles together, but taking on a pissed off minotaur in a fist fight would surely be a one-sided beating. One he was happy to have avoided sharing with his tactless friend, not to mention the trouble a confrontation involving the two of them would cause for Celestia and Luna.

Chris chuckled somewhat nervously. “I’m just thankful you’re a good sport, people have gotten into fights over less where I’m from.”

Strong Horn took another deep drag of his cigar before he spoke. “Now that I think about it, how do hyomans typically settle their disputes? From what I’m told, you humans wield rather impressive technology, one can only reason that your weaponry is similarly impressive. It would have to complicate any larger disputes among your kind.”

“If you only knew how right you are,” Chris returned.

Strong Horn smirked. “Your friend was content with glossing over the subject, though I’m sure he had his reasons.”

“His reasons?” Chris echoed. “He probably didn’t want to scare you fine lot.”

“Scare me?” Strong Horn said, looking almost comically affronted. “That makes me only more interested. You do have the time to spare me a few questions involving the matter?”

“Um… sure, I think Celestia wanted me and Keon to mingle anyway, but do you mind if we grab a table? I mean, we’re supposed to be having lunch after all, and I’m pretty starved,” Chris said while surveying the area for an unoccupied table but spotting none. “Although, I think getting a table might not be in the cards.”

“Nonsense, being one of the guests of honor, you have a reserved seat at the long table with us ambassadors,” Strong Horn explained while nodding his head towards the table at the head of the banquet hall where Celestia, Luna and Accordion were now sitting. “Your buddy as well, but it appears the kid has his own agenda,” Strong Horn said after having spotted Keon making his way towards a table a fair distance away from where he was meant to sit.

Chris followed Strong Horn's gaze and spotted where Keon was headed before he responded. “It’s probably for the best, anyway.”

Meanwhile

“What’s up ladies?” Keon greeted as he stopped at the seat next to Lyra, after having finally made it to their table. “Spike, how you feeling, short man?”

Spike looked up from his cup of coffee, bloodshot eyes wandering for a moment before slowly focusing on Keon. “I feel terrible, and I doubt sleeping in a broom closet did me any favors.”

“I don’t believe it, Luna stuffed you in a broom closet last night!?” Keon asked before he fell to raucous laughter at the thought. “That’s some classic stuff right there.”

Spike frowned at Keon as he gripped his throbbing head. “Can you keep that voice of yours down a bit? My head's killing me. Besides, you wouldn’t be laughing if it happened to you.”

Keon continued to chuckle to himself as he said. “You’re right, I’m sorry, waking up with a broom half way up my ass doesn’t sound like fun at all.”

Spike simply rolled his eyes as a retort while the rest around the table stared at Keon in awkward silence until Applejack found her voice.

“So, uh… Keon, right? So, how’s it been goin' there pardner?” Applejack asked as she tipped her hat in greeting, her southern drawl catching Keon off guard.

‘What is this, Home on the Range?’ Keon wondered to himself with an amused expression as Applejack continued to speak.

“It’s a pleasure tah finally make your acquaintance. With all ah heard from Chris, Pinkie and Rarity, it’s like ah already know yah somewhat.”

“That so?” Keon said while looking across the table towards Rarity. “Have you been saying nice things about me, Rarity?”

Rarity fluttered her long eyelashes coyly. “Do you believe I would say anything less about you?”

“I’d hope so, saying anything nice about me would probably be a lie,” Keon said as he turned his attention back to the unicorn that had been staring at him since he'd started heading toward the table, all while grinning wide enough to give Pinkie Pie pause. “So, this is the crew that helped my boy Chris make it here in one piece?”

“Well, two of us didn’t do much of anything,” Bon Bon spoke up from Lyra’s right, a twinge of annoyance coloring her voice. “In fact, we shouldn’t even be here right now.”

“Don’t mind my friend,” Lyra said as she chuckled nervously. “She’s just a bit cranky from all the traveling. By the way my name is…”

Keon held up his hand to stop Lyra from continuing. “Wait, please, let me guess,” he said as he stared at Lyra’s cutie mark in thought. ‘What’s that damn thing called again, a harp, a fiddle? No, that’s not it, it a, uh…’ “Lyre?”

Lyra’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. “Wow, are you psychic or something, like Madame Pinkie? How’d you know my name?”

“Lucky guess, or maybe your cutie patches leave little room for the imagination as far as names go,” Keon answered.

“Are you trying to say you can guess our names just by looking at our cutie marks?” Bon Bon asked, skepticism clear in the tone of her voice.

“If you have an easy one like Luna or Lyra here, then maybe,” Keon wagered. “But Pinkie’s name has nothing to do with balloons, so, I guess it’s not always a good starting point. In fact, how about we play a little game to test it?”

“What kind of game did you have in mind if you don’t mind me asking that is?” Fluttershy spoke quietly from her seat next to Rarity.

Keon’s eyes drifted to where the soft spoken voice had come from, and he silently regarded Fluttershy for a moment before saying. “Damn, Buttercup, with a voice that sweet I’m liable to contract diabetes.”

Fluttershy tilted her head down shyly, letting her mane flop over one side of her face as she meekly mumbled. “Um… well, uh...”

“Come, Darling, it was just a compliment… I think,” Rarity said while putting a hoof on Fluttershy’s shoulder. “No need to be so embarrassed.”

“So, about this game,” Vinyl cut in, “are we going to play it, or what?”

“Game? Did somepony say game!?” Pinkie interjected, letting her presence be known as she landed square atop their table, sending eating utensils spilling off of it and clattering loudly on the floor. “Can I play too?” Pinkie pressed on, ignoring the fact that a great deal of eyes were now watching their table.

“Sorry, it wouldn’t be much of a game if you played it Pinkie,” Keon said to a now deflated looking Pinkie. “Cheer up, it’s not gonna be that fun anyway, I’m just about to try and guess a couple of names.”

“But that does sound like fun, if only I didn’t know their names,” Pinkie said before she let out an exaggerated gasp “I’ve got it, if I concentrate really, really hard, maybe I can forget their names!”

“Sweetie, I don’t believe it works that way,” Rarity reasoned.

“She’s right, yah know,” Vinyl added. “The only way that enigma of a brain of yours could forget anything would be for somepony to bop you upside the head with something.”

“Don’t go giving her any ideas,” Keon cautioned, realizing that Pinkie actually appeared to be considering the option. “But if you really want to get in on the fun Pinkie, let’s make a little wager then?”

Elsewhere

Chris discreetly assessed the occupants as he walked around the table, making sure to shake each of their hooves, claws, or whatever they happened to have, until he finally reached an empty seat to Celestia’s left. After having sat himself down, Strong Horn sat directly to Chris’s own left. Apart from Celestia, Luna, Accordion, Twilight and Rainbow Dash, there were seven ambassadors in all that he’d introduced himself to. Shining Armor and Cadance, Twilight’s brother and her sister in law, respectively prince and princess of the Crystal Empire, from what he was told by Twilight. A minotaur in Strong Horn, a zebra, a deer, a griffon and finally an antelope, a gazelle if he wanted to be technically accurate.

After having settled into his seat, Chris quickly found a menu being laid out before him by a waiter.

“Compliments of Captain Starly,” the waiter said in a posh tone of voice before trotting away.

Chris watched the waiter leave, an eyebrow raised at the odd comment before he shrugged, picked up the menu and scanned over it, and, much to his surprise, he found it nearly void of anything that wasn’t meat. Looking down the table to his right, he spotted the griffon of the group smirking back at him.

“Captain Starly suspected that you and Mr. Keon would appreciate something more familiar to your diet,” Celestia answered Chris’s unspoken question, having taken notice of his apparent confusion. “During trips such as this, Captain Starly always makes sure to bring along a personal chief within her entourage to prepare such meals.”

“Well, I’m thankful for this,” Chris admitted. “You may think me forward but I don’t see the all green diet working out for me.”

“I fully understand, and we’ve already made arrangements to have food items from Saint Cumulus flown in,” Celestia stated.

“Saint Cumulus?” Chris repeated.

“Its part of a collection of cloud cities that are stationed off of the coast of Tall Tale,” Celestia explained. “The pegasi that reside there live almost entirely on seafood and as such they have a large array of choices.”

“I bet you never thought you’d hear something like that,” Strong Horn said, “but that’s nothing if you’ve ever been to the village of Blue Bit high in the Alps of the Frozen North, real meat eaters up there.”

“Meat eaters? As in ponies eating meat and not of the fish variety?” Chris asked curiously.

“Their meat eating tendency’s are actually quite fascinating,” Twilight said, practically jumping at the chance to spread her scholarly knowledge. “Vegetables, fruits, nuts and grains are quite scarce once you enter the Frozen North, and they’ve evolved to compensate for that.”

“Makes sense, we train our horses to eat meat in high altitude areas for more or less the same reasons,” Chris said, “But you guys do have free trade, right? Why don’t they get their greens from the south of them?”

Twilight looked sheepish. “To be fair, they aren’t the most friendly of ponies you could hope to meet, or do business with for that matter.”

“That’s putting it mildly,” Luna stated with a frown. “They’re nothing more than a group of troglodytes, best left to their own devices.”

“Luna!?” Celestia said, her eyes widening.

Luna shrugged. “That’s my assessment after so many failed attempts to bring them into the fold. Just how many times have you tried to extend a hoof in friendship to them?” Luna asked. “They’ve made it clear that they are quite fine with continuing the way that they’ve existed for centuries: Without our interference.”

“They must have an interesting culture,” Chris said, “I’d love the chance to study them up close.”

“Although I don’t feel quite as negatively towards the ponies of Blue Bit as my sister, perhaps Saint Cumulus would be a wiser destination,” Celestia suggested. “After all, it’s the only place in the world you will be able to watch professional cloud diving pegasi perform.”

Chris raised his eyebrows and smirked slightly. “Diving off of clouds because cliffs aren’t high enough? That does sound like something I’d like to see.”

“Perhaps you will someday,” Celestia said before she went back to browsing her menu.

Chris did the same, scanning over his given menu, finding some of the choices quite odd, such as the fruit bats and diricawl. As far as he could tell, the only common live stock the menu seemed void of was beef and lamb. ‘Oh, that’s right, cows here can hold a conversation as well,’ he recalled, taking a look at Strong Horn from the corner of his eye. ‘I wonder if minotaurs mate with them or something?’

Chris cleared his throat. “So, uh…Strong Horn I’ve been thinking about something.”

Strong Horn looked down at Chris with a curious stare. “And what would that be?”

“I couldn’t help but wonder if there are female minotaurs.”

Strong Horn stared at Chris incredulously, his jaw working soundlessly, while Chris looked back at the minotaur apprehensively.

After a few moments of stunned silence, Chris hastily explained, “Sorry, I just don’t recall there being female minotaurs in our myths.” Strong Horn still stared at Chris, the look on his face having shifted from incredulity to disbelief. “I wasn’t trying to come off as insensitive or anything.”

Strong Horn’s cigar was on the verge of falling out of his mouth before he let out a hearty laugh and patted Chris forcibly on the back, forcing him forward with each thump. “I sure hope we have females kid, otherwise my mother and every heifer I’ve ever lain with has some explaining to do.”

Chris forced an awkward chuckle. “My bad, I should have known that was a dumb question.”

Strong Horn took another drag of his cigar before he asked, “Now I’m curious, how did you suspect we made adorable mini minotaurs?”

Chris had the decency to look embarrassed at the question. “You’ll have to pardon me if this sounds derogatory, but, um, aside from the humanoid build, you’re pretty similar to a cow right?”

Strong Horn chuckled at the implied accusation. “Why would I find that a derogatory statement?”

Chris scratched the back of his head nervously. “I don’t know much about you guys, but maybe being a likened to traditional bovinae is a something you don’t appreciate, seeing as you’re bipedal and all.”

Strong Horn put out the end of his cigar on his own horn. “You’re right kid, us minotaurs don’t see ourselves as bovinae, not that we view them as lesser than us, we’re just fundamentally different in most regards. That’s not to say I haven’t fooled around at my fair share of milk farms in my youth. Believe me, there’s no discrimination on my part,” he added with a lecherous chuckle.

“Just excellent, now I’ve lost my appetite,” Queen Deerling cut in as she pushed away the salad she’d been picking at. “None present here want to hear about where you have soiled your oats. How about a topic that we all could appreciate or at least one that I won’t lose my lunch over?”

Strong Horn snorted through his large nostrils in response. “Actually, me and the kid where just about to discuss hyoman weaponry and how their kind handle disputes among one another, does that tickle your fancy?”

“Well, that should make for interesting topic,” Shining Armor reasoned, craning his neck to his left to get a better view of Chris, along with everyone else present at the table aside from Zuri, who seemed content with just staring into the glass orb on her scepter.

Chris stared back for a moment before placing his menu down on the table. “I guess I’ll start this with a question of my own,” Chris began. “When any of you look at me, what do you see?” Chris’s audience simply remained quiet, not entirely sure if the question was rhetorical or not. “I’ll tell you what you don’t see and that’s something threatening, right? As humans, we aren’t equipped with very scary apparent or natural defenses, no hooves, claws, fangs or horns. Instead, what we’ve got is the knowledge to create tools and how to use them.”

“And by tools, you mean to say weapons?” Cadance asked curiously. “In the same vein as spears and swords?”

“Spears and swords, those are relics now,” Chris stated. “Pit a man against a grizzly with a spear and it’s not even a competition for the bear. Place a .458 Winchester in that same man's hands and, well, that man is going to have a nice bear skin rug in his living room.”

“That’s preposterous. How would a weapon powerful enough to kill a bear even function?” Pembe argued.

“From the film we were shown by Keon, these weapons of theirs seem capable of firing metal slugs at a high enough velocity to pierce… well, whatever they were being aimed at,” Twilight answered. “There were also some instances where larger projectiles were fired producing explosive force upon impact.”

Chris turned his attention to Twilight, “Let me guess, he showed you guys the Avengers movie didn’t he?” Twilight nodded her head with enthusiasm. “You may want to take what you saw with a grain of salt then.”

Strong Horn scratched his chin thoughtfully. “And what happens when you humans inevitably use these weapons against one another?”

“As you’d imagine, people die,” Chris said before he became silent as he contemplated how to elaborate on such a question. Glancing at Celestia, she gave him in encouraging smile.

“You needn’t worry, Chris. I assure you, we aren’t as delicate as you and Keon may believe,” Luna added. “Surely, you don’t believe we have always been at peace? Our world has had its own demons that we aren’t proud of, as well.”

“Fine,” Chris conceded. “I want you to understand that I come from a position in life that’s given me a rather blasé acceptance of human warfare. A necessary evil, if you will, that most humans simply come to terms with. It’s been a part of humanity as far back as written records go. Disputes, as you know, can’t always be handled with an exchange of words, sometimes action has to take place. That’s where the necessity for weapons comes in. In the past we fought each other with sticks and stones, now we fight each other with weapons that could reduce this entire castle to a pile of rubble and ash. It’s hard to fully express just how far we’ve come in our military endeavors, in part because I don’t know myself.”

If anyone listening to Chris weren’t captivated before, they sure were now; even Zuri had lost interest in her scepter.

“Why would humans ever need to develop such powerful weapons?” Starly asked, her own curiosity getting the better of her. “Aren’t crossbows sufficient?”

Chris picked up a fork and pointed it towards Starly. “This fork would be enough for someone to kill me with but does that make it an efficient killing tool? Everything humans create, we want it to perform at an optimized level; weapons are no exception to the rule. If something is designed to kill, the only way to improve upon that function is to make it even better at killing. Some may even argue that we build such weapons so we won’t have to fight.”

“I see,” Celestia said with a nod. “The threat alone of such power serves as a deterrent, in the face of conflict.”

“Exactly,” Chris continued, “Not many world leaders are willing to risk our planet being reduced to an unlivable wasteland over something that can be resolved in other ways.”

“All of this sounds rather horrible,” Pembe commented. “Surely such devilishly tools need not exist.”

“There’s little point in spiting on an inanimate object,” Chris countered. “They’re only as dangerous as the person wielding them, which is an entirely different matter.”

“I’d hope those with access to such weapons are kept under strict supervision,” Cadance stated. “They sound capable of causing so much harm.”

“You wouldn’t be wrong,” Chris said with a sigh, “but to be fair there are two beings sitting at this very table that I’d wager could do a similar amount of damage, if not more, if they ever chose to. But I highly doubt any of you demonize them just because of what they’re capable of doing.”

“You mean the Princesses, dear boy?” Accordion chimed in; wearing an almost satisfied grin that someone else could see the princesses for what they truly were capable of.

“Who’s this guy?” Shining Armor whispered to Cadance, getting a simple shrug from Cadance in return.

“From what I understand, Celestia and Luna have a level of control over your sun and moon. As ridiculous as that sounds, wouldn’t it be a simple matter for Celestia to move the sun close enough to scorch this planet?”

Rainbow Dash hovered out of her seat and pointed a hoof at Chris. “But the princess would never…”

“I’m not saying either of them would,” Chris quickly cut Dash off. “I’m just pointing out that they could.”

Dash gritted her teeth. “You’re not listening to me. It doesn’t matter if they could because they would never, how could you even accuse them...”

“Rainbow Dash, it is quite alright,” Celestia interrupted. “Mr. Chris was not accusing me or my sister of anything. He’s not wrong in his assessment. In fact, it would take very little effort on my part to do precisely what he said.”

“But…” Dash tried yet again, only to be cut off by Luna.

“As Nightmare Moon, I attempted to cast this world into internal darkness. What do you believe would happen to a planet deprived of its sun’s rays?” Luna questioned. “It would have wilted away into nothing, just as a flower robbed of the light does.”

Dash was quiet as she slowly hovered back down into her seat, deciding to leave the matter alone.

“Look, I’m sorry I used the Princesses as an example,” Chris spoke to Dash. “I just want you to understand that it’s not the power we wield that makes us dangerous but the choices we make in regards to that power. We humans could have blown each other off our planet by now, but we haven’t. That has to say something positive about us.”

Strong Horn pulled out a metal case and removed a cigar from it and placed it between his teeth while he retrieved a pack of matches from his coat pocket. “For what reason do hyomans fight one another?”

Chris shrugged “Don’t misunderstand, humans may fight but it’s not something we’re constantly doing. In fact, most people are afraid of a fight and would do anything in their power to avoid one. But when we do fight, it can be for any reason: Resources, culture, religion, politics, race and pride. The list goes on...”

“Does it now?”

Chris turned his head to where the voice had come from and spotted a snow white unicorn with a blonde mane strutting up towards their table, exuding an air of self-worth and confidence in his stride.

“I see you’re back from your vacation early, Blueblood,” Cadance commented, not making any attempt to sound as if she were pleased with the news.

“Yes, I’ve missed you as well, dear cousin Cadance,” Blueblood returned, with an equal amount of thinly veiled disdain, as he observed the gathered guests at the table before him. “Besides, I was away for business, not pleasure this time.”

Cadance rolled her eyes. “A business, so that’s what you choose to call that chain of comfort houses.”

Chris leaned over and whispered to Strong Horn, “Is it just me or is there some tension between these two?”

Strong chuckled, almost coughing on the smoke currently trapped in his lungs. “I hear tell that Blueblood was a little sweet for Captain Armor in their younger years, unfortunately for him, the feelings weren’t mutual.”

“Oh…” Chris responded, having quickly caught on.

Blueblood snorted at Cadance. “You will do well to respect the service Blue’s Brothels provides, considering the absurd amount of bits it brings to the crown,” Blueblood fired back, smiling, showcasing his perfect teeth. “Even if you can’t respect the cold hard bits, perhaps as the so called Princess of Love you can appreciate the love I spread, at a reasonable price I might add,” Blueblood finished with a mirthful chuckle.

Cadance clenched her teeth, struggling to maintain her composure. “Love and pleasure do not always go hoof in hoof. A changeling couldn’t even make a snack from the love that radiates from one of your rent-stallion houses.”

“Love is such a subjective term, is it not? Besides, my stallions make their clientele quite happy, considering that they are obligated by contract to do so. Shouldn’t that be enough?” Blueblood argued. “If only my sweet aunties would allow me to construct a Blue’s Brothel here in Canterlot or, better yet, that little backwater village to the south of us I could further bolster the crowns treasury and, most of all, I wouldn’t have to make these bothersome trips myself.”

“My dear Nephew and Niece, this isn’t the time or place for this discussion,” Celestia warned. “Now, if you would like to join us, please take a seat, Blueblood.”

Blueblood didn’t respond immediately but opted to stare at Chris, whom he noted was studying him carefully. “So, you’re what all the fuss has been about?”

“The name's Chris,” he said as he stuck out a hand for Blueblood to shake.

Blueblood stared at the offered hand for a moment before reluctantly extending his own hoof. “Yes, a pleasure,” he said before turning his attention to Strong Horn. “You, minotaur, relinquish your seat to me at once.”

Strong Horn looked at Blueblood with an amused expression. “My seat you say… Sure, it’s all yours if you can manage to remove me from it.” Strong Horn said as he blew out a stream of smoke through his nostrils.

Blueblood glared at the minotaur. “Do you know to who you speak, you simpleton?”

“Blueblood!” Celestia hissed. “Strong Horn is a diplomat, and you will show him the proper respect, do I make myself clear?”

Blueblood’s eyes twitched in irritation, but he knew better than to talk back to Celestia. “Yes, Auntie Celestia, it won’t happen again,” Blueblood said as he trotted away from the table, deciding that he’d rather not even be there if he couldn’t have his way.

“He’s an interesting guy,” Chris stated to Celestia. “Any more surprise appearances I should be warned about?”

“Only one more,” Celestia answered. “Her name is Philomena, and I have a suspicion you’ll enjoy meeting her a little more than you did my nephew.”

Elsewhere

“Look, I don’t even like cleaning my own dorm room, no way am I going to wake up at five in the morning to help clean up a whole season, whenever this winter wrap up comes around,” Keon argued with Pinkie, slapping his menu down on the table to further convey his annoyance. “Besides, I can’t ice skate anyway, last time I tried I busted my shit.”

“Then I’ll just teach you how to, silly. It’ll be funarific. Besides, you made the bet, remember?” Pinkie reminded Keon as she came literally muzzle to nose with him. “You thought Bon Bon’s name was Hard Candy, Vinyl’s was Record Spinner, Applejack’s was Bushels and Fluttershy’s was Butterfree. You didn’t guess one name right, so you lost fairsy squarsy.”

“She does make a point there, pardner,” Applejack added with a chuckle, finding the back and forth between the human and pony rather amusing.

“And I was so sure your name was Bushels too,” Keon grumbled under his breath. “Whatever, that still doesn’t make the stipulations any less bogus. All I wanted was another batch of her cupcakes if I won, she wants a whole day of labor out of me. How’s that an even trade?”

“It wasn’t a trade, it was a bet, and I reckon yah should have thought about all that when you were makin' up the rules,” Applejack retorted. “'sides, if you wanted more cupcakes from Pinkie, maybe it would have been a good idea jus' tah ask for 'em.”

“Furthermore, you really shouldn’t think of helping during winter wrap up as simple labor,” Rarity chimed in. “Winter wrap up is such a special occasion for the denizens of our quaint little town. It’s held very dear to our hearts. I’m almost certain that even you will have a wonderful time if only you would give it a chance.”

“Not that any of this is really my business but why don’t you two look for a compromise here?” Bon Bon suggested. “I mean, if you really feel you’re getting the short end of the stick in all this.”

Pinkie wore a large toothy grin as she hopped up and down in excitement. “How about this: I’ll bake you up a batch of my homemade, super-duper, tutti-frutti, sugar, sugar, double sided, frosted cupcakes! In return you’ll only have to help me break up the ice during Winter Wrap Up but you can’t be a grouch about it either.”

“Fine… I guess.” Keon moaned dramatically, pretending to be only mildly satisfied with the deal.

Pinkie drew her hoof to her mouth and spat in it and held it up to Keon. “Normally I like Pinkie promises but this works okie dokie too.”

Keon looked at Pinkie’s proffered saliva covered hoof for a moment with a blank expression before shrugging.

“I haven’t done one of these since middle school,” he said as he spat into his own hand and shook with Pinkie’s hoof.

Rarity scrunched her muzzle in disgust. “Ugh, don’t either of you believe such behavior to be lacking in fundamental social graces?”

“Spare me, Rarity, I know I’ve never fooled you into thinking I was ever well-mannered,” Keon responded after releasing his hand from Pinkie’s hoof.

Vinyl pushed her shades up and stared at Pinkie while wearing a mischievous grin. “Jeez, Pinkie. The guy’s been here less than a week, and you’re already swapping body fluids with him?”

Pinkie stared at Vinyl with her head tilted, the joke seemingly lost on her, while Keon flashed Vinyl a ghost of a smile. “I think you’re the only one here with a mind as dirty as mine. Good thing too, seeing as you’re, like, the only pony that hasn’t had the pleasure of seeing my naked black ass.”

“Haven’t we spoken about your vulgarity?” Rarity commented, with a frown directed at Keon. “I’m afraid I may soon be forced into teaching you proper etiquette, if you insist on behaving in such a manner,” Rarity finished before turning her attention to Vinyl. “Vinyl, was it? Surely you know that using such provocative language in public isn’t very becoming of a lady?”

Vinyl dropped her shades back down over her eyes. “Sorry, miss glitter, you’ve got me confused with somepony else. I’ve never fancied myself a mare of refinement. I’m sure you can tell by my ragtag mane that this high society stuff isn’t really my scene.”

“Point taken,” Rarity responded with a bit of bite in her tone.

Keon placed his left hand down on the table and began tap his fingers absentmindedly against the wood. “So many upper crust gathered in one room isn’t really my scene either. But maybe since the humans are public news now, I can go out and see what you guys have to offer that’s more my sty…”

Keon paused as he suddenly found his hand being lifted from the table by a hoof. “Can I help you?” Keon asked as he watched Lyra study each of his individual fingers.

“Put his hand down!” Bon Bon barked. “Can’t you see you’re creeping him out?”

Lyra continued to stare at Keon’s hand in concentration as she addressed Bon Bon. “Don’t you find it strange that ponies created music instruments that are clearly designed for these?” Lyra asked as she held Keon’s hand towards Bon Bon for emphasis.

Bon Bon rolled her eyes. “Not this again, Lyra. I told you already, you were never meant to play what you make.”

“But hardly anypony is,” Lyra argued as she turned her attention back to Keon. “How well can you play with these?” she asked simply.

Keon quirked a brow. “How well can I play… how well can I play what?”

“Stringed instruments.”

“Stringed instruments?” Keon echoed, “I can’t play them at all, but I do play a mean Hot Cross Buns on a recorder if that makes a difference.”

Lyra looked at Keon with an accusing expression, “But with hands like this you should be able to…”

“I’m sorry she’s causing you trouble,” Bon Bon cut back in. “Lyra here is Ponyville’s resident luthier, and she’s been searching for a market for a long time now. Minotaurs, griffons, monkeys. Basically, anything with an appendage she thinks can strum a string. And after having met Chris, she thinks she’s found the ideal customers.”

“When you say ideal customers, you mean humans?” Keon asked as he cast a glance down at Lyra’s hooves. “I don’t suppose those hooves are very good for something that needs finesse and precision, like playing a lyre.”

“I have such a useless talent,” Lyra said while her ears folded down and she stared at her cutie mark. “Who needs a luthier? Griffin claws slice clean through the strings, earth ponies and pegasi can seldom play the instruments at all without a bow and it’s rare that a unicorn is born with the magic dexterity to play them either. You can imagine my business isn’t exactly booming,” she finished with a sheepish grin.

Keon reached out and scratched the top of Lyra’s head, completely disregarding what Chris had warned him about. “Cheer up, Spearmint, your talent isn’t useless. I’ve seen Chris blow a gasket over a broken guitar string, he’d love that you could fix it up for him real quick.”

“Chris can play?” Lyra’s asked, her eyes lighting up.

Keon shrugged. “I think most white boys like to mess with a guitar, but yeah, he’s pretty good with one. But don’t dare ask him to sing; he’s a terrible vocalist.”

Lyra beamed at Bon Bon and held up her hoof. “I told you, the red string of destiny is never wrong.”

‘I guess Chris was right about this one,’ Keon thought as he carefully observed Lyra. “So, red string of destiny, huh? You don’t really believe in stuff like that, do you?”

“Of course I do,” Lyra answered with a huge smile, displaying her childlike innocence.

‘I should have guessed as much from the fortune card and their names that they’d have faith in predetermined things,’ Keon mused as he looked down at Lyra with an almost sympathetic smile, thinking of the likelihood of Chris ever even considering such a thing. If their earlier conversation had been any indication of where his friend stood on the matter, he doubted the odds. Chris would be hard pressed to see them as anything but ponies even if they could walk willy-nilly between worlds, he still couldn’t see it. “Maybe you shouldn’t put so much stock behind a silly notion like that,” Keon finally said after his brief pause. “At least if you don’t want to get your feelings hurt.”

“I can take a hint,” Lyra said as her ears fell flat yet again. “But nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?” she added, letting her cheerful demeanor return as quickly as it had left.

Keon shook his head and ruffled Lyra’s mane before he stood up from his seat. “And sometimes it’s just better to play it safe. Think about that before you waste too much energy into this pointless pursuit.”

“You didn’t have to lay it on her that hard,” Bon Bon commented.

Keon didn’t respond as he turned and began to walk off.

“Um… are you going somewhere?” Fluttershy asked softly. “Our food should be arriving soon.”

“Just need a moment, don’t worry about me,” Keon said, flashing Fluttershy a fake smile that none of the others, other than Pinkie, seemed to be the wiser about.

“You guys must have struck one of his sensitive spots,” Spike pointed out as they watched the human walk away.

Applejack regarded Spike with a bit of skepticism. “What makes yah say that? He seemed perfectly fine to me.”

Spike shrugged. “He’s acting the same way he did when we had dinner a couple days ago,” Spike explained. “After he told us a bit about his life and Chris he got kinda of mopy and told everypony he was tired and wanted to turn in, but we all knew he just wanted to be alone, kind of like now.”

“It wasn’t anything I said, was it?” Lyra asked while peering in the direction Keon had gone.

Applejack simply shook her head. “Ah still think he’s jus fine, ain’t like any pony to be that flip-floppity with their emotions.”

“We can’t forget he’s a human ,and we really don’t know much about them yet,” Fluttershy countered.

Spike focused his blood shot eyes on Applejack. “Twilight’s convinced he has some repressed emotions and hides them behind his wisecracks and bravado. Wanting to be alone seems to be his response when he lets any of his personal feelings slip.”

“I guess Twi has been studying this feller real careful like, huh?” Applejack questioned. “And here I was startin' to think he was jus one of them types that’s happy all the time, like Pinkie Pie.”

“Come now, Darling, no pony can be all smiles and jokes with no substance,” Rarity added in. “Isn’t that right, Pinkie… uh, Pinkie?” Rarity asked again before finally taking notice that Pinkie was no longer at the table.

“She followed after Keon,” Spike grumbled an explanation before taking a large gulp of his coffee.

Fluttershy smiled. “If he really is feeling down, I’m sure Pinkie will find a way to cheer him up.”

Meanwhile, Chris raised a suspicious eyebrow as he watched Keon weave his way through the aisles of tables at a brisk pace towards the exit of the banquet hall. He’d actually made to stand up to see what was going on, but Celestia had put a hoof on his shoulder.

“Is there something the matter?” Celestia asked.

“That’s what I plan to find out,” Chris answered.

“Why not let my little pony see to the matter?” Celestia suggested, nodding her head towards Pinkie who was following a short distance behind him. “Besides, Philomena will be arriving shortly.”

Chris hesitantly set back down in his seat. “I guess I have to stop acting like his babysitter at some point,” he said just as Keon slipped through the banquet hall door.

“You didn’t have to follow me, Pinkie,” Keon said without even turning around to face the pony he’d known had been following him. “I told you not to worry, didn’t I?”

“How can I not worry when you’re gloomier than Froggy Bottom Bog on a rainy day?” Pinkie countered. “I mean, what’s gotten you so upset all of a sudden? Does Pinkie need to sing you a song?”

Keon silently chuckled at the thought of Pinkie singing as he sat down on a nearby window sill. “Pinkie, I told you already, I’m fine. See this smile?” he said while showing Pinkie a toothy grin.

“Trying a joke on a jokester, you’ll have to try a teensy-weensy harder than a fake smile to fool me.”

Keon sighed. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

Pinkie shook her head back and forth. “Nope, so you may as well let it out. I bet you’ll be happier for it.”

Keon laced his fingers behind his head as he leaned back against the windowpane. “Lyra just reminded me of how incredibly naïve, or better yet stupid, I used to be. Wearing my heart on my sleeve, believing something I never had any business believing in the first place, just like her. I don’t know about this fantasy world but in my world you don’t always get what you want, I know as much from firsthand experience and I’ll leave it at that.”

Pinkie placed one hoof under her chin as though she were thinking hard on the matter. “I may not be the smartest pony around but I think your attitude is all wrong.”

Keon quirked a brow. “And how’s that?”

“No pony should think they can’t take risks just because something may not pan out in the end. If you want something, you should put all of your heart and energy into getting it. So even if you fail, at least you’re not left asking yourself a bunch of what ifs.”

“I just can’t get a read on you at all. It’s like sometimes you’re as dense as a block of cement then the next moment you’re as sharp as a tack. I don’t know what you’re playing at, but you’re a lot smarter than you let on, aren’t you?” Keon asked as he got up from the window sill.

“I’m just being the only pony I know how to be best and that’s me, Pinkie!”

“If there is one thing humans might end up envying you pony’s for, it’s that collective optimism you guys have.”

“Isn’t it easier to look on the bright side rather than being a negative nancy? Besides, frowning gives you wrinkles.”

“Wrinkles are pretty low on the list of things I’m worried about,” Keon said as he walked past Pinkie. “Now come on. Vinyl seems to have taking a liking to teasing us, let’s not give her any more ammunition.”

“Why? Her jokes are funny,” Pinkie said while bouncing after Keon.

Keon looked over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow. “You seemed pretty lost on the last one she threw our way.”

“Don’t be silly, I get naughty jokes too. I mean, duh, I’m no filly.”

Keon shrugged as he opened the banquette hall door, his eyes widening in shock as a large orange and red bird flew in right after him and Pinkie.

“I don’t fucking believe it!” Keon shouted, now sporting a large, shit eating grin.

“Don’t believe what?” Pinkie asked while looking back and forth.

“That I found my ticket home,” Keon said as he hopped on a nearby table, startling the occupants of it. “Pardon me,” he offered to the ponies seated before he jumped off the table like a wannabe Michael Jordan and tried to catch the bird by its tail feathers.

The bird noticed him and easily evaded it’s would be assailant.

Keon cursed as he went sailing into an adjacent table, sending food, utensils and ponies alike crashing to the floor with him.

Pinkie bounced up to Keon and pulled him out of the entanglement of ponies he was in. “Is this some kind of human game? How do we play?”

Keon massaged the back of his head where he could already feel a bump forming. “Easy, just catch the birdie,” he grumbled.

“Oh dear,” Celestia muttered after the commotion Keon and Pinkie were making throughout the banquet hall had caught her attention. “I hadn’t suspected a meeting with Philomena would go like this,” she said as she and her gathered guest watched the spectacle taking place towards the back of the hall.

Accordion grinned as he rubbed his hooves together. “Perhaps I should add a bit of my own chaos to the fun?”

Luna slammed her hoof down in front of Accordion. “Don’t even consider it.”

“You can be such a stick in the mud,” Accordion muttered.

“Is that a Phoenix?” Chris asked as he squinted his eyes at the bird currently being pursued by his fellow compatriot before realization dawned on him. “He thinks it’s an EON,” Chris said as he stood up. “I’d better go and stop him before he wrecks the place any more.”

Cadance giggled, “Philomena seems to be enjoying herself, leading Mr. Keon and Pinkie around; although, the guests don’t appear to be having nearly as much fun.”

“What is this madness going on?” Blueblood said as he set aside some hors d’oeuvre he had been eating, just in time for Pinkie to come tumbling into his table, sending a glass of red wine spilling onto his pristine white coat.

Blueblood froze, his jaw hanging open in shock. “My… my… my flawless coat!” he all but squealed.

Pinkie grinned bashfully. “Oops-a-daisy. Sorry about your coat. Here, let me help,” she offered while grabbing a napkin and wiping the large splotch on Blueblood's chest, only to spread the stain further and deeper. Pinkie took a step back to observe her work before she frowned. “I think we’re gonna need bleach to get that out.”

Blueblood grit his teeth so hard that he appeared to be on the verge of having an aneurysm.

“Or maybe some dye would be better, that’s one nasty stain if I ever saw one,” she said as she made to jump away but not before Blueblood could slam his front hoof down on her puffy tail.

Pinkie looked down at her tail then back at Blueblood, who was red in the face with rage.

“Do you believe that I’m going to let you off the hook that easy, you overweight, cotton-candy colored peasant!?”

Pinkie’s eyes widened in shock at Blueblood's outburst and she took a shaky step back forgetting he had his hoof on her tail causing it to snag and for her to fall to her rear.

Blueblood moved in towards Pinkie, looming over her. “This stain has marred my beauty. How do you intend to atone for such transgression against your prince?”

“Transgressions?” Rarity cut in as she trotted up towards them. “It was a mere accident. I saw the whole thing.”

Blueblood cocked an eyebrow in Rarity’s direction. “Oh, it’s you, that mare from the Gala… What was your name again? Never mind, I cannot seem to find a reason I should care.”

Rarity’s cheeks flushed red in anger. “I thought you were deplorable before but you’re even more despicable than I recall.”

“You will do well to watch your tongue,” Blueblood warned, “or I may have you punished the same as I intend for this filthy work horse,” Blueblood spat in Pinkies direction, venom coloring his words. “Now, where are the guards when you need somepony arrested?”

“Arrested? Don’t you think you’re being a little hard on the ladies?” Keon said as he walked up to Blueblood while holding a struggling Philomena in his arms. Spotting Blueblood’s hoof, he nonchalantly kicked it off of Pinkie's tail.

Blueblood was taken aback by the action but held his nose high. “Ah, my aunties' honored guest. Surely you aren’t referring to this pair of paupers as ladies?” Blueblood asked, almost laughing at the sentiment. “These two are nothing more than gutter trash, run of the mill villagers, commoners if you will. You needn’t defend their honor as if they have such a thing.”

“Gutter trash? Commoner?!” Rarity shouted. “You’re speaking to two Elements of Harmony! Insult me or Pinkie once again and I’ll tear you to pieces!”

“You? Strike me? How absurd. Or need I remind you that you’re speaking with royalty? You can’t touch me; no pony can touch me.”

Keon raised a brow. “I touched you, Granted, I’m not a pony, a minor technicality I’m sure but you get the point.”

Blueblood held his poise firm as he replied in a snooty tone. “For the time being I am willing to forgive your ignorance for you do not know who I am as is to be expected from your particular circumstance. However, I must insist you remain out of affairs that do not concern you.”

Keon looked over his nose down at the stain on Blueblood's coat. “Did Pinkie cause that stain you’re having a hissy fit about?”

Blueblood pointed a hoof at Pinkie, who looked to be on the verge of tears. “If you’re referring to this country bumpkin…”

Keon cut Blueblood off mid sentence. “Call her something like that again and I’ll kick your teeth so far down your throat that you’ll need to stick a toothbrush up your ass to brush 'em.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Blueblood said while taking a precautionary step back. “I’m the nephew of Princess Celestia; I’m a prince. It would be foolish to lay your…” Blueblood paused as he stared at Keon’s hands, “extremities on me.”

Keon pointed to his own face. “Does this look like the face of a guy who gives a damn about any of that?”

“Keon. you need to relax.” Chris cut in, making his presence known as he entered the scene. “I don’t know what’s going on but if you start a fight with a guy in his position it won’t go over well for any of us. Just listen to how this sounds: Aliens arrive and promptly bloody up Equestria’s prince.”

“Tch,” Keon mocked. “So you expect me to sit back and let him stomp all over them?”

“Don’t make me sound like the bad guy here,” Chris argued back. “You know as well as I do that it’s more complicated than that. We have to keep our hands clean of any confrontation, no matter how small. It’s best if we let Celestia handle this, so I’m telling you to let it go.”

“Fine, you’re the boss, right,” Keon grumbled as he forced Philomena into Chris’s arms. “Don’t let her get away, not after the shit I just went through trying to catch her.”

“She’s a Phoenix, not an EON,” Chris said as let go of Philomena, allowing her to take off.

“Great. I love knowing all of that was completely pointless,” Keon said while throwing his arms up in frustration as he walked past Blueblood towards Pinkie and Rarity.

Blueblood smirked as he watched Keon go. “At least one of you humans seem to have a modicum of sense.”

Chris glared at Blueblood. “I wouldn’t push my luck if you piss us both off there won’t be anyone else to play mediator.”

“Guest or not, I will not accept threats from a pair of alien zookeepers,” Blueblood warned. “I can make your stay here most unpleasant if I so choose.”

“It wasn’t a threat, more like friendly advice,” Chris said with a shallow smile. “Besides, for someone that seems to hold so much pride in their intelligence you aren’t proving to be very bright right now. Blatantly insulting an alien ambassador hardly seems well thought out, wouldn’t you agree?”

Blueblood frowned but didn’t say any more on the matter.

“How you holding up, Pinkie?” Keon asked as he knelt down next to Pinkie and Rarity, the later doing her best to console a sniveling Pinkie, who had her face buried in her hooves.

Rarity peered up at Keon with sympathy in her eyes as she continued to rub Pinkie soothingly on the back. “Oh, the poor dear has simply had her feelings torn apart by that uncouth lout.”

“That bastard is just lucky he’s not on our side of the fence,” Keon said before something caught his attention. “What the hell happened to her mane? It’s… straight.”

Author's Note:

Yes I know it's been a long time coming for this update, over two months. That's about the amount of time when people start calling a story dead. But I promise this story will be finished, even if some chapters are longer to get out like this one. Anyway, big shoutouts to DF, he edited this chapter like a boss. It flows a lot better than it originally did. Well readers I hope you found the chapter to your liking, let me know what's up in the comments, and until next time peace.

Comments

[SeventhBrony]

oh yeah, blueballs REALLY stepped in it this time being such a plug that Pinkie's hair went strait, THAT is a sign of really not good things to come shortly there after

[Mother3Forever]

....I can't decide whether to be scared, sad, or angry.....Though, Hopefully BlueBalls will get what's coming to him.

[Master Colt]

Damn I love this story! Keep up the awesome work, and I demand MOAR!

[Chris Kingsley]

I don't believe we've read Sonson-Sensei's take on Pinkamina. I'm going to wait and see the results before predicting a smack-down or otherwise.

Just a friendly word of caution. In other news, I love the story. Keep up the good work.

[lostdarkstellan]

NEVER HURT PINKIE FEELINGS! !!!!

[ProjectMaximum]

I though it would have been awesome that Keon kicked BlueBlood's sorry ass.
But the story is still Le awesome. Good stuff I must say my good man.

[The Valeyard]

Keon the furious gentleman.I love it another excellent chapter!!! :D fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/223/6/2/sanji___furious_gentleman_by_master_gonzo-d5arn0d.png

[RealityCheck]

Blueblood's a pimp?
Seriously?
Tad much, man.

[ZheTwidashLover]

Could someone point me to a story where Blueblood gets his ass handed to him?
For Pinkie?

[Aero Flow]

UPDATE!!! *reads chapter* DONE!!! BRING ME MOAR*throws computer to the floor*

[MLPFanForever]

AWESOME!!! Poor Pinkie thought...

[Midnight Loki]

Pinkie will destroy you all

[Golden Sax]

Chris slapped his hand on his forehead in disbelief. “Damn, the implications of scratching them never even crossed my mind when I was…oh, god, what have I done?”

[Jay Cruiz]

All of my yes

[warpd]

Careful Keon. Pinkie might take you back home if you keep this up.

[Feldoran]

My only issue i see hear is how long arguments seem to roll on when an authority figure like Celestia or Cheerilee is around. It feels like they would be cut much shorter by said figures.

[SouthernmostDogs]

“What is this madness going on?” Blueblood said

THIS IS SPARTA!

[totallynotaunicorn]

[The outcast]

Her mane.... it's STRAIGHT?! Put on your big-boy pants cuz shit's going DOWN next chapter

[Gaven]

I wonder how Blueblood would feel if he realized that he is pissing off a species that can find a way to kill him using a spoon?(Note it is possible just very tricky.)
Edit:(And difficult.)

[Chaplain]

Is there an overarching storyline in this? I'd like to know beforehand, as I'd rather not spend time on it if it's just going to follow the model of all other series with humans going to Equestria.

[Darth Atrox]

Gold...

Just pure Gold, my friend.

I bow to the King!

THE KING OF KINGS!

[Adam95F]

BlueBalls needs a little demonstration of human strength in the sense of a punch to the face with emotions strung behind them, Since normally our true full strength is dampended by safeties hidden within our biology and all that other stuff in our bodies, but when all strength is focused and certain things happen, it will be as much as a gorilla...though all the bones in the body that are used for attacking will be broken or crushed badly due to the stupendous strength. Also depends on how strong the two actually are.

Meh shit's goin' down next chapter.

Keep that shit goin' dood.

[Cold Spike]

Uh oh

[Sir Walter Hairgel]

I swear this is the third chapter in a row where I thought, "Huh, is that story ever going to update again?", only for you to do so the very same day.
Are... are you psychic?
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100709045645/codegeass/images/2/2d/Mao_geass.jpg

[Kage no Brony]

2998653

Also, it is very, very fun.

2998515

You know? Pulling that would have been epic...

[Philobrony]

“It appears Rainbow Dash is out for some light exercise,”

Please tell me that pun was intentional. Please.
Because if it is, then you sir, are a genius.

[zanthimos]

Be nice to Pinkie or she'll shank your flank! You will eventually go missing and her cupcakes will taste 'different' for a week....

PS -AAARRRGHGHGH! Cliffhangers at the most crazy part!

[Jack-Pony]

Blueblood is like Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, every time I hear their voices I want to cuff a filly. Only this time, the 'Prince' is fortunate that he got Chris and Keon... I would've given him the ring hand, screw politics, somepony needs to learn some manners!

[WeasselK]

New Chapter?
Today is a Good Day!

[Vates Despero]

2997797 Trail of a Shooting Star If that story isn't really your cup of tea then the specific chapters where Blueballs suffers are Chapters 11 & 12. I highly recommend reading those two if you wanna see Blueballs-hurt. I re-read them after reading a synopsis of 120 Days of Blueblood and they made me feel almost normal again!

---

2998653 No it's not... just stab very, very, hard in the jugular.
LIKE A BOSS!!

[Greenfang Neverclear]

"It's.... Straight."
demotivationalposters.org/image/demotivational-poster/0803/oh-shit-satan-demotivational-poster-1205486487.jpg
demotivationalposters.org/image/demotivational-poster/small/1002/all-aboard-troop-extraction-afghanistan-demotivational-poster-1265042191.jpg

[Gaven]

2998979 True Course it is possible to kill someone with pretty much anything with a good amount of density. Heck you could kill someone with cotton balls. You just gotta hold'em still and shove them down their throat.
Edit: It would take a lot of cotton balls.

[EXbronymaster]

“Stringed instruments?” Keon echoed, “I can’t play them at all, but I do play a mean Hot Cross Buns on a recorder if that makes a difference.”

Lost my shit

[General Darth]

O Blueblood just you wait... someday... you will get whats coming to you.

[IkioStar]

2999091 ...Yes, I understood that. The thing that I saw as the problem with the trained guard thing, is that a biologist of any kind, can recognize defects, and weaknesses. It should have been a little different, especially for a black guy.

Oh, and the harsh thing....no. I'm not harsh, I just don't over emotionalize my critiquing. I prefer to be straight, (though colourful), and address the inaccuracies, to emphasize quality in writing, rather than giving non-descriptive junk phrases. I'm not going to outright say 'THIS SUCKS', (mostly because there is always area for improvement), or 'MOAR', because that doesn't give the writer anything. It just says you don't/do like it, not what you liked, or disliked. If the author had some particular part of the story going for them, I'd address that, or, (in the event of problems), discuss in calm, rational tones, what they could do to improve, both in quality and flavor.

Do these answer your questions?

[Umbra_the_Snivy]

I was literally having a good time until that last scene with Blueblood and Pinkie Pie. Holy shit, that rather pissed me the fuck off.
And the fact that I've got such a response means your work is excellent as hell. Good job.

Now I need to find a punching bag or something, damn it.

[Raistlin]

I´m really intrigued about the Regal Sisters´plans. As I said before, it´s impossible for them to ignore the consequences of making a full contact with a self-admitted violent (by Equestrian standards, at least), populous, tech savvy and near immune to magic (even to alicorn´s one). What Celestia can do if things ends in a War of the Worlds sceneario?
Maybe she wants EON to be able to rewrite time if things don´t go smoothly.

P.E: Just to clarify, while this is to story and you can depic the pony world and society as you want, there is no such thing as "gender imbalance" in canon.

[Maramanasa]

2999229 Hmm true heck you can kill a guy with sound if you really wanted too. Or even kill them with BREAD!

[Reignbow]

*Several days later*
"Uh... excuse me, Miss? There appears to be several blonde hairs in this bakers dozen I ordered."

[James Vivien]

2998653
Or with a Cheeto

[Mrnoodlezz]

“What the hell happened to her mane? It’s… straight.”

FUCK!

[BenRG]

Oops! Anyone for Blueblood cupcakes?

[HIEfan]

“Call her something like that again and I’ll kick your teeth so far down your throat that you’ll need to stick a toothbrush up your ass to brush 'em.”
That line was just beyond epic! Nopony/body messes with Pinkie!!!!!!!!

[Klakmuf]

at last a new chapter ! and a BIG one

[ssokolow]

3000182

Thanks. That's actually the exact video I was talking about. I'd have embedded it myself but I couldn't remember what it was called and it didn't show up in any of the searched I tried.

[Sonson-Sensei]

2997356 Blueblood can't catch a break, even from me. He's just too easy to make an asshat out of.

2997406 Will fix

2997585 This pleases me

2997612 She won't be baking Bluebloods innards, I can say that much.

2997668 Yep too bad he has that voice of reason named Chris as a best friend.

2997765 I thought it would give him an interesting dynamic.

2997911 Don't worry she'll be fine.

2998444 Yes, but that would take away all of the fun of having characters at each other's throats.

2998696 Read conantheimp's comment on chapter 14, apparently this is just another junk-heap HiE, what I assume you are afraid of. So maybe you shouldn't read it. It is pretty long for something that may waste your time.

[Verequus]

Our word is comprised...

I think you mean "world" here.

... to bare such a responsibility...

"to bear"?

[Sonson-Sensei]

2998831 I'm no king, just a lowly Sensei I'm afraid.

2998839 Don't know about the gorilla strength but we can hit pretty hard I guess.

2998915 So you figured out my secret huh?

2999119 Damn I can't take credit for it, well technically I can since I wrote it but it wasn't intentional.

2999148 The dreaded cliffhanger, the bane of readers, it's not so bad being on the other side of it though.

2999197 I find it funny that I actually love Blueblood and Diamond Tiara. The more horrible they are the more I like them.

2999204 Good day for me too, a couple of my own favorites got updated.

2999283 Yours truly.

[Zervziel]

2999119 Your avatar was perfect for that.