• Published 3rd Jun 2015
  • 290 Views, 0 Comments

Dr. Bobtail - DarkStarWolf53

Bobtail is a terrible psychiatrist, and his patients are even worse. Here's to hoping he has good insurance. He'll need it. And maybe a therapist too... (Tie-in to the AviaVerse stories).

  • ...


Before Bobtail makes it home, a shadowy shape appears and blocks his way. When he tries to go around, something sharp slices into his leg.

"Wat's going on?! Who are you?!"

The only answer is creepy echoing laughter.

The unicorn looks around wildly for whatever is cackling, and sees nothing, though the laughter grows louder and more eerie. So he does what any sane pony would do. He runs away screaming in terror, heading into the forest.

Something pounces on him and knocks him to the ground. Sharp teeth sink into him and he screams, only to have a vine tie his muzzle shut. He looks around in terror, having no idea what is going on.

"You have something I want, pony."


A sharp claw slashes the vine off Bobtail's muzzle, but his legs are bound.

"Who? What? Why?"

"So many questions. But you already know who I am."

The shadows fall away, revealing...

"D-D-Discord! Wh-what do you want?! And why didn't I recognize your voice?"

"You didn't recognize me because I didn't want you to. As to what I want, information."

"Information on what?"

"The bat pony you were speaking to. I know her."

"Oh? How?"

"She is one of the few bat ponies that I haven't set my demons after."

"Demons. Ok then."

"But of course. Surely you aren't surprised that I, as the Chaos Demon, have lesser demons that serve me."

"Nope. Not at all surprised by that. I just don't get why you hate bat ponies so much."

"Their sonic cries disrupt my magic and hurt my ears."

"And you can't just avoid them why?"

"Do you expect logic from me?!"

"Nope. But I suppose I should be glad you aren't killing foals-"

"Oh, I still plan to kill her. Foals have the tenderest meat. But I like to take care of them myself."

"You are messed up."

"Uh, hello? Demon here."

"I know. Still haven't told me what exactly it is you want though. You said information on the bat pony I had a session with. But not what information exactly."

"Don't get smart."

"But I am smart. Psychiatrist, hello!"

"You are really a stupid pony aren't you?"

"I just answered you. I'm no fool."

"You are acting snarky toward me! A demon who could kill you with one swipe of his claws."

"Your point?"

"That is not a sign of wisdom."

"Well, if a lot of folk try to kill you or attack you, you end up just being mildly annoyed, according to some of my patients. Anyway, enough on that. What is the information you want?"

"I know that foal sees the crazy pinto that always starts fights with me as a hero. And if that bat pony knows where she lives, I can kill that pinto while she's sleeping. She's been quite a thorn in my side, and if I can just get rid of her, I'll be free to cause as much death and destruction as I want."

"What makes you think I know anything, devil?"

"You were talking to her. She's not very subtle, that foal."

"Be that as it may, even if I did know anything, I am under oath to keep my patients' information strictly confidential."

"Perhaps I can change your mind."

"How? Money won't sway me."

"What about death, hmm?"

"I beg pardon?"

"If you don't tell me what I want to know, I might just slaughter you. Since you are a draft-type, there is a lot of meat on you, and I am a carnivore."

Bobtail smirks.

"Kill me and you won't learn what you want to know. You lose either way."


"I'm not telling you anything. And if I'm dead, you still won't learn anything about what you want to know."

"True. Still, I might-"

"Sorry Dissy, you aren't getting anything from me."

"Do NOT call me that! EVER!!"

"Oh, and why do you have a problem with it?"

"If you plan to psychoanalyze me, you will simply go mad."

"Huh. I may be half-mad already. Give me your best shot!"

"No, I'm not going to waste my time with that. Not with someone who will soon be my next meal."

Oh dear, thinks Bobtail, Maybe I should have left well enough alone.

Discord flicks out his sharp claws, holding his talons at Bobtail's throat.

"Any last words?"

"Yes. Go to Tartarus, you pony-bucker!"

"Not exactly the proper response, but I'll take it." The draconequus presses his claws against his prey.

Bobtail shuts his eyes.

Oh Celestia, please let it be over quickly...

(Meanwhile in Bobtail's home)
Sagebreeze is meditating in the living room when he senses something is amiss.

Something's not right, that smell in the air- I need to find Bobtail now!

The earth stallion leaps from his seat and runs outside, following the odd scent. When the trail stops, he finds himself looking at a terrifying sight. His husband is bound tightly with vines, Discord about to cut his throat.


The vine markings on Sagebreeze start to glow with soft green light, as do his eyes, and suddenly every plant in the forest comes to life and attacks Discord.

The draconequus was clearly not expecting this.

"Huh? What-"

A very large branch lands on Discord's head, knocking him out.

Sagebreeze rushes over to his husband.

"Bobtail! Bobtail, wake up!"

"Huh..? Is it over..?"

"Yes, but not in the way you think. Let me get those Chaos Vines off you!"

The earth pony uses his strong teeth to tear through the vines.

"Thank you... but, uh, how did you know where I was?"

"I sensed something wasn't right, then just followed Discord's scent."

"Oh yeah, forgot you're half-deer. Is that how you controlled the plants too?"

"Yes. But come on, let's go home. We'll wade through the stream so Discord can't track us as easily. But first, let me bandage your injuries."


Sagebreeze treats his husband's wounds, then they start traveling in the stream.

Once the two stallions get home, Bobtail collapses on the bed, exhausted.

"I'm glad you aren't too badly injured." says Sagebreeze, laying next to the unicorn.

"Mainly my pride is hurt."

"What happened?"

"I got lectured by an angry bat pony filly. Then Discord attacked me and tried to make me tell him everything that was said. I didn't because of oath, but he tried to kill me. Oh, Sagebreeze, how long til we can move away?"

"We still need more money..."

"I know... I wish it wasn't so expensive to travel..."

Sagebreeze scoots closer to his husband.

"Yeah... but let's not worry about it tonight." He puts his foreleg around Bobtail, who visibly relaxes.

Author's Note:

Moral of this chapter: It can be pretty unwise to antagonize or act snarky toward someone who wants to kill you.

As to the part with Sagebreeze sensing Bobtail's distress: he's part deer, and in the AviaVerse, the deer are similar to the elves of LOTR- that is, very in tune with nature and their environment with strong nature-oriented magic, and know when something is wrong with not only their homeland but with those they have a strong emotional bond toward.

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