• Published 3rd Jun 2015
  • 290 Views, 0 Comments

Dr. Bobtail - DarkStarWolf53

Bobtail is a terrible psychiatrist, and his patients are even worse. Here's to hoping he has good insurance. He'll need it. And maybe a therapist too... (Tie-in to the AviaVerse stories).

  • ...


"Good evening, Miss Noctis," says Bobtail as he settles down. "I'm sorry I was late for your appointment. Something came up."

"You mean you ran away screaming again?"

"What? No! Why in Equestria would I do that?"

"Because that's what you did the first time you saw me."

"Er, I didn't expect your presence at the time. As I recall, you were hanging upside down from my ceiling, which is a tad unsettling."

"But I'm a bat pony!"

"I know, I know. It was just unexpected. Now then, Miss Noctis, what is troubling you?"


"Care to elaborate a bit?"

"I've had it with specieist ponies! Every time I meet another pony they run away screaming, like you-"

"You are never going to let me forget that, are you?"

"Nope. Anyway, the thing is, it's mean when the other ponies call me 'vampire' or 'demon' or 'evil' or just run away. I'm not any of those things!"

"Well, ponies can be mean."

"But they originally weren't! At least not until that demon got loose."

"Would the 'demon' you mentioned be Discord, perchance?"

"Uh huh."

"Why would the ponies change their mind when he was freed?"

"He somehow persuaded them- I guess some kind of dark magic? Something about a bat pony's sonic cry disrupting his magic..."

"I see."

"So do you know how to make the bullies back off?"

"Ignore them if you can."

"And if I can't?"

"Stand up to them. Tell them how it makes you feel."

"Can't I just kick them in the head? That would get rid of the problem, wouldn't it?"

"Violence is not the answer. It just breeds more violence."

"Running away screaming or acting like a doormat isn't either."

"Can you please drop the 'running-away-screaming' thing? I told you, I hadn't been expecting a pony to be looking down at me from the ceiling!"

"I don't think I like you very much. You're rude."

"Look, miss, I almost got killed today. I'm not exactly in the best of moods."

"Your first time nearly dying then?"


"Was it your first time someone tried to kill you?"

"Why do you ask?"

"You get used to it after a while."

"And you would know this how?"

"Do you know how many folk tried to kill me in the past week alone?"

"Uh... care to detail that..?"

"Ponies who think I'm a vampire try to stake my heart. Discord tries to kill me for food. There are hostile griffins who see me as prey. There's the scary guards that try to arrest me. There's the crime lords and bandits and all making trouble at the borders I'm supposed to help protect. Lots of creatures try to kill me. You get used to it eventually."

"You're just a foal. Why are you a border guard?"

"Because so many of the adult guards have been killed by bandits and by the demon loose and by the carnivores at the borderland, Luna and Celestia have no choice but to train the foals and bring in outside help. Personally, I just want to get away from here, as far away as I can. Surely the wilder lands are less hostile. Or even if they aren't, at least I wouldn't be forced into fighting and killing by law..."

"I understand the 'wanting to get away' part, but that is not exactly reassuring. Not for the citizens including me, not for the kingdom, not for anyone."

"You're the therapist, aren't you? Shouldn't you be the one doing the reassuring?"

"Ugh, don't remind me."

"You know, I think I really dislike you."

"Look, I've had a bad day, so I am not at my best. At all. A crazy unicorn came in and half-wrecked my office, then a demon came after me and was going to kill me for food, and that psycho unicorn started a fight in my office!"

"So who were the crazy unicorn and demon you mentioned?"

"The demon was Discord. As for the unicorn, I don't remember her name, but she was a black-and-white pinto with a long lion tail and curved horn. She looked kind of like a deer and had cloven hooves- was really violent and seemed about as wild and untamed as you can get. Had pretty obvious battle scars too- probably some kind of arena fighter."

"That sounds like Storm! How dare you call her crazy?!"

"Uhh... you are angry why...?"

"Storm is a hero. She's a warrior and protector, and bravest equine I've ever seen- how dare you insult her!"

"I had no idea! All I knew was she came in here and started a fight!"

The little bat pony is furious, and Bobtail sort of backs away. Realistically, he knows she won't attack, but she has awfully sharp teeth and hooves...

Noctis narrows her eyes and lowers her head threateningly.

"Easy, Noctis, easy. Please don't start a fight- I've had enough violence for one day..."

"You've had enough violence?! You can't even begin to comprehend what violence is! Storm risks her life every day to defend all the ponies of Equestria from Discord's fury! That's why she goads him into fighting her! And how about me? Do you even know what it's like not being sure if you will wake up in the morning, constantly being hunted, constantly afraid something will catch you and kill you? No, you don't understand. And you never will!"

Before Bobtail has a chance to defend himself, Storm stomps out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Oh wonderful, thinks Bobtail, I just got lectured by a bat pony, and practically a filly at that! Oh Celestia, if only i had the money to move away! But soon, Sagebreeze and I can move to a safe place. For now, though, I'm telling him extra cuddles tonight...

He leaves and heads home, but he never gets there...

Author's Note:

Bobtail is a terrible therapist, apparently.

As for the end of the chapter- cliffhanger endings are wonderful!

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