Dr. Bobtail

by DarkStarWolf53

Storm

Dr. Bobtail, a draft-type unicorn pony with a dark blue body and light blue mane/tail, and the Ponyville psychiatrist, is in his office reading a book. It's peaceful for once, and he doesn't have any patients until late this evening.

Ah, this is wonderful! No ponies coming to me about their problems, no one trying to kill me- today is a good day!

His good day is promptly ruined by his door crashing in and a strong-looking pinto unicorn charging into his office.

Oh Tartarus, why me?

"May I help you?"

"Sure. Duck!"

The new unicorn, apparently a mare, knocks him down and a firebolt flies above her head.

"Ok, what is going on, who is trying to kill you, and why are you in my office?!"

The pinto utterly ignores him and instead looks outside the now-broken door at something the doctor can't see.

"Missed me by a mile, beastie!"

"Rargh! I hate you!"

"I know! We've gone over this how many times? If you want me, come in here and get me!"

"There's not enough room in that building to kill you proper, pinto!"

"Exactly!"

"Sorry to interrupt," says Dr. Bobtail from the ground, "But is that Discord talking?"

"Yup!"

"And he wants you dead."

"Right again!"

"Why in Tartarus are you in here then?"

"Hasn't that question already been answered?"

"Huh?"

"Didn't you hear him? It's too small in here for him to kill me proper."

"Oh-kay..." The stallion decides to back away from this strange mare, thoroughly convinced she's insane.

"Anyway," continues the half-wild mare, "I'm just in here til I catch my breath, then Dissy and I will go back to killin' each other."

"DON'T EVER CALL ME DISSY!"

"You keep calling me 'pony' and I'm a horse. My calling you that embarrassing name is just payback."

"That does it! Room enough or no, I'm coming in to finish you off!"

"You can try!"

There's a bright flash of light, and a furious draconequus appears in the room.

Bobtail bolts and hides under his desk, while the pinto mare rears up as a challenge.

Oh Tirek, she's nuts! Picking a fight with the Chaos Demon! And in my office!! thinks the poor doctor. And all I wanted to do was catch up on my reading! By Celestia and Luna, what did I do to deserve this?!

Discord raises his claws and swipes at the tough pinto, but she manages to dodge. The couch, on the other hand, is torn open.

Gah, and that was an expensive new couch too! Oyyy, why must I suffer so?

The pinto slams her hooves in the back of Discord's legs. He staggers, but does not fall. However, this gives her time to kick the poor battered couch at the draconequus's face. Discord simply rips the furniture in half and swoops toward the mare, aiming to break her neck, while she lowers her head so her very sharp horn is aimed at the demon's throat.

At this moment, Dr. Bobtail comes out of hiding.

"Um, excuse me..."

"What do you want, pony?" snaps Discord, distracted for the moment.

Well, that sounded extremely specieist... "*Ahem* I would really appreciate it if you took this battle outside-"

Bobtail's cut off by Discord putting a claw on the pony's forehead, eyes glowing.

Uhh, why am I so sleepy all of a sudden..? Gotta stay awake though... Discord might kill me and eat me... He shuts his eyes, expecting something terrible to happen.

*CHOMP!*

Something bit... no pain though... did he just kill me so fast it didn't hurt..?

There's a cry of pain from Discord, proving the good doctor wasn't the one bitten, and the claw is withdrawn. Bobtail opens his eyes to see the draconequus covering his foreleg, blood seeping out between his claws.

Huh? Did that unicorn just BITE him?! What a barbarian! thinks Bobtail.

"I call foul on that, beastie!" snaps the pinto. "This is between you and me. Leave the outlander out of it."

"Excuse me?" snaps Bobtail, "I am not an 'outlander'! I'm a Ponyvillian, born and raised!"

"You're one of them sissy-ponies of Equestria?" asks the mare.

"I am NOT a sissy-pony!"

"But you are from Equestria."

"Yes..."

"Well, if you aren't a sissy-pony, come help me take down the devil-beast Discord!"

"I abhor physical violence!"

"What's that mean in normal talk?"

"It means I don't like fighting!"

The mare turns from him to Discord.

"You were right, beastie. These ponies here are positively helpless."

Bobtail makes an effort to maintain a civil tone, though at the moment he feels like reciting every swear word and insult he knows toward the two creatures.

"I would really appreciate it if you took this outside-"

"Shut up," snaps Discord. He snaps his claws and thorn-covered vines wrap around the draft pony, gagging and binding him.

I hate my life...

Before Bobtail can get loose, the pinto mare takes advantage of the distraction, kicking Discord in the head which stuns him, and then leaping out the window, shattering it.

Discord comes out of it after a few seconds, and takes the vines off Bobtail.

"Where did she go?"

"Out the window."

"I know that! But where from there?"

"I have no idea. Someone had me tied to the floor!"

"Watch your tone."

"Why should I?"

"Because I'm more than willing to slit your throat!"

"Please do. Reincarnation is my only hope."

Discord stares at Bobtail for several minutes, looking very confused.

"Well, demon? I'm waiting. Finish me off quick so I don't have to deal with this any more!"

"...You WANT me to kill you?"

"YES!"

"You are the first pony I've met who seems to be crazier than I am. I've seen other crazy beasts, yes, like a certain bounty hunter who I will not name, but never a crazy pony."

"Offensive much?"

"I'm a demon. Kind of comes with the territory. But I better get back to work- that mare needs to die!"

Discord leaves, returning to his hunt.

"Well buck," mutters Bobtail as he scans the shattered window, destroyed couch, and other senseless destruction. "I hope my insurance covers this..."

He hears yelling and swearing from outside very nearby, as well as some angry snarling, and completely forgets his composure. He runs out of his office screaming, not stopping until he's at his house where he promptly hides under his bed.

Author's Note:

Apparently, Storm just walks in random houses if she senses it's safe.

She is also the bounty hunter Discord mentioned.

Hopefully poor Bobtail is insured against demon attacks and bounty hunters...

Note: I still wonder how Storm would respond to an actual, competent therapist character (so NOT Bobtail) if she came in actually needing therapy and not because she wanted to stop and catch her breath (or because some villain threw her through a door or window). Would she express her emotions by busting up the office? Would she get annoyed and kick the therapist? Would she actually be somewhat calm and peaceful? (Doubtful). It would make for an interesting scene.