• Member Since 4th Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen Mar 14th, 2020

HeavyMetalKnight


T

An eastern town used to be her home... but no more. Ember has been plagued constantly by the sins of her past, and everypony no longer wants anything to do with her. Her only option was to leave her home in search of greener pastures. She had once heard of a place that would except a pony like her... Ponyville. Perhaps she'll find true redemption there? At least, that's what she hopes.

However, Ponyville reveals to be more than meets the eye. For the town has many unique ponies, dangerous creatures, and a mysterious, dark past.

And some ponies don't just want her gone... they want her dead! These ponies could never forgive her for what she did, and therefore seek retribution on her. Will she truly and wholesomely repent? Or will her past catch up to her... permanently?


Ember Gaze Cover art done by: Ryuku the Unknown

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 23 )

This story is pretty interesting so far! I'll keep track of it.

Well, I've read a story! I usually don't enjoy OC stories but what the heck! I'll keep track of it if ya keep writing.

Ember at least and gave her a smile.

That´s too much.

She had been walking for what seemed to her hours.

You are missing a "like" right after the "her". Or you could write it like this:

She had been walking for, what seemed like hours to her.

The fisherpony didn't offer anything in return--much to her relief.

I think you meant to put "want" there.


Other than that I think you slipped sometimes in the wrong time.


So on an other note. I think this story is really intriguing and well written. I hope to read some more in the near future.

Comment posted by DNA Hochburger deleted May 21st, 2015

She trotted ahead of her and picked up her pace. Ponyville is close, and she won't some snobby ruin it for her.

You are missing a word between the "won't" and the "some". For example: let.
Other than that you should decide if you want to write in the present or in the past.
Also nice chapter (it wasn't too short don't say that) keep up the good work.

6003578 Thank you for pointing that out, I will fix it. Also, I have a hard time understanding past and present tense (wait, was that what you meant? Or did you mean something else?)

The olive maned pegasus slicked his mane back before he began. "She burnt up every sandwich I made in my shop! All because I got her order wrong! An HONEST mistake!!"

It´s "A" not "An".

Everypony muttered in agreement. It was clear that this Grimwell is rather observant. His face was expressionless and his eyes looked from from one side to another. His mouth then started to form a wry smile across his face. The muttering had stopped at some point.

One of these two is too much.

Also you changed times sometimes.

Still like the story. Keep up the good work. Also: COME ON TEMPEST! Get ´em.

6197058 I managed to correct a few things. This is exactly why I need an editor.

6197105

An editor can never hurt. At least I never heard of it. Glad I could help.

6197133 The sucky part is that nobody wants to edit any of my stories. At least, correct a few things themselves.

6197144

Don´t say that. I´m sure there are plenty who would edit your stories. But I have no idea what your second sentence should mean.

6197153 I meant it as: when people are "editors" do they actually correct the author's mistakes by themselves, or do they try to explain to the author what they did wrong?

6197160

Well I think most point out the mistakes, how to write them correctly and help the author improve their writing by giving them advise.

6197180 What if the author has a hard time comprehending what the editor is explaining? (The reason I ask is because I have asperger's syndrome, and I have this issue sometimes)

6197196

Just ask your editor for clarification then. They help you because they want to help you not because they have to help you. There´s no harm in asking, right?

6197215 I've asked to edit stories before. It also bites that I don't have Google Docs. And considering the guidelines, Google Docs is highly recommended. Financially, I can't buy it.

6197224

You don´t need G-Docs. For example when I edited a story we just send it over PMs.

"EMBER!!!" The three mares screamed in unison, rushing to her side.

You said "three" mares there. So did Lacer also call out for her?

Also: Why you do this Precious Gem. WHYYYYYYYY? Nice chapter as always.

And before I forget it I also found something in chapter 2 when I looked something up:

Kiwi started laughing hard, as if what she said was hilarious. "No no no. my talent is actually pretty different!" She corrected, turning her flank towards Ember, showing her cutie mark, "I just so happen to be pretty good at chemistry--or alchemy, or whatever you call it! I can make just about any kind o' potion ya need!"

That should be written big.

She remembered reading in her bestiary, about zebras making potions and having mystical abilities. earth ponies don't have the same mystical abilities as a zebra, though.

That should be also written big.

6277653 Yes, she did. And thank you for pointing them out.
Also, this is just the sum of few characters who become main protagonists.

6197224 You don't have to buy g docs. It comes with a gmail account

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