Spring
It’s true. Sometimes a tear’ll slip out… it’s bound to happen, sometimes… but for the most part, I cry on the inside.
Pinkie knows it. Girl knows a heck of a lot about me, really. Never did figure out for sure if we were related, but she doesn’t have to convince me that there’s a connection. It’s what’s making her give me a free pass right now, and why she doesn’t just expect me to join in on the big, blubberin’ sympathy hug.
But despite all that she knows, all that she’s figured out, there’s one thing she doesn’t know about me. One thing she doesn’t see as I’m standing here at the end of the bed, watching my friends cry in huddled ball together.
It’s that, right now… I’m not crying. Not even on the inside.
I know that I’m only admitting it to myself, but I still feel bad. And I’m only giving myself a little bit of credit when I say that I did feel something at first; a little “tug at the heartstrings,” or whatever. It wasn’t like I’d never seen Rainbow Dash cry before, but definitely never like this. Never seen the girl so broken up. It took me by surprise… heck, I think it took everypony by surprise.
And it’s not like I shouldn’t know how it feels. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I cried on that day, too. Maybe even harder. Cuz you see, back then, I didn’t cry on the inside. Cuz back then, I’d never needed to learn how.
And it’s clear to me, watching Rainbow Dash writhe around on the bed with tears streaming outta her like water from a wall spigot, that she’s never had to learn, either. I can’t fault her for that… heck, I should be happy for her. I should be happy that she’s never had to learn. I should be.
But I’m not. Right now... I’m angry. And I’m ashamed of myself for it.
“But what about Applejack?” Twilight had asked. Pinkie Pie had been quick to respond, shouting it as though it had been the most obvious thing in the world.
“Applejack cries on the inside, Twilight!” she’d answered.
I’d been quick to affirm it, quick to put on the best somber expression I could. Quick to clench my teeth and bottle everything up inside.
“It’s true,” I’d said. And it wasn’t really a lie, either; I do cry on the inside. Just not right now.
It’s like what I already said before: he’ll be back in a few months, and then you’ll see him again. After all, it’s just hibernation. It is hard to say goodbye, but really, you’re just saying “see you later.” Not “goodbye.” It’s a mite different.
“Months!?” Rainbow Dash had howled. She was crying even louder than before. I still remember the look of disappointment Twilight had shot me when nopony else was looking. As if I’d said the wrong thing, or perhaps been a little too honest for my own good.
But what the hay else was I supposed to say? Tank was coming back. Rainbow Dash would see him again. What else was I supposed to say? I know that honesty can hurt, sometimes, but what’s so painful about a few months?
I wanted to say it all out loud. And if the room hadn’t been so tense, I would’ve. To Twilight, to Rainbow Dash, and to everypony. But instead, I held my hat as tightly as I held my tongue, watching my friends as they wept together.
My hoof squeezes the hat’s rim tighter. The felt wrinkles in my grip, and my jaw clenches as the crying amplifies.
“You poor thing,” Fluttershy had said before wrapping her forelegs around Rainbow. Rarity and Pinkie had been quick to join in, too. With all of the commotion, nopony hears my teeth scrape together.
You poor thing, indeed. After all, it’s so sad that you’ll get to see him again. So sad that you’ll just have to wait a few months before he’ll wake back up. So sad that you’ll have to lose so much. So sad that you’re losing your pet when you could be losing your… your…
I…
I… I know you can’t hear me, Rainbow Dash. I know that you, or anypony else, ain’t even looking at me right now, but… I’m sorry. I’m wrong, Rainbow. I’m wrong about everything.
I want to tell you to “get over it.” That you losing your pet turtle… err, tortoise for a few months ain’t a big deal. And in a way, I’d be right. But to tell the truth?
I ain’t over it, either. Well, maybe I am in the sense that I don’t think about it as much, but… it still hurts. I can be my stubborn self and deny it all I want, but I wouldn’t have thought all of those horrible things if it weren’t true.
And as I’m standing here at the end of the bed, hat held loosely in my hoof with the brim dragging over the cloud floor, a thought pops into my head. I put the hat back on.
When I left my family to work at Dodge Junction after that whole rodeo incident, I sent a letter back to Ponyville. I told ‘em I’d be back, and I meant it. I told them, “see you later,” too.
But when I stepped off that train, and set hoof onto Ponyville station… they welcomed me home with tears in their eyes, smiles on their faces, and hooves opened wide all the same. Apple Bloom, Granny Smith, Big Macintosh… and even my pet, Winona. It had only been a “see you later” then, too.
And I guess that’s how it’ll feel for you and Tank, when Spring is finally here. Sure, he’s gonna wake up, but that still don’t mean saying “see you later” doesn’t hurt, anyway.
Even if “goodbye” still hurts more.
I know your goodbye isn’t the same as mine was. After all, not many ponies have ever had goodbyes like mine. And that’s alright.
I’m happy for you. I know you’re sad right now, and that the others are sad, too… but I’m happy. I’m happy that Tank will wake up. I’m happy you’ll get to see him again.
I’m happy that, at least for you, Spring is right around the corner.
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"Well that was quick."
-Twilight after having sex with Flash
Good pov on AJs part.
th09.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2015/050/9/3/spike_rarity_splash_by_hillbe-d8iq6be.jpg
Springs around the corner,
5905544
Glad you liked it. I know it was short, but I hope it was short and sweet.
5905491
I'm just a surprised as you are that I wrote it this fast.
And eww Flashlight
Well put. Rainbow Dash doesn't have a clue about real loss. It's hard to feel sympathy for her when you've had to cope with what Applejack has.
5905568
Well, I wouldn't necessarily say that, per se. Applejack comes to the realization in this story that, even though she's had to go through much worse, that it doesn't take away the pain that Rainbow is feeling with losing Tank, even if it's only a temporary loss.
You and I don't have to worry about getting clean water every day like some people in the world do, but that doesn't mean that the pains we feel should just be dismissed because others are hurting worse. That's all.
5905568 Just because someone has it worse, doesn't make the pain of others less.
Just because others starves in poor countries, doesn't mean I can't feel hunger.
Just because others lives in war and terror, doesn't mean I can't feel fear.
That was beautiful.
5905642
Thank you. I'm glad you liked it.
Goodness, never thought of it that way.
Poor A.J., but great job, writer 
5905666
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
5905566 Well, it's not a bad story, so no problem here.
5905679
Cool beans.
thenosebleeds.nextimpulsemedia.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Right+in+the+feels+bro+_1aeada4fc67382ce179131c7182ce979.gif
Why must you do this to me? Just take my like, take it and leave me.
I really enjoyed this. And I thought it was the perfect length, showing the thoughts of a grieving pony in a simple moment. I like how AJ changed her anger to bittersweet-ness.
5905724
Thanks for reading, and I'm glad it made you feel things!
5905776
Glad I conveyed her thoughts in a concise manner. I sometimes get too long-winded with things, so I tried to do the exact opposite for this story and see how it turned out.
Thanks for reading!
Is it weird that I say tanks instead of thanks, and ive been doing that for years?
5905809
As long as I can understand you, I personally don't see a problem with it.
5905809
I do that all the time. :D
This was really good!
Oh, my goodness. She had to crawl back from the brink of giving RD the sort of refugee-in-a-war-zone speech April from For Better Or For Worse always used to get.
5905999
Thank you!
5906012
AJ's got a lot of stuff bottled up, that's for sure.
Really! Really.... Like.... a few hours... My god....
5906363
Is that a good "My God" or a bad "My God"?
I'm guessing it's good, but I don't want to assume.
5906068
An epitaph for Mr and Mrs Apple.....
Lays hat over my beating heart. In hope of rest for the noble dead....
5906383
No, I absolutely love this! It's a good My God.
Damn... just damn...
5906427
Awesome! Glad you liked it!
5906432
Happy to see this had an impact of some sort. Thanks for reading.
Pretty good, Applejack reminds me of myself, how she felt in the beginning of the story, except in a different way I suppose.
I mean people being completely distraught over breaking a leg and not being able to walk for a couple months, when I can't walk in general... tis not the same sort of thing but it's similar, I think. Not that they don't have the right to be sad but... yeah.
5905585 I loved your story, heck I got felling this what was going thorough her mind at the time. I applaud you for both adding to my head cannon and writing such a good story
5906541
I'm glad this story spoke to you in a personal way. Also glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading!
5906544
No problem! This was exactly what was going through my head when I first saw the scene, too. Probably explains how I wrote this so fast.
This is excellent. You captured the emotions perfectly and gave Applejack a depth that touched my own heartstrings. Really, this is a truly good work
5905822 5905974 YUS! MEH NAME IS GUS!
This is the first time I've actually read anything that fleshes out the hunch that AJ was orphaned. This story resonates with me, particularly the mortality aspect of it. If anyone cares to ask why, I'll say. But I'll assume they don't, and simply say "Nice job." A good story, concisely expanding on a character in a deep way.
5906614
I don't think it's good for you to denigrate yourself like that. I was in your position not too long ago, looking up to authors whom I considered better than me, and thinking to myself, "I'm no good."
But writing's a journey. I know saying this when I'm just writing fanfiction might seem a little bit melodramatic, but improving on writing really is a journey. When I look back at stuff I wrote five years ago, I cringe. But the good news is, that's to be expected with writing! As long as you're giving it your best shot along the way and trying to do better, you will improve. Writing gets better with age and with experience, but you have to put in the work.
Keep reading, take notes, and get acquainted with authors and with stories of authors your consider "better" than yourself so that you can learn things! It'll take time, but in the long run, you won't regret it. And I'm sorry to see that you feel so discouraged, too, but just remember that there are ALWAYS going to be people and authors that are better than you, no matter how good you might get at something. ESPECIALLY on this website, which has such a tremendous concentration of talented writers that it's unbelievable.
5907016
Always happy to bring the feels if I can! Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for reading.
5907030
I won't ask, but if you wish to share, that's fine! And I'm glad this resonated with you on a personal level, too. That means a lot, it really does.
Hnnngh! Y u do dis right after that episode drained me of my feels!
5907163
I did it cuz I'm a jerk lel
Glad you thought it brought the feels, and thanks for reading!
Very ... Very well done. Absolutely an amazing short. Quite frankly, this is how i was feeling when i was watching the episode.
5907196
I'm sorry, but I haven't read them.
I will probably take a look in the future, though. It seems that you want helpful feedback, and if I can give you some, then I'd like that. Don't expect it too soon, though, because I am actually kind of busy this time of year since I have finals coming up for my classes.
Anywho, thanks for reading this, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
5907227
It sure seems that I was not the only one with these exact thoughts bouncing around my head when I saw the episode. I'm really happy you liked it!
Looks like AJ is finally learning what subjective reality is.
5907415
Yeppur! It's an important discovery, that's for sure. It's something that anybody anywhere would always do good to keep in mind.
Thanks for reading, man.
5907453 no problem, I'm impressed how quickly after the episode you were able to get it out
This is what I was thinking, it's my head canon for sure; that line explained a lot about Applejack to me... assuming it wasn't just supposed to be a joke (Meh I hope not).
Also I also thought RD was kinda freaking out over nothing, but it was obvious the show wanted to discuss the five stages of grief without actually getting into the whole "death on a kids show" issue. I really loved the crying scene because I felt it showed us a lot about the characters (including Applejack as I said before).
Anyway, sorry for getting off on a tangent like that. The point of this comment was basically to tell you I liked the story. Once again this is my head canon so I'm glad to see someone write it out
5907515
I surprised myself on that one, too.
5907523
Thanks, really happy you liked it! Guess our headcanons are pretty much the same on this one.
And you, Applejack, will see your parents in the next life.
You at least kept it to yourself. I was an insensitive bastard in a situation much like this one.
Nice.
Wow...this story is really profound. I really could imagine Applejack thinking this, reflecting on the depth of her own loss that left her unable to cry for Rainbow's.
I'm going straight to the Applejack Fan Club on MLP Forums and recommending this.