After the Battle of the Bands the Dazzlings are homeless and powerless and need jobs to survive the Human world. Rated T for Language and Cleavage.
Image owned by TheRockinStallion
Chapters (1)
DragonKing
Joined 30th Jun, 2012 ·
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Pretty good. Few spelling and punctuation errors but pretty good.
Not bad. A little rushed and a few errors here and there but I really like the idea.
Fun story! I love reading stories on what happened to the dazzlings after their defeat. Somethings i'd like to point out, first being grammer and spelling. Really read through your work and make sure everything is polished and correct. Especially checking their/they're/there and your/you're.
Also you'll want to reread what you write to polish up sentences. Some examples from your story would be:
"Once we get enough money...We're getting a car after a place to live." Adagio inhaling and exhaling.
-perhaps changing it to flow a little better such as:
"Once we have a place to live, we're getting a car!" Adagio half yelled, breathing heavily.
"Yeah, I was wondering if you got anyone to hire here."
-"Yeah, i was wondering if you're hiring here."
"So what now 'great leader.'" Aria asked as Sarcastic as ever.
-"Now what?" Aria questioned sarcastically.
Also in the beginning you used present tense then switched to past tense. Usually with these stories, i recommend past tense unless you're doing the story from a point of view.
I know it's nitpicky, just something that will hopefully help you improve your writing. Hope it helped! Good story, keep up the good work!
and here's derpy for some reason
Victoria’s Secret ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)