12 - Sweet, Sweeter, Sweetest
Chapter 12: Sweet, Sweeter, Sweetest
It was only moments after leading ahead that Luna finally swung around and admitted her mistake.
“I…” she trailed off, cheeks flaming.
“Don’t know where you’re going?” Celestia finished for her. She knew Luna had the habit of dashing off faster than her common sense could keep up.
Luna hesitated, then nodded abashedly. The corridor was filled with Celestia’s lilting laughter.
Twilight, who had been trailing behind, blinked in confusion, looking back and forth between the princesses. “What? What? What did I miss?”
Luna continued to stare at Celestia, with a disturbed expression. “My sister here, doth take great amusement in my navigational error.”
Celestia expected Twilight to laugh with her, but instead the unicorn regarded her as if she were the daft one. Her laughter died out as she regarded the two.
“What is it?” she asked, turning serious. “Was it something I said?”
Luna flushed, she looked more uneasy than comforted by her easy laugh. “Sister, are you alright? Ever since you’ve been back you’ve been acting out of sorts…”
Celestia tried again. “Luna, are you worried for my health?” she asked with an impish grin. “Perhaps you think me ill?”
Luna’s eyes widened considerably and she took a step back, cringing. “O-Of course not, Princess.”
Celestia sighed. What was it about this world’s Celestia that put her sister and her student off? She knew she was a somewhat aggressive character, but to put fear into the hearts of her sister and her student? That was wrong. A frustrated ruffle of her feathers brought Celestia back to the task at hoof. “Alright,” she said reluctantly, addressing Luna. She decided to shelve the issue until they had visited the mysterious caverns below the castle. “Perhaps we should talk about it as we head to the catacombs?”
Luna eyed Celestia with a hooded gaze. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that she was still ill-at-ease. “Of course, sister.”
There was that hesitation again. Celestia drew a deep breath and braced herself, glancing back at an apprehensive Twilight. No, her sister deserved the truth, no matter how crazy it would sound to her. All she needed to do what convince her of it. Which was the hardest part.
“What has Twilight told you about where I come from?”
“Come from?” Luna queried, eyes searching. “Whatever do you mean?”
“Well, I’m not the Celestia you knew from before,” Celestia explained reluctantly. “I’m from another world.”
Luna smiled as if she weren’t sure whether Celestia was being serious. When Celestia didn’t smile back, Luna’s expression became clouded with worry.
“Surely you are not serious…?” She glanced past her to Twilight. “Are you well, sister?”
Celestia clamped down on her rising frustration. She knew this wouldn’t be easy. She sighed. Why did she think otherwise?
“Luna, I know this is difficult to swallow, but I’m telling you the truth.”
Luna didn’t look so sure. “The truth as you see it, sister. Mayhap you believe a fanciful notion conjured in your absence?” She paused, then added quietly, “Though I admit, I do like this new temperament of yours.”
Celestia shook her head. “Things just don’t add up that way. My memories are crystal-clear and I even know how I got here. Why would I make up all that?”
“I am unsure.” Luna caught her expression. “N-Nay! I don’t mean that you would do such a thing intentionally!” She sighed. “It’s that alien you were talking about, what was its name? B-Bonny?”
“Benny.” Celestia sighed. “Though his reasons for leaving me here are entirely a frustrating mystery.”
“Princess?” Twilight finally spoke up, interrupting the exchange.
“Yes, Twilight?”
“Are we here?”
Celestia stopped, realising they had come up against a wall. “What’s this?”
Twilight looked at the wall, then back at Celestia. “It’s the eastern wall to the adjunct of the Royal Chambers, Princess.”
Celestia trotted a couple of steps forward and touched the wall with her hoof. “There should be a passageway leading down to the catacombs.”
Luna raised an eyebrow. “So you say, sister.”
They probably thought she was losing her mind… well more than they thought of already.
“I don’t…” she trailed off, trying to reconcile the information that had presented itself in front of her with her memories. If this universe was different concerning her temperament, then it certainly wouldn’t hold any reservations about physical locations. Celestia laid her head on the stone, feeling the heat of her forehead warm underneath. The stone was icy cold, but it felt good. She felt as brittle as ice, and afraid she would shatter with a mere touch.
Neither Twilight nor Luna said anything, they simply watched a sister, a mentor, a ruler, look heartbreakingly forlorn in a wilderness made of the familiar. Celestia felt two hooves, one on each shoulder, laid gingerly in comfort. Eyes widening and fearing to test her breath, Celestia turned around. She saw the sympathetic expressions etched deep in their features. If the Celestia of this world cared for her subjects at all, then these two would not share such a tender look.
Deep down, Celestia knew that they thought she was this universe’s Celestia, so, in a way, their care simply stemmed from the love they felt for that version of her, not for herself now. Though she thought the realisation would make her feel more disconnected, it somehow brought her closer. It seemed they both worried for her, even if they went about it differently. Even as, quite frankly, Celestia found her counterpart’s suggested personality and choices distasteful.
The feeling was surreal, like she had been touched through the stalwart walls of reality to experience something old, yet new. It was a shivering sensation conveyed by a dream constructed of her sordid ‘what ifs’ pieced together from the back of her waking mind into a startling new cognisance. A new awareness that swept her off her hooves in startling comprehension.
They were the same. Different, but the same.
“Sister?”
Celestia shook herself out of her momentary fugue. She blinked at Luna, seeing for once, a sister, not a stranger.
“Ahem, well, yes. There wasn’t a wall here before.”
Twilight’s eyebrow twitched, but otherwise didn’t comment on her strange choice of words.
Celestia gave them a warm smile. “Well Twilight, Luna, I think there is work to be done, don’t you agree.”
The mood lightened from cautious confusion to prudent optimism.
“That sounds like the sister we know,” Luna replied slowly. “Have you come to your senses?” She shot a hoof to her mouth. “If you don’t mind me saying so, sister.”
Celestia rolled her eyes. “I haven’t lost anything,” she muttered, then continued in a louder voice, “but if I know anything about myself it’s that my duty to Equestria comes first.” Twilight and Luna were now both smiling, nodding along.
“It is great to see that you are truly yourself, sister,” Luna commented.
Twilight nodded with a grin.
“First, I need a report,” Celestia commanded.
Twilight and Luna jolted forwards, then froze, turning back.
“A report?” Twilight asked.
Celestia could help but smile at Twilight’s confused tone. “Yes, Twilight, a report. I need documentation of everything in my absence.”
“N-No need for that, Princess,” Twilight said quickly. “I’ve dealt with all the work required.”
“Now, now, Twilight, what kind of ruler would I be if I weren’t appraised of civil affairs?”
When Twilight could only work her jaw open and closed, Luna jumped in.
“It is simply… unusual for you to take an interest in such things,” Luna stressed meaningfully.
The hint of confused exasperation was not lost on Celestia. “Hmm? A ruler rules, do they not?”
“Y-Yes,” Twilight stammered, “but—”
“And a government governs, do they not?”
“Yes, but—”
A playful grin lit up Celestia’s features. “The first step to managing a nation is to look at the paperwork.”
“But you hate paperwork!”
Celestia merely smiled in reply.
Luna turned to Twilight, her expression grave. “Twilight, this must be serious, sister does not do paperwork.”
“That’s insulting,” Celestia interjected wryly. “I’m rather good at it.”
“’Tis not the matter of proficiency that we are concerned about, sister,” Luna remarked gravely. Luna looked like she was on the verge of panic. “Sister, you do not do paperwork.”
Twilight found it hard to meet her gaze. “Princess, it’s best if you left it to me.”
Celestia snorted. “Luna, are you denying me my request?”
Luna looked taken aback. “W-Well no, sister, mayhap you could consider—”
“Then let me do some paperwork,” Celestia interrupted, ire underscoring her statement.
Neither Luna nor Twilight looked liked they were inclined to agree with her. They looked like a kettle near boiling, filled to the brim with a thousand arguments. Luna looked especially flustered, but she sullenly held her tongue.
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Is there something I should know about paperwork?”
Twilight shifted, looking like she wanted to be anywhere but under her stern gaze. “You… don’t remember?”
Celestia sighed impatiently. “Remember what?”
Luna and Twilight shared a glance.
“Remember what?” she repeated.
“Uh…” Luna trailed off. “You know…”
Luna and Twilight shared another look.
“What?” Celestia pressed, her patience hanging by a thread.
Luna bit her lip. “She doesn’t know. It would be a good idea to perhaps…”
Twilight shrank under Celestia’s intense gaze. “You set the table on fire!”
Celestia could feel her mouth falling open like a trapdoor. “What?”
“You crushed the desk!” Twilight squeaked. The unicorn flushed an interesting shade of red, looking like she’d slathered herself with honey and plopped herself in front of a bugbear.
“The drapes,” Luna added wryly. “Then the chandelier. Several ponies left the throne room without their hair.”
“Once the secretary retired, I took his place,” Twilight explained, shrugging self-consciously. “You appointed me with managing all the documents.”
Celestia eyes flickered between them. Even though the other Celestia sounded like she was a mare of action, she couldn’t be that incompetent.
“I’m quite good at paperwork—” Celestia began, but Luna headed her off.
“Yes, yes, sister, you are quite skilled.” Luna took a deep breath, seem to come to a decision and then ploughed on. “Paperwork tends to attract your ire.” Luna gave her a weak smile. “Let us handle it, please?”
Celestia set her jaw, giving Luna a look of grim determination. “No, I have a duty to look over the affairs of my subjects, whether they be in pony or in writing.”
“Yes, but—”
Celestia raised a hoof. “I insist.”
Luna fell silent. “As you wish,” she finally sighed. She turned to Twilight and leaned in. “Make sure you get the fire extinguisher.”
The words were spoken low in a whisper, but Celestia pretended not to hear.
————————
Celestia’s hoof crashed through the desk, breaking the seventh one that day.
“Apologies,” she said automatically, then went back to reviewing another scroll.
Twilight sighed shifting her wings in discomfort, but didn’t comment on the desk. She thought about getting a metal desk, but the other Celestia seemed to find tougher materials a challenge rather than a countermeasure. Twilight wryly considered that getting a better desk would only end up with an escalation of force.
“Princess…”
“Yes?” Celestia snapped impatiently. She took a deep breath at Twilight’s look, then spoke in a softer tone. “Yes, what is it?”
Twilight cleared her throat. “I’ve finished with the preparations.”
Celestia straightened, putting aside the scrolls and trotting over to the centre of the inscribed lines, symbols and patterns laboriously drawn on the floor. Her gaze swept critically over them, her expression neutral. Unexpectedly, it broke into a pleased smile.
“Are you sure you would not like to come back with me? This is all impressive work. There could be some potential for you to join the ranks of the Equestrian Empire.”
“Empire?” Twilight blurted out.
Celestia seemed lost in her thoughts, and didn’t seem to hear Twilight’s question. “Hmm, I see the supporting structure links to this, quite innovative…” She glanced up at Twilight looking more like she was eyeing a meal rather than a pony. “Yes, perhaps I should bring you back with me.”
Twilight chuckled, but stopped halfway when Celestia didn’t join her. She realised it wasn’t a joke. She lifted her chin. “I’m sorry, Princess, I’ll have to decline.”
Celestia lifted an eyebrow. “You would deny me? Me of all ponies?”
Twilight bit her lip but restrained herself from taking a step back. “With all due respect,” she replied steadily. “Even if I devised a way to follow you, I wouldn’t abandon my friends, my family, my responsibilities here.”
Twilight cringed, expecting a scathing response, but when she received none, she carefully cracked open an eye to find the other Celestia smiling. It wasn’t a kind, inclusive smile like she knew from their own Celestia. Prideful arrogance shone through instead, but somehow it had this underlying warmth that felt familiar.
“Hmm… I approve. Even though it became more unlikely, your loyalty is a quality that makes you more attractive.” Celestia licked her lips and watched Twilight squirm for a few moments more before she flicked a hoof in dismissal. She returned her attention to the pattern on the ground, scanning the structure.
“Never mind,” Celestia murmured. “I always get what I desire.” She fixed Twilight with an uncomfortable stare. “And what I desire are the most powerful ponies around me.”
Desperate to change the subject, Twilight nodded to the pile of discarded desks in the corner of the room. “In any case, you seemed frustrated by the paperwork—” she caught Celestia’s suddenly smouldering look “—if you don’t mind me saying so, Princess.”
Celestia glanced back at the desks with a ferocious scowl. “Ah,” she growled ominously. “It may come as a surprise to you, but I despise paperwork.”
Twilight took in the shattered remains of the poor writing desks and pursed her lips.
It goes a little beyond that, she thought wryly, but didn’t say it out loud.
————————
“This is horrible!”
Twilight and Luna were in the corner of the room, looking like they wanted to bolt straight out of the room, though Celestia suspected for vastly different reasons.
“Which pony instigated this?!” Celestia demanded, smacking the parchment on her desk.
Twilight sought Luna’s help with wide eyes. Luna shook her head frantically and shrunk back further into the corner.
“I told you,” Luna mumbled more to herself than to anypony else, “we are in dire straits indeed.”
Twilight glared at Luna. “This was your idea as much as mine!”
Celestia eyed them both. “Oh come now, I’m not that angry.”
“She hasn’t destroyed the desk yet,” Twilight admitted.
“But she does look aggravated,” Luna pointed out. “It may pay to be cautious.”
Twilight conceded the point with a careful nod. They both stayed where they were.
“You’re overreacting. I’m telling you, I’m not the Celestia you know.” She huffed. “I can get frustrated with paperwork.”
“The desk is still intact,” Twilight repeated cautiously, eyeing her mentor through her periphery.
Celestia frowned at Twilight’s statement. Though the content of their speech might be amusing to an outside context, their serious demeanour during the exchange put a damper on her tolerance. She shot a look at Luna, but her sister seemed to find the corner wall the most interesting part of the room.
According to Twilight, before they had entered, the room had been prepared specifically for the purpose of Celestia’s paperwork. Celestia suspected that the vast spacing of the room was to accommodate her counterpart’s flair for the dramatic. In the centre of the hall was a singular desk standing alone with paper and parchment stacked neatly on the surface.
“What’s this about desks?” Celestia gave Twilight a look that told her she would broker no evasive answers.
Twilight hesitated, then started to raise her hoof.
Quickly, Luna grabbed it, stopping it midway. “What are you doing?” She hissed in a voice that was obviously meant for Twilight alone.
Celestia rolled her eyes, her sister had never been great at controlling her volume.
Twilight glanced back at Celestia and mumbled something back to Luna.
“Do you think that could trigger an episode?” Luna shot back.
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Episode?” she spoke in a clear voice.
Twilight and Luna flinched and turned back to Celestia looking like a pair of foals caught with their hooves in the cookie jar. Unable to maintain her frustrated ire, Celestia simply pursed her lips instead of betraying her amusement at their foalish expressions.
As Celestia had expected, Twilight snapped under the pressure of her stoic scrutiny first. With a bitten lip and mournful expression, Twilight pointed past the alicorn. Luna sighed as Celestia looked back behind her and realised that there was a side door recessed into the wall on the other end of the room.
Celestia raised an eyebrow in askance, but when she received no further explanation, she got up from the desk and made her way across the room. Apart from a large set of double doors at one end, there was a side door recessed into the wall that Celestia only noticed when Twilight had belatedly indicated its existence.
As a private aside, Celestia did feel like their double-standard for familiarity and caution was a little wearing. In the space of a few moments, Luna and Twilight had whiplashed between critical and assertive to doubtful and submissive. She supposed that the pair was unsure how to feel themselves. They probably viewed her as still ‘ill’ with her apparently sudden change of habits and seemingly convoluted story.
It wasn’t that convoluted, she thought bitterly, stranger things have happened in Equestria.
Celestia could feel her lip pull down in a disapproving slash downwards. She reined it in slightly, if only to stop herself from slipping into bad habits. It wouldn’t do to come back to her own version of Equestria with this Celestia’s foul personality. Shaking her head free of dark ruminations, the alicorn stood before the door and wondered what was on the other side. Weapons of war? Hideous secrets that couldn’t be shown publicly lest the populace lose trust in the Princesses? Celestia chuckled to herself, flinging the door open.
Shocked silence continued for three full breaths.
“That’s… quite impressive,” Celestia finally managed to get out. “In a strange sort of way.”
Luna cleared her throat. “Do you understand our… reticence, dear sister?”
Celestia could only shake her head. It was mostly in confusion, though there was a touch of anger.
“I mean, it’s not that bad,” Twilight assured Celestia, edging her way closer as a pony would to a bear on fire. Twilight looked like she was trying to calm her down, but it wasn’t working, this was beyond a travesty.
Celestia pointed to the wreckage beyond the door. “There has got to be thirty or forty desks in there!”
Twilight shrugged self-consciously. “Actually, Princess, it’s more like over a hundred.” She shrunk back as Celestia’s eyes went from dim embers to vivid bonfires.
“What in Equestria? How can one pony produce so much destruction?! Unthinkable!”
Luna blinked. “Sister?”
“A single desk like that is worth hundreds of bits!” Celestia trotted forward and picked up a chunk of wood. “That’s oak! The finish is made by master craftspony! Look at this lining.” She gestured with the piece of wood to the rest of the desks. “These are high quality desks, what would possess a pony to do this to a poor desk?!”
Twilight looked like she had a hard time deciding how to react to the turn of events.
“Princess?”
Celestia was peering intensely at the scrap of wood, turning it this way and that with her magic. Unbeknownst to Twilight, Celestia was trying to find a way to magically reassemble the poor remnants of a writing desk. “Hmm…?”
Twilight leaned forward slightly. “...Is that all?”
Celestia looked up from the debris and tossed it back onto the pile with a sigh. “I know, it’s a tragedy, but I wouldn’t be able to restore any of these.”
Twilight shared a look with Luna, who had somehow made it across the room and was hiding behind the desk. She gingerly stepped away from it and gave her sister a sheepish glance.
“What’s going on?” Celestia asked impatiently, feeling like this time would not be the last time she would be asking this question.
“Well, you have to understand…” Twilight trailed off as Luna shook her head frantically.
“Luna?” Celestia’s voice carried a edge to it, and Luna flinched as if she was cut.
“Sister…” Luna began reluctantly, then hurried on when Celestia’s gaze darkened. “We were worried that you would… Mayhap some circumstance around which that being influenced by such triggers…”
Celestia turned her attention to Twilight.
“We thought you might tear up the place when you saw the shattered desks. You didn’t like it when you were reminded of paperwork, so you had even the desks cleared from the room.” Twilight smiled weakly. “After a while all the debris had to be cleared anyway, because it was getting hard to make our way to the centre.”
“This is madness,” Celestia whispered. “Who ordered this.”
Twilight didn’t say anything.
“You were going to say I did, weren’t you?” Celestia stated more than asked.
Twilight flushed and looked away, unable to meet Celestia’s gaze.
Celestia sighed. “Would you remind me why I hate paperwork so much?”
Twilight blinked at her. “You always thought it pointless. You once told me that actions accomplish more than words ever could. Words belong in the annals of history, not in the action of the present.”
Celestia took in Twilight’s words, mulling the statement over in her head.
Twilight continued, taking the silence as permission to continue. “If you don’t mind me saying so, but although I do handle most of the paperwork, I do find some of them tedious when something has to be done.”
Celestia nodded slowly. “I see what you mean, Twilight, but I don’t believe that should be taken to such extremes. Paperwork is necessary and written accountability is essential for the Courts.”
Twilight looked like she wanted to agree but said nothing.
Luna trotted over, joining them. “That would not be what you would have conveyed to us a decade in passing, sister.”
Celestia rolled her eyes. “I told you, I’m from a different universe!”
Luna’s wary skepticism flooded her features. “So you say, sister. You may not be in the right mind to accept reality as it is.”
Celestia took a calming breath. “Luna, I know it may be hard for you to believe, but I think your desire to reunite with your family is overwhelming your ability to listen to what I’m saying.” She stopped when she saw Luna look away.
“That’s not true,” Luna muttered. “I truly believe that you’re not yourself.”
“For good reason,” Celestia replied firmly. “There should be a way to tell. A way to prove it.”
“What way?” Twilight asked, speaking up in the uncomfortable silence that followed. She flushed as both alicorns looked at her. “I-I mean surely even if you say you are different, there’s no way to tell physically if you are different.” Twilight shrugged. “It’s only logical to assume that a simpler mechanism can explain your personality change. It could be psychological trauma, amnesia, an enlightenment on your journey…”
Twilight shook her head sadly. “If there’s no testable hypothesis, then the conjecture is merely that.”
Celestia found herself both proud and annoyed at her former student. Though she had to remind herself that in this universe, this Twilight was her current student, so she supposed she should be even more proud. Maybe. Still, it was frustrating to know the truth, but be unable to convince what should be her closest confidants.
“There must be a way,” Celestia muttered to herself. Then a switch clicked in her mind. When in doubt, research it out.
“Follow me,” Celestia announced with a smile.
Luna sported a frown. “Where are we going?”
Celestia grinned. “To the library, of course.”
Twilight perked up, but Celestia could see her visibly push down on her enthusiasm. “But Princess, what about… the uhm… paperwork?”
Celestia glanced back, having forgotten they were even there. She flicked her tail dismissively. “Oh that? I finished that some time ago, I just liked to re-read some of the reports and vent a little.”
Twilight stopped dead in her tracks as her jaw flopped open.
“W-What?!” she squeaked. “Over seven hundred reports in half an hour?”
Celestia tapped her horn. “Multi-focus. It allows you to read several reports at the same time. You also learn to filter the important information quickly from experience.” Celestia let out an annoyed titter. “Though I also rewrote a few tax reforms, what a mess! Who was responsible for that?”
Luna cleared her throat. “That would be you, sister.”
Even though she knew it was her alternative-self’s fault, she felt a prick of guilt as if it were her failing.
“Oh.”
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Well, for once, I completely sympathize with Assholestia there.
My guess as to why Luna and Twilight don't believe Celestia is that it's too good to be true, to not have assholelestia bearing down on them as some called her.
Hallelujah! It's alive!
Odd but interesting. XD
Alternate Celestia is a barbarian
That Angrylestia treat her family like a sh*t. Now i understand Benny reaction.
Yay! Another chapter!! And I can honestly say that this what whole-heartedly amusing. Great job!
Well this is fun. I really love the fake out here with the title and opening chapters. Really seems like it's going to be a simple humorous "Celestia takes a vacation" fic then it goes here so very quickly.
I have to admit, this world, despite similar characters, seems remarkably different, and an earlier scene where Celestia raises the sun even when it's not needed has got me curious. Was the sun already being raised by another being? Did it even need to be raised? Is magic in this world inherently weaker than canon Equestria, or could it be that the rougher, more brute force method of Alt. Celestia's rule led to less advancements in the understanding of magic, thereby leaving pony kind's understanding of magic more primitive. Would definitely explain why everyone was so surprised by Celestia's teleport and extensive magic that not even Luna could manage.
Still, overall this is very interesting and I'd love to see more of this.
*prod, prod, prod*
That help any
?
I get the feeling there will be an epic fight between Calm Tia and Aggro Tia.
let destruction rain.
I'll give you some prods.
If that's what you want...
That's not what I meant, get your mind out of the gutter.
orig00.deviantart.net/69e8/f/2011/259/8/c/poke_poke_poke_by_fairygodflea-d49zh1w.png
what a jumble. perhaps they're switched to learn something about themselves? a journey of enlightenment?
orig00.deviantart.net/69e8/f/2011/259/8/c/poke_poke_poke_by_fairygodflea-d49zh1w.png
7064206 Fiiiiiiiine, just give me a few days at least! D: But thank you anyway :D
7064264
*poke, poke, poke*
Any news on the next update?
This is actually very good. I thought it would just be frustrating at first but it has turned out to be very well written and gone onto a path I was definitely not expecting. Kudos.
7139986 My keyboard broke, but it's fixed now and after I've dealt with the screams of real life, there will be an update :D
7141842 Glad to see that you're still okay.
Just read this latest chapter yesterday since updates tend to not get notifications in my stream and I was paging through my tracking library for new updates.
Best of luck on your current troubles!
7141938 Haha thanks, that's very sweet of you :)
I'm back.orig00.deviantart.net/69e8/f/2011/259/8/c/poke_poke_poke_by_fairygodflea-d49zh1w.png
(That's four weeks later)
7157718 Sorry! My keyboard broke recently, but now that it's good... I can start typing again. Sorry for the delay, I really don't mean hold up updates.
7157742 Hm! What a suspicious coincidence! But I don't mind. I have no time to read fanfic right now, I've got AP tests in a week. But rest assured, I'll be back in two weeks to poke you again. And/or read the next chapter.