• Member Since 29th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen Mar 29th, 2016

ColdWarBrony


I was born in a town called Waterbury in the state of Connecticut. Since then, I've lived in Iowa, Minnesota, Illinois, Colorado, and now California! I've been a Brony for just over 1 year now.

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Violet Swing is the single mother of a young foal in North East Equestria. When the Zebras launch their megaspells at Equestria, the country is turned into an irradiated wasteland full of dangerous creatures and desperate ponies who won't hesitate to kill others. In this new reality, Violet struggles to protect her foal, meeting some friends along the way as well.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 17 )

I really like this, because unlike Fallout:Equestria, we get to see the beginning of the end. Personally, I want to see this mother kick flank to protect her colt. And maybe see the colt grow into somepony amazing.

5905415 All will be revealed in good time. ;) I have chapter two in the works right now, and hopefully we'll get to see more of them soon!

5915258 Currently working on cover arts as well. (Hey, I need SOMETHING to do in Math class XD)

Well this is... odd. I'm interested. I'll read this as soon as I have time. Very interesting.

I have to say. That first part was really powerful.

Just keep the ball rolling and keep writting.

:ajsmug:

5940002 Thanks. :heart: The first part was written late at night when I was very tired, and I got a bit emotional writing it myself. XD

However, I don't think that the rest of the story was crafted with the same degree of "emotion" as the first 'scene.' I also don't feel as if I did a great job on the characters. Sure, it was a good IDEA (plot wise), but I don't think the characters are very believable or unique.

Due to this fact, and also a lack of proper planning and character development, I will be creating a NEW story. (just as soon as I figure out what the plot and characters will be.)

A very powerful story indeed so far. I'll be tracking this :pinkiehappy:
So far, you're A-OK with characters, spelling, punctuation and grammer. Having a story occurring on Judgement Day is actually a rare sight thus far. I'm looking forward to reading what you do with these ideas.

5946673 Thank you for the encouraging words. However, I'm taking a break from this story (for now at least) to work on a new idea of mine. The new story will hopefully be even better than this one, as I'm doing lots of pre-planning. In this one, I pretty much made it up as I went along.

Well written, can't wait to read more of this. Each character has his/her own definable personality and you are very keen on the descriptions without going too far off of your main focus. Keep it up pal!

6046395
Wait till you read the one I'm working on now ^^. Expect the first chapter..... Sometime soon! Maybe this month, maybe next. But over the summer, I plan to write MOST, if not ALL of it.

Well, I can say I have seen much worse FoE fics out there. Having said that, it's not that special either. The story has a good premise, but I feel is executed quite weakly. While I cannot say for certain, seeing as we're only 2 chapters in, it seems to advance rather quickly. This can be a major downside if you don't draw in readers with the initial sucker punch, per se.

In terms of technical issues, the second chapter started out fine, and then halfway through you decide to skip most of the line breaks. Line breaks just make it easier to read. Considering the rest of the story has proper lines, I have no idea why you did this.
On another note, there are far too many periods. The ellipsis is not really used that way, rather it is used in a place where you omit words, instead of just creating a semi-pause. It also feels really awkward to have that many, and makes everyone seem really really emo. Yes, the world ended, but you really don't need a dramatic pause after a question mark. :raritywink: Rather, you would convey the feelings through how the character is saying the sentence with a modifier, i.e 'she exclaimed solemnly'.
One last thing, I believe a song was supposed to be there, but the massive absence of text in the middle of chapter 2 should really be corrected.

So, review done. To answer your blog's question, you could continue and the current fanbase would probably read it, but editing the whole thing over with an editor (or a couple) would really help if you were to continue this.

6667600
Thank you for the advice. I do plan on continuing this story as soon as possible. I feel like I've improved slightly, and so chapter 3 should be much better. I'll look over the chapters I've got though. Do you reccomend I rewrite the whole thing from the beginning, or should I correct the small errors and leave it as is?

6839200 Re-writing something is almost never necessary, unless you have plot holes that need fixing to warrant the dramatic change. That being said, you can definitely add to the story in places rather than purely doing a overhaul of the technical stuff.

6839214
Any advice on where to start? I feel like if I need to change something a lot, it should be the first chapter. (first impressions, donchya know.)

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