• Published 25th Apr 2015
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Vinyl and Octavia Break The Timestream - DoctorSpectrum



After a spell goes awry, Vinyl and Octavia find themselves jumping through random time periods in Equestria. Will they ever get home?

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Chapter Four: Time for a Drink

“Excited random exclamation!” exclaimed Vinyl excitedly.

“Serious reply,” replied Octavia seriously.

“Heh. I love you, Octavia,” said Vinyl. “And I think that I like the look of this time period we’ve ended up in! It’s all…sepia-y!”

The two ponies had just arrived in another time period after Vinyl had cast the time travel spell, nearly a week since the assassination attempts. From the looks of things, they had appeared in a small city with cobblestone roads. All around them, the ponies – who for the most part had failed to react to two ponies appearing out of nowhere in a flash of light – were wearing somewhat fancy clothes; suits and elaborate dresses and the like.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but it certainly looks more modern than last time,” said Octavia, looking around appreciably. “When do you think this is?”

“Three o’clock in the afternoon,” said Vinyl, pointing to a nearby clock.

“…I meant which time period do you think this is?” Octavia asked, deadpan.

“I dunno,” said Vinyl. “Sometime fancy? When’s the fanciest time period that you can think of?”

Octavia shrugged. “I suppose it doesn’t matter either way. Luckily you weren’t drunk when you cast the spell this time, so we don’t have to stay here for as long – what shall we do to kill a few hours?”

“Go exploring, I guess?” Vinyl said. “I’m sure I sorta recognise this period, but I can’t quite put my hoof on when it is…Anyway, the way I see it, we keep exploring around the place until we find a bar, then settle down there until my magical energies are replenished!”

Octavia grimaced. “We spend several weeks in that Celestia-forsaken medieval period because you were silly enough to get drunk before casting a magic-intensive spell, and then your first instinct upon arriving in a new time period is to get drunk before casting a magic-intensive spell?”

Vinyl grinned in response. “I’m one of a kind, baby! Also, I’m never said I’d get drunk – I figure that while we’re in such a fancy period, we can have a nice drink and a meal - just the two of us - while we’ve got the chance.”

“Honestly?” Octavia asked, her expression softening. Vinyl nodded enthusiastically. “That’s – that’s very thoughtful of you. I like this idea! We can go along the streets of this city until we find a nice restaurant –”

“Pub,” corrected Vinyl.

“…Well, I suppose I can’t win them all,” said Octavia, smiling. “Shall we, then?”

Walking down the streets, the two ponies soon discovered through signs that the city they were in was Canterlot, many years before they knew it. There were small fillies and colts playing baseball in the streets, many ponies were openly smoking, and the prices were much cheaper than what Vinyl and Octavia were used to – one sign advertised a three course meal for only two bits.

The biggest change, however, wasn’t the attitudes of ponies, the dress codes, or the prices. They were part of it, yes, but the whole thing was greater than the sum of its parts. The city simply…felt different. It wasn’t just the simpler architecture which led to it, it was the emotion expressed through that architecture, reflected by its people. And that emotion was apparent to Vinyl and Octavia after just a few minutes – bleakness. Hopelessness. The feeling that things hadn’t been going well for a while, and weren’t going to for a long time.

“The suits, the grey buildings, the prices…” Octavia was saying as the two ponies entered a bar they had found after nearly half an hour of exploring. “Vinyl, I think I’ve worked out when we are – it’s –”

“Hi there, my good stallion!” said Vinyl to the bartender, ignoring Octavia as she sat down. “Could we start off with two of your finest – and most alcoholic – beverages, and we’ll work out what we want to eat from there?”

“Applesauce!” said the bartender, a dark-coated Earth pony. “I look like a sap sellin’ hooch to you? This ain’t no gin mill, see?”

“Uhh…” mumbled Vinyl, not sure what to say.

“Now, youse two flappers gonna order summat proper, or what?” he asked.

“I was going to say, Vinyl,” said Octavia, “I think that we’re in the prohibition era.”

Vinyl’s head jerked up as she looked at Octavia. “You mean - ?”

“Yes, Vinyl – alcohol is currently illegal,” said Octavia seriously.

“You been livin’ in a cave the past three years?” the bartender asked. “Alcohol’s been illegal for years, and it ain’t like it’s gonna come back inna fashion, see?”

Vinyl stared at the bartender. Without looking away from him, she asked, “Octavia, we’re in my own personal hell. Can we please get out of here?”

“Um…sure, Vinyl,” said Octavia, shrugging apologetically to the bartender as she led Vinyl out of the bar. “Are you okay?”

“I can’t believe it!” said Vinyl, closing the door behind her somewhat harder than she would have normally. “They…they imprisoned the alcohol! They- how can they prohibit it?”

“Calm down, Vinyl, it’s alright,” said Octavia, putting a hoof around the other mare. “You and I know from history that prohibition only lasts a few more years, and that in the meantime criminals like the Marefia were making bootleg alcohol, so –”

“The Marefia! Of course!” said Vinyl.

“What?” asked Octavia. There were many ideas which may have just come into Vinyl’s head, and Octavia was not sure whether she wanted to hear any of them.

“We’ll go to the Marefia, and get some alcohol from them!” said Vinyl cheerfully. “Then we can have a nice drink, and a nice meal and a – you know what I mean?”

Octavia bit her lip, contemplating what to say to Vinyl. “Can we please not go spend time with hardened criminals?” was one of the first thoughts to come into her head, followed by, “Is getting some alcohol really that important to you?” Instead of either of these, she opted to begin with, “Uh-”

“I knew you’d see things my way!” said Vinyl enthusiastically. “Now, where do we find the Marefia?” She started looking around the streets, as if hoping to spot a sign pointing to the Marefia’s legitimate stallion’s business club.

“This is going to be one of those things where even if I adamantly refuse to assist you, you’re going to do it anyway, isn’t it?” asked Octavia, finally finding her voice.

“Well…” Vinyl looked a little nervous, but answered nevertheless. “How much do you want to? Because if you don’t want to, we don’t have to. I’m not an idiot; these are hardened criminals we’re talking about.”

Octavia thought for a moment. On one hoof, there was a very probable chance that they could be killed by the Marefia, or that in the million-to-one chance that everything went fine with the Marefia, the guards could catch them acquiring illegal alcohol and arrest them. On the other hoof, this was apparently important to Vinyl…

Octavia shrugged. “Eh, going with the logic that our future selves are still alive and kicking a good twenty-five years from now – well, not now, but you know what I mean – we should be fine,” she said.

Vinyl grinned. “We’re so going to get killed one of these days with thoughts like that, aren’t we?”

“Well, at least it will be a glorious death by the side of the mare I love,” said Octavia, matching Vinyl’s grin.

“Bitching!” said Vinyl enthusiastically.

“…So, how do we find the Marefia?” asked Octavia, a moment later as she realised that Vinyl didn’t have a plan.

“Well, we…hmm…” Vinyl frowned as she thought intensely.

“I suppose that as the Marefia are mixing alcohol, it’s possible that they might be located in a b-” Octavia began.

“I’ve got it!” interrupted Vinyl loudly and enthusiastically. “Marefia!”

“…Yes?” Octavia asked, after realising that Vinyl wasn’t going to reveal more of her thoughts.

“Marefia starts with an ‘M’, right?” Vinyl said. “What else starts with M?”

“Er-”

“You’re right, moon!” continued Vinyl. “And who raises the moon?”

“If you’re seriously going to suggest that the Marefia are on the moon, Vinyl, I have a lot of explaining to do to you,” said Octavia, deadpan.

“Luna, of course!” said Vinyl, completely ignoring Octavia. “Luna is Celestia’s sister…Celestia…Celes…tia! Tia rhymes with Marefia!” Looking excitedly at Octavia and not getting a reply, she added, “Don’t you see?”

“You’ve gone insane from lack of alcohol and are grasping at whatever straws you can in an attempt to find some more?” suggested Octavia.

“That too!” said Vinyl. “But it’s obvious from the name – the Marefia are secretly run by Princess Celestia and Princess Luna! That means they must be hidden in Canterlot Castle!”

“This is the part where you suggest we assault the castle and find the Marefia, isn’t it?” sighed Octavia.

“You know me so well!” said Vinyl in a sing-song voice. “So, you ready to go?”

“…Vinyl, I hate to break it to you, but I very much doubt that Princess Celestia and Princess Luna secretly run the Marefia,” said Octavia, her voice even and patient. “For a start, Luna’s still on the moon at this point in Equestria’s history.”

Vinyl’s eyes narrowed as the gears in her head spun, attempting to factor this into her theory. “….But that doesn’t mean that Celestia couldn’t be running them, right?”

“Between this, the Pony Tales campaign, and your plans in the last time period we visited, you certainly seem to have something against the Princesses,” said Octavia, ignoring Vinyl’s question. “Should I be concerned? Why do you have a grudge against them?”

“Because they’re prettier than me!” growled Vinyl, stomping a hoof onto the ground. “Now, are we going to destroy Canterlot Castle, or what?”

“I thought we were looking for the Marefia,” said Octavia, slightly perplexed.

“Oh yeah! Hey, do you think the guard outside that illegal gambling den would know where they are?” asked Vinyl, pointing a hoof. Across the road was what appeared to be an apartment building, with stairs headed down to the front entrance. At the top of the stairs stood a grey-coated Earth pony, casually smoking.

“What makes you think that that’s a gambling den?” asked Octavia, staring up to the top of it. “It looks like an apartment building to me.”

“Show me an apartment building that’s not a gambling den and I’ll show you a boring place to live!” said Vinyl. “Anyway, it won’t hurt to ask.” She started to cross the road, but was held back by a hoof from Octavia.

“Wait. What are we going to say to them?” Octavia asked. “Assuming that your hunch is right, and this is a building run by the Marefia, I doubt they’ll allow anypony to just join them willy-nilly.”

Vinyl gave a small nod in agreement as she put a hoof to her chin, thinking. “If you were a guard for an illegal criminal organisation, fearful that undercover guards could raid your place any day, what would a stranger say to you that would lead to you trusting them enough to enter the building?” she asked.

Octavia shrugged. “‘Nyeh, now look here, fella. I gots a message to take to the boss, so you’d better let me in, see?’” she said, putting on a mock accent.

“Better than anything I can think of,” said Vinyl, trotting across the street without waiting for Octavia.

“Wait, Vinyl!” called Octavia as she hurriedly ran after Vinyl. “I was only –”

“Nyeh, now look here, fella,” said Vinyl to the guard outside the building, “I gots a message to take to the boss, so you’d better let me in, see?” Giving Vinyl a funny look, the guard’s sight moved over to Octavia, who had just caught up to Vinyl. “Oh, and Octavia, too!” said Vinyl, the accent she had temporarily adopted immediately dropped. “She’s totally with me!”

“How come I ain’t seen youse two before?” asked the guard, slowly and dully.

“Octavia! He’s seeing through our foolproof plan!” gasped Vinyl loudly.

“On the plus side, your hunch that this building is run by the Marefia turned out to be correct,” murmured Octavia quietly to Vinyl. To the guard, she said, “We’re both…new?”

“To the family!” added Vinyl. “The Marefia has families, right?”

“Yes! No, wait, we’re new to a different family!” added Octavia. “And we, um-”

“Need to talk to yours!” said Vinyl. “About Marefia…business?”

The guard took a long, slow look at Vinyl and Octavia, both of whom were grinning cheerfully in a very bad attempt to look casual. Taking his time, he sucked on his cigarette, embracing the smoke flowing into his lungs. As he breathed it out, he took another long, slow look at Vinyl and Octavia.

“Marefia business?” he asked, his voice low and quiet.

Vinyl and Octavia looked at each other, unsure what to say. “Marefia business…suits?” Vinyl suggested.

“Is that something we smuggle?” Octavia asked hesitantly.

“…Yes?” Vinyl asked. She and Octavia looked back at the guard, who was still tiredly examining the two with weary eyes.

The guard sighed. He threw his cigarette butt to the ground, and stomped it into the asphalt. “Are you two ponies stool pigeons?”

“I can confirm that I’ve never been a bird in my life!” Vinyl replied obliviously. “Although my Pony Tales character had a pair of wings to fly – does that count against me?”

The guard gave a slow, sluggish shrug. “Head down the stairs. You ponies try a double cross, the big six breaks your kneecaps and throws you in the river, see?”

“Huzzah!” exclaimed Vinyl as she trotted down the stairs. “We’re in! Wait, the big six what?” Ready to open the door, Octavia grabbed her hoof and held her back.

“So, what do we do when the Marefia find out that we’re not here to discuss smuggled business suits?” she asked. “Please don’t tell me you’re planning to run off with the first bottle of alcohol you spot.”

“Nah, I figure that we’ll just go in there, tell them that we want to buy some booze, then mosey on out of there,” Vinyl said. “It’s not like that guard guy told anypony what we were here for, and they’re not going to turn down a profit.”

“When you put it like that, I have no objections,” said Octavia. She grinned. “’Mosey’ on out of there?”

“I think I’m getting the hang of the slang of this time, see?” said Vinyl, putting on an accent and grinning at Octavia.

Laughing at her marefriend, Octavia pushed down the handle and opened the door revealing the interior of the building. It was a wretched hive of scum and villainy. The air was heavy with smoke from all of the cigarettes and cigars being smoked, and as Vinyl had predicted, there was illegal gambling going on – poker, blackjack, baccarat, and every other card game which could make the Marefia a profit. Beneath all of the dirt – both physical and metaphorical – was what had once, briefly, been a nicely carpeted lobby of an apartment building, before the Marefia had bought it out for their activities.

As Vinyl and Octavia stepped inside, coughing slightly from the smoke, a white-coated unicorn in a smart business suit approached them. “Good afternoon, ladies,” he greeted them in a smooth voice. “Are you here for business, or…” His briefly paused as he cast an eye over their bodies. “…pleasure?”

“Pleasure!” said Vinyl enthusiastically. Octavia smacked her on the back of the head.

“We’re here for business, actually,” she said to the stallion.

“We are?” Vinyl asked. “We are! Take us to your leader! No, wait, your booze!”

The stallion smirked in apparent humour. “If it is alcohol you wish to purchase, I need only take you to the pony in charge of it. Please follow me.” Swerving in-between gamblers, drunk, and high ponies, the three ponies weaved their way through the crowd to a staircase. Ascending it, Vinyl and Octavia were led to an inconspicuous-looking door a few storeys up. Were the building owned by another pony, it would probably lead to a perfectly normal apartment.

“Just go through?” Octavia asked, putting a hoof on the handle in anticipation. The suited unicorn nodded. Pushing the handle, Octavia opened the door.

Inside the apartment a crude office had been set up. A large Earth pony, wearing a suit similar to that of the unicorn, was sitting at a desk, filling out what appeared to be paperwork. “Nyeh, whaddya want?” he asked, without looking up. In his mouth was a cigar which he chomped as he spoke.

“May we take a seat?” Octavia asked, pulling a chair forwards from in front of the desk. Vinyl followed suit.

“Be my guest, but get ready to twenty-three skidoo if there’s any funny business, see?” the apparent boss said. Looking up as Vinyl and Octavia sat down, he asked, “So, what brings two dames like you into my office? It ain’t many ponies what risk dealing with the Marefia these days.” His voice had a distinct Manehattan accent to it.

“It’s quite simple, really,” began Octavia, before noticing Vinyl’s impatient look. She nodded, allowing her to explain it.

“We need booze! And lots of it!” Vinyl said cheerfully.

“Giggle water, huh?” the pony asked. “You got bits, then you got a deal, but first of all, lemme tell you the rules for when you deal with Big Cheese’s family.” Vinyl and Octavia stayed silent, waiting for him to continue. “First rule is, there ain’t no rules in this family.”

“Oh, so we-” began Octavia before Big Cheese interrupted her.

“Second rule: always follow the rules,” continued Big Cheese, apparently not hearing Octavia. She started to raise a hoof, as though to ask a question, hesitantly. “And the third rule is the most important of all,” Big Cheese said. “Never talk about the Marefia.”

“…So, basically we’re not allowed to say that we made a deal with the Marefia for bootleg liquor?” Octavia asked after waiting to see what else Big Cheese would say. “That’s a simple enough rule to follow.”

“Baloney! Did you not just hear what I said?” Big Cheese growled. “There ain’t no rules in this family!”

Octavia gave Vinyl a confused glance. “Er…” she began.

Vinyl cleared her throat. “So, um, anyway, what sort of alcohol have you got to offer us?” she asked.

“Right to business,” said Big Cheese, nodding in approval. “I like that in a pony.” Reaching behind the desk for something, he drew out a bottle and placed it on the table. “Bottle of the finest bootleg scotch a pony could ask for – eighty bits.” He reached down and withdrew another bottle, also placing it on the table. “Whiskey’s yer poison? It ain’t no skin off my nose. Sixty bits.” A third bottle was placed on the table. “Vodka, like what them ponies up north drink? One hundred bits.” Leaning back in his chair, he added, “Now I tell you, these are the best prices for bootleg you can get in Canterlot, or my name ain’t Big Cheese.”

Octavia gestured to Vinyl. “Thoughts? I don’t mind what you choose; it’s your pick.”

Vinyl had been frowning as the bottles were placed on the table, apparently dissatisfied with the prices, but she seemed smart enough to know not to pick a fight with the Marefia. “I wouldn’t mind some scotch, to be honest,” she said, scratching her chin thoughtfully. “How many bits do you have, Octavia?”

Octavia went to reach for her saddlebags to check, before recalling that she hadn’t brought any with her. “I – um, I don’t think my possessions came with me when we- you know.”

“…Ah, crap,” said Vinyl, giving Octavia an awkward look before facing back to Big Cheese. The large, brown-coated pony had been leaning back casually in his chair, completely enthralled with the power he had in the office. As he stared at them, though, he dropped the chair to all four legs with a BANG! Simultaneously, his expression, which had previously been a broad smile, slowly transformed into an ugly scowl.

“You two dames telling me you ain’t got no bits?” he growled. “What is this, a joke?”

“Er- it’s a long story,” stuttered Octavia, bracing herself to leap out of the chair and run out the office, Vinyl hopefully in tow. Looking behind her, she saw that somepony had closed the office door after she and Vinyl had entered – probably to prevent ponies like her from doing exactly what she was planning to do.

“Hey, no need to get angry,” said Vinyl, holding up two innocent hooves. “We may have no bits, sure, but it’s not like we’ve bought anything yet.”

As Vinyl spoke, Big Cheese’s muscles relaxed, and when he spoke, his voice was softer again. “Y-yeah, you got a point there, doll,” he said. Looking away from Vinyl and Octavia, he muttered something indistinct to himself, apparently thinking something through. Vinyl and Octavia looked to each other and shrugged, unsure whether they should leave or not.

“Alright, I think I gots an idea,” said Big Cheese a few moments later, addressing Vinyl and Octavia. “You two ponies want some hooch? I’m gonna make you an offer you can’t refuse.”

“I refuse!” blurted out Vinyl. There was silence in the room. Then…

“Heh,” said Big Cheese, apparently amused, “you got a good sense of humour. I like that. Now, here’s my idea…”

===============================

“Huzzah! We’re working for the Marefia!” exclaimed Vinyl as she and Octavia exited the apartment building through a back door. A few hours had passed, and it was now early evening. In front of her was a jack she was balancing with her telekinesis, which in turn held a large barrel upon it.

“Not so loudly, Vinyl!” said Octavia, ducking her head as though somepony was going to leap out of an alley and take a photo of her. “What if there are guards around?”

“Then we beat them up!” said Vinyl. “But in all seriousness, according to the route that Big Cheese gave us, there shouldn’t be guards heading down this street for at least another half hour, so we should be good.”

“Good for what? Entering the criminal underworld?” Octavia asked, pushing the jack with a hoof down the street. For her part, Vinyl used her telekinesis to balance the barrel, ensuring that it wouldn’t suddenly misbalance and fall to the ground, spilling the wine within it to the ground.

“Pfft. Whatever, Octavia,” said Vinyl, waving a hoof absentmindedly. “Smuggling bootleg alcohol is a victimless crime, and Big Cheese said that once we get this over to their warehouse, we can take any two bottles we want!”

“I suppose you’re right,” said Octavia, sighing slightly. “You realise that you probably could cast the time travel spell by now though, surely?”

“We’ll wait ‘til we get the booze, then do it!” said Vinyl excitedly, nearly tipping the barrel over herself in her enthusiasm. “That’s what us real hardened criminals do, nyeh! Take the booze and run!”

“Does that count as running if you’re escaping to a different time?” Octavia asked. “If you’re running, you’re displacing yourself in space, whereas time travel is displacing yourself in time.”

Vinyl blinked. “Do you ever do that thing where somepony’s talking, and rather than listening to them, you just sorta zone out and stare at their lips and think about making out with them? Because I was totally doing that just then. What were you saying?”

Octavia grinned. “I was saying that we’d better rent out a hotel before we drink the alcohol, because we’re going to need to some privacy when we’re done!”

“Yeah!” said Vinyl. “With what money?”

“You just had to ruin it, didn’t you?” asked Octavia, rolling her eyes. Nevertheless, a large smile was on her face as she did so. It was quickly wiped off her face though, as she looked down the street to see a patrolling group of guards heading towards her and Vinyl.

“There’s a group of guards ahead, about to walk right into us,” said Octavia quietly to Vinyl. “What shall we do?” Even as she spoke, she was turning the jack so that she could move the barrel of wine someplace else.

Vinyl looked around them. The street was a fairly wide cobblestone one, with dull, grey buildings every few spaces. The guards were headed straight for her and Octavia, and there was nowhere to hide. “Just let go of the jack,” said Vinyl. “Or, I dunno, push it into the shadows, leave it there, then we can head off.”

“Then the guards will find it!” hissed Octavia. She glanced up to see where the guards were. They still apparently hadn’t noticed Vinyl and Octavia, being busy talking amongst themselves, but they would soon. “The Marefia will kill us – literally – if the guards find a barrel of their alcohol and trace it back to them thanks to us.”

“We could fight the Marefia?” suggested Vinyl awkwardly. Upon seeing Octavia’s look, she hastily added, “Or the guards? If we could just -”

“Well, well, well!” said the apparent head of the guard patrol, interrupting Vinyl as he and his squad approached the two mares. He had a bushy brown moustache, and was wielding a spear. “What’s all this then?”

“J-just two mares, out for an evening stroll,” stuttered Octavia hastily.

“Without any pants!” added Vinyl helpfully. As she spoke, Octavia quickly moved around the front of the jack. Vinyl had been standing in front of the barrel whilst she was talking, and the sun was down, so maybe if the guards hadn’t been paying attention, the barrel hadn’t been –

“An evening stroll, eh?” asked the guard, raising his eyebrows. “Just two mares, and their barrel?” he asked, eyeing the very visible container.

“…Yes?” Vinyl asked. “We, uh-”

“What’s in that barrel then?” asked another guard. The guard patrol – four guards in total, including the captain – had started to disperse and surround Vinyl, Octavia, and the jack with the barrel on it. The guard who had asked the question poked the barrel with a hoof, as though he could detect its contents from the noise it made.

“The barrel?” asked Octavia, eyeing the guards carefully. Of them, most were armed with spears or swords, with a few having small bows for flexibility. “It’s full of –”

“Monkeys!” said Vinyl, at the exact same time that Octavia said-

“Fun!” Both looked at each other and then to the guard captain. “Um, that is to say, the monkeys are fun,” Octavia hastily added, “so, um, yes. That’s what the barrel contains.”

The guards looked at one another. “Alright then, I don’t suppose you’d object to opening up this barrel of monkeys –”

“Fun,” corrected another guard.

“- for us?” continued the guard who had poked the barrel. Although he had a flamboyant pink mane, it didn’t stop him from succeeding in intimidating Vinyl and Octavia. “Unless you have paperwork for this barrel, we’re supposed to check all barrels for smuggled alcohol.”

“Would you believe me if I said that they are Appleloosan Fighting Monkeys, and that they’re not supposed to be let out of the barrel until we’ve taken them to their trainer?” Vinyl asked. “The sedatives we put on them-”

One of the guards had procured a crowbar. “Get out of the way,” he growled. Hesitating for a moment, Vinyl took a step to the side.

Squeezing the crowbar into the top of the barrel, the guard pried it open. As Vinyl and Octavia had known, it was filled nearly to the brim with bootleg wine, the strong scent of which filled the air almost immediately.

“ …It’s full of Appleloosan Fighting Monkeys, is it?” asked the guard captain, somehow making the single step he took towards the mares ominous.

“Um…” began Octavia, looking to Vinyl for ideas. Luckily, Vinyl had one.

“GASP!” she shouted loudly, looking into the barrel. “Octavia, of all the contrived coincidences to happen to us! It appears that those silly ponies at the warehouse mixed up our barrel of monkeys with that of a barrel of presumably legally-produced wine, which most assuredly should not be investigated!” She slapped a hoof to her cheek. “How could this happen to us?”

Looking to the guards, Octavia flashed the biggest grin she could muster. They were not amused. “…That didn’t work, did it?” she asked after a few seconds of being scowled at.

“We will be confiscating this barrel from you, and taking the two of you into custody,” said the captain. “We will be questioning the two of you to find out where this barrel came from, and you will likely be taken to prison once all the charges have been found. Do you have any questions?” Around Vinyl and Octavia, the guards had taken out their weapons and were pointing them at the duo.

“Prison?” asked Octavia, smirking.

“Like that’s ever stopped us!” said Vinyl. To Octavia, she said, “I did try to solve this without violence. You saw!”

“I know, and I appreciate it very much,” said Octavia, smiling warmly at Vinyl. “Now, let’s kick their flanks!”

Dropping to the ground and rolling forwards, Octavia was able to avoid the spear jab that was aimed at her, and delivered an uppercut to the guard in front on her. She kicked off from the ground and launching herself upwards simultaneously, adding further force to her punch. Another guard shot a bolt from his crossbow at Octavia, but it missed her and hit something wooden behind her.

For her part, Vinyl was standing in the same spot and yawning. “C’mon, guys,” she said sleepily, “if you’re going to try and stop us, try and stop us.”

“Challenge accepted,” said the captain of the guard. To the only guard that wasn’t facing Octavia, he ordered, “You – flank her!”

“Wait, that’s what flanking means?” asked Vinyl as the guard approached her from the side whilst she focused on the captain. “No wonder Octavia always laughs when I tell her I’m going to flank her! I thought it meant-”

“Perhaps you should concentrate on the fight, Vinyl?” suggested Octavia, on the other side of the barrel. She braced herself on her front hooves, allowing her to swing her back legs forwards in an arc and knock over the guard in front of her. Behind her, the first guard she had given an uppercut was picking himself up, ready to attack her again.

“Oh yeah!” said Vinyl. Her horn glowed, and she yanked the two spears being pointed at her out of their owners’ grasps, before snapping them in half. “Right, this is probably supposed to be tense.” A moment later, she had surrounded the head of the guard flanking her with her telekinetic field, and slammed it heavily to the ground, knocking him out.

Stunned for a moment, the guard captain withdrew a short sword from a sheath, and aimed it at Vinyl. “This is your final chance to turn yourself in, or I will respond with force,” he said. “Do you surrender now and inform us as to where you acquired the barrel, or would you rather some stab wounds beforehoof?”

“How about…Option C: None of the above?!” Vinyl suggested. “Octavia! Activate maneuver 12-D!” she called.

“What the bloody hell does that mean?!” Octavia replied angrily. She was grappling with a guard, trying to gain the upper hoof on him. Her opponent was an Earth pony like her, and so his strength had to, at the very least, match hers.

“…Give her a minute?” Vinyl suggested to the guard captain, her horn glowing slightly. He shook his head dismissively, scoffing as he did so.

He drew his sword back in an arc, ready to strike the unicorn. “Don’t say I didn’t-”

SMASH! Without looking at it, Vinyl had surrounded the barrel of wine with her telekinetic field, and thrown it at the guard captain. It connected with him head-on, knocking him over and robbing him of consciousness. The force was large enough to completely destroy the barrel, drenching the captain in wine.

“That was fun!” said Vinyl enthusiastically to Octavia, who had only just managed to defeat her opponents, and was panting heavily. “Let’s do it again!”

“Can we not?” Octavia asked. “These guards won’t stay unconscious for that long. We should try and get the barrel to – oh hell, Vinyl, what happened to the barrel?”

“I used it as part of maneuver 12-D,” Vinyl said cheerfully. Octavia gave her a look. “You know, maneuver 12-D? Where I shout out to you to confuse the opponent, then use telekinesis to hit my opponent with the nearest heavy object?”

“Where the hell do you get all of this, Vinyl?” asked Octavia. “I wasn’t aware that we had one maneuver, let alone twelve.”

“COBRA Trooper handbook,” said Vinyl simply. “Am I the only pony who read it?”

“You must be,” said Octavia absentmindedly. “But regardless, what are we going to do about the barrel of wine being destroyed?”

“Blame it on the innocent guards who were doing their job to enforce a stupid law?” Vinyl suggested. “We’ve got to tell the Marefia anyway, and they won’t be able to prove that it wasn’t them.”

Octavia grimaced. “I suppose that’s better than the alternative,” she said. “I doubt that we’ll get the free alcohol we were promised, but it’s worth a try.”

Grabbing the empty jack, the two ponies headed down the path that had been mapped out for them by the Marefia, swift to leave the scene of the crime. Along the way, they passed a few more guard patrols, although without a suspicious barrel this time, they were greeted with a simple nod and a wave.

After around thirty minutes of walking, Vinyl and Octavia had arrived at the warehouse they were instructed to go to. It was fairly nondescript, sitting by several other warehouses which were presumably used by legal enterprises.

“It’s a bit sad, isn’t it?” asked Vinyl. “All the hideouts in Canterlot to choose from, and Big Cheese and his Marefia family go with the abandoned warehouse cliché.”

“Does it count as an abandoned warehouse if ponies are using it for a smuggling operation?” asked Octavia as she pushed the jack towards the side of the warehouse. “If it’s got ponies in it, it’s not abandoned, is it?”

“Hey, good point!” Vinyl agreed. “But the city records would have it as abandoned, yes?”

“So whether it’s abandoned or not depends upon what the city records say? That’s just asking for a misnomer,” Octavia said as she walked down the side of the warehouse, Vinyl in tow.

“Hey, I don’t decide on the classifications,” said Vinyl, shrugging. “If I was, I’d call an abandoned warehouse something like…a fun-filled building of probable use by lazy writers for the climax of a story!”

“See, that right there is why you aren’t the pony who decides on classifications,” said Octavia. The two ponies had reached a small door, which Octavia knocked on.

A slit in the door was opened. “Password?” a voice asked.

“Of course we didn’t get the barrel destroyed!” exclaimed Vinyl.

“Vinyl!” Octavia hissed. “What are you-”

“Accepted. Come inside, guys,” said the voice on the other side of the door.

“What?” Vinyl asked Octavia as she entered the building, shrugging. “I didn’t choose it!”

“I’m more perplexed as to why I didn’t know the password myself,” said Octavia nonchalantly.

The two ponies entered into a large room, nodding at the door guard as they passed him. The room was full of dozens – no, hundreds – of barrels of assorted alcohol, all discretely moved to the warehouse from different Marefia buildings across the city. Although Big Cheese hadn’t told them any more than that, Vinyl and Octavia knew from history lessons – well, Octavia knew from history lessons – that the Marefia smuggled out the barrels in crates to whichever buildings or people requested them. Most of the ponies in the room were carefully putting the barrels into large crates at the moment, but Vinyl and Octavia headed for the one pony who was instead supervising the entire operation.

“We have good news and bad news!” said Vinyl, perhaps a little happier than she should have.

“And you critique others for clichés,” muttered Octavia.

Big Cheese gave Vinyl and Octavia a look-over, noticing that they were standing next to an empty jack, and looked slightly beaten up. “Is it that we’re going to murder you for incompetence, and that you failed to distract the guards respectively?” He was chewing on a cigar, but removed it and exhaled some smoke before continuing. “Because we are way ahead of you dames.”

Octavia gave Vinyl a bit of a nervous look before turning back to Big Cheese. “We can explain!” she said, her voice wobbling slightly. “We were following the route you planned for us, and then we – wait, what do you mean we didn’t distract the guards?”

Something clicked in Vinyl’s brain. “…We weren’t meant to deliver booze at all, were we?” she asked. “You gave us that route so that we could-”

“Distract the guards!” Octavia finished, seeing the same thing that Vinyl had. “And then I suppose you had other groups make actual deliveries here?”

Big Cheese blew out some more smoke. “I gotsta admit, I was hoping you ponies’d surrender, let the guard take of you, see? A barrel of wine like the one youse two were transporting? It’d get every guard in the city trying to question you, and it’d make the streets easier for my boys to move around for a night.”

Vinyl and Octavia had been slowly backing away during Big Cheese’s speech, but bumped into some Marefia enforcers. Gulping, they tried to move away, but the enforcers each grabbed a mare in a stranglehold. “So, anyway, the fight we got into would be enough to distract the guards, yes?” Vinyl asked. “Lots of guards will be investigating what happened, so we should be free to grab our booze and leave, right?”

Big Cheese snorted. “Boys, take ‘em away. We’re taking a trip to The Vat.”

===============================

Ten minutes later, Vinyl and Octavia found themselves dangling over a large vat full of an unknown, clear liquid. They were tied up tightly by ropes, with their backs to each other. Every few seconds, a brainless Marefia mook would wind a crank slightly, and the pulley system supporting them would lower them down slightly closer to the vat.

“It’s occurred to me that I could just take you two out behind the warehouse, put a bolt in both your heads, then throw you in the nearest river,” said Big Cheese, watching from the side of the vat. “But you know what? I’ll admit it. This is more fun. I like watching ponies go into The Vat.”

“W-what’s in there?” asked Octavia. Her every instinct was telling her to struggle – to make herself more comfortable, if nothing else – but she knew that if she somehow managed to break the ropes binding her and Vinyl, they’d only die faster. Whatever was in the vat couldn’t be pleasant.

“When me and the boys first got into the bootleg business, you would not believe how hard it was,” Big Cheese said, apparently not hearing Octavia. “You gotta understand – the demand for alcohol’s crazy here! So after a few weeks of making alcohol by hoof and not getting anywhere, me an’ the boys had an idea.”

He had been absentmindedly staring into the vat as he spoke, but now he looked up to Vinyl and Octavia. “What if we magically created alcohol? It’d be easy; we’d just need to get the right ingredients then use alchemical spells to convert them to whatever our clients asked for. Doesn’t taste as good as the real thing, but when you’re buying bootleg, you don’t expect top quality, you take what you get, see?”

Big Cheese dropped his cigar to the ground and stomped on it absentmindedly. Octavia struggled, for appearance’s sake if nothing else. “The problem is the spell we ended up using is great for booze, but it produces all kinda of crazy toxins and acids as a side effect. And, well…” He gestured to the vat. “We can’t just dump them somewhere – somepony’ll notice that the environment’s dying, and trace it back to us eventually. So we came up with The Vat.”

“So…we’re being dipped into toxins created as a side effect of producing alcohol?” asked Octavia, struggling to think of a way out of the situation.

“Murdered thanks to alcohol!” bemoaned Vinyl. “This time period really is ironic hell!”

“Go ahead and struggle. Do whatever you think will work. We’ve worked out all the angles, and there ain’t no way out of it, see?” said Big Cheese.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, Octavia had to admit that he was right. Neither she nor Vinyl could fly, Vinyl’s telekinesis couldn’t support them both, and even if they got out of the ropes and somehow didn’t fall into The Vat, there was still a warehouse full of Marefia goons between them and the exit.

“ …Any ideas, Vinyl?” asked Octavia.

“I think I’ve got it, Octavia!” said Vinyl excitedly. “Did you pick up one of the guards’ swords after we stopped them?”

“No.”

“Because I was thinking, if I could swing a sword at the exact right angle, it might bounce off your neck and –”

“Vinyl, I will pay you so much money not to do that,” said Octavia. She looked down into The Vat. The liquid didn’t look deadly in the slightest – just clear, like water. Typical. “Vinyl…I think that this really is it,” said Octavia, her voice quavering as she looked into The Vat.

“End of the line?” asked Vinyl solemnly. She felt Octavia’s head nodding in confirmation. “…Well, at least this is a glorious death by the side of the mare I love,” said Vinyl.

She closed her eyes and waited for the end to come.

THE END.

Author's Note:

Well, it's been a fun journey everyone, but everything good has to come to an end at some point!

I've wondered for a while about how to finish The Vinyl and Octavia Series, and I think that having Vinyl and Octavia die by being lowered into a vat of toxins by a Marefia boss is the way to do it. It harkens back to the first story - the two of them in a mean and uncaring environment, out of their comfort zones, facing a cruel and arrogant villain. I feel like it's also an ironic death for the two - they're dying thanks to alcohol, but not in the way you'd expect after reading the rest of the series.

Thanks to everyone who's read the series, whether it's from the very start, or just since this one! It's been a great ride, and I've had a lot of fun. If you enjoyed all of the stories, hopefully whatever I end up doing next will be sufficiently satisfying for everyone.

Thanks again!




...Wait, what do you mean there's another chapter?