• Member Since 23rd Apr, 2015
  • offline last seen January 3rd

Lightning Crystal

Just a normal guy living a normal life, and that's all I could ever want



In Cloudsdale, a white pegasus stallion prepares for a move to Ponyville that will send him on a series of adventures, and misadventures, with new friends. Come along as a mere weather stallion deals with getting caught up in the lives of a D.J., a cellist, a lyrist, and a candy-maker.

This takes place a little bit after the show start up

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 61 )
Comment posted by zekromthepokemon deleted May 27th, 2015

5914505 well thanks for that but i don't care if you dislike cause i honestly felt like someone like you would say this but i am planing on making a ship fic that is twidash

5914511 i had help with the editing i hope you saw that

5914518 Alright, I'll look into that later and see if you improved.

5914547 don't worry it will have no hints that life in ponyville is happening

5914518 It's mainly how the chapter titles don't look right that. That really turned me off from reading it. If you just fix those I'll probably read it for what it is.

5914561 well if you have suggestions tell me i may or may not replace the chapter titles

5914522 I tried.... I WAS STUCK ON A TABLET! (No offence Lightning.)

would now be a good time to mention some thing that would help improve?

5914594 First of all, they need to be longer; if you can, try to have between 1000 to 1500 words AT LEAST. Second, stop wanting to say "well" and "so" all the time. Third, you need to ad loads of detail; detail gives the story something that helps the reader, I don't know, see it in their head. Fourth, your pacing needs a little bit of work; try to stay off of the time skip and just say stuff like, "After a while they headed-" That might help. Did this help at all?

5914601 thank you i will try to get to work on that though it's to late to change the first three i'll see to it in further chapters

Comment posted by zekromthepokemon deleted May 27th, 2015

5914663 thanks for the help i will fix those proplems right away

It's scary, I was going to write something like this involving my OC as he moved from Cloudsdale to Ponyville. It's not the same, but pretty damn close. (did you look at my unpublished stories on my account?):rainbowlaugh:

Comment posted by Fort Impression deleted May 27th, 2015

5915632 this is my first go at a fiction don't worry i will get better

His new home in pony-ville it was kinda empty but it has cupboards ,a bed ,a shower, and a fridge.

This doesn't make sense, "it was" at least. There are several replacements for this. Since your story appears to be present-tense it should say "Pony-Ville is empty..." and so on. I guess you could put "it" but change "was" with "is". Also "pony-ville" needs to be capitalized, since its the name of a place.

xxI'm not done but I'm busy right nowxx

5916314 I'm not too worried. It was simply a mistake I needed to correct since it went by improperly corrected.

5918072 yeah i'm working on the fourth chapter right now but i will fix this

5921001 you may want to get another one no offense but most of the top fics have proofreaders

5921073 I really wish I could but I'm already behind on my proofreading schedule. Sorry :fluttershysad:

5921095 sorry mate :fluttershysad: If I manage to catch up I will help

Comment posted by TLP deleted May 1st, 2015
Comment posted by TLP deleted May 1st, 2015

5924882 well if you think it's bad then please feel free to block me and my stories

Comment posted by Lightning Crystal deleted May 27th, 2015

i'm really liking this story. nicely written and pretty fun to read. keep it up.

6033244 I am sorry if this is not what you expected with the closure.

If i many make a suggestion for the future if you're ending a story on such short notice have some fun with it! Make it end ridiculously or have Raptor Jesus fight the Allahsaurus rex while luna plays gta5.

6033268 sorry but, no, I have my stories even though they are fiction I make them make sense, I just think of having mlp be more down to earth at times.

The difference between reality, and fiction is, that fiction has to make sense- Tom Clancy

6033339 He will be back, I am getting my idea journal, and looking through some of the ideas that I had written up, meaning that there is going to be a part two.

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