Diamond Tiara, Alicorn Princess

by VitalSpark

Chapter 8 — Diamond Tiara gets a massive erection

"Why don't I get a bucking castle?" opined Princess Diamond Tiara.

"I dunno, Di," asked Silverspoon, "Twilight didn't get a castle when she first became a princess. The tree of harmony gave her one."

Princess Diamond Tiara said, "I told you before Silverspoon, you can call me 'Princess Diamond Tiara', or you can call me 'mistress'. That is all."

"Yes, mistress."

So Princess Diamond Tiara went to Appleblume and Appleblume was like, "hey, Di, are you here to ask me about trees? Because I live on a farm and know a lot about trees," and Princess Diamond Tiara was all like, "yes, I am here to ask you about trees. Because you live on a farm and know a lot about trees," and Appleblume was like, "I thought so," and Princess Diamond Tiara asked, "yes."

"So anyway, Twilight got a castle from the tree of harmony, and I wanted to know if there were any other trees with cool names," said Princess Diamond Tiara.

"I only know of one," said Appleblume.

"What's it called?" said Princess Diamond Tiara.

"It's called Blume Berg," said Appleblume.

"Where is it?" said Princess Diamond Tiara.

"Appleloosa," said Appleblume.

So that is why Princess Diamond Tiara went to Appleloosa. She saw Blume Berg and was all like, "Blume Berg, I want a castle," and he was all like, "I'll give you a castle if you give me a kiss," and Princess Diamond Tiara was like, "that's all I need to do?" and Blume Berg was all like, "yeah, because you're a total hottie and I'd do anything for a kiss from you. And also you're awesome, and powerful, and great," and Princess Diamond Tiara was like, "ok, then," and Blume Berg was like, "oh, did I mention we have to use tongues?"

So they kissed and it was the best thing that had ever happened to Blume Berg.

And then Blume Berg erected a castle in her honour, and it was massive. It was back in Ponytown though. He didn't do it in Appleloosa, because Princess Diamond Tiara would never live in such a loser place.

And Princess Diamond Tiara moved into the castle and Filthy Rich was all like, "I'm going to miss you, my sweet Diamond."

And Princess Diamond Tiara was all like, "if you're going to miss me so much, then why did you never make a single jot of effort to spend time with me before I ascended to royalty?! Why is it only now that you're suddenly so keen to be the doting father?"

Author's Note:

And that was a bit of a downer.

Still, at least there was the massive erection joke to keep you amused.

More fun next time, I promise.

Comments

[Radoran]

Well then. You sure fooled me with that erection joke. I need to spend a lot less time in the gutter than I should.

[Telaros]

No one expects the Fathery Inquisition!

I bet Twilight would trade her own castle for Diamond's massive woody there.

[thereallegend123]

"...And Princess Diamond Tiara was all like, 'if you're going to miss me so much, then why did you never make a single jot of effort to spend time with me before I ascended to royalty?! Why is it only now that you're suddenly so keen to be the doting father?'"

Cheerilee: "Diamond Tiara, pay attention! If what you're writing is so important that you can ignore the lecture, perhaps you would like to share it with the rest of the class?"

Diamon Tiara: "...Oh Celestia, NO."

[VitalSpark]

5927792 You're really hoping that this is all going to be Diamond Tiara's bad self-fanfic, aren't you? (I was actually half-considering that for the end, but now I think I have a better idea.)

[nightwalker]

Blume Berg gives Diamond Tiara a massive woody erection...

Well, okay then.