• Member Since 6th Apr, 2015
  • offline last seen Nov 10th, 2016

Dusty Hooves


Ponies! Yay!

T
Source

Starlight Glimmer wasn't always a villain. She was once a pony full of promise. What happened that turned her into the mare we know today? Let's roll back the clock a few years...

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 17 )

You see, although you are a good student, you just don't have what it takes to progress to the next level. It's nothing to be ashamed of," the headmaster continued, "some ponies just have a special talent for magic. I'm sure your talent, whatever it is, will become apparent to you in time."

I'm pretty sure 'some' should be capitalised

One of the happiest times for young Starlight was when she got her "cutie mark". Being taught, as young fillys were, that your cutie mark was a sign of a pony's "special talent"

Cutie mark and special talent should have a ' not a " as " is a symbol of talking
I noticed heaps of " in the story where it shouldn't be, and I think you might want to fix that

Apart from that, I really liked the story and it's well written, except do Sunset or Twilight play a role in it?

There is a lot of unnessesary double line breaking here. I'd consider removing some of it, it breaks the flow when reading.

Otherwise, damn fine work. I hope we see more of this pony in the animated series too. . :pinkiesmile:

A few mistakes I have noticed (or at least, I suppose they are mistakes) :

Being taught, as young fillys were

to focus their natural talents in magic beyond what can be learned just from from books.

(The curse of the double word...)

I don't understand why these two words are not written in the same way:

Starlight was sure that hers would relate to magic and she was right. Her's was a bi-colored star and what looked like two swirling magical auras.

I can't say if it is a mistake or something I didn't understand. :applejackunsure:

The first "version" was already a nice read, but now it is better! I like to dissect the stories I appreciate in the comments to give more details about my opinion, but I just took a short break and I have to go back to work. :fluttershysad:

Thank you all for your corrections and comments. I have repaired most of them.

5893322
The plural of "filly". I don't know why, but when I changed it to the correct word, fillies, that word just did not look right. I know that it is correct but I don't like how it looks so I changed the sentence to eliminate the word entirely.

Double words. Argh. :twilightangry2:

Her's -vs- hers. Thanks for prompting me to look this up. I am now certain the second one without the apostrophe is correct. I will fix this.
Thanks for the catches! Your comments, corrections and dissections are always appreciated. :twilightsmile:

5893108
I have tightened it up a bit, thanks for pointing that out. It looks a lot better now.
Thanks for the complement. :twilightblush: I think Starlight Shimmer has a lot of potential as a character. I also hope we will be seeing more of her in the series.

5893072
Good catch on the capitalization.
As far as the quotation marks, there are a number of different theories regarding their use. The way you mentioned, using 'singles', as I just demonstrated, is popular in commonwealth countries while "doubles" are more commonly used in the USA. Neither way is really wrong but more of a personal style. (at least that's the opinion of Ezn in his writing guide in the FAQ tab). I'm just more comfortable using doubles.
No. Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle will not be appearing in this story. Sorry. :fluttercry:
Thanks for the comment!

This story is fascinating. I look forward to the next chapter.

5899185

Thank you!
Next chapter comes this weekend. :raritywink:

5899330 Woo hoo, I'm so excited to read it!

"Nothing her parents could say had any affect on her."
That should be 'effect'. Affect is a verb; effect is a noun. (Except when affect is a noun, such as when psychologists use a phrase like 'blunted affect'. Ah, the wonderful world of grammar. :rainbowlaugh:)

These questions were forefront on Starlight's mind.
Should be "these questions were at the forefront of Starlight's mind."

Great first chapter! :pinkiehappy:

5911655
I've corrected them. Thanks!

5911413
Thank you!

The next morning, as the first rays of the sun woke her from another peaceful nights slumber

Night's

Filled her canteen and headed out for Las Pegisus

Las Pegasus

Really interesting story!

6016698
All fixed! :twilightsmile:
Thank you so much!

Gods damn it, it was not perfect but I was really getting into this origin story....I need more please!

6050249

Wow! Thanks so much! That really means a lot. :pinkiehappy:

This was in my "read it later" list for a while, so I finally got around to it. It's an excellent read with some interesting ideas. Not a bad try at a sympathetic look at Starlight! Nice work!

6213804 Thanks for the complement! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :pinkiehappy:

It's a great story, and I love how you made Starlight's story in depth and why she wanted to get rid of cutie marks so badly. Overall, Great Work!

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