The title to the story means "Falling in Love". This is a Twinkie Pie/Twipie story, so if you don't like it, don't read it. This is a story about Pinkie and Twilight falling in love with each other and overcoming the obstacles that comes with being in a relationship. They both have many troubles trying to overcome the fear of rejection and must go to their friends: Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. They decide to make cupcakes together and they try to find ways so the other doesn't know about their feelings. But can they trust their friends with their biggest secret? Will Pinkie impress Twilight? Will everything turn out ok? I am new to making stories so I won't object to any constructive criticism.
Chapters (10)
Before I get to reading this story, I wanted to point out the first few errors I found.
There shouldn't be a space between forward-slash and Twipie. When listing two items with a common aspect, such as Twinkie Pie and Twipie, the forward-slash is all you need to give the reader an option to choose from. As a result, it should just look like this: Twinkie Pie/Twipie.
Rainbow Dash, and, and Fluttershy. Dash has a first and last name, Flutters only has a first name, technically, and the 'and' is just a technical error.
Pinkie I? lol, I think your 'I' is in the wrong spot. It should be the start of the next sentence, which happens to be missing an 'I'.
That is pretty much all that I have for now. I like the title. Nothing simple, but nothing complicated. You also tell your readers what it means in your description, which I'm okay with. Already, I have a couple questions in mind. I'm wondering if this story is going to be in third-person omniverse, which is suggested in the sentence: "They both have many troubles trying to overcome the fear of rejection"; or if it is going to gear more towards Pinkie's perspective, as the question "Will Pinkie impress Twilight?" suggests. I have no idea, but I will find out in a second.
Hope this information helps you in the long run. If you have any questions as far as writing tips or advice goes, you can just send me a PM, and I will help to the best of my ability. Also, if you are interested in a Twinkie Pie picture to use as a cover art, I have plenty that you can choose from.
Only for you and nothing more,
Fort Impression
5896833 Thank you so much for the changes! I guess I should check for spelling more next time
Also, the story will be told in third person, and I just thought it might be funny to have Pinkie do some Pinkie-esk stuff to try to impress Twilight.
5899429 Well, it is a good idea because many would expect Pinkie to try to impress somepony by doing something her love would enjoy, which usually stills ends up going into her own quirky way. I would like to find a story where Twilight is trying to impress Pinkie Pie in an attempt of being quirky like Pinkie, but it doesn't favor well for her. As she attempts to make something fun, which turns out to be more educational than what Rainbow Dash would consider fun. This might defeat Twilight, but Pinkie, understanding her personality, likes to learn new things and will create something fun out of it even when it might not be present. That would make for an interesting story to read.
5900521 Well then you might be in for a surprise! But I don't want to spoil anything
Please don't be shy in the comments, I would love to see any suggestions on how to improve my writing, or if you thought the story was bad, or even if you like(not meaning if you pressed the thumbs up) my story
I like this story. It's just a straight up nice romance which is what I like best personally. I think your pacing is alright and so far so good. Just keep it up ^_^
5910562 Thank you so much!
I usually prefer it, if they still have to find out, that they love each other, but the story seems to be nice.
5911345 Thank you
I'm kind of confused on your comment though 
What exactly do you mean by prefer? Do you prefer Pinkie trying to impress Twilight over Twilight trying to impress Pinkie? Do you prefer when they find out without confessing?
5912633 Maybe it is because of the "," that it sounds different in english, but i just meant, that i usually like it more, if not both know already that they love each other, and that they still have to find out what they are feeling. I guess this is what i meant.
5912730 Oh ok! I see what you mean, some of the time it's funny when Twilight has to look up the feeling of love in a book, or when Pinkie just describes it as an extra Pinkie sense, but doesn't completely understand the feeling. I understand what you mean, and the reason I started out with them knowing the feeling, because most people have already written a story going into more detail about what I just said, and it would have been hard for me to make a more original story. I kind of think of it as when Pinkie gasped, she knew Twilight was the one, and Twilight figured out she liked Pinkie somewhere along the way.
Cute, through I'm surprised twi didnt make any comment in pinkies date description. Guess shes a little flustered.
Yay for best assistant spike. And mrs cake.
As a fan and writer of Twipie, I'll be watching this very carefully. I have a hard and fast rule of not reading a story until it's complete though.
Looking forward to the final story!
6019083 Thanks!
6019193 I hope you'll enjoy the final project
I have read most of your work, and I always love it!
Interesting. I have now caught up with this story, so I am looking forward to your future stories to come (and chapters).
For what you have so far, it is cute and simple (simple in a good way). You don't try to overly shove the ship into the readers minds, but you make it abrasive enough to tell your readers that they are in love. You have a couple grammatical errors here and there, but nothing big. I might have saw you use the word 'on' twice in chapter two; you might be able to find it with ctrl+f. Characterization is good, and I really like that you use 'deary' as one of Mrs. Cake's significantly used words and typical personality of being excessively worried when things don't turn out as planned.
4/5 from me so far. Keep up the good work, and I look forward to the coming chapters; also, welcome to FimFic.
Only for you and nothing more,
Fort Impression
6019238
Thank you for the kind words! It means a lot to know people do actually read my stuff.
You mention you are a new writer, so if you need/want any advice/suggestions, feel free to hit me up.
6019982 Thank you
I usually like to keep it short and sweet, but add some spontaneity to the story. I'll try and find the 'on', thanks for pointing it out 
Hiya! I'm not sure if this chapter was too rushed or not...if you find any errors feel free to comment
6037513 i am not sure either, but even if it was unusually, it was somehow interessting.
Did i liked it?
If i have to say yes or no, then i would say yes. I just can´t say how much right now.
i forgive you and i like it
6093187 Thanks!
6093202 your welcome
Looking good. The only problem that I truly had with this was that you used 'unicorn' at one moment, then you used 'alicorn' the next. In this story, is she an alicorn or a unicorn? Be sure to stick with either one, but not both.
Only for you and nothing more,
Fort Impression
6095279 I was actually trying to find where I wrote unicorn to change it because this is obviously after she got the castle and she has the memory chandelier, so I'm searching through each chapter to find it. She is an Alicorn in the story, sorry for the confusion.
6095353 Press Ctrl+F, and type unicorn on each chapter, and you will find them all easily.
that ok and i like it
6280316 Thanks!
6280320 your welcome
Pretty good job. You were a little fast in some moments, and there were a few grammar mistakes. The only really big mistake I saw that bothered me was that you spelled forest with two L's. Other than that, good job. Time to move to the next chapter.
Only for you and nothing more,
Fort Impression
It woud be to soon for me if she should try to buy a ring, or something like that, and i bet they could really do more against this Mare, since nothing she said made no sense, and is Twilight already a princess? i think yes right?, i remember that Mare talking about a Castle.
6288340 Yes, I know what you are thinking. However, a ring is not what Pinkie is thinking of buying so don't fret. Also Twilight is a princess in this story, and the mare is talking about how Twilight has many more privileges than her. I am not saying they are giving up on talking with the mare, but all of your questions will be answered soon. Sorry for all of the confusion and vagueness.
6287902 Thank you!
I realize that I moved very fast through the chapter, and I apologize. I also fixed the grammar mistake, thanks for the heads up!
i hate the Mrs Cake and Mr Cake in this story a lot and that ok
if she is going to marry Twilight, i am suprised that i actually think it would make sense for Pikie Pie in this fanfiction.
Normally it would be to soon for me at least, but Pinkie is the one that is seriously in love.
6316528 I can't tell you exactly what she is doing because that ruins the surprise. But I will tell you that I hope to make the next chapter less vague.
I know i am mean toward some fans of that shipping if i say that, but i am always happy if i see that Rarity already has a Marefriend, or someone else than Spike, i know a few reasons why i don´t like that shipping, but it would take to long to talk about that right now.
6342794 Ok, sorry that you may not like the ship, I only added it because it is one of my favorites.
i like it and yes switch this story to teen
6347692 I agree with this. Based on what you have in the story, it should really be labeled as teen related.
As far as grammar goes, the two big mistakes I saw were these:
The top two should be no not know. Know means to understand something, so if you replace know with the word understand and read the sentence again, you will notice that it doesn't make sense. Perfect examples on how know should be used are in the last two quotes.
&
This sentences is structured awkwardly. You have an adjective acting as a title rather than an adjective. If you remove really, as it only acts to emphasize the statement, and separate the you're, it reads like you are giving her a title rather than expression what she is acting like.
You can fix this sentence in two ways:
or
It all depends on how you want to portray Pinkie's reaction.
Other than that, the rest is too minor, and it would consume too much of the time that I don't really have... The story is great, and I'm liking it.. Keep up the good work!
Only for you and nothing more,
Fort Impression
6347827 Thank you so much
I'm just having a lot of trouble typing today, so I should have gone back and looked for mistakes, and I'll be sure to rate it teen.
glad i found and read this story! it is terrific! twi and pinkie are a great couple. kudos to you for writing this story. it is so much fun to read! once again thank you
6347297 don´worry, i can somehow live with it, and it seems he doesn´t even get a chance with her there.
6348167 Thank you so much for reading my story! I'm so glad that you liked it!
6349178 Yes, Spike doesn't really get a chance. But I have different plans with him, even if who he is going to date isn't my favorite ship. But I think it would work better with the story.
hhmmmm not bad i guess, but it was better that it nearly came together with the other chapter i think.
I gave you a thumb up, i noiced i still haven´t done it.
5912633 I think they mean they prefer stories where neither character knows that they are in love and over the course of the story first one then the other realize that they're in love. Either first one realizes that they are in love and then tries to win over the other or over time they both realize it and then it's a game of who's going to confess first. Not all that different from this story (at least from what I've read so far) it's more a question of pacing. Start with the characters acting the way they do in the show, then add a stray thought that hints at an attraction. They can either ignore the thought, or ponder why they thought it, or mentally hit the breaks either though laughing off the thought, dismissing it as silly or the result of being tired etc. Then over time the feelings grow and become harder and harder to deny or dismiss or interpret as something else. This provides opportunities to really explore they why behind why a couple works as a couple.
I guess the short way of saying this is that you skipped step one and moved right to step two. Your characters have already admitted to themselves that they feel the way they do now one just has to tell the other. It's a perfectly reasonable thing to do if you just want to tell that part of the story. But I know a lot of people (myself included) enjoy that sometimes long crazy journey of self discovery that is the falling in love process. Your story isn't about falling in love it's about confessing love. Again I've only read the first chapter so far so maybe flashbacks will tell more... or more will be revealed by internal dialogue or even one character explaining the why to the other.
I could keep going talking about storytelling techniques and the possibilities and danger of starting a story In medias res but I want to read chapter two :3
Ending was a bit of a sucker punch... OUCH was not expecting that.
static2.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/Mfw+number+3+_5f555e8666c8efbe3c3b8428318a76ce.jpg
6362278 Thank you so much for the comment. I understand that my pacing is a bit fast, but it's the way that I like to write; I don't want the story to stretch for too long. I also want to make this more of a story about being in love, and in a relationship. I try to make so the characters aren't too OOC, but feel free to tell me when they are and I can change it. I appreciate the suggestion though.
6363815 Also, yeah I was going for a plot twist, even though I really can't see Mrs. Cake being like that.