Some heroes are born, but legends are made. Some heroes stick to the light, making known their great achievements, others stick to the shadows, protecting from the unknown. In Equestria, there are both of these kinds of heroes. The Elements of Harmony protect the public from major threats like Tirek, Discord, and Nightmare Moon. But this is not their story. This is ours. This is the story of those who protect from the shadows. Those who do what's right, even though they don't get credit. They do what's right from the unknown, the shadows. This is the tale of TEK (Taskforce of Equestrian Knowledge)
Chapters (20)
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/490/435/111.gif
Very wise Shade Vortex! I like where this story is headed. Can't wait to read more.
hero's = possessive = something belonging to a hero =
heroes = plural = more than one hero =
I suggest you learn the difference between "their" and "there".
5888126 Glad you like it so far! You are in for quite a treat.
What the flop is this! This looks great! I haven't even started reading it yet it's already overflowing with potential! I mean read really you've got little known about canon characters, ocs, and what looks like the author and some of his friends!
The only thing that could make this look better is a raptor.
Don't screw this up!
Wait is the changeling a friend too?
5914037
HAHA! Thanks! That means allot! You know what, stick around and I actually will add a raptor!
And yes, the Changeling is a real friend of mine who is also helping with this project. So is the red haired unicorn on the bottom left.
AH HA!!!
I think my character would fit nicely into this group of misfits. but alas, not my story. good work chums. I would look into finding an editor though. some of the mistakes are noticeable by even me, and i'm dyslexic.
5936614 Wha... but I spent a whole night proofreading....
I MUST STEP IT UP
5936614 You know, what are you? A dragon griffin pony?
curious
5940979
I was honestly thinking the same thing.
5940979
5942835
Yes and no. I'm glad this was asked. I'm half griffon half bat pony and a proud warrior of the lunar guard!
5937421
Don't worry. proof reading is hard. I recommend reading it out loud, or even to some one ells. :D
5944420
Epic OC bro
5944420 "...or reading it to someone else."
yeah. THAT'LL happen. I may be out of the brony closet but I'm not THAT open. Guess I'll just have to step up my game.
I am looking forward to seeing exactly what these tests are. :3
5944433
It's not that hard! lol. but good luck!
5944430
Thanks! I wanted something new then the average pony!
Woo just got caught up! Hmmm the story seems to be going at a good speed, but then again it's all weird with the flash backs. Meh, it will probably be better now that its happening in the present.
Now story itself... well first are kaiju a thing in equestrian? Love both characters, maybe try to emphasize on there differences in the up coming chapters because they seem too similar to me. Celestia is good, and I don't know enough info on twilight velvet to say anything about her characterization. Is it really necessary to have both of them meet multiple common cannon characters? I see Celly, Velvet, and Zecora; but why some of the main 6. I know this is a bit nit picky, but chapters are all over the place in length. I'd appreciate it if they were close to same. It's probably because all the flash backs, but just letting you know.
Over all I'm loving this! I want to see the other chacters added in, but I want you to take your time with it, so ya I'm impossible to please. I can't wait for more! And on that note, do you have update times? Just curious.
P.S. I'm going to hold you to your word on that raptor.
5948743
You make good points, we'll try to work on those. Also, we update every Monday, somewhere around 7 or so. And don't worry, your OC shall come soon enough.
5950684 Excellent, excellent indeed.
Just pm me if you want personality or abilities or the like.
Cool, puzzle of death! ...or it was rubber arrows and completely safe *sigh*. So the test continues!
Keep up the good work!
Cool puzzle. XD I would never have figured it out. XD
Though I am a bit ashamed you made the hunger game's reference.
5967893 Actually, I don't think either of us have ever read The Hunger Games. I myself have just started reading it yesterday. Any references we may have made were unintentional.
5968902
lol. well just to clear things up, it's the "may the odds be ever in your favor" line. XD
It's a good book series. I never read the first book, but I read the second and third after I watched the first movie in theaters with my ex special some pony.
Oh no! I hope every thing is alright! I liked the chapter. it was amusing to see the hidden obstacles behind the illusion.
What he says is the truth. My pc is jacked so Shade is updating chapters from his computer using my profile. Thanks bud!
6022739 m.quickmeme.com/img/70/7014ef8775f27e4621fec3ad433831f8f9d34ff45b9aa7c4a74caf4988c07931.jpg
Awww poowie! Comp viruses are terrible. Good chapter though!
You can has review!
interesting. We get to the main point of the story then, yes? The dialog was a little dry, but better then previous chapters!
very good! Very good! A lot more descriptive! See! You guys are getting better with every chapter!
Ok. So here we go. Very good chapter.
I especially like seeing "aforementioned" in your story. But I will tell you what all my English teachers (and the two book writers I've talked to) have told me. Don't use 10 bit words when a 2 bit word would work just fine. lol Pony terms.
"Aforementioned" is a good word, and I commend you on the use of a thesaurus, but you main readers most likely don't have extensive vocabularies, and don't know what you are saying. While it wouldn't be hard to use context clues to figure it out, try not to make your readers feel like they need a dictionary to read this. lol
Still, I love the way you are getting to the point of starting off your sentences in different ways. If you didn't then you would sound like a point to point outline. "he did this. he did that. " The variety adds flavor and pace to the story. Using a bit more description of the world around the characters would be helpful. I fount the characters in a white "box" as I read because I didn't know the environment. For example.
"Rainbow Dash lazily rested on a small hovering cloud in the air above the park. Aside from flying or racing, this was her favorite thing to do. There was no better feeling than to rest on the most softest substance in Equestria. Needless to say, she didn't feel like doing much of anything right now. That's why she was a bit annoyed when Twilight tried to disturb her nap."
that is what you have now. I would add in things like:
"Rainbow Dash lazily rested on a small hovering cloud in the air above the park, basking in the warm afternoon sun. Aside from flying or racing, this was her favorite thing to do. There was no better feeling than to rest on the most softest substance in Equestria. Needless to say, she didn't feel like doing much of anything right now. That's why she was a bit annoyed when Twilight tried to disturb her nap."
That simple. Or perhaps talk about the mammoth sizes of the buildings in Mainhatten vs the elegant cathedral like architecture of canterlot.
Also wording helps a lot.
"The elegant cathedral like architecture of canterlot loomed over blaze as she stood awestruck just out side the train station."
VS
"The pretty buildings of canterlot shocked blaze as she stood out side the train station."
Both said the same thing. but the first gave off an air of regality and impressiveness. the second was just boring. XD
Do you see what I mean?
You guys are improving significantly with your writing skills, and it is obvious that you are getting better. What I have here is just my 2 scents on what I have learned and seen you could use improvement on.
6097781
heeheeheee. long review on this one. XD
6097783 Very excellent advice, Blaze! We have been trying to get better with the descriptive writing, and the word choice.
6099579
Well it is very apparent you are getting better!! It's almost like totally different writers cause the improvement is that noticeable.
LOL!!! I love the whole authors note and the secret spa visits. XD
Very good. I still think more description would be good, like the characters reflecting on their environments. like the color of the walls in the spa. Kinda like the bit about how homey Ponyvill was. I like that part. Very good emotional description.
But the description is filler and such. XD
Very good chapter folks. I can't wait to read more.
6124513 Just for the record, the whole spa thing was not my idea. I claim no responsibility or affiliation with that.
6126371 lol. well it was amusing. and I liked it.
Cool chappy. I liked the set up and small details.
Still waiting for the newest chapter. Now two weeks late. :P
This chapter was the bane of my existence...
lol
good chapter. took too long. >:P
just so you know. suffocation is not a painless way to die.
try holding your breath for longer then you are comfortable and you will feel pressure in the head. not good. lol
any who!!!
when's the next chapter? :P
6279548 FREAKIN PLOT HOLE
Anyway, the last few chapters are already done (we got it all done ahead of time), so chapter 15 will be here next Monday.
6279548
Whoa whoa, wait up. I didnt say suffocation in the story. If I meant suffocation I would have said suffocation. What I meant was exactly what Shade said: Slowly cut off the air. You still allow air in but you slowly cut it off. Once their bodies realize that its not getting enough air, the body will try to save energy by making it fall asleep. They die in their sleep.
Pfft, do you even Medical?
6305004
suffocation is air asphyxiation. either way. you die of no air. it would be painful.
*Squees* YAY!!!! I showed up!!!!! *prances around and does back flips of joy*
Ahem. Sorry. ^_^ That was very well done. I approve!!!!
I assume that is Zecora speaking. Doesn't rhyme. might I recommend ""I see nothing with my eyes alone... Jet, perhaps you see something of your own?"
As for the rest of the chapter, very good. I think I would use more description of how the forest looked, or felt. just simple observations. Like say Jet looked around him, seeing the lychin dangling to the thick mangled trees limbs. So on and so forth. XD
oooh! surprise chapter! good. :3 I like.
Very good. Now his is how you enrapture your readers. I liked it.
might i recommend, using something similar as your first chapter for the next story.
that will be a good way for people to be grabbed.
Confusion is beginning, but great first chapter is all i can say...