• Published 15th Aug 2015
  • 3,803 Views, 108 Comments

Through Ashes and Fire - River Road



Sunset Shimmer has learned many lessons about friendship, but only a trip back to Equestria shows just how far she has followed her mentor on that road.

  • ...
6
 108
 3,803

The Phoenix Girl

“Twilight… Your unicorn friend has wings.”

“…yes, Rarity.”

Sunset blinked and took a step back and to the side, making sure to stay a safe distance from the portal just in case. “What are you talking about? What wi–“

She trailed of, mouth hanging open and staring at the pair of light yellow wings with a thin pattern of red highlights. The wings in question were spread halfway open and fluttering nervously. The room was silent for a few seconds until Sunset suddenly let out an ear-piercing shriek. She tried to jump away from the offending appendages, twisting and flailing in the air as her wings beat wildly in a panic.

Eeeeek!” She screamed again when she realized that she wasn’t dropping back to the ground. Her wings were flapping purely on instinct, lifting her higher into the air and spinning her every which way. She narrowly avoided crashing into the room’s crystal decorations and walls several times until she was finally too dizzy to keep moving. Her wings went limp, leaving gravity to pull her back to the crystal floor from just below the ceiling.

Sunset groaned, eyes spinning in that vaguely familiar way that was only possible because of ponies’ innate magic. She distantly realized that she was not lying on a hard, unforgiving floor surrounded by small crystal shards. She didn’t seem to be on any kind of ground at all.

She looked up to see Rainbow Dash giving her a cocky grin, holding her in her forelegs and easily keeping them both completely steady in the air. The pegasus gave a mock salute with one wing and Sunset’s stomach lurched at the thought of two ponies being held aloft by a single wing.

“Ponyville’s Official Royal Alicorn Flight Coach to the rescue. Don’t worry, I got loads of practice in catching princesses.”

Twilight groaned and lit her horn, gently levitating Sunset out of Rainbow Dash’s hooves and back on solid ground. “Official Royal Alicorn Flight Coach? Where did you get that from?”

Rainbow grinned, striking a small pose in the air. “Well, it’s all true. Ask Rarity.”

"Rarity, huh?" Twilight gave her unicorn friend a bemused look, raising an eyebrow.

Rarity chuckled nervously and nodded. “I’m sorry, darling, but Rainbow is quite right. She’s been helping you with your flight training, she’s been the only one doing so and you have been the only alicorn in need of that kind of education. By all rights, she is as much entitled to this as she could be. Of course, as the Royal Alicorn in question, you could decide on her official title if you wanted to.”

“Uhm, girls?” Sunset raised a hoof, feeling a little awkward to interrupt the conversation and even more awkward about having that kind of conversation in the first place when there seemed to be more urgent matters to attend to. “I really don’t want to bother you, but…” She meaningfully spread her wings, stumbling a bit as they accidentally gave another small flap.

“Don’t worry, Sunny, we didn’t forget about you.” Pinkie Pie was suddenly right by her side, wearing a clean white doctor’s robe (which looked unreasonably silly on a pony after over three years of living as a human). “So, did you notice anything unusual before this happened? Any dizzy spells? Any dizzy-without-spells? Any spontaneous disintegration in the last twenty-four hours?”

“No. No? N- wait, what?!” Sunset shook her head to clear it, then gently pushed Pinkie Pie away. “I really don’t know where this would have come from, or even when it happened. It’s been months since I’ve been through the mirror last and on the other side of that portal you wouldn’t be able to tell a pegasus from a seapony.

Somewhere in the background Rainbow Dash subtly leaned down to Applejack, speaking from the corner of her mouth. “I told you those are a thing. Pay up.”

“Ah ain’t payin’ up until we actually meet one of those things. And that one at the dam don’t count, nopony barely remembers a thing from that.”

Twilight pointedly ignored her two friends, trying to focus on the problem at hoof. “Well, something must have triggered it. Ponies don’t randomly ascend to alicornhood.”

“What about Cadence? Didn’t she become an alicorn just a couple years ago? I wonder if she got disintegrated too. And foals don’t have any memories, that magic-y universe place must’ve been really boring without any of those floating memory screens you told us about. Just one big pile of nothing!” Pinkie Pie fell over backwards, waving her forelegs around to illustrate her point.

“…yes. Probably.” Twilight blinked. “Though that does actually give me an idea. Maybe another alicorn would know more about what happened to you. Spike! Can you take a letter?!”

“Does that mean your female bonding time is over? Can I come in now?” The young dragon waddled through the doorway, pausing a few steps into the room to stare up at Sunset, whose wings were still folding and unfolding nervously. “Whoa… What’d I miss?”

Twilight raised her hoof, forestalling any more questions. “There’s no time for that, Spike. I need you to send a letter to Princess Celestia.”

“Uhm, alright…” Spike nodded, pulling out a quill and an empty scroll. “Ready when you are.”

“Okay…” Twilight began to pace, fluttering her wings nervously. “Dear Princess Celestia, there has been an unforeseen–“

“Unforewhat?” Rainbow Dash flew over to her, throwing her forelegs up. “Just write ‘Friendship problem, please come over quickly. Yours, EoH.’”

Rarity huffed, pushing herself between them. “Why, I’d never. Really, Rainbow Dash? Setting aside the fact that the Princess might be a little busy, you know, ruling a country… Can’t you at least try to be polite? You’re writing to royalty, for Celestia’s sake!”

“Hey, I said ‘please’, didn’t I?” Rainbow grumbled, looking away.

“Uhm… I think technically Twilight’s the one writing to royalty,” Fluttershy spoke up quietly, only to squeak and retreat from Rarity’s ‘darling, you’re not helping’ face.

“Ya know, what you say is all right and fine.” Applejack moved into the conversation, looking at Rarity. “But Rainbow’s got a point. If we just get in line behind everypony else who wants to talk to the Princess, Sunset’s gonna be back in her world until Princess Celestia can get around to help. Hay, if’n Canterlot is anythin’ like Manehattan was back before I got my cutie mark, we’ll all have wings by the time the Princess gets a day off duty.”

“Hah, see? AJ’s totally on my side.”

“So, uhm… girls?” Spike watched the conversation steadily get louder, nervously tapping the scroll with the end of his large quill. Should I– Gah!

“That the letter? Awesome. And off it goes!” Rainbow Dash had picked up Spike, holding him horizontally while giving a short tug on his tail. The young dragon involuntarily spat out a short burst of flames, pulling his arms up at the last second to save the letter.

He quickly scrambled out of her grip, standing back up to give her an exasperated look. “Rainbow Dash, that’s not how you use the mail spell. Actually, that’s not how you use any dragon at all. Period.”

“Yeah, Rainbow Dash. That’s not how you use dragon mail.”

“Everypony be quiet!”

(Almost) the whole room froze on the spot, turning as one to look at Sunset Shimmer. The young mare stood in front of them, face red as she tried to glare them down. Her wings were fully spread on instinct to make her look more intimidating, making her seem easily twice her size.

Twilight experienced a distance sense of déjà vu, especially so when she noticed that only Pinkie Pie was still oblivious to the sudden silence in the room.

“This is how you use dragon mail.” The pink mare brought her hooves together on the paper bag she had prepared, popping it right next to Spike’s ear and causing him to flinch and yelp.

Everypony stared at Spike, six mares in startled shock and one in excited suspense.

Spike stared back.

“Hiccup!”

Seven ponies and one dragon watched the small cloud of sparkling green ashes float upwards and through the window, then make its way towards Canterlot.

“Spikey-Wikey… What exactly did you write in that letter?”

“Not much. I mean, you didn’t really tell me anything to write. So it should be alright, right?” Spike cringed, giving them a less-than-hopeful look.

Twilight smiled nervously, a lone strand of hair springing up from her mane. “I-it’s alright, Spike. The Princess probably won’t even read it for a while. If she’s in Day Court, or in a meeting, or…” She was interrupted by the sound of the castle’s large double doors slamming open, then frantic hoofbeats galloping down the hallways.

“Twilight?! Twilight, where are you?!” The hoofsteps grew louder and Twilight’s friends were treated to the rare sight of Princess Celestia skidding down a polished crystal floor. The Princess scrambled to find some purchase, bouncing off the doorframe before she managed to come to a stop. Her mane was disshelved and some less tactful ponies could have pointed out that she was panting from exertion. “Oh thank goodness, there you are! Is everything alright? I got your…”

The Princess trailed off, staring past the group with wide eyes. Everypony turned their heads to look at Sunset Shimmer. With a blush, Sunset realized that she still hadn’t moved an inch, standing tall and with her wings impossible to miss, flared out at her sides as they were.

“Uhm… Hey mom.”

There was a short moment of silence. Then the Princess let out a short, goat-like bleat before unceremoniously dropping over sideways, stiff as a board.

Pinkie Pie tilted her head, breaking the silence. “Huh, so that’s how Princesses faint? Wow, you were waaaaay off, Rarity.”

~~~~~

Dear Princess Celestia,

There has been an unforeseen

Friendship problem, please come quickly
burnt burnt burnt charred ......................................................................... charred
burnt burnt burnt burnt burnt charred ...................... charred burnt burnt burnt burnt charred
burnt burnt burnt burnt burnt burnt burnt charred burnt burnt burnt burnt burnt burnt burnt

~~~~~

Princess Celestia hummed sleepily, pulling Woona closer to herself. She had taken great care to hide the pony-sized alicorn plush the very same day that her sister had been freed from the Nightmare. She couldn’t tell whether Luna would feel embarrassed to find out about the sewn plush the older sibling had taken as comfort while the younger sibling had been in banishment, or excited about the potential blackmail material. Frankly, neither option seemed very appealing.

The Princess kept her eyes closed, nuzzling a bit further into the soft mane. She couldn’t remember how long it had been since she last had opportunity to take the plush out of its hiding spot. In fact, she couldn’t remember retrieving it from that spot… at all…

Oh.

Celestia cleared her throat quietly, lying completely still. “Uhm…”

The plush got considerably more tense, and noticeably warmer around the head.

Celestia waited.

“If anypony asks, I did not sneak into your room while you were unconscious, and I especially didn’t sneak into your room while you were unconscious just to snuggle up to you.”

The Princess let out a small sigh, still not opening her eyes or changing her position. “That bad, huh?”

The plush shifted slightly. “Thirty moons without hearing so much as a single word from you. The whole time not even knowing if you would want to talk to me if you could. I don’t know if your duplicate in the other world made things better or worse… Principal Celestia reminded me of what I’d lost every single day just being here, but at the same time it gave me something – or someone – to stay angry at.”

There was another short pause before the plush let out a wry chuckle and spoke up again. “I guess either one is pretty bad, in hindsight.”

Celestia nodded lightly, thinking back. “When you stepped through that mirror, I didn’t know if you would even survive. I barely knew what would be on the other side, and we had no way to bring you back. The three days were almost over and the portal closed minutes after you went through, far too close to reasonably send anypony else after you.” She sighed and leaned back with half a smile. “You always had to have the most horrible timing, didn’t you?”

She finally opened her eyes and looked down just in time to see the other pony turn their head to look up at her. “I missed you, Sunset Shimmer.”

“I missed you, too…” Sunset turned her head to look forward again. “…mom.”

Celestia looked further down, bringing one hoof up to carefully prod at the wings that hadn’t been there the last time she saw her adopted daughter. “So… I couldn’t help but notice that you have wings now. Fancy that, huh?“

Sunset rolled her eyes, smiling. “Oh stop it with the dad jokes. Yes, I have wings now. No, we don’t know where they came from. We had hoped that you might know more about it, seeing how you were the first alicorn.”

“Second, actually.” Celestia shook her head, inspecting the wings. “And I do know a little more about it than the common pony does. Though certainly not nearly as much as the common pony seem to think they do.” She gave a short, soft laugh, thinking back at some of the most outrageous headlines related to Princess Cadence’s and Twilight’s ascensions. Then she paused, looking up to take in the room for the first time. “Speaking of, you said ‘we’. Where are Twilight and her friends? And where are we, for that matter?”

“We brought you to one of the guest suites in Twilight’s castle. Yes, the castle has guest suites. They were just as surprised as me.” Sunset gestured towards the door on the opposite side of the room. “Everypony else is downstairs. Twilight wanted to look through some books, Spike said he’d make some snacks and the others are probably just waiting for you to wake up.”

“I see…” Celestia nodded. “I think that only leaves one more question for now.”

Sunset’s ears pricked up. “And what question is that?”

The Princess sighed, shuffling backwards to sit up. “How mad are you at me for what happened?”

“Mad at you? I’m the one who should ask you that question, shouldn’t I?” Sunset sat up as well, frowning. “I’m the one who went against your orders and then took the first way out without really thinking of the consequences, after all.”

Celestia nodded. “But you were also a teenage mare, and a precocious one at that. I should have known better than to blow up at you like that, and I should have known better even before all that.” She looked down. “But I missed the signs, like so many times before…”

Sunset sighed. “How about a compromise. Let’s say we are both at fault, stubborn, and pretty darn stupid for two mares as smart as us.” She gave the Princess a shy smile.

“That does seem like the best course of action, yes.” Celestia chuckled, then stopped suddenly. She tilted her head, giving the other alicorn a thoughtful look.

“What’s wrong? Do I have something on my face?” Sunset frowned, feeling her head with one hoof. “I didn’t grow a second horn on top of the wings or something, did I? I’m serious here, that’s something I’d totally expect to happen after the last couple months.”

Celestia let out a thoughtful hum, then shook her head with one of her infuriatingly knowing smiles. “No, nothing like that. I was just wondering… If we are both at fault, we should both have to make up for our mistakes, wouldn’t we? What do you propose for that?”

Sunset shrugged. “Uhm, I don’t know? I think I’ve done my share of that in the other world… Not just the whole exile and no-magic thing, I’m talking about regular community service here. I didn’t actually cause much damage while on this side of the mirror and I’m seen as reformed on the other side. I’ve done what I could to redeem myself at Canterlot High, I made some friends…” She trailed off. “I guess my punishment could be apologizing to all the ponies I’ve been rude to back in this world’s Canterlot.”

Celestia nodded. “And for me? Surely being a Princess doesn’t make me infallible, as we have seen.”

Sunset nodded. “That’s a whole different case, not just because of what you did but because of what you are. Keeping you away from your duties would do more damage than good. I guess the most fitting punishment would be to have you revise the security measures for the mirror. And any other dangerous magical artifacts you know of. Some of the things I read in those books could go causing a whole lot of trouble if you just put them out of sight. Cursed books, trinkets… I think I remember something about an Alicorn Amulet, probably because of the name…” She shook her head.

Celestia coughed, trying to hide a blush. “Yes, quite… Let’s talk about something else, shall we. Do you think you could be available in Canterlot tomorrow at… Oh, let’s say 9:30?”

~~~~~

Sunset shuffled her hooves, fidgeting nervously under the dress concealing her wings. After traveling to Canterlot with Celestia and spending the night at the castle, she was all but dragged out of bed and dressed by a pair of hoofmaidens and ushered out into the palace gardens. There she was pulled along onto a small podium by the Princess to face a crowd of common ponies, nobleponies and – most notably and filling the front rows – reporters.

Sunset realized that she had been drafted, if not shangneighed into a press conference, and it wasn’t very hard to guess what the whole event was about, even though the rest of the gathered ponies still seemed to be in the dark.

Celestia walked up to the podium, looking over the crowd and smiling warmly. “My little ponies, I am here today to inform you of recent event of considerable significance, for me especially. Some of you might remember the pony I am here to introduce to you, not just as a pony but as a foreign dignitary – the first of that ‘country’ to come to Equestria in a long time. The details will be released later today for the press and everypony else who wishes to read them first-hoof, but for now, allow me to present to you…”

She took a step to the side and made a subtle gesture with one hoof behind the podium. Sunset sighed and took a deep breath, putting on the most regal face she could muster and stepping up to the front of the stage. She spread her wings, the drama clasps on both sides of the dress snapping open to allow them free movements while a collective gasp went out from the crowd.

“Sunset Shimmer, the Alicorn of Justice.”

Author's Note:

There is a deleted scene that just didn't feel like it would fit in properly between the last two scenes of this chapter. That's why I put it in a blog post. Redundant blog title is redundant.

Now stay tuned and be excited for the rousing anticlimax, coming with delay, going far too short and leaving you vaguely unsatisfied.

iiiiiinnuendo!

Comments ( 58 )

Just read these first two chapters- it's looking pretty fun so far! I'm rather enjoying how everyone's just rolling with it. And the scene were Celestia fainted made me giggle like an idiot. xD What a wonderful letter to receive from your fellow alicorn, haha. The scene with Celestia talking to her "plushie" was pretty cute though.

I do feel like the last few sections of this chapter were a bit to fast, especially with the last one being such a big announcement. It may have benefited from being a little bit drawn out to build tension and suspense, however that is just my opinion, so take it with a grain of salt.

Writing was meh, but I'm interested.

6374749

You are completely right and I'm sad to say that "drawing things out" is something I've never managed and probably never will, for several reasons. I envy the writers who can, and I even more envy those writers who can do it while spending less time than me on their triple-size chapters.
The short end to this chapter was mainly because I felt that everything I write between that conversation of Celestia and Sunset and the press conference would just take away from the effect. In an episode, a cut like that wouldn't be unusual, either, and that's what I'm ultimately going for. If it helps, you can read the deleted scene I linked in the Author's Note.

On that note, you might be disappointed by the next chapter, as it will most likely be the epilogue to this story. That's partially because I've pretty much gotten through the core of this story's premise already and most of what's left is just SoL stuff (I wanted to tell you that you can get that from every other story of Sunset in Equestria, but ironically they all seem to cut it out, too), partially because half of the weekend they had is already over anyway, and partially because there are still a lot of other short stories to write for this and I want to get to them before the motivation wanes.

6374771
That is a difficult thing to do. As a non-writer, I can't really give any good tips on how to do it, unfortunately. (Though one thing that could help is to describe in more acute detail the surroundings and everything leading up to the 'moment'; The smell in the air, banners on the walls, the emotional conflict of the character, mentioning the clap of hoofs on marble and the fanciness of the dressing of everyone present. That type of thing. Taking the time to describe things in more detail makes the moment feel slower and longer- which can be good or bad, depending on how you use it.)

I actually did read the deleted chapter- it was enjoyable, and did help bridge the cut a bit. I think the problem is that we went from knowing nothing about why she transformed (or at least the characters didn't) to suddenly having a specific alicorn title of Justice. Again, this could just be me, so...

Nah, I already knew coming in that this would be a shorter story. The brevity of this story is rather fun, even if it does harm it just a little bit. I'm sure the next chapter will be a perfect ending.

Oh man, I know what you mean about working while still in the throes of wild motivation. Good luck with that!

I would've chosen "Alicorn of Redemption" instead.

6374813

I actually prefer to leave the details up to the readers imagination (partially because I tend to have a rather vague and fluctuating image of most scenes myself). Of course that approach backfires sometimes, but it's what I feel most comfortable with. I usually try to do at least the key scenes a little longer. :twilightsheepish:

6374838

Many people seem to go with "redemption", but redemption is something fleeting and subjective. Redeeming yourself to someone isn't enough for someone else, or might go the wrong direction entirely. And redemption only goes for so long, or else there would be no point to it.
Justice is more objective (though not infallible, naturally) and stable, something you can depend on. At least in my opinion.

Different take than I expected...most people put Sunset as the Element of Redemption but...this will be a bit more interesting...

6374980

I refer you to my previous comment.

Many people seem to go with "redemption", but redemption is something fleeting and subjective. Redeeming yourself to someone isn't enough for someone else, or might go the wrong direction entirely. And redemption only goes for so long, or else there would be no point to it.

Justice is more objective (though not infallible, naturally) and stable, something you can depend on. At least in my opinion.

6375013 True...I think I'll just wait and see where you go with this.

6374884
That makes sense, haha. Letting the reader fill in the gaps can be a whole lot of fun, and sometimes far more effective than describing it! Whatever writing style works for you. Sorry if I've sounded a bit forceful or blunt.
^-^;


To throw in my two cents about Sunset's element, I've always seen her element as being the concept of Forgiveness. She strove to be forgiven by the school, but ultimately had to forgive herself before she could move on and grow as a person. Furthermore, harmony cannot be maintained if one isn't willing to forgive others for their mistakes. We see Sunset actually work in this ideal, helping the other girls to not only realize they were wrong in how they bickered with each other, but to also help them forgive each-other too. That's just how I see it though. It's always really interesting to see how many different ways people interpret Sunset's element!

6375013

So, Sunset is now pony Tyrael? :raritystarry:

6375022

Oh, you didn't sound forceful. Like I said, I think you're completely right (for some parts of my stories, at least). It's just something I don't have much hope of changing.
As for the Element of Forgiveness thing... I refer you to my previous two comments (Redemption is just a fancy word for Forgiveness).

6375053

I have no idea who Tyrael is... Is that bad?

There's always hope- one day, you'll wake up and realize that you've improved in ways you never thought possible! Just keep practicing and striving for improvement, and it will happen. :)

You're having fun with it and that's more than enough for me. :pinkiesmile:
I agree with CuttlefishDreamer that the last sections of the chapter felt a bit rushed though.

6375061

I have no idea who Tyrael is... Is that bad?

...
........
:twilightoops: Did...didn´t you ever play Diablo?!
Meet the Archangel of Justice:

6375129

Ooooh... I don't play as much video games as most other people in this fandom, I think. Partially because I spent the first half of my life without them, partially because I don't have the internet for most online games... and partially because I just spent too much time reading.
I also prefer Jump-n-run/webcomic style games, so most of the mainstream shooters and such don't have as much appeal for me.

I do enjoy hearing or reading about them, though. Have you ever watched Zero Punctuation?

There was a short moment of silence. Then the Princess let out a short, goat-like bleat before unceremoniously dropping over sideways, stiff as a board.

sunset

“Uhm… Hey mom.”

Then the Princess let out a short, goat-like bleat before unceremoniously dropping over sideways, stiff as a board.

HA HA HA, poor old Tia, Ya I probably would 2 hounestly.

Alicorn of justice huh? Let's see how this will play out. Onward!

6375279
6375281

I was wondering when someone would comment on that. :rainbowlaugh:

When is the next chapter?

6375389 the best part is I know what that sounds like (thank you mythbusters)

IMO, the individual scenes are well written, but that last paragraph does come across as being a bit rushed. Also, some details could help flesh out the story a little more. Specifically why Sunset called Celestia 'Mom'. That is kind of a big deal:rainbowderp:

Also, Cadence didn't ascend shortly after birth; but that's just nitpicking. Your story, your canon:twilightsmile:

Obligatory musical reference GO!

When I first read the part where Celestia talks to her 'plushie', I was confused and thought "The plushie can talk?". It was then when Celestia said this:

When you stepped through that mirror, I didn’t know if you would even survive.

that I realized that the 'plushie' was Sunset.

I'm iffy about the mother-adopted daughter relationship Sunset and Celestia have but I think I can manage.

Also, "Alicorn of Justice".... Not bad of a title actually. Still, I wonder why you named it so.

So... mother. That's something I hadn't seen before with Sunset. Also, *Smacks Dash upside the head* PUT SPIKE DOWN!

6375917
6377423
6377745

The whole "adopted daughter" idea was shamelessly stolen lovingly referenced from (Mis)taken Identity. I really thought that it was a more popular headcanon, but I've gotten a lot of comments like that now. :unsuresweetie:

(Also, thanks for the reminder Solthusx. I should really change that)

6378096 Well, it's not a bad thing. I rather like it and it adds a new dimension to their relationship and falling out.

6378107

Read that stooooory. It's a lot better than anything I'll be able to write for this.

6378096
'Sunset as Celestia's adopted daughter' is indeed a popular fanon theory that I've seen used in several fanfics (and one that I'm pretty fond of myself:twilightsmile: ). It is best to provide some explanation though, since not all readers will be familiar with that theory. Even for the ones that are, the circumstances that led to Sunset being adopted can differ greatly.

Also this would mean Sunset is technically Cadence's cousin (and is therefore related to Twilight via Cadence's marriage to Shining Armour)

Ps I belive the idea that Cadence ascended shortly after birth was presented in one of the Nyxverse stories (I think it was mentioned in 'Alicornundrum' )

Alicorn of Justice? Allright~o, consider me hooked.

6381397

Yay~
(Love your avatar, by the way :raritystarry:)

6382167
My pleasure.^^

Why, thank you. It´s a rather old rendition of my Sona, got it from a really nice artist on FA.

Sunset Shimmer, the Alicorn of Justice.

You'd think she'd be all about redemption, considering her story.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG!!

*cough cough*
Uh, yeah.
Dang, son!

6407279

Now that's an enthusiastic comment. Thank you, good Sir/Madam. :moustache:

6399421

I refer you to the previous half-dozen comments and answers on that exact topic. :coolphoto:

I would have probably put a few more chapters in there; maybe Luna having to knock Celestia upside the head for expecting perfection from herself and for not letting Sunset be an adult and take responsibility for her own bad decisions. I would also like to see a scene where Sunset chooses whether to return to her friends in the human world for the long haul or whether she allows Celestia's understandable desire to have her daughter alongside her again persuade her to take a role in the court.

Hmm...

Maybe Blueblood might try to make a move on the 'new princess' before Rarity chases him off?

If I were to have been asked to make up a title for Sunset, it would have been "The Princess of Friendship from the World Beyond the Mirror", symbolising the fact that it was there she earned her ascension and there, at least in my opinion, that her sacred duty to teach, to protect and to lead Her Little Ponies People lies.

Just to let you know that Celestia's 'first foreign dignitary from a far-away land to visit in a long time' line leaves me very, very interested as to what multi-century chess game she has just moved into its end-game. If you want to, you could still do a lot more with this and it would not be an anticlimax!

6504878

I'm highly impressed. I don't think anyone understood that as thoroughly as you so far.

6504907

There are several reasons why this is going to be kept rather short (and not an adventure story). For one I have a lot of stories I want to write and a concerning lack of motivation for it lately.
The other is that this is supposed to be part of a group of (Slice of Life) stories. And that includes going back into the human world.
Also, inspiration only struck me for the first chapter so I'm trying to wing it now. Heh heh, 'wing it'...

Either way, thank you a lot for these comments. I appreciate them a lot.

6504878 Ah, thanks. Haven't seen that one.

I'm a sucker for Sunset ascension stories, though I'd have liked to see some of the moments in the first flashback montage in greater detail. Still, definitely an interesting choice for Sunset's domain. I look forward to seeing where you go with this should you revisit it.

7379796
Well, originally I was going to try and make a series of stories out of this. I already had ideas for the human versions of some episodes, like Magical Mystery Cure, Winter Wrap Up and the Cheese Sandwich episode.
After I lost my plans on where to actually go with this story though, it just kind of tapered off. The first chapter was the part I really wanted to write, and after that I'm just not sure where to take it, what with Sunset going back home after the weekend.
The story also got a rather mixed reception by my standards... it's got a worse rating than either of my crossover stories, and those are a lot more fun to write for me. So, I'll put this one on hiatus but I can't promise I'll ever be able to properly finish it. I wouldn't even know how at the moment (if you want I can send you a general outline of those episodes from the flashback montage, though).

P.S.: Good to hear from you, buddy. Always great when an author I respect comments on one of my stories.
Maybe I can see about another short chapter for your collab to make up for this half-finished mess. :twilightsheepish:

7379954 Please Update

Please update

“Ponyville’s Official Royal Alicorn Flight Coach to the rescue. Don’t worry, I got loads of practice in catching princesses.”

This line, all by itself, made me sad this never continued. Anyone who can write something that brilliant needs to write more. MOAR!! :rainbowdetermined2:

And then you made Sunbuns bleat like a goat!!!

:rainbowlaugh:

Sad that this is it. Great story.

I love this story! However, I can understand that for whatever the reason there is little hope for a future update.

8963202

Calm yourself, you are likely tracking this story and will get an update if it is to occur. What good is it to repeat the same question four times on the same chapter?

9096615
I'm ADD ADHD and Autistic, patience is not a thing I have a lot of.....It helps me not get THAT angry.

Love the story so far, is there any chance of this getting an update?

Login or register to comment