I'm just someone who loves writing, reading and making plush ponies. Lots of plush ponies. The bad thing about it? I have so many by now, I don't know where to put them...
A week has passed since Starlight Glimmer's disappearance, and the ponies in the town start building up their lives. When Party Favor throws a party, Night Glider sees an opportunity to find some friends. And what is the fastest way to do so? Baking delicious treats, of course! But soon she'll find out, that it's a much harder task, than she had imagined...
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good story the only problem i saw is that you spelled prefect "perfekt"
Thanks for pointing that out, I've corrected it.
And it's nice to hear, that you have enjoyed my story.
I was wondering what happened to Night Glider and the others after Starlight Glimmer left, and now I know!
There are several things you can improve in your writing. Take the following example:
You've put two different speaking characters into a single chunk of text. Your reader knows that the first bit is Night Glider speaking ("Baking..."), but then comes what seems to be her part as well ("But you are..."). We only learn that it's Sugar Belle's after it ends (Sugar Belle said). It's confusing! Imagine someone doing a live reading of your story. How can they tell how to modulate their voice if it's unclear who's speaking at the moment?
The easy way to fix it is to keep your characters' dialogue separated. Consider the following:
That clears it up, doesn't it? I took the liberty of correcting your punctuation as well. That comma you're making after the closing quotation mark should go before it because if you think about it, after a full stop (...than I thought.) it's incorrect to begin a new sentence with a comma and an uncapitalized word (, she said...). That's why you want to make it into a single sentence:
In case of ending your sentence with a question mark or an exclamation you can drop the comma completely:
One bug to squish:
That's all I have for now. I hope that you'll consider these tips worth applying and use them to improve your writing. It's not bad at the moment, and you can--and you will-- get better in time! Also: yes, I only read your story and produced this comment because of that blog post under which we've met. What a twist of fate, eh?
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Thanks for your criticism. I really appreciate it.
Well, I normally seperate my texts like that (each dialog in it's own passage), but when I edited my story for a last time, I thought it would stretch the story unnecessary, so I put a few of them together.
And I've never noticed, that I placed wrong commas everywhere. Oops. Looks like I have some editing to do...
Anyway, thanks again for helping me. Yeah, fate can take interesting turns.