"Wait, you mean being gay is a crime in this world?" Sunset was floored when she heard the news. After quieting the voice that realized how many blackmailing opportunities she missed, she has the idea to start a Gay Straight Alliance, with the help of her new, accidental, girlfriend Rainbow Dash. What else was a reformed villain to do?
She didn't do it for the pride, or glory. But she may have saved a life or two.
Depression is a hard cycle to break. Many don't realize they have it. But sometimes, somebody gets lucky and finds something, or someone, that connects them to the rest of the world. Makes you feel like you're worth something.
But even bonds of love are such slender threads.
A Scootaloo story about growing up queer, with the world against you. And you against you.
Set a little after Rainbow Rocks. Kinda. We're also under the assumption that Scootaloo and gang are freshman and the Mane Six are seniors.
Teen because sexual innuendo. Or, you know, discuss it openly. Also profanity because I swore worse than a sailor in high school, so I assume everyone else does it too. Also if reading about teenage lesbians, gays, or etc, exploring their sexuality (pg-rated) makes you uncomfortable, abandon hope now. Also beware the Teen Angst. And a few suicide attempts...
Cover art from inkypsycho. Not technically used with permission.
Big thanks to Rezio for editing.
Love it. Needs more
I love this much to much! I can't wait to see more!
For one thing, I'm liking the character interactions so far
"I'm a former megalomaniac and high school student. I don't care." this is beautiful reasoning
I love the repetition of "terrible habit" - they're each really funny.
"And if you’re not there I will skin you alive."
"You read books, right?" Sunset's eyebrows raised at the question. "Of course you do."
they are so blase about sex it's ridiculous
"and nobody knew how serious she was" I think polyamorous Sunset is great
"make yourself at home. Literally, move in. We have so many rooms it's not funny." ... why didn't Sunset know she was rich?
"She made a catholic cross on the coffee, in penance for what she was about to unleash on the world."
I also really enjoyed the opening paragraph.
there's a small issue about ending quotes, but it's not a dealbreaker. little grammar errors. 'brazier' should be 'brassiere'
there is a story here, the plot is interesting and the pace is steady. the prose and rhetoric are solid. humor is spot on, dialogue/characterization is well-done. I think with an editor, this can be very great
6292570
This is the nicest thing anyone has ever said.
You do bring up a good point about Sunset not knowing Rainbow's financial status. I didn't even think about it. Part of the problem is the story's setting is wishy-washy. If this was set after Rainbow Rocks like I said, she should know. I'll have to go back and tweak it.
In my mind Equestria is a utopia. Kind of like Brave New World, you can just sort of bring home a person if they agree to it. (Except, you know, without the finite control of everything.) And Rainbow Dash... well you'll find out.
I really wanted to pull the reader back into High School, as I remember it. It didn't go down like this story is, but the feeling should be the same.
Edit-- I've tweaked the first chapter for better continuity and spelling / grammar clean up. I only took like five minutes so I probably missed like 95% of it.
Ahh such a fluffy moment and a nice reassurance that she did make the best choise for her rock on dude.
Nice. I personally feel that you should have split chapters once focus shifted to Scoots, but it's still good.
My own school started a GSA last year. Quite a few people had joined (but not me). I will continue reading this.
6305434
Thanks. Personally I thought of like five different ways that may have been better to structure the first chapter (like breaking it up) but this is what I ended up with, and I refuse to be the Constant Revisionist. (Looking at you, George Lucas.)
It's a personal decision to join of course, but you get to meet some really fun people. I won't try to win you over by saying there's a cause to support. I have my own views on that and they've seeped their way into later chapters. They're just people that need friends. And as we all know, Friendship is Magic.
I'm in college currently, but I still remember high school vividly. As you read on you'll probably figure out why. Is this a happy story? Kinda.
OMG! Sweetie Belle! Scootaloo! Dirty Pictures!
6311006
They're teenagers. I think I put Scootaloo and Sweetie at 15, Apple Bloom at sixteen but only by a few months. You may think they're sweet and innocent, but they're soaked in hormones. Don't act like you haven't done it. Technically it would be distributing CP. There have been a few instances where people have been put in jail for it. But it happens. I'm aiming for realism more than "Dawwwww look how sweet and cute these TEENAGE LESBIANS are." Though there is plenty of that. Cute, sweet, horny teenage lesbians. I almost feel nasty for writing that.
Also you're going to love chapter three then.
This story is great. I did see a few mistakes, but that's okay. I would suggest a couple things though: Add a line of something to separate scenes, you only sometimes did that, and make it easier to tell each sender when doing text messages. It may only be messed up because I'm on my phone, though, so if it is you don't need to. Anyways, keep up the good work!
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I broke up scenes the best I could, I guess. A couple may have slipped by, because you just made me realize I don't really check line breaks when I review my work. I agree with the text-messages. I was treating them as something different than dialogue but that's not actually the case. I actually did it "right" in a chapter I've written but haven't published yet. I'll go back and tweak it.
Thanks for the feedback. I still need to track down an editor.
6322257 You're welcome, I'm happy to help. And good luck on getting an editor!
Man. Poor Scoots. At least she's happy now.
If I may speak freely about my personal religious choices.
The last bit holds part of the reason why I walked away from organized religion. I do believe that something started the whole universe, but I don't believe that humans would even begin to comprehend it enough to even create a religion. And with the Bible, the earlier bits have been around for so long that it is simply outdated and has several things that I don't believe an all-loving God would do, even as a test.
Then it makes me angry that someone would use something so out of touch with how the modern world works to justify hatred of a person. Even if you don't like a person you should still respect their choices in life and how they were born. And if they do use the Bible as justification, then follow the whole thing to the letter. No tattoos, no female empowerment, none of it.
I'm a bit sorry for having to put my rant here, but you have made some characters that I despise this much. I took the time to type that on a cell phone and I don't want it to be wasted. I do enjoy the story. I think it's high time I hit the favorite button.
Also, something I didn't include. Rainbow knows a lot of British terms. And thank you for reminding me about the real meaning of faggot.
6337614
I will take that as a compliment.
They say the best fiction contains bits of truth. I wish I was making Scootaloo's parents up.
Don't get too concerned; my arms don't have any scars.
6337620
It's bad for me to admit this, but I wrote that bit after I read The Mare Who Once Lived on the Moon. Where Rainbow is one of those "larger than life" adventurer types. I thought it fit well, and the whole trip is basically an extended joke on Rainbow Dash's part.
I'm trying really hard to not dive into character analysis on my own story, but she does look up to Daring Do (Let's assume they were made into movies, since this is before Twilight gave her a book. Yeah, that's what we're going with. Happened in one world, so Twilight thought it would be appropriate to ignite a similar love of reading.) Daring Do is basically Indiana Croft Magellan... MacGyver. The leap to "British explorers" isn't too big, I think.
Also it's a little bit my fault again, I was raised on BBC America because it was on public television. I seem to have adopted a few British-isms, enough to embarrass myself if I ever try to use them in Britain. Any inconstant spelling of "Color" or "colour" is my fault because for some reason I do that even though I've never even crossed the pond.
You know, I've never read 'Catcher in the Rye'.
I've never been much of a sports guy myself, though I did play some YMCA soccer. One time as goalie a ball hit my head and knocked my glasses off. Still saved the goal.
At least where I live there is a few weeks out of the year where the girls get their own football league. Still not enough.
My younger brother tried out little league football for a season. Those coaches were freaking idiots. They taught the kids how to tackle in a way that would maximize head injuries.
And I never participate in marching band. I don't feel like marching while trying to play my instrument. It's unfortunate that I am forced to march in the fall parade.
Great chapter as always. Scootabelle is most adorable ship.
6367384
I kinda got on my high horse (ha) about it. I don't want to give too much a way, but Scootaloo is nearly experiencing my High School. Canterlot High may be a great school, and have none of these problems, but that wouldn't really make for an interesting story. I don't think I have to state the real demographic here.
I'm pretty sure if I wrote about anyone playing football it would be... completely unenjoyable. The narrator would go from sarcastic (at times) to downright vitriolic. Any active participant in the sport would be a villain. Suffice to say I have strong opinions on it. You can see where it seeps through a little.
I played clarinet. I wasn't any good, so I decided I wouldn't pursue it in college. I... the band instructor was one of my friend's mom. She had a love/hate relationship with her job, and I didn't get much out of it, except some friends that kind of kept me stable. As I said in the notes, I absolutely hated marching band. It was hot, and then, in November or so, below freezing. Concert was my favorite, but, as I said, I was bad at it.
And yes, Scootabelle is perhaps my favorite.
As much as I want to explain to everyone that reads this what's going on, I don't really want to be the meta author. I appreciate your comments. I'll let you draw your own conclusions.
it'd help with readability if you used those fancy 3 asterisk things when you switch between character narrations
6373487
True. And it would probably help if I stopped switching mid-paragraph.
(I'm actually not being sarcastic.) It would definitely make sense for how I structured this chapter.
I know the story needs tweaks like that but I've been too lazy/preoccupied to do them. That will change.
still a better love story than twilight
6400146
Well, you added this to favorites, so I'll take that as a complement.
(Anyone that doesn't like the CMC Harem will burn in Hell... Wait...)
Obviously that was sarcasm. I find the idea adorable and it kept wanting to happen. Seriously. I wrote it in like five different scenes before this one stuck.
6401075 1. it was a joke cause i couldn't think of anything else to say
2. well that seams hypocritical
3. i do like this story but i think we need more conflict with scoot's parents something like bumping in to them while sweetie and scoots are on a date or something
6401165
3. Brb rewriting a chapter.
6401279 i'm gonna assume that means i gave you an idea
6401075 In regards to the harem part of what made this story interesting to me is that it was the fact it was about scootaloo and sweetie going though high school as a couple and facing the challenges that come with that. Seeing as i am in high school myself i can relate to some of what they are going though but something i can't relate to is being in a harem. However that being said i do enjoy this story and i will respect your choices as the author and i will still read this story.
6409966
) And tried to make an ironic joke that anybody that had read to that point would realize was completely off base. I may have failed in that regard. 
Oh no no no no no. I wasn't even thinking about attacking you for not liking the harem. I was just being stupid (I'm prone to do that from time to time
Good luck with High School. It was absolute misery for me...
But anyway, as for the harem part, it still boils down to two person romantic relationships. The majority of the time won't be all four of them (In case you forgot about Rumble) dating and... yeah. It brings in some new conflicts and keeps the old ones. In case you haven't realized, this story will drag you through the brambles to the happy ending.
And yes, to reply to the earlier comment. You did give me an idea by making me realize that while all the internal conflict is going on, there's a big, huge issue lingering in the air.
I hope I haven't lost a reader, I really appreciate all... twelve of you.
And if anyone was wondering, School and Work have taken a huge chunk out of my writing time, but a new chapter should be up soon.
6412938 i knew it was a joke i was just letting you know about my thoughts on the harem
6412999
Well, We just have a complete breakdown of communication.
Polyamory not polygamy.
6922802
Huh, I thought I was clear with differentiating those two.
Though honestly I'm just going to go with "It's Applejack's dialogue." She probably doesn't know the difference.
Thank you though. Can't believe nobody caught it, and this is a great sign people are actually reading this!
And thus the ss sweetiemash has sunk
6968696
Because that was the important part of the chapter.
... Actually I won't lie I wanted to dismiss the pair completely because it seems to be everyone's favorite.
Ilike this story qnd will keep my eye out for updates but i saw a few chapters back that scootaloos biological parents were not made up. How much of the story is made up and how much reflects you?
6976442
I'd dare venture to say I have it better than Scoots in some ways, but she has it better than me in others.
I don't have a harem (The horror),
I suffered from depression and I tried my best to portray it, but my wrists aren't scarred.
The first scene with her parents reflects what happened with my grandparents.
I even had a Rainbow Dash figure when I was just starting. Heck, his favorite pony was Rainbow Dash. They also acted a lot alike.
One quick critique on my own writing. It's exceptionally difficult to capture RD's... presence, so to speak.
As far as the whole trans* thing is going, it would be the opposite direction for me, but I'm... not... entirely.... sure....(Doesn't that sound familiar...) (Also I hope I'm handling that well enough)
(And I'm not nearly getting laid as much as her).
Interesting times indeed - in the sense of that old curse. Hopefully there won't be anything too awful happening to Scoots at the clinic ... I can certainly see this take on the EG-Verse having crap like the Planned Parenthood shooting go down.
7059493
I'm not that cruel. I didn't even think of that. Although, now that you mention it...
I'm kidding. I swear
7059788 Didn't think you'd have it happen to Scoots, but it could certainly contribute to his nervousness and/or create drama - if this whole pregnancy thing isn't just a scare, that is.
7060467
I'm running out of "worst things ever" that could happen to him/her.
Which is kinda weird because I love Scootaloo. Part of the reason I started writing this was that I was getting diabetes from all of the light, happy, fluffy stuff. I was dissatisfied with the darker stuff as well because, well, they got over the emotional torment too quickly. And had no memories of it. It irked me. I'm not even necessarily going to say mine is better, but at this point I just want to finish it.
Apple Bloom or Sweetie... well, they'd be able to take it a little better, regardless of what they decide (If you're curious, I've already basically written how they would react).
7061159 Fair enough ... and yeah, it's good to see a balance. Too much on here's either grimdark or borderline-sickeningly-sweet fluff. A good story is somewhere in between, and this is certainly one of them. And characters take time to deal with stuff.
And glad to see Reg doing what he does best. Wonder if the half-sibling will turn up in time, or is already there somehow.
Scoots final line made this chapter for me
Motherly scootaloo is that you? If the baby is kept or adopted please name it lightning blitz
Its really a shame more people are not readimg and commentimg on this
Yeas i like this so much
Well that just happened
7064406
Every writer wants to be read. But I'd really like to know what problems people might have. Those 19 thumbs down are a mystery.
7073112
And... yeah that's about the same reaction I had too.
Nice wrap-up. Glad to see it all working out in the end, more or less. And yeah, Scoots, that proposal line was kinda flat.
Dawwww.
I'm gonna be the first to say HOLY CRAP 80000 WORDS!!! I LOVE IT PLEASE BECOME A AUTHOR!!
7215623
That's the plan.