How Every Shipfic Would Actually Happen

by TheOnly

Twilestia

Twilight galloped up the white steps of the castle. After much contemplation, she had finally figured out her true feelings for Celestia. Nothing could stop her from expressing her feelings. She needed to find Celestia.

Guards moved out of the way as Twilight rushed through the halls of the caste in search of the princess. Doors flew by her in a blur as she searched for any sign of her. As she passed a room, she heard the princess' voice. She skidded to a halt, pushing her hooves down as hard as she could, and made a full turn around before galloping into the door. She had no time to knock, and busted the door down.

Inside was Celestia speaking with on the guards about security, but when Twilight entered they both stared at her. Celestia knew something was the matter if Twilight was breaking down doors, and sent the guard out of the room.

"What's wrong Twilight?" she asked.

Twilight gasped for breath and tried to speak, attempting several times before getting audible words out of her mouth.

"Princess Celestia. I love you. Do you wanna, I don't know, go out sometime?"

Celestia stared at Twilight wide-eyed. She didn't know what to make of the information, but trotted up to Twilight. She but a hoof on Twilight's shoulder and stared her straight in the eye.

"Twilight, I'm four thousand years old, immortal, and a goddess princess, and you are a normal unicorn who is, like, seventeen. You can't date me."

Twilight looked at the ground and frowned. "Okay."

Comments

[RamboPilot]

TO THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!

[DreZoma]

Twilight isn't a normal unicorn.
Apparently she's one of the most powerful unicorns (if not THE) in Equestria.

...I guess that doesn't really make up anything else, though.

[P1N413-P13]

This made me laugh so hard.

[CBM8]

So true. Endless rofls.

[Jack Ass Knife]

So damn true.

[Lucaski8]

This is....brilliant. An actual laugh for once, this is great.

[UseFistNotMouth]

17? Aww y u conflict with my headcanon. I see all the mane 6 as being 20 - 24 at the start of the show.

[CosmicAfro]

But maybe we c-
Lolnope.

Brilliant...

[Mayuhito]

OMG that was funny.

[DiStort]

Welp, points for trying, Twi.

[ScadianArcadium]

597629 BEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAATCH!

[meme-asaurus]

Rejected!

[Lium]

Not even that. Twilight and Celestia have a sort of mother-daughter relationship. Just look at the hug in The Elements of Harmony, after Celestia returns from the sun. That is the definition of motherly love.

[Pleaseworkforonce]

yes she is perfectly normal just like every other unicorn saved the world twice and discovered a changelings plot to take over canterlot and be powerful enough to be given a apprenticeship to Celestia but funny none the less

[NeonEclipse]

i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/164/259/46001%25252520-%25252520caption%25252520hnng%25252520macro%25252520spike.jpg

You raised my hopes and dashed them fully

well played good sir

[Drizzle]

597952 Would 3-7 years make a difference compared to 4000?

[dagonboy6666]

597649 Yeah thats almost as bad as saying Pinkie Pie's a normal Earth Pony

597952
I don't know how old Twilight is but I'm pretty sure that she is an adult

[onlyanorthernsong]

im dying of laughter here. you are a genius.

[The Equestrian Gentlecolt]

I laughed out loud at the end. Okay? Okay? That's like Dash saying "Yeah, I guess I'm not cut out for the Wonderbolts. Nevermind." But seriously, here's a 500-word-or-so sketch I've had sitting around that covers the same idea, but could be the intro to a nice dark fic. This seems like the place to post it.

It had taken no small amount of preparation for Twilight Sparkle to get to this point. In fact, it had taken quite a large amount of preparation. Even aside from the lifetime of nurturing this most secret of dreams, it had taken her weeks of conscious preparation and premeditation to get here. She had made lists. She had checked them twice. Even the checks had gotten checks of their own. And now, standing before her beloved mentor at the gates of Canterlot Castle, a hoof digging against the cobblestones nervously but her eyes never leaving Celestia’s, it was finally time to ask the million bit question.

“Princess Celestia... will you go out with me?”

Twilight Sparkle was not unobservant, not by a long shot. While she had moments when describing her as “socially inept” would have been like describing the Neighagara Falls as “wet”, she could read expressions just as well as the next pony. With the amount of attention she was paying to her beloved mentor’s face at the moment, she would have had to have been unobservant indeed to have missed the series of expressions that flickered across the immortal mare’s visage.

Surprise. Confusion. Hope. Then... was that fear? But it was gone as soon as it came, replaced by the all-too-familiar mask of distant authority, and behind it, a regret as old as the sun itself.

“No, my faithful student. I will not.”

And that was all. There was no explanation. There never was, with Cel- with Princess Celestia. She had said exactly what she meant, and exactly what needed to be said: no less, and no more. It was her way.

And she was right, as always: there was no need for an explanation. There was no question of why at the tip of Twilight’s tongue. A thousand reasons why presented themselves: the same thousand reasons that had plagued her all the way here. The same thousand reasons she had held her tongue for all her time studying under that wonderful mare, the ones that had always made her excuse her feelings as a schoolfilly’s silly crush. There was no argument to be made. There were no questions to ask. There was simply what was, and what would not be.

There was nothing more to say. Twilight Sparkle nodded once, turned, and fled before her beloved teacher could see her in tears. She fled to the gardens, galloping between bushes and trees and into a familiar hedge maze. Without really thinking about where she was going, she navigated the corners and intersections, hoping only to get herself lost enough that nopony would find her for a good, long time.

But as she ran, the why became a maelstrom in her mind. There were a whole host of reasons, yes. A whole list of reasons. And as she skidded to a halt at a dead end near the center of the maze, she could almost see that list. And she could almost see the checkboxes next to each item.

Checkboxes... were made to be checked.

Suddenly, Twilight Sparkle was going to be a very busy mare.

There was a flash of light, and she was gone. On the other side of the hedge wall that had blocked her path, one could almost imagine that the expression of a certain statue had twisted into a self-satisfied smile.

[IncoherentOrange]

Oh, these incite a hearty laugh from me, mostly because of how bluntly accurate they are. Bravo!

[CaptainFabulass]

webdesign-guru.co.uk/icon/wp-content/uploads/rejected.gif
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3f6p6z00F1qbiwxs.jpg
Yep, basically just that

[Veylon]

599239
Yes. This sounds very much like Twilight. She's got to be one of the most horrifyingly persistent characters I've ever seen. If there's a way, however convoluted or insane, there's a will to follow it.

[Inkarus]

Lololol

When I saw "Twilestia" after the brutal Fluttermac, I was like AWW LAWDY HEE WEE GO.

And I was right.

[Deathpony360]

So what... Celestia is just plain doomed to never have a relaionship? Compared to 4000 years, EVERYPONY falls under this. What is she going to do, wait for someone her age? Not really butt hurt here, I'm not much of a shipper, I just find error with the logic in this one. Not as well done as the Fluttermac chapter.

[Squeaker]

It was at this point that I had to stuff my hand in my mouth to keep from laughing so loud I woke the entire cul-de-sac and gave you a skyward thumb. Somepony put my giggles on pause... gahhahahahha.... hoooo boyyy...

[8loodyrain]

cold........

[Method in Maddness]

Shot down!

[Phxntxm]

dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Mr_Cake.png
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png

[Tailslover13]

Well, I don't agree with THIS one. With Fluttershy and Big Macintosh, their reactions made perfect sense, since that's how they USUALLY act when put into those situations. With this one...okay, admittedly, I like Twilight x Celestia. But, I just don't think Celly would be THAT blunt with it. It...it just doesn't seem genuine. As true as what Celestia might say, it just seemed out-of-character. So, don't really like this part.

(You are a good writer, though. You make me happy with your good grammar and spelling. )

[11Bolts]

Mind blown to the moon

[ColdGoldLazarus]

This sums it up perfectly. Celestia would probably be a bit less blunt, but still.

[Gutter_Cat]

Shot down in flames!

[Kenseirabbit]

awwww i was expecting her to say yes..... am i the only one?

[Volkova]

597649
I'm more confused about her being called normal not because of her magic but because of her INSANITY.

"CLOCK...IS...TICKING!"

599963
Clearly she's saving herself for a certain Queen...! If only she would realise there is more than one way to extract love!

[midnitestate]

i was like .....

then HAHAHAHAHAH THE GREAT TROLLESTIA STRIKES ONCE MOAR XD

[Sammy-Jack]

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All dreams...gone.

[CuriousCurse]

I never would have thought she would have been so brash about such a personal matter but that ending was as funny (a lot) as it was painfully accurate.

[Nitro836]

599397 You live forever. You fall in love with a girl. She dies of age or accident. Rinse and repeat to infinity.

It's not fun to be repeatedly heartbroken by a loved one's death. It's simple as that.

[usenglish]

As much as I like Twilestia fics, I can't deny that this is probably much closer to the reality of what would actually happen, although like a lot of other commenter's have stated I suspect she would be a lit less blunt about it.

[secondaryspine]

Fluttermac I can see, but... this is... eh

[Craterfist]

I hope Twilight can move on.... WHO AM I KIDDING THAT WAS LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

[Aurora Dimmet]

"Twilight, I'm four thousand years old, immortal, and a goddess princess, and you are a normal unicorn who is, like, seventeen. You can't date me."

Twilight looked at the ground and frowned. "Okay."

I'm picturing Forever Alone face with a mix of sad Okay face.

[SatOnACat]

Twilight with the okay face

[dagonboy6666]

599239 ohhh, good

[Dr.Hobo]

HAHAHAHAHA XP

[BlueGenome]

599239
> mfw I realise you can't favourite comments

[The Iron Brony]

To everyone who says that Twilight has more powers than a normal unicorn/ is older in your headcanon...
It's true, she is the most powerful unicorn in Equestria. And maybe she is intended by the writers to be 24 years old or something, but that's not really the point. She could be more powerful than Celestia herself and it still wouldn't change her age or mortality.

[T_K_21]

Arwen was almost 3000 years old when she met Aragorn.

Just saiyan.

[darkgloomie]

600541 true that, but one supposes that being alone for all eternity would be pretty sad and, well, lonely.

Certainly falling in love and seeing him/her die, and having that happening over and over again is no fun, but not allowing yourself to be close to anyone for fear they'll leave just doesn't cut it...

[Nitro836]

601427 So you'd choose eternal torment via watching everyone you invest your heart for die repeatedly?

Okay, if that's what you'd wish.