Where Did I Come From?

by bahatumay

The Two Greatest Secret Agents There Ever Were

...there was this little alicorn princess. She was well-loved and absolutely adorable. She had a light brown mane, a green coat, and she was the most beautiful filly in all of Equestria!

Even prettier than Celestia?

Even prettier than Celestia. But Celestia isn't a filly, so it's not quite the same. But as I was saying, her name was Princess Goldenrod, and-

That's my name!

Yes, it is. Do you want to hear the story, or are you going to keep interrupting?

I'll listen.

And she was the princess of… well… You know what, she wasn't actually old enough to be princess of anything just yet. But she still got to eat apples and cheesecake for every meal, and drink all the cider she wanted.

Teehee! That’s awesome!

Yeah, it was. Well, one day, these bandits entered the castle.

How did they get in?

Well, they were disguised as servants and delivery colts. It's not like they were carrying badges saying 'bandit' on them and wearing black masks, you know?

Oh. Right.

These weren't just any bandits, though. They were foalnappers! They waited until Princess Goldenrod was out playing in her room, and they grabbed her and stuffed her in a bag and took off!

Oh, no!

Naturally, the whole castle was afraid for the little princess. But Princess Celestia knew that she couldn't send her whole army out after her, because that would be seen as an act of war. She knew she had to be secret-y, so she called up two of her best secret agents, a cyan pegasus and an orange earth pony.

You and mama?

Yep. Me and your mama. But we weren’t called that back then. Back then, we were Rainbow... uh… Blitz and Apple... Crack.

Apple Crack?

No, I said... uh... Stack. Apple Stack. Yeah! Her special talent was, uh... Delivering apples! From the sack of apples she always carried. And delivering super awesome beat-downs when she was acting as a secret agent, obviously.

Ohhh... Ok then. Go on.

So Celestia called them into her throne room and told them she had a very special mission for them...

* * *

Celestia stood stiffly at attention as Rainbow Blitz and Apple Stack, led by a few guards, entered the throne room. “My most faithful secret agents,” she greeted them. “I have grave news.”

“Is it that princess Goldenrod was foalnapped?” Rainbow Blitz asked.

Celestia took a surprised step back. “Yes, yes it is. How did you know?”

“We are the awesomest of spies, your highness,” Rainbow said, buffing a hoof against the badge hanging on her chest. “We tend to know things.”

“Do you know where she has been taken?” a guard asked.

Rainbow paused, caught in her own words, and Apple Stack came to her rescue. “We don't know everything,” Apple Stack admitted, “but Ah do know that we'll do our darnedest to get her back.”

“Excellent,” Celestia said. “You have free reign throughout Equestria...”

“And don't get caught if we go anywhere else,” Rainbow finished. “You got it, Princess!”

“We'll start looking for clues in her room,” Apple Stack said. “We'll get her back. We promise.”

* * *

When Apple Stack said 'we', she really meant 'I', much to her annoyance. She grumbled as she heard the distinct sounds of a pony goofing off and having fun and most definitely not working. “Rainbow, are you looking for clues, or just flyin' around?” she asked, poking her head out from underneath the four poster bed.

“As a matter of fact, I am,” Rainbow said haughtily.

“Flying around?” That vague answer actually answered Apple Stack’s question. “Knew it,” Apple Stack muttered. “Can't believe Ah got stuck workin’ with you again.”

“We make a good team,” Rainbow Blitz protested, even as she adjusted her mane in the mirror that took up half the height of the room. “Didn't we take down Boss Shortstack and his whole entire army together?”

“Yeah, but it was Ah what defused the bomb while you were stuck in a bar fight.”

“And it was an awesome fight!” Rainbow insisted. “You don't know how much flank I was kicking! It would have blown your mind!”

“Ah'm sure,” Apple Stack muttered dryly.

Rainbow frowned. “Fine. I'll find us a good clue, you'll see.” She flew higher and began examining the vaulted ceilings and the tops of the windows.

The huge room was silent save for the sounds of scuffling and hooves tapping on the walls and ground, until-

“Got it!” both shouted at the same time.

Apple Stack looked up suspiciously. “What did you find?”

“You first,” Rainbow retorted.

Apple Stack smirked. “Ah knew you never had nothin'.”

“I do so!” Rainbow protested. “See? Come look at this top window. This little round part up top.”

Apple Stack snorted. “And how exactly do you propose Ah do that?”

Rainbow paused, as if seeing Apple Stack’s wingless back for the first time. She did have a point there. “Fine. This top roundy part? It's been pushed in, and there's this mark like a suction cup where somepony grabbed it and pulled it back out again. Whoever took her has wings and was planning ahead.”

“That fits with my discovery,” Apple Stack said, holding out a coin.

Rainbow dropped from the vaulted ceilings and landed with nary a sound directly in front of Apple Stack. “A bit? Really?”

“How many bits you see with crossed arrows on 'em?” Apple Stack asked rhetorically. “This is a griffon coin, and it's a big one. Ain't something a little princess would have in her room; but it is somethin' a foalnapper might be paid with.”

“Where'd you find that?” Rainbow asked, picking up the coin and studying it.

“Under the dresser. Ah'm guessin' Goldenrod grabbed one of their purses and fought back or sommat, 'cause Ah'm pretty sure there's been blood what's been wiped up under there, too.”

“Blood?” Rainbow asked excitedly. “Really?”

“Yep. Unless Princess Goldenrod drinks red wine.”

Rainbow frowned. “That doesn't make any sense, though. She's just a little filly, she wouldn't drink wine.”

Apple Stack fought the urge to facehoof. “Oh, never mind.”

* * *

Two secret agents, now without their badges, walked down the street, looking just like two friends out on the town for a good time.

“Now, remember what comin’ we're here for,” Apple Stack said.

“To win the nightly drinking contest,” Rainbow nodded firmly. “Got it.”

Apple Stack facehoofed again.

“I'm kidding, I'm kidding,” Rainbow Blitz grinned. “We're here because a ton of griffons hang out around here, we’re looking for information only, and I can drink but if I get drunk you're making me sober up by hanging me by my tail from a tree.”

“Glad we understand each other,” Apple Stack grinned. “Ah’d prefer if you remained completely sober, though.”

“Are you kidding me?” Rainbow demanded. “This is the biggest bar this side of the ocean. You don’t just walk into the biggest bar this side of the ocean and not order a mug of cider or two.”

“Ah’m partial to appletinis myself,” Applejack admitted.

Rainbow cast a look at her cutie mark and rolled her eyes. “Why am I not surprised?” She paused. “You sure it’s not because you can’t keep up with me?”

“Ah could drink you under the table anytime, anywhere. Except right now, ‘cause a princess in trouble is more important than drinking.”

Rainbow frowned. “Fine, fine; you convinced me. I’ll keep it low-key tonight, ok?”

* * *

“Hey! You! With the face, and the mustache! I require another!”

The griffon bartender (who was not actually in possession of a mustache) looked at the pony with the rainbow mane and gave her a flat look. “The only thing you require is rest,” he said, tapping his claws against the polished wood of his bar.

“I'll tell you what I require!” Rainbow slurred. “And that's another!”

Apple Stack hid her face under her hat as she stood. “My cousin's had a bit too much; Ah’d better go,” she apologized to the stallion she had been chatting up.

The stallion, who had been little more than unhelpful, merely nodded and raised his glass shakily. “Nice to see you too, sir. Very handsome stallion.”

Apple Stack growled and turned back towards Rainbow, who had already gone halfway through her next glass. She could tell that they were quickly overstaying their welcome, and needed to get some information fast. She sidled up to the bar and smiled disarmingly at the bartender. “Did you see a large amount of money switch hooves- er, claws?”

“How much we talkin’?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. It was clear he was wondering if he could get in on the cut.

“Enough to justify foalnapping a princess.”

The bartender’s eye twitched ever so slightly before he shook his head. “I didn’t see nothing, and even if I did, I’d keep my mouth shut,” he said.

Even completely wasted, Rainbow Blitz could tell he was lying. At least, she was sure enough. “You're about to have it shut permanently,” she growled, lifting a hoof threateningly.

“Rainbow, don't…” Apple Stack started, but by then it was far too late.

See, drunk patrons don't take lightly to having their drink provider threatened.

“Hey!” And another griffon swung at Rainbow, intent on knocking her into next Tuesday.

Now, Rainbow was drunk, but she wasn't that drunk. She ducked and slammed her forehooves into his stomach, winding him and pushing him backwards into his friends rushing up for backup. She managed to knock two down, but the third was far enough to the side that he was not slowed at all.

He was slowed, however, when Rainbow ducked under his outstretched claws, popped up on his side, and slammed his beak into the bar, leaving a deep gash in the wooden top.

“Rainbow!” Apple Stack scolded. “That is mahogany!”

But neither Rainbow nor the griffon cared. Come to think of it, no one cared. Barfights are dangerous things, and property damage became second priority to smashing in somepony else’s face, and it wasn't long before half the bar was getting in on the brawl.

* * *

Is that why no one’s allowed to drink the special cider at Apple Family reunions anymore?

Actually, that’s because one year Granny Smi- Actually, yeah. Yeah. We’ll go with that.

* * *

And now, because she’d called attention to herself, Apple Stack had become a new target. Hearing heavy hoofsteps behind her, she spun to see a pony with a bottle in his mouth, ready to split her head open. She ducked under the blow and popped him in the face, dropping him instantly.

That was the good news. The bad news is, that guy had friends who had seen him fall. As she heard cries of ‘get the one in the hat!’, she sighed and rubbed her temple. “Even Ah’m gonna need a drink after this,” she muttered.

Of course, she, being completely sober, was more than a match for the drunken ponies and griffons there. Grabbing a still-full bottle off of the neighboring table, she smashed it on the head of her first attacker, dropped her second with a quick sucker punch, and turned and bucked the third right through the window. She felled the fourth with a punishing headbutt, clotheslined the fifth and he got the wind knocked out of him, ducked the sixth and threw him over her back…

* * *

And she was just pow! Pow, pow, pow! She was taking on ponies and griffons left and right, smashing chairs and stools and bottles over ponies’ heads and everything everywhe-!

Mom!

Oh. Sorry… Uh… where was I?

* * *

Apple Stack took a brief break from punching yet another pony to look up and check her surroundings. Through the window, Apple Stack could see Solar Guards approaching, running full tilt to break up this little party. She grabbed Rainbow Blitz mid-punch and threw her behind the bar, quickly throwing herself over and following her.

“Hey!” Rainbow protested, struggling to free herself and dive back into the fight. “You killed my streak!”

But Apple Stack stuffed a hoof in her mouth and shook her head sharply.

Sure enough, not two seconds later, half a platoon of Solar Guards burst in and started screaming at everyone, waving spears around and ordering everypony to get on the ground.

* * *

Did you get arrested?

Psh! Nah. We were secret agents, remember? We were the best, and way smarter and cooler than those old Solar Guards. Applejack had us out the back door and back on the street before they even knew we were there.

But did the bartender actually know anything?

Yep, he sure did.

Did he ever tell you?

Yep. Of course, we had to… persuade him a bit.

So you asked him nicely?

Well…

* * *

The bartender groaned as he locked up his bar that night. Royal guards did nothing to help his profits, and absolutely nothing to boost morale. Bars were supposed to be respites, after all. Hopefully, ponies and griffons would be back in two days (after the customary twenty-four hours in jail for public brawling without a license) and be much thirstier, but as it was tomorrow was going to be a low day for sa-

This train of thought was harshly interrupted by a white rag placed over his face, and the scent of chloroform filled his nose before he passed out.

When he came to, he found himself bound but not gagged, and the rush of wind through the small feathers on the side of his beak told him he was probably higher off the ground than usual.

“Hey! He’s awake!” he heard.

The orange earth pony came back into view, smiling broadly. “Welcome back t’ the land of the livin’, sugarcube!”

It was obviously a term of affection, but her tone clearly indicated she thought of the bartender as anything but a friend.

“Ah need some information, and after that bar fight Ah'm not in the best of moods.”

“You and me both, sister,” the griffon grumbled. “Those bucketheads shut me down for four hours.”

“Good!” The orange pony stood. “Then maybe we can help each other. You tell me what you know about a bunch of griffons fixin' to foalnap the princess...”

She suddenly picked him up and held his face looking over the edge. “...and Ah won’t send you on a nice flight.”

“I have wings, you-” His insult died in his throat as he tried to flare his wings but then realized that they were bound exactly how the royal guard binds prisoners' wings so they cannot escape. It's a tricky series of knots that cross the wings and go back around the barrel, but it's designed so when a pegasus or griffon tries to spread their wings, the ropes across their chest tighten and press a knot against their back. That knot just so happens to be placed over a debilitating pressure point, and it does not loosen easily. He cast a glance at the pegasus, feeling betrayed by this fellow winged one, but she just smirked.

“Hey, she tied it, not me. Anyway, Apple Butt here hates being lied to, so I suggest you cooperate.”

Apple Stack glared. That had definitely not been the agreed-upon code name, and so she made one up of her own. “Slowpoke's right-”

“Hey!”

“-Ah hate bein' lied to, so you'd better talk, or the only thing you'll be doin' is a pancake impression on the sidewalk down there.”

“You wouldn't.”

So Apple Stack did what any respectable spy would do: she dropped him.

* * *

Did she really?

You bet your tail she did!

Whoa… Did he die?

Of course not! We weren't that dumb. You can’t get information from a dead pony.

But I thought you said mama dropped him…?

She did. Would you let me finish?

* * *

Before he hit the ground, he felt a sharp tug on his hind legs and he quickly slowed to a stop, sending blood rushing to his head and nearly making him black out. When the spots had cleared, he was back on the roof, with one angry earth pony—and one injured pegasus.

“Ow, my shoulder…” the pegasus whined, rubbing it desperately. “I dunno if I could do that again.”

Apple Stack lifted the bartender again. “Well, for your sake, you’d better hope she can. Tell me what you know.”

“I don’t know anything!”

“Wrong answer.”

The pegasus’s eyes widened. “Agh! No! Don’t drop him! I can’t catch him again!”

But the bartender felt her hooves loosen. He screamed as he fell… only to come to a harsh, painful stop as she held him up by his tail, which was clamped firmly in her mouth.

Understandably, the bartender began babbling. “A group of griffons. A gang of them or something, they’re new in town! That’s all I know!”

Rainbow Dash considered this. “Eh, not good enough. Let him go.”

Applejack made to do so, but his distressed wail made her pause. “Ok, ok! But you didn't hear this from me!”

She pulled him back up into a somewhat safer position. “Tell us, and Ah'll forget all about your ugly mug and we'll never darken the doorstep of your establishment again.”

Rainbow Blitz didn’t take kindly to this. “But Apple St- Butt! The appletinis there are amazing!”

“You tried one?” Apple Stack was somewhat surprised.

Rainbow didn’t meet her eyes. “You recommended them, so I tried one.” The next sentence came out as almost an embarrassed whisper. “They were good.”

Apple Stack rolled her eyes. “Quit your bellyachin', R- Slowpoke. Some things are more important than getting your drink on.”

Rainbow crossed her forehooves and huffed. “Fine… But you owe me one.”

“Ah’ll make sure to deliver…” She turned back to the bartender. “After he delivers me some information.”

* * *

“I've been thinking,” Rainbow Blitz said as the two spies walked down the empty streets. “How do we know he was telling the truth? About the gang and the warehouse by the dock?” She paused. “And why is it always down by the dock? Why isn't it a nice little hot dog stand in Central Park? I could really go for a hot dog right about now.”

“Well, if he wasn't, we're just gonna give his bar molotov cocktails every night until he spills.”

Rainbow paused. “I've never had one of those. Are they good?”

Apple Stack smirked. “They burn on the way down, Ah can tell you that much.”

“Sounds exciting,” Rainbow grinned. “I’ll have to try one sometime.”

They soon arrived at the warehouse that the bartender had mentioned. It looked deserted, but Apple Stack wasn’t about to give up yet. They crept around the building, and Rainbow Blitz only knocked over one paint can before they got to the other side, where they found a huge guard standing in front of a locked door.

Apple Stack pulled back flat against the wall and whispered to Rainbow Blitz, “We got a huge unicorn guard armed with more weapons than Ah’ve ever seen one pony carry. Ah hate fightin’ unicorns… Any ideas?”

Rainbow Dash grinned. “I might have one or two. Here’s what you’ve got to do…”

* * *

Solid State was a big stallion, but that’s all he was: a stallion. So when he heard two mares arguing nearby, he couldn’t help but peek around the corner and look.

Two mares stood nearby, clearly in the middle of an argument. An orange earth pony paced in a frenzy, while a cyan pegasus flicked her tail in annoyance. The earth pony was speaking. “I don’t know if I should kiss you or kill you!”

“I’d prefer the first,” the pegasus suggested.

“Shut up! If you hadn’t gone back to your ex-fillyfriend…”

“Oh, so it’s my fault you decided to work late every night? I have needs too, you know!”

“Don’t even go there!” The orange one shoved the cyan one away, making her stumble. “You don’t know what it’s like tryin’ to support you and your habits!”

The cyan one quickly returned fire with a wing upside her head. “My habits are none of your business! And even if they were, they shouldn’t be!”

“They are 'cause they affect me! Gamblin’, drinkin’...”

“Don’t forget moonlighting as a secret service agent.”

“And just how many criminals have you taken down, huh?”

“Prolly more than you!”

“With your partner’s help, right?”

The cyan one paused. “Maybe. The point is, I am plenty awesome. And you are plenty stick-in-the-mud.”

The orange one took a step forward. “You’re crazy, you know that?” she asked. “You are one big ball of insanity.”

“Yeah,” the cyan one responded, “but you wouldn’t have me any other way.”

There was a brief pause and eyes met.

“I miss you, you know,” the cyan one said softly.

“Well, you should,” the orange one said huffily, before also dropping the act. “Yeah… my life hasn’t been the same without you.”

The cyan one turned and gave a small smile. “You think we could start over?”

“It’s possible. You’re insane, but you get results, and that’s admirable. ‘Sides, you can hold your liquor the best of any pegasus Ah’ve seen, and that’s gotta count for somethin’.”

“You’re still a stick-in-the-mud, but you’re like my homecloud I can come back to, no matter what I’ve done.”

The orange one reached out a hoof to touch the cyan one’s face. “As to what Ah was thinking before… Ah’m still undecided, but Ah’m thinking more the first than the second.”

Solid State took an unconscious step forward, eager to see the conclusion of this conversation.

The pegasus’s wings slowly flared. “Like I said, I’d be ok with that.”

“Maybe… Ah should kiss you right now.”

“I’d kiss you back,” the pegasus whispered.

Solid State would be ok with that, too.

* * *

Eww! That’s gross!

Well, not really.

But they were gonna kiss! Like when you and mama kiss, that’s disgusting! Why would anypony want to watch that? It’s… gross!

Uh… It… you see, some ponies like watching other ponies kiss, especially if it’s two mares for some reason.

But that’s weird! Ponies’ tongues shouldn’t be in other ponies’ mouths!

They go a lot of other places, too.

What?

I said, uh… This is a conversation we should continue when we’re talking about estrus.

Oh. What’s estrus?

...something Applejack can explain a lot better than me. Can we go back to the story, now?

* * *

Solid State would be ok with that, too. However, it suddenly occurred to him that he had been stepping forward unconsciously this whole time, and was now within range of their hooves.

A fact which they both took quick advantage of when they turned and, as one, drove their hooves into his muzzle. He collapsed, dazed. The orange one also took advantage of this, and soon had him bound and gagged and sitting uncomfortably in a trash can, unable to use his magic to untie the knots he couldn’t see.

As the two mares walked away, he could swear he could hear them give each other a hoof bump.

* * *

“Two minutes. That’s a new record for picking a lock,” Rainbow Blitz observed snidely. “Good thing we’re all alone out here and not doing something completely dangerous like sneaking into an organized crime base where ponies who want to send us to sleep with the fishes could see.”

“Hey, this lock had five tumblers and a magic reflector. That takes time to work around, you know.” She paused. “Not that you would. You’re more of a head-knocker than a head-user.”

Rainbow put her hooves behind her head and grinned. “If that means I’m good at fighting, I’ll agree with you.”

Apple Stack grumbled as she used a little brute force with her shoulder and forced open the door. “We’ll see how good you are in a bit. We might have a big fight ahead of us here.”

Cautiously, Apple Stack and Rainbow Blitz slowly walked into the warehouse. The only sounds were the rats scurrying around, and water dripping from pipes in places unknown.

“I hate warehouses,” Rainbow whispered, casting a suspicious glare at the ceiling. “I feel like the roof is going to cave in on me.”

“Well, imagine what Goldenrod is feeling,” Apple Stack whispered back.

Rainbow paused, and then quickly motioned that she wanted to take the lead.

It didn’t matter, though. The warehouse was completely and totally empty. Of ponies, that is. There was a table in the middle under a bare bulb, a few piles of bits, and loads and loads of huge crates.

Apple Stack's curiosity got the better of her, and she looked around. She quickly found a crowbar and wrenched the top off a crate… and her jaw dropped at what she saw inside: hundreds and hundreds of little purple packets.

Rainbow Blitz flew over. She reached in and examined one of them, and then lifted it out of the crate. She cracked it open and sniffed briefly, and then recoiled as the harsh smell overwhelmed her nostrils. “Is this…?”

“Yep,” Apple Stack confirmed. “This is some of the pure stuff, too. It’s gotta be worth a hundred bits, that little packet alone.”

“So why’d they leave it?” Rainbow asked, dropping the packet like it was worthless. “This place is deserted, except for the lord of the trash can back there.”

“Prolly ‘cause it’s not gonna be empty for long,” Apple Stack said, continuing to wander, her eyes flicking around, looking for something, anything that was wrong. “They’ll be back, and soon.”

“That doesn’t answer why they’re gone, though.”

“Rainbow…”

Rainbow Blitz looked up and saw Apple Stack looking at a piece of paper on the table. It bore a scribble that might have passed as written language, and Rainbow really couldn’t read it.

“What does it say?”

“It’s in code, but they wrote the translation on the sheet on top before ripping it off. If Ah can find a pencil, Ah can do a rubbing and pick up the indents they left, then use that code to translate it.”

“That's... pretty smart, actually,” Rainbow said, impressed against her will.

A pencil was soon found, and a few quick scribbles and experimental writing later, Apple Stack translated it and once again, her jaw dropped. “Oh, they did somethin’ even smarter.”

“What? What’d they do?” Rainbow read over her shoulder. “What’s a ‘eragon’?”

“That’s a D, Rainbow.”

Her eyes popped open. “A dragon?!”

* * *

A dragon?!

Yeah! Turns out, these griffons had been hired by a dragon to kidnap the princess, because he knew that princess blood can be used for powerful evil magic! He was going to pay them in gold and jewels and mountains and mountains of bits.

But that doesn't make any sense! Dragons are nice! Spike’s a dragon, and he’s, like, the nicest guy ever!

Yeah, I guess. But not all dragons are like Spike. Hey, that rhymes.

So where was it? The dragon cave?

I don't remember that right now. I do remember what happened after we got there, though.

* * *

Apple Stack and Rainbow Blitz stood outside the cavern. Together, they had faced numerous ponies, armies, bar fights, most at overwhelming odds not in their favor; but a dragon? Definitely not something they had trained for. But they had their mission, and they were not going to fail; instead, they were going to go in and go all out. Apple Stack took a step forward and Rainbow quickly followed.

“Do you think we’re going to die in here?”

Hopefully. Hopefully they would not fail.

“For the last time, Ah don’t know! Now pipe down before you let them know we're here!”

The two walked along in silence before Rainbow Blitz bumped against Apple Stack. “You know,” she said, “If we’re going to die, I’m glad it’s with you, because you’re pretty cool.”

Apple Stack paused. “Thanks, Ah guess,” she said.

Rainbow continued, “So I was thinking about our little play-fight for the guard back there and I was wondering, did you mean what you said out there?”

“That you’re annoying and brash, but you’ve got a good heart?”

“I don’t think that’s what you said, but yeah. Something like that.”

“Well, it’s what Ah was thinkin’.”

“Ahh,” Rainbow said, nodding. “Sorry I called you a stick-in-the-mud.”

“Sorry I called you a featherbrained menace.”

Rainbow cocked her head. “You didn't call me a featherbrained menace...”

“Oh. Ah was thinkin' that, too.”

Rainbow glowered... and then broke into a smile. “I've been called worse.”

Apple Stack couldn’t help but smile. “Ya know, Ah’m pretty glad you’re with me, too.”

“Do you think we could… I dunno… go get something to drink afterwards? Just us? I'll pay.”

Apple Stack smirked. “First things first, Rainbow.”

“That’s not a ‘no’, then?” Rainbow asked hopefully.

“We’ll see.”

The two fell silent as they continued trekking through the cave. Apple Stack pulled up short as she heard something not usually heard in a dragon’s cave: singing.

Rainbow peeked out and her jaw dropped. There, chained to the ground in the middle of a wide circle filled with runes that looked as though they may have been drawn in blood, stood Princess Goldenrod. Though she looked somewhat thin, she still sang and she sang beautifully, even for being a tiny filly and even though she was all tied up.

* * *

I like to sing!

Of course you do. I wouldn’t be surprised if that ended up being your special talent.

What was Princess Goldenrod’s special talent?

That part of the story hasn’t been told yet. But maybe if you’d let me finish…?

Sorry.

* * *

Rainbow landed lightly in front of Goldenrod, making her jump in surprise and her wings flare out. Rainbow winced when she realized Goldenrod was wearing a magic suppressor over her tiny horn—she’d dealt with enough unicorns to know just how uncomfortable they were.

“Who are you?” she asked.

Rainbow struck what she thought was a heroic pose. “We’re your new foalnappers. Your old ones weren’t very good, so we’re firing them and taking over. We're going to foalnap you and take you to the castle at Canterlot, where you'll be forced to eat cake for the rest of your days.”

Goldenrod giggled, already at ease with the two new ponies. “Well, if we must,” she said faux-haughtily.

Apple Stack examined the chains' connections, and then looked around. “Ah need something long,” she said.

Rainbow quickly found a long, bejeweled sword among the gathered treasures. “How's this?”

Apple Stack shook her head. “Gold is too soft, it'll bend. Ah need something steel.”

Rainbow Blitz flapped her wings and flew up, scanning the dragon hoard. Her eyes lit up as she spied such a thing, and she soon returned with a rusty metal sword.

Apple Stack took it and began working the filly’s chains out from their foundations, using the long blade as a lever to pry the eyelets from the rock. Within minutes, her chains were no longer connected to the ground.

“That's as good as it's getting,” Apple Stack said finally. “Ah can't take these off without gettin' too close to cuttin' her, and we'd best be gettin' out of here anyway.”

Rainbow nodded and turned to Goldenrod. “Can you walk?”

Goldenrod shook her head and lifted a hoof. Apple Stack winced; she could see from here that her ankles were chafed and bleeding. “No, I can’t.”

Apple Stack took a knee. “Then climb on,” she said.

Rainbow Blitz helped Goldenrod climb on Apple Stack’s back, and they quickly headed out of the cavern.

“Keep quiet,” Apple Stack admonished. “We don’t want the dragon to know we’re gone.”

“There is a dragon, right?” Rainbow asked.

Goldenrod nodded fearfully. “He’s huge, and angry. He wants all the gems and he counts them every day. He said he’s going to kill me and use my blood to cast a spell letting him find them all!”

Rainbow bumped her flank affectionately. “Not on our watch, he won’t. We’ll protect you.”

“But what if he comes back?” Goldenrod whimpered.

“Then we’ll fight him,” Rainbow said proudly.

* * *

Would you really have fought the dragon, Mom?

Heh. Would we? We did.

You what?

* * *

They were almost to the entrance when a swift wind buffeted them briefly, only to disappear and reappear seconds later. Within seconds, a huge yellow dragon landed in front of them. His head was the size of a barn, and his body looked almost as large as a mountain.

Rainbow swore under her breath before a huge plume of fire exploded from his mouth, sending both ponies (with Goldenrod hanging on to Apple Stack for dear life) scattering.

He leaned over towards Apple Stack, reaching for the filly on her back, but then...

“Hey! Scale brain!”

The dragon looked up to see two tiny cyan hooves ram into his snout, sending shock waves rippling through his skull. He snorted angrily, and the rush of air made her tumble backwards. She recovered quickly, neatly skimming the rocky ceiling of the cave. The dragon's head followed, like a pony watching a fly. He inhaled, and shot out a jet of fire, this one smaller, and aimed towards her. Rainbow looped back and flew in faster circles around his head, making the dragon somewhat dizzy as he tried to follow her.

Then she grit her teeth and flew into his eye, ramming it with her shoulder. He howled in pain, and Rainbow took this opportunity to hightail it out of the cave.

Now half blinded, the dragon stumbled out of the cave and looked angrily through one eye for a target.

Unfortunately, he quickly found one in the form of an orange pony whose coat did not let her hide very well among the brush. He swung a claw and upended the tree she was hiding under, and after a brief moment of horror at being do exposed, she sprinted away.

The dragon was not about to let her get away that easily. He took in a deep breath, and Apple Stack knew another fire blast was coming. This wouldn't be a problem, had she had a clear shot to run.

She did not.

Apple Stack realized she was about to die… until something drove itself into her hip. She skidded out of the path of flames and slid behind a rocky outcropping. She looked up to see Rainbow, her left wing and hindquarters now an awful charred black and dripping with blood.

“There. Can't say I never did anything for you,” Rainbow grinned painfully.

* * *

So that’s how you got that scar on your wing!

Uh-huh. Dragon fire is pretty nasty stuff.

* * *

Rainbow paused. “Where's Goldenrod?” she demanded.

Apple Stack quickly stood. “She's safe, now come on! We've got to draw him away!”

The two ponies sprinted through the underbrush, Rainbow a little slower than usual, but the dragon landed in front of them, tearing through trees and sending branches and leaves flying everywhere as he hit the ground with enough force to knock both of them to the ground. He roared, making the two cover their ears. Rearing back, he opened his mouth, ready to incinerate these ponies to ashes.

“Leave them alone!”

All three turned and looked at the tiny filly as she stood and glared at the dragon. An otherworldly light gathered around her body, filling her eyes with white.

The dragon took a small step back, and Goldenrod stepped forward. Her horn lit with a purple light that soon dwarfed even the light of the sun.

The dragon didn't have time to say anything before the little filly exploded in a jet of light that engulfed the dragon. Apple Stack and Rainbow Blitz had to avert their eyes from the brightness.

When it had faded, Rainbow rubbed her eyes painfully and soon managed to open one. She saw a little filly splayed out on the ground,
her small frame smoking slightly, her back and head now devoid of wings and horn. She looked over to where the dragon had previously been, and was taken aback to see nothing but a charred circle on the ground.

Applejack forced herself up and looked at the smoking spot and the smoking filly. She turned to Rainbow and let out a smile. “Ah was wrong. We do make a good team.”

Rainbow couldn't help but give her a tight hug.

This was only interrupted when Applejack realized that there was a small filly unconscious on the ground. Pushing Rainbow away and ducking under her foreleg, she hobbled over and rested a hoof on her neck, quickly checking for other damages.

“She's hot, but she's breathing and she's got a pulse.” She shifted Goldenrod into a recovery position and relaxed slightly. “Guess we wait ‘til she comes to.”

A silence reigned for a brief moment. “So, mission accomplished?” Rainbow asked.

Apple Stack nodded. “Ah think so.”

Silence again.

“She looks like an earth pony now.”

“Ah think she is. That blast of magic must have taken all that other stuff out of her.”

“I didn’t even know that was possible.”

“Me neither; but as they say, 'magic is as magic does'.”

Rainbow frowned. “I've never heard that.”

“Ah have.”

Silence again. Apple Stack ran a hoof through the filly's mane.

“She’s never going to be accepted as a princess now…”

“Yeah, guess not.”

Silence once more.

Rainbow Blitz knelt down and also ran a hoof through her mane. “So what are we going to do about her? I mean, we can't just leave her here. And it's not like we can just dump her back at the castle. She'll be laughed at, never accepted, just for being different. I mean, it'd be different if, say, she had a couple really awesome ponies watching out for her...”

Apple Stack paused. “You ain't thinkin' what Ah think you're thinkin', are you?”

Rainbow grinned. “I think I am.”

Comments

[hhhhhhh]

Yes, oh my God yes! And Rainbow took the fire to protect AJ oh man this is good!

[A Hollow Shell]

This was the best freaking chapter ever, and I'd be completely content if this was the entire story on its own.
The Two Greatest Secret Agents There Ever Were indeed!