Alpha and Omega, beginnings and endings, life is rife with them.
The relay of Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter never ends. Birth, Life, Decay and Death. But always no matter what the world never ceases to turn, and as such every spring-rebirth comes to the land. For some this is merely an occurrence, a mundane event, a routine that isn't surprising at all to witness. Others consider it's the most beautiful event in the world.
Both sides are true of course, for you see the meaning of life is not something that you can discover. It's something you choose yourself.
And for the changeling King Ao the meaning of life is hidden within the springtime nights. This spring however, partly because of a bet, his family shall join him in enjoying these moments.
Contest entry for:http://www.fimfiction.net/group/204577/weekly-contests/thread/165522/springtime-nights-contest
We got second place!
For those who want to know more about Princess Sky:http://www.fimfiction.net/story/249299/mommy-mommy-look
Ao and Sky will likely appear here:http://www.fimfiction.net/story/246256/displaced-soul
Awesome new cover art by DavieRocket
Edited by kildeez and MaddiePink5
Very quick way to set up your setting for the story. I am interested to see how Luna will play into this.
5892146 Oh when Luna there will be some BIG revelations. Like... really big. I'm spoiling nothing. :P
5892189 You sound like the guy I edit for.
5892245 I dont follow. Anyways Luna is kind of expected since she is the Princess of the Night.
5892386 I can't get spoilers out of him either.
Interesting start, look forward to where it goes
5893319
5892440 Well you're both gonna see soon.
Good start to a story. The character interaction was nice, though the characters themselves seemed like they were missing something. What it is, I don't know. They just seem a little off to me. Nice back story on Ao, I'd love to see how he turns out. As for the descriptions, they were perfect! Not too much to be distracting, but not so few that I didn't know what anything looked like. It was descriptive, and wonderfully so. There wasn't anything in here that threw me for a loop, or made it hard to continue. Minor punctuation missing here and there, mostly a comma or two, but well done.
There is one thing I would like to bring up:
In its gates stood two statues made from stone combined with changeling magic that made them take the shapes of the current Queen and King.
In its gates stood two statues made from stone fused with changeling magic that would reshape themselves into the forms of the current Queen and King.
Other than that, this was a great story! I'll be watching this with an eager eye!
5898162 Do not worry the first three chapters will feature characterization for all our protagonists in this fic. You shall learn more about Ao, more about why Princess Sky was cowering from the couple while they were fighting ((she had seen this before)), and you shall learn more about Chrysalis and maybe even the reason she attacked Canterlot.
Or the reason she failed in Canterlot.
There will be also a bit of romance as King and Queen remember the past. There's a lot of things heart-warming, bitter, and cute. Know that this family hasn't always been on the best terms with each other. Every family has its' own secrets, its' own troubles.
Don't hesitate to point out comma errors e.t.c. In any case this was merely the intro. I have planned at least 4 chapters ahead in my mind each shall be similar if not greater length.
5898258 That's the best kind of story, one that everything doesn't go the way they expect. And I would love to see chapters longer than this, it would give me more.
5898285 Next chapter is 1600 words approx. Anyways on with the writing!
5898285
5892146
5893319 I welcome impressions on new chapter. Third chapter is also ready and awaits edits.
Good chapter! More world building, as well as character development. The story seems to flow smoothly. I look forward to seeing the next chapter, and how Princess Luna fits into this.
5906521 I was going to introduce her a way I thought but I got an extra special idea during my writting of the last chapter.
5906521
5892146
5893319 New chapter! OMNOMNOM!! Lemme eat yer comments!!! RAWR!
I may have found a typo.
day. I know you said you would edit this chapter later just thought I would mention this in case you didn't notice.
As for this chapter I really enjoyed it.
5915656 Thanks! I ecnourage you to keep reading!
This story is great. More people should hit like button. Dislikers are tiny, baby men, if you don't like story then just leave it
5917609 Thank you for your enthusiasm. I understand those that dislike the character. Perhaps it is the strange name, by the way it shall be explained next chapter why the names are these, it might be that Ao's love for Chryssie is a bit cheesy. Or perhaps the fact that he is a heterochromic? Or that he has silver mane? I don't know... some people might also like to ship main characters with main characters, and perhaps they think that OCs being shipped with main characters is wrong. Who knows? It might just be that my writing is kinda... mediocre. *shrug* I really don't know. If I didn't have an editor this fic might as well be unreadable. I mean it.
In any case I am now writting the last chapter. Or at least I am writing what aspires to be the last chapter. Regardless I have written one of the scenes so far. Prepare for heartwarming family moments, backstory, romance, and lots of smiles! Because I don't write tragedies really, not yet that is.
5917690 Sounds great, looking forward to it. I was saying more generally about people who hit the dislike button on stories because sometimes it can demoralise people and stop them from writing for the people who liked it.
5917785 Nah If I got that many dislikes I would quite frankly look at the reason people dislike my fic. If it was something I did wrong I wouldn't hesitate to change I tell you this. In any case I'm just trying to be a better writer. This fic is a challenge at best. Oh and there shall be a sequel mind you that! It's called "Un-Huggable". Ever heard of the "Untouchable" in Sword Art Online? Well prepare for something like that.
5917827 Freakin' sweet.
Liking it. The characters are developing nicely, though I am struggling with some of the 'big chuck' paragraphs.
For example I quickly got confused is with all the changes:
Ao, Sky and Chrysalis are a pegasi, Blaze a unicorn? Took a couple of reads through to gather the info so maybe break up the paragraph to make it easier to follow? That's more of a personal preference, I find when you have lots of different points to get across it really helps to have them separate. It's a habit I've been trying to kick myself and think it may help here.
Still good on you! Look forward to the coming chapter/s,
Keep up the great work
5923907
Can you make specific suggestions? I mean where to split em? Also.. I think I did describe each of their forms during their exit from the carriage.
5923907
5917923
5915656
5906521 So... now that this fic is done... How about I see your opinions on it? What did you like? What was done right? What wasn't? What do you need more of? And what less? What are your thoughts, suggestions e.t.c.? I eagerly await.
5923926
Aye you did give all the details and very good they were.
It was just hard to follow with it all bunched up together. I am by no means an expert, always something new to learn or improve on. When trying to think of a paragraph I aim to break them down into each key point you're trying to make. Don’t be afraid of having lots of little paragraphs it’s fine.
For example:
One, Ao is giving a command: "Alright... Default disguises everyone, we don't need to attract attention by replacing somepony." His horn lit, and like a chain reaction the rest mimicked him. A wave, his magic spiraled downwards, washing over his form.'
Two, each changeling is following suit in their own way, describing Chrysalis' form: 'Each changeling could use a different way to transition between transformation, granting a sense of identity towards the changeling. Thus the loyal to Chrysalis chose her way, the way the first changelings transformed…: to be enveloped in green flames.'
Three, Passion's and Sky’s transformation: 'Passion Blaze's form radiated from his heart, shattering his previous shell to pieces and revealing a unicorn with light grey coat and green eyes, while his niece's form glowed and shattered into butterflies that dispersed in the night.'
Four, Ao's transformation: 'Once the King’s magic cleared, he spread his wings and observed his body for any inconsistencies. “Blue coat? Check! Black mane? Check! White-Blue wave cutie mark with a wing on top? Check! Identity Tidal Rider ready an...'
Five, he's make a mistake: “E-HEM!” He heard a voice next to him. He was standing next to a metal grey pegasus with a teal mane and a cutie mark of silver wings. She fluttered her forest green eyes as if to say something.'
Six, Passion's transformation: 'Ao looked at her quizzically as she mumbled, frustrated, behind her fangs. She turned towards Passion Blaze, who simply had turned into unicorn with a light grey coat and a cutie mark of a ruby heart covered in flames all the while keeping his fire-colored mane.'
Seven, Chrysalis points out the change with a mirror: 'While Blaze was sending the guards off, and without a warning, the Queen shoved her hoof into his Bag of Holding, taking a mirror out and turning it to Ao’s face. Ao shuddered, bringing a hoof to his face at the sight of his mistake.'
Eight, recognises his mistake: 'He still had the same eyes: honey brown, and soft sea green. After focusing and blinking twice he looked again to see both being soft sea-green again. Sky giggled, watching her father make such an amateur mistake.'
Each point is important and deserves to have some space of its own to carry the meaning well. That way it gives the reader time to digest each fact you’re putting across clearly and simply.
As I said before it’s a personal preference but I find it makes it easier to read.
So yeah, fantastic job, I especially love Sky’s change. Being a fan of GW2 mesmers it pressed the right buttons for me, as well as reinforcing that changelings are insect like themselves.
Taking feedback can be a pain as a writer. I still find it hard to swallow when it’s not all positive. I hope I was able to show that it was intended as advice to make an already good story even better. I look forward to reading the final installments soon.
5934775 Right I've just heard that if there are too many small paragraphs then that's too easy to skip.
Oh? Haven't finished it yet?
5934843 Nope not yet, but looking forward to doing so
There's a balance in it, one I'm still working on myself.
5934875 Balance? i don't follow.
5938320 In terms of paragraph size, lots of very small ones can denote a lack of detail but that's not always a bad thing.
This can be fine if it's a very fast paced chapter where lots of important stuff is happening and the characters don't have time to take in whats happening around them in the full detail. It helps convey a sense of urgency. But if you're out to build up a rich and colourful scene then it's worth bulking out you paragraphs with more descriptive to help 'paint the canvas' as it were.
Both points have their place, it's finding the perfect balance that really makes the story shine. It's often worth asking yourself is what I'm describing key to the situation at hand? If there's a terrifying dragon bearing down on your character and you spend more time describing the flowers at its feet rather than the beast itself you may find that your missing the key point in the paragraph.
On the flip side of that, if you character is enjoying the scenery, taking in all the lovey flora then it would be very good to describe each petal and leaf. The character is taking the time so should you and larger blocks of scene building will fit very well. When the dragon suddenly leaps out and the action pics up pace then it would be time to thin out and focus more on action.
So as I said it's a balance, that's the hardest thing with writing: There is no 'perfect' line to follow. Each situation is different and you can only work with some general guidelines.
5938572 I see. I await impressions on future chapters.
So nice comparison in your descriptions and a lovely ending! The descriptions of the dragon sprites was very cool, makes me want a pet one
Is the
a left over from the editing process? The only idea that comes to mind is comparing Luna's landing to some sort of comet?
The only tiny suggestion I would add is to change your use of numbers for the written version, for example:
Unless you're showing the actual number twenty as an image in your story then it usually flows better as the written word. But then again that's just personal preference.
Over all a good story and I'm happy to have read it. Look forward to more from you
5939085 Well if you noticed there's a sequel being planned called "un-huggable".
Interesting beginning. i like your descriptions of this Changeling empire and their inner workings. The set up is quite interesting and the introduction of King Ao as the antithesis to Queen Chrysalis was a quaint addition. Sky sounds very interesting and quite like a teenager wanting to explore outside the boundries of her kingdom. "She wants adventure in the great wide somewhere" (umm sir, this somewhere has a name) *quiet! He's having a Disney princess moment*
Well that was odd. Anyway great introductory chapter. Can't wait to see what the next one has in store.
6256519
Uhmmm what?
Same reaction I have when I see Luna in an episode (or even just for a split second). However this isn't about her so I'll save my fanboying for later on lol.
This was an interesting chapter you have written. It served as good introductory tool and we have a nice intel into why our characters are like they are. Ao seems like the nicest guy ever and he is pretty much a definition of 'a fool in a love', but an endearing and a tolerant one. Without his light control on Chrysalis who knows what she could have done. He is certainly my favorite character thus far (he gives me the same feeling I got when I first saw general Irou from Avatar. And that guy is one of my favorite all time characters in all of fiction). So yeah a great chapter with an amazing background especially with the dragon kingdom (I love dragons!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
).
It's interesting to see what's on Chrysalis mind *silently hums to himself 'it's in her eyes'* and it really gives an interesting depth to her character. Also Edem is just the sweetest old lady ever
Chrysalis hatred towards ponies is very prominent, but not overbearing and, as I said before, Ao serves as a nice contrast to her. Mr. Bookworm (I know his real name is Blaze, but I'll call him Bookworm) is also an interesting character and I want to buy that bag of his. It's just the coolest thing ever! Anyeay, great chapter. Gunna read moar.
First lemme get this out of the way:
OH SWEEETTTT CELESTIA, COULD IT BE?! WERE THE WONDEROUS LEGENDS TRUE?! YES! YES THEYE WERE! WE HAVE LUNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BEST STORY 10/10, 11/10, LUNA/10 FANBOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY HAPPPPPPPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIINNNEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS OOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw1031_medium.png
Okay, now that I have gotten that out of my system, time for a proper comment. This chapter was purely divine and utterly surreal with the inclusion of Princess Badass herself. The conflict of the Canaterlot wedding is brought up nicely and the King's involvement in all of that is astounding. As I said before, I genuinely am siding with Ao more and more and I do believe that Chrysalis is overreacting. Another war would just damage the already weakened kingdom and it would not end well for anypony. This quest sounds very interesting and your build up is amazingly done. Time for the final chapter, I guess.
Just fix this up man
Quite an amazing fic you have here. The appreciation of the wonderous night, the royal love rekindled by the memories of otheir past combined with Luna's general awesomness made for on killer experience. This fic truly is amazing and it's expansive lore and world building were amazing. The Royal Changelings were truly something to admire and I really had fun reading this. Sorry, i can't say much more as it is midnight but I would just like to close on these: your style was spectacular as always, the details of Oasisn were wonderfoul as well as your characterization of Sky, Blaze, Chrysalis and especially Edem. Great job.
P.s. LunaxBlaze! I ship it so hard.
6256607 Oh he's gonna have quite the few "wise ol guy" moments. Not everything in his life was nice afterall.
6256656 Bag's actually inspired from the Bag of Holding in the forgotten realms games like Baldur's Gate. Was really handy in carrying heavy stuff. Hermione used a similar one in Harry Potter.
6256775 They might have won if they weren't splintered, plus let me just say right now that Ao's no weakling. Remember Balthazar mentioned before? Balthazar was the "Devourer of Skies" a Thunder dragon sent by traitors to take the crown. This would allow for others to challenge the Queen's power since it would disgrace her. If you want to know just the size of the guy just google "Vorak the Devourer".
6256907 Lol I gotta tell that to the guy who has the OC :P Though the OC himself is more "linked" per say to Cadance. Not romantically ofc.
Great Story! This is really interesting to read about! Keep up the good work! ;)
6520037 Sequel on the works!
“Everything's a gamble, love most of all.”
― Tess Gerritsen, The Sinner
I enjoyed this intro and I hope to enjoy the rest of this story.
6786636 I look forward to your feedback.
“I am a fool with a heart but no brains, and you are a fool with brains but no heart; and we’re both unhappy, and we both suffer.”
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Idiot
Ao questioning himself while trying to find compromise in what he knows and what he loves, this level of internal conflict will eventually drive him mad or make him stronger. His brother however seems to be the laid back caring type who seems to have most of life figured out and is just along for the ride.
6256607 I agree wholeheartedly.
For their disguises just use the names that correspond with them as need be, other wise you have done a great job so far.
6787292 I unfortunately haven't developed him enough this fic.
“Good works is giving to the poor and the helpless, but divine works is showing them their worth to the One who matters.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy
I see a great future for young Princess Sky, but I ponder if she will find what she truly needs. The one thing that will help her find peace within herself.
6788345 She's certainly an interesting character that has burdens placed on her from both her parents. Great things are expected of her. She may not find what she wants but she's on the right path on having a good chance.